Maybe you could try a simple character sheet
to help flesh out the character's other sides, so that he doesn't feel too 2-dimensional.
So, one of my characters is the Mysterious Protector of my Magical Boy. She has no powers, but she knows martial arts. By day, she's just a shy 15 year old girl, but when my magical boy is in serious trouble, she dons a costume she put together herself that's elaborate enough that she won't be recognized in it and buys him some time so he can get back on his feet and save the day. Due to the anonymity her costume gives her, she's bold and energetic when she's fighting, which further masks her true identity. Her costume, while mostly made up of cute-yet-ordinary clothes, looks like something between a superhero costume and a magical girl costume because she loves anime and comics. She's a fairly minor character for most of the series.
Only trouble is: I'm scared that she's a little too cool for comfort.
edited 25th Apr '12 10:23:12 AM by Haldo
‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.She's not the main character. That alone makes her not a Sue.
Also, it sounds like her purpose in the story is related entirely to a different character, not the other way around.
ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NOOne of my stories has Mysterious Protector who is an unapologetic sue. Granted he also fills the mentor role, so him being so much powerful and skilled than my other characters is more understandable.
You can have sues who are not the main character.
edited 25th Apr '12 11:45:14 AM by Vyctorian
Rarely active, try DA/Tumblr Avatar by pippanaffie.deviantart.com
x3: Sues don't have to be main characters to be sues. And while you can pass off your character as The Ace, the fact is that she really sounds a lot like a sue. I'd suggest making her older, for one, maybe 30 or something, and not sounding like a rip-off from a bad animé, for another. If you do that, chances are any sue accusations will be far more unlikely.
You're basically suggesting I make her not be a Mysterious Protector. I'm writing this series to see how possible it would be to make a show with a boy as the main character really feel like something in the Magical Girl genre without being a flat-out parody. I'm trying to not make it identical to everything else in its genre, but I'm using the Mysterious Protector trope to give it more of that genre's flavor. And having a 30 year old mysterious protector would just be weird.
edited 25th Apr '12 1:19:17 PM by Haldo
‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.![]()
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Not within my experience. But regardless. Nothing about that description says 'Mary Sue' to me.
I'm thinking I could probably keep her, provided I don't focus on her and don't try to force the audience to like her.
That said, I need some help coming up with clothes that a (relatively) normal 15 year old girl would have that could be used in a makeshift heroine costume. I'm thinking knee-high boots (those seem fairly common these days), green tights, a light pink wig (she loves anime, so it could happen), and a robin mask (that part she would probably get just for the sake of being a Mysterious Protector, since she's invoking this trope). I just need to know what to do about a dress.
‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them....I'm going to assume you meant that for the other thread? :P
ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NO![]()
translate from what language into English?
This took about a week too long to do, but here it is( I chose to show a short bit because I know I hate walls of text)
''His head seemed to burn steadily, like a well made fire inside his brain, and his cells seemed to press against his skin and make him itch uncontrollably. Then, slowly, it began to ebb away like a candle in the night, reducing itself to a dull reminder of his problems. His mouth tasted like an ashtray filled with an entire bar's worth of cigarettes, and his neck was horribly stiff. He had slept in his suit and tie, luckily not choking as he slumbered. He cursed himself inwardly for underestimating the amount of money he would need; turned out "all of it" wouldn't get him more than a room. He peeled his skin audibly off the cracked leather sofa donated by his landlady, and forced himself up onto his elbows. Alan, after several attempts, managed to keep his eyes open despite the stabbing pains it caused. The room itself was a cesspit in no uncertain terms; literally it was only a bedroom, with the showers, kitchen and seating areas relegated to a communal area downstairs that was only used by addicts to die in. The paint flaked off the walls in huge chunks to reveal a wide array of fungal growths that both stank and induced bile to look at. Alan thought ,with some bitterness ,that that may have contributed to the "low low rent" prices advertised outside.He was tempted to go out and buy the appropriate cleaning tools but he didn't think that you could buy fire in a detergent. ""No doubt, Alan" he said, only slurring slightly. " You have it made". He wondered if it was the nightmares or the alcohol that had given him such a vicious headache. Most likely both. He placed both feet firmly on the ratty carpet, wincing as he sank into a layer of filth, and stood up to his full height. The world swayed, rather alarmingly, before correcting itself. Not bad, he thought. Maybe today is when I start to feel better. Yes, he decided, it will be. He moved forward to take his first triumphant new step, and promptly fell face-first into the coffee table.''
edited 29th Apr '12 1:14:01 PM by Calloway
Posted a bit on my thoughts on writing and being an author, as well as the future of my own works
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Okay, so maybe I misjudged how long that you would want to read for, but could you for my sake actually read it? I did do my best to provide a short example that could stand on its own without any kind of inside knowledge, so I would really appreciate it if you could read it and comment on that. BTW I don't think that it is as big a wall as some works found in the forums.
So, I'm taking a crack at adapting a comic book to the silver screen, and am concerned about how to handle the Mighty Whitey trope inherent in his backstory. Would simple ignoring the implications and writing it without the race issue coming up work?
Maybe you could make the white character not the best at the non-white character's craft/cultural skills (or maybe he's just the most hyped). Or maybe make him the one who happens to be available to provide the skills the most often. Then it wouldn't look so much like he's outshining the other characters when he shouldn't be (because he didn't grow up in that culture).
I have a question: does this
look like a well-written fanfiction profile? Is it off-putting?
edited 8th May '12 9:06:10 PM by BlackElephant
I'm an elephant. Rurr.I'm writing an episodic Rapid-Fire Comedy with multiple plots per episode. My problem is, I'm not sure how to keep my readers from getting lost. It's weird, and a lot's going on, but I'm worried it'll come across as a Random Events Plot.

Just post it here for the forum to look at together, but if this topic goes on long enough and/or you have more questions about this work, you might want your own thread.
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."