Lack of internal consistency?
The language being a relex of whatever language the teenager speaks?
Being derivative of Chronicles Of Narnia?
edited 25th Mar '11 10:15:15 PM by Zersk
ᐅᖃᐅᓯᖅ ᐊᑕᐅᓯᖅ ᓈᒻᒪᔪᐃᑦᑐᖅThe kid unintentionally becoming a Mary Sue, with people making oddly specific compliments, like "[Kid's name] is such a cool guy, and not fat or ugly at all!"
(BTW, I know I stole this joke from South Park, but as is the case in situations like this, I don't care).
Embroiled in slave rebellion, I escaped crucifixion simply by declaring 'I am Vito', everyone else apparently being called 'Spartacus'.The local conlang is just an analogue of english—same orthography, same grammatical structure, and every english word has an exact conlang equivalent. The local alphabet is just a substitution cypher for the english alphabet, much like Aurebesh.
In addition, the names are just gibberish and don't translate to anything in any conlang.
edited 26th Mar '11 8:18:40 AM by annebeeche
Banned entirely for telling FE that he was being rude and not contributing to the discussion. I shall watch down from the goon heavens.Stuff that geographically doesn't make sense.
Like having a large city in the middle of a desert with no irrigation or no means of traveling quickly, that would be bad, yes.
I also hear that rivers doubling back on themselves is bad, but I wouldn't know about that.
Yeah and if there's Functional Magic, make it not make sense, but make it clear it's not meant to be wild magic.
Life's Gonna Suck When You Grow Up... But Is It That Great Now?... Also I'm Skylark2 now.The further you get from his points of interest, the vaguer and more indistinct things become. Complex machines become black boxes and distant countries only exist as a smear of indistinct ideas. The world-builder's immediate setting is served by an absurd Command & Conquer Economy.
Also, the idea of making it derivative sounds good - don't make it an obvious copy of anything, but a Cliché Storm of a setting would fit well.
That's probably my favorite idea so far.
There's a Thomas Ligotti short story entitled "The Mystics Of Muelenberg" which posits that the entirety of reality is actually a façade constructed by some unknown force, with most of the plot revolving around a small German town suffering total Glamour Failure in which time literally gets stuck at twilight for over a week. The catch is that no-one remembers these events, even though they seem to happen with unnerving historical frequency. Only the spirits of the dead recall them, excepting a select few witnesses, most of whom have gone horribly insane.
These sort of things may happen often in this faux world.
edited 26th Mar '11 11:47:36 PM by JHM
I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.The world probably has a very active and very vindictive form of Call It Karma. The local bullies (who look a lot like some kids in the real world) frequently get humiliated or possibly even killed in horribly ironic ways. Anyone not conforming to the kid's ideology/morality/lifestyle probably get hit by almost literal Laser-Guided Karma missiles, but those who do are usually okay.
Anyone walking into a library or bookstore (since the kid likes to write, there might be a few) or just picking up a random book may find it full of blank pages, Lorem Ipsum ad infinitum, or barely coherent writing on how cool / sucky topics of his interest are. Maybe even just a same paragraph written once... or over and over like a bad RPG.
Also, above and beyond everyone speaking the same language, everyone probably speaks the same. Same idioms, expressions and verbal tics (lots of umms, hmms, no commas, etc).
edited 27th Mar '11 3:46:30 PM by Earnest
Maybe include the Aerith and Bob trope. Depending on how your character is built, the name from the local townsfolk could range from ordinary (Vincent, Christen, Rose, etc...) to Awesome McCoolname.
The teenage boy is indeed supposed to be the protagonist-but it's a tragedy, in the traditional sense of "protagonist brought down by flaws". He's sympathetic in the sense that we're supposed to feel sorry for him when he ultimately is destroyed and dies, but he's unsympathetic in the sense that he's very flawed (albeit only in the ways that are typical of his age group).
Other characters include the "hero of the story", who never learns that he's fictional and thinks that he's always been the boy's best friend (in fact, he kind of undergoes a reverse Ret-Gone-except for the boy, everyone treats him as though he's always existed), the boy's girlfriend (who, once the hero's creation takes effect, winds up forgetting that she ever asked the boy out and becomes attracted to the "hero of the story"), and the Antagonist (a vague, personality-free Eldritch Abomination-thing representing the boy's hatred for the very concept of school uniforms).
At first I didn't realize I needed all this stuff...I don't know how far you should take it though. Otherwise it just sounds like an excuse to write really bad fanfiction even if it might end up being a parody of bad fanfiction.
And bad fanfiction tropes, even if there is perfectly valid justifications for it, will make it seem like bad writing if not done well...
Not criticizing... simply stating the possibility of this happening.

My next serious writing project involves a young teenage boy who enjoys writing to vent his emotions but lacks actual talent with writing, plotting, or world building. He slowly discovers that he's a Reality Warper (with Power Incontinence) who has accidentally introduced elements to the real world. One of these elements is a portal to a fantasy world, Chronicles Of Narnia or Alice In Wonderland style. What sort of symptoms would be inherent in a world created by someone who is poor at thinking out worlds (and plots/characters, for that matter)?
At first I didn't realize I needed all this stuff...