Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

Essentially, our personal Welch's lists. I'll go first.

1. I am no longer allowed to make a character with more than 25 charisma at first level.

2. I am no longer allowed to take ranks in bluff.

3. I am no longer allowed to use my druid's handle animal skill to domesticate werecreatures.

3b. Or drakes.

3c. Or the ranger's animal companion.

4. I am no longer allowed to use my wizard's undead to put on a musical performance to distract the enemy sorcerer.

5. I am no longer allowed to use my knowledge of Sylvan to convince the Neutral Evil Treants to attack the Chaotic Good Orc battalions.

6. I am no longer allowed to use Create Food and Water to sink ships. Even if there's no limit to how often I cast it.

7. I've already got one character who is a god, my others aren't allowed apotheosis.

8. I am not to eat tigers.

9. I am not to use Swallow Hole to devour two bandits and a lion and let them have it out.

10. I am not to use my Prestige Class's Alter Self ability to apply every template to my druid. No matter how awesome a Colossal Skeletal Fire-Spawned Clockwork Aberrant Entropic Dire Half-Every-Dragon gnome is.

11. When helping my friend design his homebrew setting's pantheon, I am not to create Powergod, the god of Wisdom, Rage, Unity, and War; lord of the golden hall.

12. After the DM spends 8 hours working on a Naga Queen, I am not to instantly kill it by trampling it to death.

13. Tiger blood is not a magical ingredient.

14. I am not allowed to emulate the 3rd Reich using hyenas, even if there is precedent.

15. I am expected to recreate Kribnefka Incidents whenever possible.

16. My gnome does not get a +5 bonus to stealth for hiding on lawns.

edited 27th Mar '11 6:17:01 PM by Krautman

1. No longer allowed to play a race that doesn't speak the Common Tongue.
2. Cannot dig through the center of the world in a single standard action.
3. No more carrying chairs around to throw at enemies, even if it was cool the first time.

edited 15th Mar '11 9:00:38 PM by Ezekiel

Just got another ruling, which has been added to the original post.

Taken from the only game of 4th ed D&D I have played:

1. No longer allowed to Defile the sacred spring in order to hit that last damn bandit.

2. I am not, under any curcumstances, to consider the benifits of freindly fire.

3. I am no longer allowed to play a class with less hitpoints than sense.

3a. Logically, this would ban me from every class playable in the game.

4.I am not to casually disregard the rule of three.

edited 16th Mar '11 2:13:53 AM by doorhandle

1. I'm probably not allowed to attempt to convince people that chickens are their kin in an attempt to sequence break anymore. Even if they're very nice chickens.

edited 16th Mar '11 2:17:01 AM by Miijhal

1. Not allowed to "accidentally" break the kobold sorcerer's successful Bluff on the black dragon.

2. Buff spells are only for the benefit of fellow party members and/or allies.

3. Not allowed to manipulate my summoned monsters until they look like Matador.

3a. Or Alice.

1. Not allowed to create a portal to the beer dimension.
2. Not allowed to create a portal to any dimension.
3. Not allowed to create any X to Y Z.

edited 16th Mar '11 12:30:46 PM by Deathonabun

Dark Heresy, Deathwatch game.

1.) While playing Devastator Marine, am no longer allowed to speak entirely in Heavy quotes.

1.) A.) As addendum: Even when telling the Apothecary to "Get behind me, Doktorr!"

1.) B.) Additional addendum: Cannot ask enemies to "cry some more".

1.) C.) Final Addendum: No matter how hilarious that is, and regardless of whether your enemies are actually crying or not.

2.) Not allowed to play a Space Wolf with a heavy Russkie accent.

2.) A.) As addendum: Yes, my Space Wolf had a former wolf companion, who is no longer with him. This does mean my Space Wolf made his former wolf companion's head into an Ushanka.

3.) Not allowed to refer to a battle in which both Blood Angels and Space Wolves fight as a "monster mash".

3.) A.) No wishing Necrons would show up to aforementioned "monster mash" just so "we could have a proper get-together with the relatives."

3.) B.) Alcohol does not help the Red Thirst, no matter how hilarious the conversation about it was.

3.) C.) My willingness to hang out with my Blood Angel comrades does my loyalty to the Imperium credit. My willingness to try and figure out creative, party-based solutions to the Flaw only does your Chapter shame.

4.) Cannot let an Imperial Guard Heavy Weapons Team "borrow" my Heavy Bolter "because they really needed it." Space Wolves are a fun-loving chapter, not crazy.

5.) Cannot strap two Heavy Bolters together and claim they're twin-linked.

5.) A.) Even though, yes, they technically are.

6.) Angry Marines are not canon, and my character never served alongside them.

A few I've actually handed down to members of my (sadly former) group:

1. Party members cannot be used as guided missiles.
2. You are to remember the rope before all the combat members of the party dive down a pit in midfight to retrieve the halfling paladin.
3. Attempts to play "unaligned" as "chaotic evil" are frowned upon.
4. It doesn't matter if kobolds and dragonborn are different species, the second eating the first is still cannibalism.
5. Diplomacy does not make to hit on rolls.
6. Never again to spend an hour checking out every NPC in town.
7. Diplomacy and bluff are different skills.
8. The hot priest of Avandra will not sleep with you if you tell her it'll "redeem you". She's good-aligned, not stupid.

1. If I'm the only party member who has a +5 weapon, and also the only party member who has a natural -5 to attack rolls, I am to assume that no other character can be taught how to use that weapon.

2. No matter how irritating the NPC, if he's five levels above us and has barely been talked out of killing us, I am to keep my mouth shut.

3. I can only talk my way out of the prescripted fight if our opponents aren't carrying any loot.

4. My ability to create ten-foot-deep pits does not apply if the boss is standing on a bridge over a river of magma.

5. There are limits to what I can break with the "Shatter" spell. Significant limits.

6. I am not to play Dungeons And Dragons as if it were Spirit Of The Century.

7. Not every problem can be solved with ventriloquism.

8. My skinning knife may be the only thing I have left from my dead mentor, but if it only does 1d4 damage I am to use my sword instead.

9. I cannot examine that pile of bones from any distance that's far enough away to keep it from coming to life and attacking me.

10. I am not under any circumstances to question the underlying economics of the villain's plan.

11. Oddly enough, I am allowed to play my bardic music by bonking my enemies over the head with my drum.

edited 16th Mar '11 4:18:54 PM by feotakahari

1. Dancing back in the corridor is not a valid alternative to participating in the boss battle.
2. The half-elf is not to be called a "filthy mudblood".

I had a few others, but they were really stealth complaining about the other party members, so I decided not to post them.

edited 17th Mar '11 4:44:21 PM by Ironeye

1. "Fishing" does not mean "casting shocking grasp on every body of water in sight."

2. The solution to the Kobold Dilemma is not "eat it."

2a. I don't give a damn if you've run out of food, you aren't allowe to eat a fucking Kobold baby unless you're Evil.

2b. Not allowed to play Evil characters just so you can eat baby Kobolds.

3. Cannibalism is frowned upon.

3a. Even in Dark Sun, it's supposed to be a last resort. You do not kill and eat the noble Psionic prodigy and his slaves because he pissed you off and you're "feelin' peckish."

4. No manipulating the High Priest of Orcus into turning the party into a free-willed Lich, Vampire, Death Knight, and Huecuva with the express intention of ironically killing the Demon Prince of Undeath with his own power.

5. The King of Ghouls' Coat of Teeth does not give out free blow jobs.

6. No playing a Warforged Artificer as a Gnome in a battle mecha.

7. No playing a Gnome Artificer anymore. Not after last time.

8. Surprisingly, yes, you can use your Celtic-themed Elf Barbarian's collection of the skulls of impressive opponents hanging on his horse to add +5 to an Intimidate check.

9. However, said Elf Barbarian cannot decapitate a Lich and try to domesticate its talking head.

10. Urinating into what appears to be an empty space in order to find out if it holds a gelatinous cube is clever, but innapropriate.

11. Dragon piss is not a standard ingredient in a mixed drink.

12. No abusing the system to create a Dragon Vampire to fight the Dracolich.

13. Not allowed to seduce the Illithid.

14. Or the Aboleth.

15. A prophecy of a great war coming in twenty years is not an excuse for the Half-Elf Bard to spend the first few days of every visit to a new town "siring future heroes."

16. It is acceptable for your character to become a god. It is acceptable for your next character to be a Cleric of that god. However, that god doesn't have its own Channel Divinity, especially not one called "Bring the Pimp Hand Down".

17. The Eye of Vecna and the Hand of Vecna are not excuses for your character undergoing Apotheosis to coax the Rogue into severing all your character's appendages in hopes of making overpowered artifacts for your next character (the above mentioned cleric of the former PC)

18. No matter how appropriate, no exclaiming "Can you smell what the roc is cookin'?"

19. Having sex with a Vampire does not qualify as a good reason to become a Dhampyr at 13th level, instead of first, like you should have, you incomprehensible dickweed.

20. No matter how high you roll on your Diplomacy check, "Alright, let's kick some zombie ass!" does not qualify as a Rousing Speech.

21. Luck of the fucking Irish or not, you're not allowed to score more than three criticals in a single encounter.

22. There is no such thing as a badass check.

edited 17th Mar '11 5:12:28 AM by Diamonnes

"22. There is no such thing as a badass check. "

There is in Weapons of the Gods.

1.) In Shadowrun, the heavily customized grenade machine-gun you bought at chargen will not be making repeat appearances. Any other weapons which can pulp power armored opponents in a single burst with flashbangs is also out.

2.) The character wielding said heavy-duty grenade machine-gun cannot have a personality based on the Demoman.

edited 17th Mar '11 7:53:01 AM by presidentevil133

• 1. A paladin with a negative charisma modifier cannot deal damage with his Lay On Hands
• 2. NO GODDAMN MINDFLAYERS!
• 3. The Book of Exalted Deeds is not for seeing how many bonus feats I can lose in one session.
• 4. Nor is it for taking the Saint template just so I can challenge every evil character we encounter to a magical cage match.
• 5. Roleplaying my monk as a wandering luchador is not okay.
  • 5b. Nor is referring to LG and CE as Tecnicos and Rudos.
  • 5c. Nor can my evil monk acquire the lich template solely for the sake of bad puns.
• 6. If my Alienist/Artificer places an "Azathoth is my co-pilot" sticker on his airship, it is perfectly reasonable for him to be denied parking in any lawful-aligned society.
• 7. Even though Cinematic Unisystem has rules for it, I cannot play a robot werewolf with chainsaw legs.
  • 7b. For similar but opposite reasons, my robot cannot be blind, deaf and quadriplegic.
  • 7c. It is highly unlikely that any character with such a combination of drawbacks would ever amass an impressive occult library.
• 8. No matter how low I roll my starting POW, my investigator was not raised by flying polyps.
• 9. No matter what the rules say, gaining 90 percentiles in Cthulhu Mythos does not confer a SAN bonus.
• 10. When asked to select a pre-made character, I will not flip to the "Deities of the Mythos" chapter.
• 11. If my Marvel Superheroes character is half-liquid and half-robot, I am allowed and encouraged to re-roll.
  • 11b. If my Marvel Superheroes character is a deity, I am obligated to re-roll.
• 12. Just say no to RIFTS.
• 13. My All Flesh Must Be Eaten character cannot be a necrophiliac with a biting fetish.

For a while I was forbidden from powering spells with my victim's underpants, but I'm in another group that doesn't know about that now.

edited 17th Mar '11 12:22:54 PM by Michael

@Ironeye

I don't know, man. Even your #1 there seems like it's more whining about how meeeeaaaaannnnnn everyone was to make your Squishy Wizard participate in the battles, than poking fun at your own foibles.

edited 17th Mar '11 2:45:45 PM by Karalora

But, but, but, . . . dancing! (Also, the fact that I wasn't actually playing a Glass Cannon, but that wasn't included.)

edited 17th Mar '11 2:23:15 PM by Ironeye

Okay, fixed.

But I wasn't even playing a squishy! The only other party members who had a higher AC were the fighter (maybe) and the wizard when he felt like using defensive magic. I just happened to think (incorrectly) that I had all of 2 HP at the time and (correctly) that my only meaningful contribution would be 1d6-1 damage rolled on a +0 against the boss. I'll reword it, though.

@Daimonnes:

1)An adrenaline high Clanner is not to be given the wheel of the escape vehicle.

1A) Doubly so if said vehicle is a cement truck.

1B) Said Clanner should not make an escape vehicle necessary due to calling the local Yakuza boss a "Bandit caste stravag freebirth". Said Clanner should also be very thankful for his innate Reflex stat bonus.

2) There is a group wide ban on shapeshifters of any sort.

3) Speaking like an Ork does not grant on Diplomacy bonuses inside a pub.

edited 27th Mar '11 6:10:26 PM by Rationalinsanity

4. Saint Vidicon is not likely to have Scions.

4a. Finagle is not a Titan.

5. My Garou does not have the self-control to piss on my fallen foes.

6. Accents are fine. Silly accents are discouraged. Viera accents are punishable by catapult.

I am definitely not allowed to go in solo using different entry than the rest of the party. This usually ends badly.
Also, I don't play a social-oriented character.

1. Can't keep emphasising that Sun Strike is radiant damage every time I fire it.
2. Not allowed to create a character that has three different damage dies for his basic attack (not mine,but considering it should I GM. Revenant Warlocks are broken).
3. Can't 'accidentally' hit party Revenant with Banish Undead to activate my Coordinated Explosion feat.
4. Not allowed to be selectively oblivious to what my powers and feats let me do.
   1. Even if they benefit the rest of the party.
5. In future, must put some points in Athletics so I won't lose half my health trying to climb a rope.
6. Firing Avenging Light down a corridor to illuminate what's ahead may be ingenious,but also runs the risk of pissing something nasty off.
7. Emphasising that you're attacking monsters with "Knowledge!" (invoker of Ioun) will not get big laughs.
   1. No matter how many times I repeat it.
8. Not allowed to run outside the cave shouting, "Sorry boys,hope you understand!" to let the others deal with the lightning trap they just set off.