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RandomChaos No Dragon Power from My own little world Since: Oct, 2011
No Dragon Power
#226: Apr 26th 2011 at 6:15:47 PM

OK I want Harley or Ivy in my batman story they are going to say something like Arkham is worse then hell and what they are going to do is worse than both. But I can't make it sound both bad ass and in character.

If it helps the reason for this is there about to go Mama Bear on some pore guy. I'm scared just thinking about it.

With the power of a dragon I can make up for my inability to spill.
Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#227: Apr 28th 2011 at 5:51:15 AM

How should I make it easy for the reader to know who else is thinking...anything at the moment aside from something blatant like "X character is thinking," considering how most of the "thinking" is from the main character, in first person?

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
Ronka87 Since: Jun, 2009
#228: Apr 28th 2011 at 7:52:09 AM

You can write dialogue explicitly telling the reader what that character is thinking, you can write dialogue implicitly (giving hints) about what they are thinking, you can use the narration, or you can do it with actions. For example, if the character is scared of bugs:

  • Explicit dialogue: "I'm scared of bugs!" said Nancy.
  • Implicit dialogue: "I'm not scared of bugs. Why would I be scared of bugs? Just because they have six legs and no skeleton and huge eyes and there are millions of billions of them running around on the planet doesn't mean I should be scared of bugs."
  • Narration: A bug crawled on Nancy's leg. She's not gonna like that, I thought. Nancy had a fear of bugs.
  • Action: A bug crawled on Nancy's leg. She froze and started hyperventilating.
  • Mix and match:

A bug crawled on Nancy's leg. She froze and started hyperventilating. "You okay?" I asked, although I knew she wasn't.

"Who, me? Yeah, I'm fine." Her hands were shaking. "Couldn't be better."

RandomChaos No Dragon Power from My own little world Since: Oct, 2011
No Dragon Power
#229: Apr 28th 2011 at 7:44:14 PM

So, in one story I'm working on there is a four way polyamory relationship. One of the girls parents let her live her life as long as she prominences that getting engaged is a cut off point for new loves. Long story short she did not keep her word. First off the new girl came in to the relationship thru someone else. Also since it happiness on vacation she could lie and say they found her before hand. What should she do?

With the power of a dragon I can make up for my inability to spill.
Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#230: Apr 29th 2011 at 1:30:15 AM

I mean in first person though, where you can tell which character has what monologue in their head.

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
Dealan Since: Feb, 2010
#231: Apr 29th 2011 at 2:14:46 AM

If there's only one other character, a different font could do the work.

Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#232: Apr 29th 2011 at 9:27:14 AM

Ehh I would like to use that but I have a feeling it would look rather clunky (can't think of a good word) considering how I have like...20 characters.

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
RandomChaos No Dragon Power from My own little world Since: Oct, 2011
No Dragon Power
#233: May 1st 2011 at 4:31:07 AM

I want to Rename the Mummy in my Ben10 fan fiction. Also I need names for his Vampire and Mermaid forms. Got Ideas?

edited 1st May '11 4:31:57 AM by RandomChaos

With the power of a dragon I can make up for my inability to spill.
Ronka87 Since: Jun, 2009
#234: May 1st 2011 at 7:07:13 AM

I don't know anything about Ben10, so this is just brainstorming. Maybe the mummy could have an Egyptian name; this is a list of Egyptian pharaohs, who were the most likely candidates to get mummified. As for mermaids, maybe something relating to the sea, like Marina? Or even a name from the Oceanids, the daughters of Oceanus, ancient Greek Titan who represented the sea. The vampire is trickier, 'cause it easier to get Narmy. Maybe something from an old vampire story, like Ruthven, Varney, or Orlok?

Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#235: May 3rd 2011 at 6:38:58 AM

Asking elsewhere since I think it's better suited for a new thread.

edited 3rd May '11 4:39:46 PM by Edmania

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
RandomChaos No Dragon Power from My own little world Since: Oct, 2011
No Dragon Power
#236: May 3rd 2011 at 8:37:45 PM

How do you think a mtf transgender martial artist would feel about fighting her male self?

With the power of a dragon I can make up for my inability to spill.
AirofMystery Since: Jan, 2001
#237: May 5th 2011 at 6:20:12 AM

[up]A literal male copy of her, or a metaphorical opposite sex clone?

RandomChaos No Dragon Power from My own little world Since: Oct, 2011
No Dragon Power
#238: May 5th 2011 at 6:23:35 AM

[up] I guess both, seance it's a clone it would have to be opposite sex in that case.

With the power of a dragon I can make up for my inability to spill.
lordGacek Since: Jan, 2001
#239: May 6th 2011 at 1:31:54 PM

How do you find the sound and spelling of the name "Mysh"?

Morgulion An accurate depiction from Cornholes Since: May, 2009
An accurate depiction
#240: May 6th 2011 at 1:57:41 PM

^ I imagine it s the 'my' of 'myth' and the standard sh. Seems an odd sort of name but nothing unpronounceable or particularly odd.

edited 6th May '11 1:57:47 PM by Morgulion

This is this.
JHM Apparition in the Woods from Niemandswasser Since: Aug, 2010 Relationship Status: Hounds of love are hunting
Apparition in the Woods
#241: May 6th 2011 at 2:36:52 PM

[up] Or like the German "ü" if you're really pretentious...

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.
artfulscruff Since: Apr, 2010
#242: May 6th 2011 at 2:47:57 PM

[up][up][up] I would rhyme it with dish or wish.

I have a similiar problem with pronunciation and spelling actually. The world my graphic novel is set in is called Seirre, which approximately rhymes with beret. I know it has a weird spelling (which came about when I mentioned to my sister that I was having problems coming up with a name for my world, and she started spelling 'strawberries' backwards after seeing a box of them on the table), and you can't tell how it is pronounced from just reading the word, but I haven't been able to come up with an alternate name or spelling that I like as much as the current one.

Another thing I'm stuck with at the moment is an early scene in said graphic novel, where the main character, a corporal in the City Guard, specifically in a unit which is an analogue of a real-world SWAT team, is just starting his shift. In the scene I need to establish his profession, and his main character trait (for now) of being very withdrawn and not interacting socially with people, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with it.

edited 6th May '11 2:48:34 PM by artfulscruff

MrAHR Ahr river from ಠ_ಠ Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
#243: May 6th 2011 at 2:49:17 PM

I'm pretty good with making pronouncable words. Usually, the worst of it is stressing which accent, and whether it's A as in apple or A as in army.

Read my stories!
HerrKman Fantastic! from New New York Since: Jun, 2010
Fantastic!
#244: May 6th 2011 at 7:59:15 PM

Okay, I just wanted some advice. I'm planning on writing a story that's very A Scanner Darkly-esque that takes place in 2015 and follows a drug user that is succumbing to severe paranoia, insomnia, and susceptible to memory loss and uncharacteristic changes in personality as a side-effect of the drug, which is left, intentionally, unnamed in the story. I was going to write it as a first-person narrative with some interesting, well, I'll face it, their gimmicks, that include breaking the fourth wall at certain points, chapters being placed in a disjointed manner, not in chronological order, and also internal-conflicts with the protagonist's thoughts and narration present in the writing as his addiction becomes more severe.

Before I go on developing the story further, I'd like some criticism from my fellow tropers first.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
MrAHR Ahr river from ಠ_ಠ Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
#245: May 6th 2011 at 8:01:38 PM

It sounds like a bunch of random traits that tell us nothing.

Execution is what matters.

Not traits.

Read my stories!
MrAHR Ahr river from ಠ_ಠ Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
#247: May 6th 2011 at 8:16:28 PM

You could be the shittiest writer in the world, and even the most interesting of stories will squander and perish under your horrible hand.

Or you could be the most brilliant writer in the world and make even the most cliché and badly thought up premises come alive with your wonderful words.

Or you could be somewhere in between.

And that is what will make your premise work. Not the actual premise. How you CARRY the premise.

Read my stories!
CrystalGlacia from at least we're not detroit (Living Relic)
#248: May 6th 2011 at 8:18:40 PM

Traits and tropes do not make stories, the stories are what exhibit the traits and tropes. For the same reason, a cake may be made of butter, eggs, and flour, but having butter, eggs, and flour does not necessarily make a cake.

Do you get what I'm saying?

"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
HerrKman Fantastic! from New New York Since: Jun, 2010
Fantastic!
#250: May 6th 2011 at 8:19:43 PM

I see, I'll keep that in mind. I'm gonna try my hand at writing a few paragraphs and get back to you with the results, hopefully to improve from there.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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