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CrystalGlacia from at least we're not detroit (Living Relic)
#1001: Apr 22nd 2012 at 12:13:41 PM

Just post it here for the forum to look at together, but if this topic goes on long enough and/or you have more questions about this work, you might want your own thread.

"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
Takwin Polite smartass. from R'lyeh Since: Feb, 2010
Polite smartass.
#1002: Apr 22nd 2012 at 2:58:14 PM

Maybe you could try a simple character sheet to help flesh out the character's other sides, so that he doesn't feel too 2-dimensional.

I've returned from the depths to continue politely irritating the good people of Tv Tropes.(◕‿◕✿)
Haldo Indecisive pumpkin from Never never land Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Indecisive pumpkin
#1003: Apr 25th 2012 at 10:21:23 AM

So, one of my characters is the Mysterious Protector of my Magical Boy. She has no powers, but she knows martial arts. By day, she's just a shy 15 year old girl, but when my magical boy is in serious trouble, she dons a costume she put together herself that's elaborate enough that she won't be recognized in it and buys him some time so he can get back on his feet and save the day. Due to the anonymity her costume gives her, she's bold and energetic when she's fighting, which further masks her true identity. Her costume, while mostly made up of cute-yet-ordinary clothes, looks like something between a superhero costume and a magical girl costume because she loves anime and comics. She's a fairly minor character for most of the series.

Only trouble is: I'm scared that she's a little too cool for comfort.

edited 25th Apr '12 10:23:12 AM by Haldo

‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.
Noaqiyeum we must dissent (it/they) from across the gulf of space (Time Abyss) Relationship Status: Arm chopping is not a love language!
we must dissent (it/they)
#1004: Apr 25th 2012 at 11:20:25 AM

She's not the main character. That alone makes her not a Sue.

Also, it sounds like her purpose in the story is related entirely to a different character, not the other way around.

ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NO
Vyctorian ◥▶◀◤ from Domhain Sceal Since: Mar, 2011
◥▶◀◤
#1005: Apr 25th 2012 at 11:44:40 AM

One of my stories has Mysterious Protector who is an unapologetic sue. Granted he also fills the mentor role, so him being so much powerful and skilled than my other characters is more understandable.

[up] You can have sues who are not the main character.

edited 25th Apr '12 11:45:14 AM by Vyctorian

Rarely active, try DA/Tumblr Avatar by pippanaffie.deviantart.com
SithDroideka2 Since: Oct, 2010
#1006: Apr 25th 2012 at 12:40:51 PM

[up]x3: Sues don't have to be main characters to be sues. And while you can pass off your character as The Ace, the fact is that she really sounds a lot like a sue. I'd suggest making her older, for one, maybe 30 or something, and not sounding like a rip-off from a bad animé, for another. If you do that, chances are any sue accusations will be far more unlikely.

Haldo Indecisive pumpkin from Never never land Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Indecisive pumpkin
#1007: Apr 25th 2012 at 1:18:42 PM

[up]You're basically suggesting I make her not be a Mysterious Protector. I'm writing this series to see how possible it would be to make a show with a boy as the main character really feel like something in the Magical Girl genre without being a flat-out parody. I'm trying to not make it identical to everything else in its genre, but I'm using the Mysterious Protector trope to give it more of that genre's flavor. And having a 30 year old mysterious protector would just be weird.

edited 25th Apr '12 1:19:17 PM by Haldo

‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.
Noaqiyeum we must dissent (it/they) from across the gulf of space (Time Abyss) Relationship Status: Arm chopping is not a love language!
we must dissent (it/they)
#1008: Apr 25th 2012 at 5:53:20 PM

[up][up][up] Not within my experience. But regardless. Nothing about that description says 'Mary Sue' to me.

ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NO
nrjxll Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Not war
Haldo Indecisive pumpkin from Never never land Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Indecisive pumpkin
#1010: Apr 25th 2012 at 8:46:36 PM

I'm thinking I could probably keep her, provided I don't focus on her and don't try to force the audience to like her.

That said, I need some help coming up with clothes that a (relatively) normal 15 year old girl would have that could be used in a makeshift heroine costume. I'm thinking knee-high boots (those seem fairly common these days), green tights, a light pink wig (she loves anime, so it could happen), and a robin mask (that part she would probably get just for the sake of being a Mysterious Protector, since she's invoking this trope). I just need to know what to do about a dress.

‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.
nrjxll Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Not war
#1011: Apr 25th 2012 at 9:34:38 PM

[down]Oops, yes.

edited 25th Apr '12 9:42:17 PM by nrjxll

Noaqiyeum we must dissent (it/they) from across the gulf of space (Time Abyss) Relationship Status: Arm chopping is not a love language!
we must dissent (it/they)
#1012: Apr 25th 2012 at 9:39:49 PM

...I'm going to assume you meant that for the other thread? :P

ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NO
Sen Sen from UK Since: Jan, 2001
Sen
#1013: Apr 27th 2012 at 7:44:54 PM

I think I'm gonna need help to "translate" the lines of dialogue I write for my characters into the right English dialect. Do I need to make a separate thread for that?

Probably should get working on that essay now...
CrystalGlacia from at least we're not detroit (Living Relic)
#1014: Apr 27th 2012 at 7:53:12 PM

Depends on how many lines you need. If this is going to be an ongoing thing as you figure out what you want these lines to say, then, yeah, make your own thread. If it's just going to be like one or two or three or something like that, you could keep it here.

"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
BensenDan Daniel Bensen from Sofia.Bulgaria Since: May, 2011
Daniel Bensen
#1015: Apr 28th 2012 at 1:16:13 AM

[up][up]translate from what language into English?

www.kingdomsofevil.com http://bensen-daniel.deviantart.com/ https://twitter.com/bensen_m
Calloway Since: Mar, 2012
#1016: Apr 29th 2012 at 1:09:54 PM

This took about a week too long to do, but here it is( I chose to show a short bit because I know I hate walls of text)

''His head seemed to burn steadily, like a well made fire inside his brain, and his cells seemed to press against his skin and make him itch uncontrollably. Then, slowly, it began to ebb away like a candle in the night, reducing itself to a dull reminder of his problems. His mouth tasted like an ashtray filled with an entire bar's worth of cigarettes, and his neck was horribly stiff. He had slept in his suit and tie, luckily not choking as he slumbered. He cursed himself inwardly for underestimating the amount of money he would need; turned out "all of it" wouldn't get him more than a room. He peeled his skin audibly off the cracked leather sofa donated by his landlady, and forced himself up onto his elbows. Alan, after several attempts, managed to keep his eyes open despite the stabbing pains it caused. The room itself was a cesspit in no uncertain terms; literally it was only a bedroom, with the showers, kitchen and seating areas relegated to a communal area downstairs that was only used by addicts to die in. The paint flaked off the walls in huge chunks to reveal a wide array of fungal growths that both stank and induced bile to look at. Alan thought ,with some bitterness ,that that may have contributed to the "low low rent" prices advertised outside.He was tempted to go out and buy the appropriate cleaning tools but he didn't think that you could buy fire in a detergent. ""No doubt, Alan" he said, only slurring slightly. " You have it made". He wondered if it was the nightmares or the alcohol that had given him such a vicious headache. Most likely both. He placed both feet firmly on the ratty carpet, wincing as he sank into a layer of filth, and stood up to his full height. The world swayed, rather alarmingly, before correcting itself. Not bad, he thought. Maybe today is when I start to feel better. Yes, he decided, it will be. He moved forward to take his first triumphant new step, and promptly fell face-first into the coffee table.''

edited 29th Apr '12 1:14:01 PM by Calloway

Pattyunknown Makosexual Since: Nov, 2011
Makosexual
#1017: Apr 30th 2012 at 12:13:51 PM

[up]That is a wall of text. :/

"In the end a gentle heart may be worth more than pride or valor."
Vyctorian ◥▶◀◤ from Domhain Sceal Since: Mar, 2011
◥▶◀◤
#1018: Apr 30th 2012 at 1:56:03 PM

Posted a bit on my thoughts on writing and being an author, as well as the future of my own works.

Rarely active, try DA/Tumblr Avatar by pippanaffie.deviantart.com
Calloway Since: Mar, 2012
#1019: May 1st 2012 at 8:32:23 AM

[up][up] Okay, so maybe I misjudged how long that you would want to read for, but could you for my sake actually read it? I did do my best to provide a short example that could stand on its own without any kind of inside knowledge, so I would really appreciate it if you could read it and comment on that. BTW I don't think that it is as big a wall as some works found in the forums.

StalkThis Hmm? from Left of something cool Since: Sep, 2009
Hmm?
#1020: May 6th 2012 at 9:27:42 PM

So, I'm taking a crack at adapting a comic book to the silver screen, and am concerned about how to handle the Mighty Whitey trope inherent in his backstory. Would simple ignoring the implications and writing it without the race issue coming up work?

BlackElephant Obsidian Proboscidean from In the Room Since: Oct, 2011
Obsidian Proboscidean
#1021: May 8th 2012 at 9:02:45 PM

Maybe you could make the white character not the best at the non-white character's craft/cultural skills (or maybe he's just the most hyped). Or maybe make him the one who happens to be available to provide the skills the most often. Then it wouldn't look so much like he's outshining the other characters when he shouldn't be (because he didn't grow up in that culture).

I have a question: does this look like a well-written fanfiction profile? Is it off-putting?

edited 8th May '12 9:06:10 PM by BlackElephant

I'm an elephant. Rurr.
nrjxll Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Not war
#1022: May 8th 2012 at 9:10:00 PM

I'm not sure how one is supposed to determine that. What is a poorly-written fanfiction profile supposed to be?

Also, keep in mind where you're writing it.

Night The future of warfare in UC. from Jaburo Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Drift compatible
The future of warfare in UC.
#1023: May 8th 2012 at 9:12:57 PM

It's no worse than mine.

Take that with a large grain of salt.

Nous restons ici.
BlackElephant Obsidian Proboscidean from In the Room Since: Oct, 2011
Obsidian Proboscidean
#1024: May 8th 2012 at 9:40:41 PM

[up][up] I guess the criteria would be: is it coherent? Does it tell you about the person's stories? If it doesn't make you want to read the stories, could you see why it might make someone else want to do so?

I'm an elephant. Rurr.
DrFurball Since: Jan, 2001
#1025: May 11th 2012 at 9:07:48 AM

I'm writing an episodic Rapid-Fire Comedy with multiple plots per episode. My problem is, I'm not sure how to keep my readers from getting lost. It's weird, and a lot's going on, but I'm worried it'll come across as a Random Events Plot.


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