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Turnfalken The Avatarless Since: Jul, 2010
The Avatarless
#226: Jun 22nd 2011 at 9:04:02 PM

>Do we have enough Wiki Magic to cast Hammerspace? If not, be a man and carry that shit with your bare hands. Make your viking ancestors proud

edited 22nd Jun '11 9:06:25 PM by Turnfalken

WOLOLO
Loid from Eastern Standard Time Since: Jun, 2011
#227: Jun 23rd 2011 at 1:40:07 AM

>Stuff your inventory in your tighty-whities

edited 23rd Jun '11 1:40:40 AM by Loid

"Dr. Strangeloid, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Cleanlink" - thespacephantom
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#228: Jun 23rd 2011 at 5:52:25 AM

>Do we have enough Wiki Magic to cast Hammerspace? If not, be a man and carry that shit with your bare hands. Make your viking ancestors proud

Your Wiki Magic Meter does indeed contain enough Wiki Magic to send most of this clutter to Hammerspace. Unfortunately, it also possibly contains some kind of horrifying Eldritch Abomination.

You can't possibly carry your entire inventory with your bare hands. There is just too much of the stuff.

>Stuff your inventory in your tighty-whities

You stuff most of your inventory into your tighty-whities, leaving the dirty clothes where they lie. You affix the Vigilante Taxonomist pin to the front of your tighty-whities. The backpack containing the bizarre household weapon won't fit, so you just wear it.

This arrangement strikes you as far from ideal, but all your other clothes are filthy, and some of them have vomit on them. You figure you'd rather be remembered for indecent exposure than for stinking out the diner.

edited 23rd Jun '11 5:54:13 AM by BobbyG

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MetaFour AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN from A Place (Old Master)
AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN
#229: Jun 23rd 2011 at 10:20:43 AM

>Examplidentify Eldritch Abomination.

>Examplidentify Trouser Space.

>Examplidentify Shirtless Scene.

>Examplidentify Fan Disservice (or, if by some miracle you're actually in decent shape in spite of being on the internet for several months, Fanservice).

>And wouldn't an eldritch abomination in your wiki magic bar also be an example of Interface Screw?

edited 23rd Jun '11 10:24:05 AM by MetaFour

BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#230: Jun 24th 2011 at 12:10:46 PM

>Examplidentify Eldritch Abomination.

You cannot examplidentify the Eldritch Abomination because you can't see the Eldritch Abomination. The thing that resides in your Wiki Magic Meter is nothing more than the faintest echo of a single footfall when compared to its originator, and that originator is just one of the billions upon billions of immeasurably vast beings that dwell beyond the stars, beings that even now threaten to engulf and crush the pitifully inconsequential speck of the cosmos that we call the observable universe, as a man might snap a twig beneath the sole of his shoe.

>Examplidentify Trouser Space.

You examplidentify Trouser Space. Your Wiki Magic Meter increases. Ominously.

>Examplidentify Shirtless Scene.

You attempt to examplidentify Shirtless Scene. Inexplicably, your Wiki Magic Meter doesn't budge. You're shirtless, aren't you?

You check the Shirtless Scene article on TV Tropes in an attempt to find out what you're doing wrong.

"The most common form of fanservice for women and gay men. A hunky man (real or animated) goes shirtless or wears a revealing top that shows off his biceps. Saves the crew a fortune in wardrobe (or ink) for the Estrogen Brigade Bait." Laconic version: "Fanservice for women".

This article is rather absorbing, actually. You need to stay focused here. You have a job interview to go to. The last thing you want to do is make yourself late while Wiki Walking the Fanservice section.

>Examplidentify Fan Disservice (or, if by some miracle you're actually in decent shape in spite of being on the internet for several months, Fanservice).

You attempt to examplidentify Fanservice, but fail and reluctantly examplidentify Fan Disservice instead.

Well, really. You don't know when you've been so insulted. You're certainly not going to stand around here and be insulted by your own useless Wiki Magic Meter.

>And wouldn't an eldritch abomination in your wiki magic bar also be an example of Interface Screw?

What interface? That sounds like some stupid thing that only stupid people with stupidly high Genre Savvy Meters would recognise. Screw that.

edited 24th Jun '11 1:36:29 PM by BobbyG

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MetaFour AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN from A Place (Old Master)
AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN
#231: Jun 24th 2011 at 12:58:31 PM

>Head off to that interview.

>And pray to Crystal Dragon Jesus that you're not about to walk into a Terrible Interviewees Montage.

Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#232: Jun 24th 2011 at 1:04:11 PM

> You'll need to figure out what your Zalgofied Wiki Magic might do eventually. Check list of invokable tropes; maybe one can be tested on the way.

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#233: Jun 24th 2011 at 1:06:02 PM

>Ascend to godhood.

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#234: Jun 24th 2011 at 6:05:09 PM

>Head off to that interview.

You exit to the landing, locking the door behind you with your new key.

You put that in your Trouser Space as well, because why not.

>And pray to Crystal Dragon Jesus that you're not about to walk into a Terrible Interviewees Montage.

Goodness, you hope not. That would be a disaster! You say a quick prayer in the hope of avoiding such a misfortune.

Actually, ideally, you'd arrive for your interview after the terrible interviewees, and then you'd be hired on the spot by an interviewer at his wits' end.

You don't pray for that, though, because His Transparent Scaliness disapproves of such sentiments.

> You'll need to figure out what your Zalgofied Wiki Magic might do eventually. Check list of invokable tropes; maybe one can be tested on the way.

You don't have anything like that. The only list you have is your grocery list.

The spells you have successfully performed so far are as follows:

  • Create a caramel that restores a small amount of health
  • Hover a few inches above the ground
  • Stabilise fluctuating Genre Savvy
  • Restore a small amount of health

You may also put items in Hammerspace or retrieve them from there.

>Ascend to godhood.

You immediately disregard this rather blasphemous sounding notion, of which you are certain Crystal Dragon Jesus would also disapprove. Besides, it makes no sense; ascending would only take you upstairs, and there's nothing much up there, just more apartments.

In any case, the exit is downstairs, not up.

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thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#235: Jun 24th 2011 at 6:08:20 PM

>Smite the unrepentant narrator.

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#236: Jun 24th 2011 at 7:55:19 PM

> Descend. Preferably without bloodshed, or continual happenings.

> In an open area, attempt the hovering thing again.

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?
MetaFour AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN from A Place (Old Master)
AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN
#237: Jun 26th 2011 at 8:37:28 AM

>There's no telling what the Zalgo-ified wiki meter might do if you use wiki magic now. It might even interfere with your interview. Maybe you should wait to test it until for afterwards.

BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#238: Jun 26th 2011 at 5:03:44 PM

>Smite the unrepentant narrator.

Who?

> Descend. Preferably without bloodshed, or continual happenings.

Having been warned about stairs, you make your descent to the ground floor very cautiously. Consequently, you suffer no serious mishaps on the way down, the occasional nasty pinching sensation in your underwear notwithstanding.

>There's no telling what the Zalgo-ified wiki meter might do if you use wiki magic now. It might even interfere with your interview. Maybe you should wait to test it until for afterwards.

Yeah, you wouldn't want to make your interview chances any worse than they're looking already. You decide to play it safe for now.

You are standing at the foot of the stairs. In front of you stands the exit, and beyond that, a whole wide world of adventure, excitement, overpriced grocery stores and scary prospective employers awaits!

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Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#239: Jun 26th 2011 at 7:43:31 PM

> Face future with a smile! But check door for booby traps, just in case.

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#240: Jun 27th 2011 at 5:03:24 AM

> Face future with a smile! But check door for booby traps, just in case.

You begin to approach the door with a broad grin spread across your face.

You were going to check it for traps, you really were. But before you can even get near the door, you are distracted by a rumbling sound off to your right.

A walking washing machine leaps out of the laundry room corridor and in front of your path - fully loaded.

It's now standing between you and the exit.

The washing machine opens its door and launches some boiling clothes at you. They miss you by an inch, slamming against the far wall with the force of bullets.

Just great. More deadly laundry. That's all you need.

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Howezat some bloke from Leeds Since: May, 2011
some bloke
#241: Jun 27th 2011 at 6:03:40 AM

Use some of your Genre Savvy to figure out the washing machine's Weak Point and defeat it.

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. I am still going to drink through a silly straw.
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#242: Jun 27th 2011 at 6:30:26 AM

>Use some of your Genre Savvy to figure out the washing machine's Weak Point and defeat it.

You apply your Genre Savvy in an attempt to analyse the foe's weaknesses. Recalling your earlier encounter with a similar adversary, the LCD display looks like a likely vulnerability. That glowing red button also looks like a possible weak spot.

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Tangent128 from Virginia Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
#243: Jun 27th 2011 at 6:40:30 AM

> Examplidentify(?) Abnormal Ammo

> Equip ballpoint pen.

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?
MetaFour AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN from A Place (Old Master)
AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN
#244: Jun 27th 2011 at 5:37:30 PM

>Go for the red button.

thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#245: Jun 27th 2011 at 5:52:56 PM

>Kick it where it hurts.

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#246: Jun 27th 2011 at 8:12:49 PM

> Examplidentify(?) Abnormal Ammo

You examplidentify Abnormal Ammo. As you do so, the washing machine readies its next attack. Examplidentification is not a free action, it seems.

> Equip ballpoint pen.

You reach into your underpants and whip out your trusty Biro.

>Go for the red button. Kick it where it hurts.

You're not sure whether an animated washing machine can actually feel pain, but you aim a kick at the red button anyway. The door's locking mechanism makes an odd clicking noise, but as the door is already open, nothing happens.

The washer takes the opportunity to launch a pinchy-looking underwire in your direction. The heated metal hooks graze your side as they whip past.

edited 27th Jun '11 8:13:09 PM by BobbyG

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foodbattle ...What the brown? from Tahiti (it's a magical place) Since: Oct, 2009
...What the brown?
#247: Jun 27th 2011 at 8:16:09 PM

>Lick wound in a hopeless attempt to heal it but an amazing attempt at bending my body

You guys like Let's Plays? You guys like shameless plugs? Well, come on down!
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#248: Jun 27th 2011 at 8:33:55 PM

>Lick wound in a hopeless attempt to heal it but an amazing attempt at bending my body

Turns out you're not all that flexible. You fall straight onto your back.

The washer looms over you, its mechanical innards rumbling as it prepares to fire again. This one's gonna hurt...

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thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#249: Jun 27th 2011 at 8:37:04 PM

> Oh heck no.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
MetaFour AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN from A Place (Old Master)
AXTE INCAL AXTUCE MUN
#250: Jun 27th 2011 at 9:55:33 PM

>Grab its door and shut it.


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