Compromises to be made.
We all understand there are two sides to each coin, do we not?
In theater- there is comedy and tragedy.
Two sides of the same coin.
I am sure that the two of you want to be able to talk with your daughters and have good times with them, as parents should- and this could happen. But there are concerns, of course. Everyone has concerns.
But of course- you would also want them to be happy, yes? And there comes a point where their wants and strive for independence will conflict with your concerns.
I, though they are unaware of my involvement, want to remedy the situation and settle these wounds- allowing the bridges to be made, and neither side will be pushing the other away.
And then- things will look more stable.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this postChildren, you say?
Indeed they still grow, but like the current King, he intends to teach the value of independence, and allow that to grow in tandem. He did not try to impose, for he wanted his son to learn the meaning of consequence- what his actions mean.
I am sure you both would agree- things like independence are no mere pull of a lever- one does not turn 18 years of age, let us say, and suddenly become wholly independent. These things are taught, and consequences of one's actions must be learnt- and become apparent.
Would you want to have them be thrown into their world, 'independent' whilst not knowing what their independence means?
And I am sure, 15 is not at all like a child of ten. And their mindset, I would argue, is far more mature in some ways than most 'children' their age.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this postThat is to protect them from the consequences, isn't it?
Let me pose this scenario with the same way one learns about fire-
Does a lesson last more because you were told about how fire hurts, or because you felt the singe of it once?
What I mean to say is- that if they have made a 'mistake' that will not cost them their lives- something that is not irreparable, it may be better to let it play out.
Otherwise, you are putting out a fire before they know what the danger of the fire is, for themselves.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this post-nods to Katherine-
-to Von- That is exaggerating my point.
I said as long as it doesn't directly harm them.
To take us back to the example of a fire-
One is not permanently harmed, but one is stung a little, when they touch a flame.
But keep your hand within the flames, and the damage is dealt.
It is a question of knowing when to, say, in the metaphor, tell them to take the hand out of the fire.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this postThey trust him- this is true.
And you say in this situation in particular- it is perhaps idiotic at the outset.
But how much do you trust your daughters?
I understand there has been secrecy involved- but with this response, do you think that you may have driven them towards this end, where it will seem riskier and riskier- because of what they want, they will keep pulling away, making you think that it is far more dangerous than it is?
This is why I am talking about finding a compromise-
I am not at all saying you should forget them, and let them take the risk. Though I can assure you, they are in safe hands, but-
I am saying that- one uses small things to swat a fly, rather than the larger objects.
If you overreact and are too forceful- you risk pushing them further down a path you don't want them to take.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this post

What do you mean by amicable?
edited 22nd Aug '15 2:17:57 PM by ChrissieMcNapkins
I live in a constant state of fear and misery.