ITT: We are all Pokémon Trainers

Omicron: <Au contraire. I am the definition of fun.>

-He uses the ticket to create a dictionary that has a picture of himself for the entirity of its definition of fun-

Omicron: <Seeeeeeeee?>

-Among said Legendaries is a purple shellfish legendary with long hair and blank, unchanging expression, it's entirely possible no one in the group would recognize-

Tapu Fini: <Yeah, whatever. Let's put an end to this thing before it causes any more trouble.>

-She summons a giant wave and has it head for ▶▒ A▒-

"life is just a series of increasingly canon-eluding ao3 tags" ~ everydunsparce "Keep your hellfruit away from me, tempter" ~ also Every

Spear Pillar

Belinda: ...bend space, huh.

(She ponders the ramifications of this for a few seconds. Then a grin worthy of the Grinch crosses her face.)

(Belinda runs forward, leaps into ▶▒ A▒... and vanishes.)

(Then an enormous green Liepard figure, easily the size of Palkia, descends onto ▶▒ A▒ with an ear-splitting feline yowl and starts tearing through the Glitch with a lightning-fast sequence of blows.)

Tastes better on the way back down.

Spear Pillar

Phaz: grabbing a ticket from the air and reading it Conglaturations kiddo, you got yourself a permit to... Bend space?! Kubrick Stare and Slasher Grin to the Glitch ...You fucked up with the wrong humans and mons, mate.

First Page Sword reappears in his hand

Phaz used Heroic Surge!

The Space Coupon makes Phaz faster and faster!

Phaz used Supertask: Slash!

Cynthia used Moon Blast!

The Space Coupon makes the light bend space!

Cynthia used Supermassive Black Hole!

Ashley used Inferno!

The Space Coupon transformed Inferno into Highway to Hell!

Embry used Reflux!

Reflux was changed into Echoes by the Plot Coupon!

Volta used Thunder!

Thunder was changed into Supercurrent by the Space Coupon!

Phaz: to Palkia: Can i keep it?

What's the use of money if you ain't gonna break the mold? Even at the center of fire, there is cold All that glitters ain't gold

 Spear Pillar 

Solana is confused by the sudden change, but shakes out of her stupor.

Sol: Lars! Super Power! Orcus! Play Rough!

Orcus: <   PLAY??   >

Lars: <Time to take this fucker out!>

Both mons lunge at the glitch, while Sol uses her signature Obscuric tendrils to whip at the monster.

I'm having to learn to pay the price

Spear Pillar

Wake up. I hear it, the hybrid face of time and space. But all that's in between is not here.
-Pent stirs from his stupor. Something was tingling at the back of his head. Enter stage left, the gods to sort all this out-
The glitch is open, get Ur in here and fuckin' Fusion Blaze it.
-And then the tickets descend. The tingling gets more intense. Jane got permission once, Pent would never say she misused the opportunity...-
WHOA MAN! THIS POWER! FUCK MAYBE WE DON'T NEED THE NORTH WITH THIS!
-He stands, pinpricks of light around him as he casually lets Ur out of her ball. ... But he had ideas, so many wonderful ideas... For once the white is silent as it hears them within his head-

... I need... Projections...

-The pinpricks tear slightly, an empty void beyond, he reaches down into one of these small rifts and pulls a little object from it, a holocaster. He breathes deep and boots it up before scrolling through the list. Ur meanwhile just casually floats her way over to her fellow Victini-

What will scour this thing from the continuity best...

-The holocaster flicks up small models as he scrolls: Some squddy thing in black, some clanky robot of green metal, a big cream ball with a scowling face... He pauses, glances at the small rifts flicking open and closed around him and smiles giddily-
Reaper beam, Reaper beam!
Or I could just do all of them...
THAT WORKS TOO!
Tagg could you handle a double nuclear beam..? I'm looking for the right words to say...

It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.

Spear Pillar

-Suddenly Legendaries-

Jason:Well then.

-Sudden permission to bend space!-

...

-And Jason gains a massive girn-

Hog wild,hmmmm~?

-He reaches out a hand-

-And when he pulls it back, he's holding very much a real version of this. Aura bubble included.◊

-Grinning intensifies-

Oh dear sweet Arceus tell me I can keep this.

-He places the stamm before him, glows with power...-

TIME TO BREAK MY LIMIT!

-And opens a literal WORMHOLE to drop a MASSIVE Meteor onto the Glitch-

Spear Pillar

-Yvan swoops in-

Yvan: <I'll wait for my turn while you all soften this glitch up.>

-The Tickets float into Team Umbra and co's hands-

Human!Ammy: These are...

-One floats into Kendall's claws, and their eyes widen-

Kendall: {{I remember... Everything!}}

-They rush over to Tagg-

-A ticket falls into the unconsious Robin's hands...-

-And Dave and Nico jump back as he starts glowing-

Contact Me!

Spear Pillar

Ever: Entei! Oh my goodness it's been too long!

-Ever bends space to slash at the glitch with a sword made of every one of the author's various time commitments that have kept her from being involved in boss battles-

-it's a big freaking sword-

Dunsparce didn't stop being a thing or anything.

Mew!Blitz: -As he grabs the ticket- <...Seriously?!>

-Beat-

-Mew!Blitz turns and claps his paws together, quartet of pink sigls appearing around him as he lands on the ground in mew-tailed humanoid shape in a Greninja colored version of his Ransei costume. His hands blur as a forms a myriad of handsigns, causing the sigls to glow brighter as more than a dozen ethereal katana begin to unsheathe themselves out of the ground around him, then in a flash are suddenly in the air, eveloped in a literal flame of energy and sent forward with a shove of Blitz's hands to skewer the glitch at speeds faster than the eye can see-

Mew!Blitz: -As he grabs the ticket- <...Seriously?!>

-Beat-

-Mew!Blitz turns and claps his paws together, quartet of pink sigls appearing around him as he lands on the ground in mew-tailed humanoid shape in a Greninja colored version of his Ransei costume. His hands blur as a forms a myriad of handsigns, causing the sigls to glow brighter as more than a dozen ethereal katana begin to unsheathe themselves out of the ground around him, then in a flash are suddenly in the air, eveloped in a literal flame of energy and sent forward with a shove of Blitz's hands to skewer the glitch at speeds faster than the eye can see-

Spear Pillar

-As her father's team rushes to battle, Phosphora looks at her wrist.-

-She hadn't actually used the stone for much of anything.-

-She nods to herself. It's time to change that.-

Phosphora: Go, Bolter!

-The Manectric pops out of his Pokeball, tail wagging.-

Bolter: <Hi Phosphora!>

-He looks around.-

Bolter: <What's happening?>

Phosphora: It's time we put that stone you have to use.

-She kneels down and pets him.-

Phosphora: This is gonna feel weird. You remember Dragon Ball?

Bolter: <Yeah, yeah!>

Phosphora: It's kinda like going Super Saiyan. It'll be a huge rush of power, but I trust you'll be able to handle it. Okay?

Bolter: <I'll give it my all!>

-Phosphora kisses Bolter on the forehead.-

Phosphora: I know you will, big guy.

-She stand, and her Manectric gets ready.-

Phosphora: Alright Bolter! Let's do this!

-The Manectric is encased in a pink light... before exploding violently.-

-A bolt, faster than the lightning around it, bursts from the light and begins raining luminous destruction.-

Spear Pillar

The sun's rays grew harsh!

Groudon: -Walks out, annoyed and in Primal form- <You ruined my LP, Glitch!>

-And uses Precipice Blades-

...It's great to see you again too Groudon.

Ann: ...I'd be more shocked, but I already met Rayquaza because of you because of that space rock.

Fortuna: -Mega Evolves and opens another black hole-

???: -Walking over- Perhaps I could be of help, wouldn't be the first time I killed one of these abominations.

Wait... that voice. Last time I heard it was back when the doctor and I visited the Eastern Isles.

-Behind me is a woman in either her late teens or early 20s with a lip tatoo wearing an attush, wielding a blade studded with what appear to be the gems of the Lake trio-

???: Begone, never bother Ainu Moshir again!

-And with a sweep of her sword sends out a wave of Dark Obscura that seems to outright erase what's in front of it-

Venusaur: -Walking over and holding his Venusaurite- <This is the second time you've called for my help.>

-Jokingly-

<Muddy must not be up to snuff as often.>

-Revealing the Mega Wristband-

Let's show them how it's done Venusaur!

Venusaur's Venusaurite is reacting to the Mega Wristband!

Venusaur: -Enters a cocoon and comes out with such force that the ground cracks-

Venusaur mega evolved into Mega Venusaur!

SOLARBEAM!!!

Mega!Venusaur: -Fires a Solarbeam so large it's actually blinding to look at-

-Miracle Fruits start dropping from the sky, one falling on Muddy-

Mega!Muddy: -Uses a massive Hydro Cannon, followed by the attacks of many other Mega Evolved mons in my team-

Jill: -Pops out of a dimensional rift and fires a souped up Dragon Pulse-

-To Pentigan-

I got one...

-Staring it down-

Scouring "Trinity"!

Victini: -Fires a beam of raw radioactive energy at the Glitch-

And now for me.

-And Aura chains enter, disappear into, and reenter dimensional rifts, wrapping around or spearing through the Glitch-

Last Word!

Chain Sign "The Chain in the Gap!"

edited 1st Mar '17 12:27:03 AM by rmctagg09

Eating a Vanilluxe will give you frostbite.

Spear Pillar

-The glow surrounding Robin becomes a Mega Evolution cocoon, from which a Shiny Mega Rayquaza erupts and slams straight into the Glitch-

-He's joined by Penumbra-

-And a white Arcanine-

-And a massive Glitch hybrid of Lina and Shadow Mewtwo-

-And a teenager in X-Naut regalia weilding his biggest Psycho Scythe yet-

-And a Native Alolan woman wielding a massive lunar-themed dagger-

-And a Garchomp and Flygon-

-And a woman in a full-body Aeigslash-themed outfit, complete with matching sword and shield-

-And a kaiju-sized human-Scyther hybrid with a man clinging to her neck and screaming-

-Kendall rushes up to Tagg, somehow speaking normally-

Kendall: <Tagg! There's something I need to tell you before I join this fight!>

edited 16th Mar '17 3:12:18 PM by Umbramatic

Contact Me!

Ann: -Starts singing, not badly, but the notes damage the Glitch as they achieve resonance-

-To Kendall-

Yeah?

Eating a Vanilluxe will give you frostbite.

Ashen: <Well, I've never been bailed out of dying by a god before.>

-She turns and charges at the Glitch, intending to hit it with her sword.-

-Meanwhile, Argent throws a psyshock, and Archimedes uses Hammer Arm.-

-Additionally.-

-Another figure appears.-

-A woman, clad in a flowing, elegant hooded white robe, long silver hair, with eyes of pure gold.-

???: ~That which is dead can eternal lie...~

-She twists her hand, and fires a Psyshock at the Glitch.-

???: ~And in strange aeons even Death may die!~

-Argent notices her.-

Argent: <You... from the castle.>

??? Cassandra: -nods to Argent.- "And naught but ruin lies in your future, abomination!"

All are significantly abnormal in a normal world... All are significantly normal in an abnormal world.

Spear Pillar

-the Icicle Crash traverses the three feet currently between Santalune and the Spear Pillar-

Tangerine: Hey Forte! You glitchported away and forgot this!

-a Quilava sits on a laptop keyboard in a fashion chosen to efficiently type on the console-

Lua: <...the anomaly's wifi password is literally "A"?>

-she uploads a virus into the Glitch...-

Tangerine: ...by the way, how do we stop this thing?

-They turn to a Tropius & Cubone buried in a pile of manuals-

Basket:: <Um... >

Fuego <We haven't read that chapter yet.>

Tangerine: Welp.

-the Icicle Crash steams full throttle towards ▶▒ A▒-

edited 19th Feb '17 5:43:01 PM by Tangent128

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?

Icicle: <Oh! Oh! There it is! Thanks for bringing it over!>

Forte: Watch out! You're gonna crash! Ahh!

-Forte winces as the Icicle Crash lives up to its name-

Do not fear power... fear those who wield it.

Spear Pillar, Herofold Moments

-Ur joins in without prompting, adding the power of nuclear Fusion to the mix of energies pouring into the Glitch. Pent meanwhile stands still and draws the tiny rifts closer, snuffing a few until five remain orbiting him-

Justice stolen by a shot to the head... Platinum chips in desert sands.
The last gasp of an Old Machine... DIE DIE DIE!
Flames burning in the great dark beyond... And the Age of Dragons!
The cold that awaits those stolen by Molag... The Eiffel dimension? Wonderful!
Shadows tearing screaming an outsider's name... Emily grew up into a classy lady.
-The five rifts screech and tear open, unleashing their attacks. Silver missiles pour forth from one, some wreathed in the green inferno pouring from another rift, a wide red beam tears across the distance between Pent and the glitch the underside dripping metal that sears the stones but rapidly cools, blue fire joins it's green cousin and the differentials in temperature hiss as they flick at the glitch. And some black creature crawls from the last portal, some twisted Mote that latches on and starts ripping and tearing-

This is just a taster of the pains the Slip can bring to those that slight it. Die before I bring them all the bear...

It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.

Spear Pillar, near Tagg

Kendall: <That ticket made me remember my past adventure with the J-Team as well as this one! I need to thank you and Blitz and everyone else for teaching me then and now to stand up, fight back against those who do harm!>

-They turn to the Glitch-

<As I shall do now!>

-They glow as they shrink into a androgynous dark-skinned, gray-haired human in gray royal attire-

Human!???!Kendall: Glitch! You shall pay for your crimes to not just this world but all!

-They raise their hands as a souped-up Draco Meteor rains on the Glitch-

edited 19th Feb '17 6:06:30 PM by Umbramatic

Contact Me!

Spear Pillar [Glitch's time to get rekt]

Phase looks around ta what the others are doing

Phaz: That's cute and all, guys, but how about we up this to one million?!

Here is a non-exhaustive list of Phaz's doing:

*Deep breath*

• Take Glitch

• Send Glitch to space

• Take nuke

• Nuke the glitch

• Take Glitch

• Falcon Punch Glitch

• Send Glitch into a Star

• Send Glitch into a Supernova

• Send Glitch into a black hole

• Travel around the universe, gaining speed

• Kick Glitch in the Orbs

• Send back to Earth

• Drinks Sitrunade

Phaz: Cynthia! You're up!

Cynthia: ~Aye Aye!~

She profits of the gratuitous powers to: fly, crash the glitch, send the glitch back and forth into the Earth's center, drink Martini, destroy a mountain on him

Cynthia: ~Ashley! You're next!~

Ashley: <Right!>

Using her fire capacities and her plot coupon, she creates explosions inside the Glitch!

Ashley: <Volta! Come next!>

Volta: <Of course!>

Volta dissolves the Glitch into Mendel Sponges!

Volta: <Embry! Go!>

Embry: <Yaaay~!>

He bites the Glitch with an incalculable pressure!

Embry: <Phaz! Finish him!>

Phaz: Hell yeah I will!

He takes the First Page Sword

And begin slashing into nothingness the glitch!

this may be just a liiiiiiiiiittle over the top.

edited 19th Feb '17 6:20:55 PM by Phazya

What's the use of money if you ain't gonna break the mold? Even at the center of fire, there is cold All that glitters ain't gold

-Sholto uses the tickets to split into a legion of Honchkrow and spray ▶▒ A▒ with Dark Pulses-

-Gogie uses his to bring a collapsing, burning building down on the Glitch-

-Maggie sends a multitude of honey, books, rocks, and assorted trainer goods down on them-

-Pitch, meanwhile, grows to a massive size, coats ▶▒ A▒ with honey, then tries to chew them up and spit them back out-

-Hajime, meanwhile, causes some cherry blossom trees to bloom, where their petals float in the wind toward ▶▒ A▒ and begin to explode-

Soujin: "...Well, this is really a roller coaster of a fight."

"life is just a series of increasingly canon-eluding ao3 tags" ~ everydunsparce "Keep your hellfruit away from me, tempter" ~ also Every

Des holds up his plot coupon, his eyes flashing green.

"Justice...will prevail...

The area gets transformed to an old western town. Des rides in on Jovi. His darker garb has been replaced with white western clothes with red trim. The glitch rides in on a Mudsdale, dressed as a black hat.

The rest of the team were gathered on the steps of the various buildings around town, all dressed in period appropriate clothing, waiting with baited breath for the clock above the town hall to hit twelve.

Both figures stood opposite each other, hands hanging over their waistes, waiting for the bell the toll.

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

bong...

BANG

Both cowboys drew their guns and shot. They stood there for a few seconds before the Glitch collapsed on the ground. Des blew the smoke off of his gun, gave it a twirl and holstered it.

"Justice served."

Things turn back to normal (very loose definition of normal).

edited 19th Feb '17 6:37:42 PM by PhilosopherStones

GIVE ME YOUR FACE

Spear Pillar

Palkia: SORRY, KIDS, THE TICKETS TO UNOVA ARE ONLY AVAILABLE ONCE PER GIVEAWAY! THAT'S HOW MYSTERY GIFTS WORK! YOU WANT A WEIRD WEAPON THAT ACTUALLY STAYS AROUND, BUY IT FROM THE BLUE GUY RUNNING THE SWORD STAND.

-Kaito's [Ticket to Unova] turns him into a combination of two particular aspects of his Mindscape - an outfit with Toxicroak themes to it, red wristblades dripping with venom, and a dark cloak and over it and a perfectly intact Staff of Hunger. He launches forward, clutching the glitch with the staff in one hand and stabbing it with a wristblade on the other.-

-Vierr closes his eyes and focuses on his ticket. An apparition of certain ancient, androgynous pan-Auric royalty, donning a familiar four artifacts, manifests behind him, perfectly mirroring his movements. As if it were second nature, the duo rips the pillars that Spear Pillar is named after out of the ground and cloaks them in a swirling mixture of Aura, Psychic energy, and Obscura, twisting them into jagged, exceedingly painful spires before skewering the glitch with them.-

-Diane and Skye spend their tickets summoning a certain quartet of April Fools cameos, this time fully equipped with their weapons.-

Amy Tyrian: Heyyyyy, looks like we made it just on time!

Evan Li: I still would have liked a little bit of warning about this.

Tanya Delphi: Hush up a bit and kick some ass, why don't ya?

Rhodey Motley: This is gonna be very fun.

-They split up. Amy joins Kaito, stabbing the Glitch with her own, very similar staff, and igniting the end. Evan manifests a set of butterfly-esque wings and starts raining arrow after arrow. Tanya flips a switch on her motorcycle, causing it to transform into a roughly motorcycle-sized ballista, which she then fires explosive-tipped bolts out of at the abomination. Rhodey, meanwhile, focuses on the contents of his pack, and a cloud of dust — or rather, Dust — hovers out, which he launches at the creature, exploding into fire and ice and all sorts of other effects.-

---

-Once almost everyone has finished their big attacks, Dialga presses the thousands of split timelines back together into one. All the damage that the Glitch took leaves it in a quivering pile, desperately clawing itself back together, but failing.-

▶▒ A▒: ]I̟͍̠̦̜̥.̙̬̦̲̥͝.̵̞.̥ ̛̳͚̠̱͔̳w̱̮̩̗̥o̦̫̪ń'̳͖̮t̵̙̗̰͔ ̢bḙ ̙d̰e͈͇̯͓̹s̹͍͎t͎͉̫r̮̥̬͈̗̤͈ó͖̦̩̦̮͔y̻͔͡e̜̼̖d̴̰̫̖͎̪.̤̀.̪̫̥.̫ ̥̰̕ͅy̪̲͝e͚t̙̙.͕̪̗͈̬̫̟͠.͉.̲̭̪͞!̞̳͓̰̲̜[

It's Yvan's turn now!

Spear Pillar

-A voice echoes out in a tone that would make the glitch shake and gibber even more-

Yvan: <Oh, you foolish creature. You'd be charming if you weren't so    absolutely disgusting.   >

-He swoops directly over the Glitch-

<You think this is just a game, isn't it? Rewriting reality and everyone in it like they're your playthings?>

-He gives a screech and blasts a Dark Pulse at the Glitch-

<Idiot! Do you know what happened the last time glitches of your magnitude tried to take over? They had to be removed from reality the hard way! And do you know how much that messed up?!>

-He picks up the Glitch and slams it down for a Foul Play-

<More than even your eldritch mind can comprehend! Including, oh, sending a little girl and her brother back in spacetime and merging them with the incarnations of death and life! And turning someone close to them into a core of the hivemind of another deity! And the death deity still has to prevent his and her life deity brother from finding out!>

-He rams into the Glitch with a Sky Attack-

<And you thought it was a good idea to do the things that caused that mess again?!>

-He swoops up and starts glowing-

<I won't have it. So it's my obligation to prevent everyone else from suffering like I did...>

-Two beams start forming on his horns-

<...Except, of course,    you.   >

-A red beam and black beam fire-

Yvan used    Reflux!   

Yvan used    Oblivion Wing!   

Contact Me!

Spear Pillar

-Yvan's beatdown leaves a bunch of dead glitch matter scattered everywhere, and a tiny, pathetic flickering thing on the ground.-

▶▒ A▒: ]̴͡.̨͞.҉̨̧.n̵o̕.̷͢͝.̴̡.̵͞[̶

-Suddenly, in the sky, there's a booming sound.-

-Then another.-

-Then another, then another, then another, and through the clouds, the sight of a staircase slowly assembling itself downward is seen. Suddenly, Palkia and Dialga stop everything and straighten up, and the other Legendaries quickly do the same. Somehow, everyone gets the feeling that they should as well, and that saying or doing anything except breathing is a bad idea.-

-Tap. Tap. Tap.-

-A glowing golden figure steps down the stairs slowly. At the bottom, the stairs disappear, and He turns around.-

Arceus: I understand you all have had trouble with a glitch lately?

-Without waiting for an answer, He approaches what little remains of ▶▒ A▒.-

Arceus: Hm. You certainly did quite a number on this thing.

▶▒ A▒: ]͜͡.̵͝.́.̵̀y͝óu͟͜͠ c̶҉a͏͜͞n'̡͜t ͞k̶͝il̨̛l̀͜ m҉͘e͜͡. ń͡o̵̧͞t ͏a͢͝ll̴͘͜ ̢͟o̡f m̴̴e̷͢͝.̢ ͝t̛́͘h̀į̀̕s̸̨ ̶p̷͜a̷r҉̀t͢ ̡͟o̧̨f̴ ̴̴̨me̛͜ ̸́͢m҉͘͠ay̕ ̷d̨̨ie̛̕,̷͘ ͟͠bu̧͡͡t̴͞ ͘͠͝i̸͡͏ ͞d̀i͢͠d͟ w̨͠h̶͠a̴͞͏t̷͡ ̷̀͝f̨ų͟͡t́ù҉r̨̨͢è͡o̡s̵ ̢͠t͠͞o͏l̴͘ḑ̛͠ ͡m̵e̸ t͏͏o̡ ̀d͏̡͠o̧.̶[҉

Arceus: And the other bits will be snuffed out in due time. Those do not concern me, because they have not blasphemed nearly as excessively as you have. You, a child who simply desired to please what you consider a mother, have trespassed on the domains of several of us Legendary Pokemon, and finally, today, you desecrated mine. For that... you will be punished.

-The Plates of Arceus fade into view, glowing. One by one, spears of energy of every type blast into the Glitch, earning a new screech of pain each time, until there's nothing but a tiny speck left.-

-And then, like a bug, Arceus steps on it.-

-The core is gone.-

-There is silence.-

-Arceus turns around, looking at the various members of the J-Team.-

Arceus: ...Please do be sure to return those Tickets To Unova. I have other business to attend to. There are a few imitations of myself that I must figure out what to do with, and about twenty thousand pages worth of paperwork to sort through, [which recent organizational changes have set us back a bit on]. It's terribly inconvenient.

-He fixes his gaze on the Jaegers.-

Arceus: Please, do clean up this mess. And Palkia, please, take a break from that awful exercise regimen.

-The stairs to the Hall of Origin appear again, and he returns up them.-

Palkia: ...YOU HEARD THE BIG GUY. I'M COLLECTING THOSE TICKETS NOW!

Edited by BittersweetNSour on Sep 5th 2018 at 4:07:56 AM