Well, after plenty of revising and planning, here's the opening to my story:
http://dreadbaron.deviantart.com/art/Days-Of-Might-Pt-One-188072946
It tells of the origins of our protagonist (Mulligan J. Vandekust, the elderly billionaire) as well as the fate of the original Ultra-Man.
It's very intriguing, just as a hook should be. The point-of-view is relatable, the language sophisticated, and the end of the "unabridged story" serves as an effective wonder-causing twist. I can also see a serious message about the modern world (or at least modern U.S.) arising from the work down the road, which I like much.
A quick read-through could polish up some minor gramatic errors like "I write this from the dungeon of the Black Tower, where I and my surviving men have been imprisoned." The line "where I and my surviving men" should read "where my surviving men and I" instead. I figure you were just eager to share it with us; I've done the same with my works a bunch of times.

This is a story I've been tinkering with for a while now, and I would like some feedback on the general idea before I go any further:
This is the story of an elderly billionaire, and the pharmaceutical company he founded. The company had accidentally created a wonder drug called Vandroxyphl, which had the ability to turn a person into an unstoppable fighting machine. These warriors of science came to be called the Ultra-Men, later to be referred to as "superheroes".
However, the elderly billionaire had a weaselly business partner; who chose to battle the Ultra-Men with his own race of robotic minions (the Doom Droids).
The Doom Droids eventually win, and the billionaire dies alone in an unmarked dungeon.
So, what do you think? Is this a good idea for a story or not?