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Review of Fanfic/Stockholm: Fanfic.Stockholm

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SeptimusHeap from Switzerland (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Mu
#1: Jul 21st 2022 at 2:39:28 PM

The flag here for Stockholm was sent with the rationale

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman
SeptimusHeap from Switzerland (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Mu
#2: Aug 17th 2022 at 2:37:59 PM

Bumping this to the top.

It seems like someone dug out an archived version of this fanfiction at some point, so the arguments before about it being gone no longer apply. I didn't read it, though.

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman
SeptimusHeap from Switzerland (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Mu
#3: Sep 9th 2022 at 1:28:32 AM

Bumping to get this out of the stack of locked threads.

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman
Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#4: Sep 14th 2022 at 5:18:58 PM

Going to read this through to get this out of the stockpile, but this is quite a lot of text (it says estimated 12 hours read, but clearly it's longer), so it'll take a while. I'll post along the way.

    Chapter 1 recap 
Human Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy (clearly adults) are playing poker. Fluttershy jokingly suggests strip poker and Rainbow has a meltdown because she's actually attracted, turned into a lengthy Coming-Out Story dialogue. Fluttershy is straight and assures she has a lot of gay friends and includes Rainbow as well. Fluttershy talks how she's not comfortable moving in to Big Macintosh yet and considers breaking up.

With two being all supportive and emotional, Rainbow decides to pull her pants and reveals to be intersex. Fluttershy panics, but assures it doesn't change anything. She also says it's fine to find someone sexually attractive if it's not invasive. Rainbow puts pants back. Two two decide to go with strip poker for real. The description of nudity is detailed but brief.

Now both nude, they don't know what do to. Rainbow asks if Fluttershy would want to do that with her, which she responds with a bold and detailed kiss. Rainbow then asks if they're going all the way with it, Fluttershy panics and decides to not, and the two just sleep together.

    Chapter 2- 1 recap 
Fluttershy thinks it's no different from a sleepover. The two discuss how Fluttershy still has a boyfriend and has to think carefully on how she feels. Rainbow tries to support whatever Fluttershy would do, but her inner monologue gets noticeably aggressive.

With comedic timing, Big Macintosh arrives and Rainbow hides into the bathroom. Mac questions why Fluttershy sleeps naked in the cold but falls to the "bring me something from downstairs" trick, Fluttershy helps Rainbow to sneak into another room. Mac tries to be romantic, but leaves for work.

Fluttershy and Rainbow question what to do now that they're alone again and go for another kiss. On Rainbow's prompt, Fluttershy says she's finally fine doing it, with a comment that Mac does it rough. Detailed sex from behind ensues. Worrying about lack of protection, switched to mouth.

Rainbow talk about having "experience" in "public" restrooms and how she no longer has to go there. The two bring up Twilight Sparkle's "hammer collection" and think they do not want to try that.

Fluttershy makes breakfast and Rainbow vents about noisy children and make funny pickup lines. Then discuss how they've two met. Twilight Sparkle is apparently going to visit soon with her "pet" to return books. The two agree on a quickie, which is skipped over.

    Chapter 2- 2 recap 
Twilight arrives with Ascentia and everyone is happy to see them. The four have a chat and the duo poorly try to hide they're more than friends. Twilight is in the middle of the Queen's political requests. Rainbow asks Twilight about her marriage, which she finds suspicious, but explains Friends with Benefits concept in detail, repeatedly hitting Ascentia when she speaks out of turn. Twilight pretty much clues in why Rainbow is asking. Rainbow rants how ironic for her to be lesbian and have rainbow hair, which two guests assure her to not worry and remind her she's talking to a married gay couple.

The snow blocks the door, so the two have to stay. Fluttershy describes seeing Ascentia before beat up, but happy. Rainbow vents to Fluttershy they can't be around living lie detectors for long, plus she doesn't want to listen to what those two do at night. The two plan doing own thing anyway despite the guests.

Fluttershy asks the guests if their BDSM is too much. Twilight says she actually doesn't like it and it's just anger overflow after work, but when he was nearly arrested for assault Ascentia bailed him and said she was into it, calling it Stockholm Syndrome (Title Drop). The four bring up again that if partners are fine with the relationship, outsiders shouldn't butt in.

The duo now tells it's fine if they get loud at night, but alone they discuss that the two are freaks and should be turned in somehow. Fluttershy worries Twilight may go for them if provoked, but Rainbow just calls the cops right away. The police quickly replies they won't take the case until Ascentia presses charges. The two check on guests and see they're not actually doing anything violent, and think it's a chance to leave them be and do their thing.

The two sneak into the bedroom and do the 69, trying to ignore inevitable screaming downstairs. The two fall asleep while dismissing loud noises.

In the morning Twilight worries she went overboard and Ascentia assures red neck is fine. The snow has cleared and Fluttershy sees the guests out. As a farewell, Ascentia reminds her she's not stupid and the two should hide their relationship better. The two run in circles panicking and wonder how long they can keep it going.

    Chapter 3 recap 
Ascentia gives the duo a car ride. Rainbow asks her how she she knew about the sex and she replies she didn't know that far. Ascentia likes the two are worried about her and glad to have open friends who wouldn't call police on her. Ascentia reminds them that BDSM is actually dangerous and they really shouldn't do it out of interest. The three make fun of the radio with every song relating to them too much.

Rainbow breaks the radio when a dick song comes up and has to explain her deal. Rainbow is angry while Ascentia is jealous as gay couples can't make kids. Rainbow thinks Fluttershy is into her only because Mac doesn't feel good and insists despite Fluttershy's protest. Now Ascentia is angry because Fluttershy is Closet Gay in two relationships and pretends she isn't, and reminds again that Friends with Benefits won't work out.

The three meet up with Twilight and Ascentia recaps the conversation, and they joke that the duo may get married eventually, then two leave and one of them, over the phone, reminds again that "making love" as called that for a reason. The duo thinks them being in love is ridiculous. Fluttershy plays with a pillow and thinks of motherhood. The two decide to sex, which is skipped over.

Fluttershy visits Applejack, Big Mac, Apple Bloom (girl preteen) and Granny Smith. Apple Bloom tells Fluttershy that Sweetie Belle (girl classmate) asked for a date with her and Bloom ran away, and Belle was crying later. Fluttershy confirms with Bloom that she wants to stay friends with Belle and she needs to apologize and talk it out. Applejack finds out and reminds them that Granny is rather conservative. Fluttershy wonders if she could use own advice.

Apple Bloom invites Sweetie Belle over. Fluttershy checks up on kids and see them asleep on a sofa with a lipstick mark on face. Mac knew about Bloom's closet. Mac questions about Twilight and Fluttershy spills out what she knows. The two discuss that Ascentia is not in a healthy relationship in any way. Mac carries Fluttershy to the bedroom while she again wonders who's she in love with.

Three out of 23 chapters. I wish the initial report was more detailed than "looks... not good", because I'm not sure what to look for. The fic's description have violence and pedo tones which so far I've yet to see. It doesn't appear like something we can't keep, there's explicit sex with consensual adults, but the story ratio way higher.

I'll continue reviewing a bit later so bear with me.

Btw Stockholm's "plot synopsis" paragraph is copied from fic's page verbatim, while others are ironically original, so that has to be handled either way.

Edited by Amonimus on Sep 15th 2022 at 11:33:53 AM

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
SeptimusHeap from Switzerland (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Mu
#5: Sep 15th 2022 at 12:28:38 AM

Flagging ~Largo Quagmire here, since they were the reporter in the thread.

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman
Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#6: Sep 15th 2022 at 1:04:57 PM

    Chapter 4 recap 
Fluttershy tries to pleasure herself and it's not working, so she goes to Rainbow. Detailed suck followed by from behind followed by suck. Followed with Rainbow wondering if she's getting too attached and Fluttershy recapping seeing the kids previously. The two fall asleep. Fluttershy can't sleep and yet again wonders if they're just friends.

Fluttershy makes breakfast. Rainbow reminds her she forgot about family reunion.

Fluttershy visits a psychiatrist and blatantly recaps to them the story so far and the doctor doesn't even bother hiding it's obvious who's she referring to. And Fluttershy gets reminded again that having a secret second lover as stress relief won't end well, Friends with Benefits with emotions doesn't make sense, and also to make her mind already if she's in love or isn't.

Ascentia comes for a visit. Fluttershy admits being in love but thinks Rainbow doesn't love her, while Ascentia pushes breaking up with Mac.

    Chapter 5 recap 
Detailed Fluttershy and Raindbow's suck, interrupted by Twilight and Ascentia's visit. Headsmacking aside, the two are wondering how the two are doing. Fluttershy have not confessed yet. Twilight mentions that she has remodelled the library, then drops that she's ween to "a bank" and is pregnant. The duo are in complete panic because they really don't think these are fit for parenting. Twilight assures them that she've thought of it for quite a while and would rather go sports than traumatize a kid.

The guests pressure the duo to continue where they've left off since they're all friends here. Proceeding with sex with both pairs. The guests then go sleep upstairs. Fluttershy really doesn't like the thought if Rainbow did it with anyone else, who again reminds her they're not in a relationship. Fluttershy decides to let Rainbow go join the guests and herself sits heartbroken.

Increasingly salty, Fluttershy goes for a walk and meets Mac, who drives her home, then she talks to her pet rabbit about her worries. Fluttershy has two pages worth of monologue how she's actually jealous then calls Rainbow about it. Rainbow nonchalantly tells the guests tonight will be the last time with them and Fluttershy laughs herself to sleep.

    Chapter 6 recap 
The duo and Apple family play snowball. Bloom comments how Rainbow has a boyish walk and wants to talk to her as a gay woman about own issues. Fluttershy explains that a french kiss isn't that unsanitary. Bloom is explained what she feels for Belle is part of puberty, how consent works, then explained how sex with two women would work technically. And asked to not take relationship advices from Twilight.

Apple Bloom asks Rainbow about being gay because she doesn't want to disrespect the Granny. Rainbow assures that the Granny will either love them gay or she didn't love them in the first place. Bloom asks if she can invite Belle to sleep with her, and it's fine. Fluttershy is slightly annoyed at what Rainbow's house has become. Rainbow has to remind herself that they're 14 and taking photos would be illegal and rants how in school everyone was doing it. Fluttershy thinks "just checking on them" would be fine and promises to call the cops if needed.

In the bedroom the duo discuss fantasies. Fluttershy is interested in tentacles and Rainbow is into... Cutie Mark Crusaders (the kids). Fluttershy thinks it's okay as long as it's only in her head. Fluttershy would like to walk on clouds. Rainbow likes incest fanfics. Fluttershy comes up with elaborate backstory if they were sisters, separated by parents up to a wedding. Fluttershy considered to be a gravure model.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are on a date. Bloom asks if she'd like to try sex at Rainbow's house, but Belle is worried Rainbow is dangerous, but agrees anyway. Followed by a love confession. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara overhear the conversation and start bullying them. They even got their kiss on camera and are threatening telling Granny. Belle is brave but Bloom falters. Then Belle screams and Rainbow and Fluttershy, Twilight and Ascentia surround the area.

Twilight identifies the bullying as coping over parental neglect, while Ascentia hints that their parents are financially tied to Apple family. Twilight and Fluttershy further identify that the two have no other friends and have to go with each other's crazy suggestions. Diamond Tiara destroys the photos and Silver Spoon breaks down. The kids offer to be friends with bullies, while the rest offer to seek counseling and talk to parents.

    Chapter 7 recap 
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle get to Rainbow's house to "celebrate". Rainbow and Fluttershy go outside to leave them be. The teens decide to go with a romantic dinner first. The two think on what are they'll be doing and have quite some knowledge on it from all the "books" at their houses. The two go upstairs and start with a kiss, and comically nearly suffocate.

The following is Their First Time between young girls in full detail for half a chapter.

Belle talks how she discovered herself after finding Rarity mid-changing and random magazines.

Rainbow and Fluttershy get home, find teens asleep and leave them be. The two flirt and Rainbow takes the camera from the bedroom to show Fluttershy kinky stuff she did the other day. Unfortunately for her, the camera instead has a 9 hour of recording from today, and guess in which room. The duo panics and immediately wipe the drive and Rainbow assures her she's not an actual pedophile.

Sweetie Belle wakes up and thanks Rainbow for everything, who escorts her to a different room while panicking. Belle hugs Rainbow and asks why does she have an extra hill, so Rainbow and Fluttershy has to explain everything. Belle buys the unstable hormones explanation and Rainbow confesses she doesn't trust herself. Belle trusts Rainbow and thinks her sexuality issues come from being intersex and not having many to talk about it.

Fluttershy drives Bloom and Belle home and Rainbow vents that more and more people know her secret and almost went to jail in worst case. Rainbow finds Belle's thank you letter and her underwear she left behind. Rainbow uncertain just folds them and puts them into the drawer.

7/23. Still not where the story said it'll be "grimdark". The themes of Gayngst and Coming-Out Story continue and seem to be done competently. But...

I find the story, right after an alleged pedophile assures she's not interested in peeking, changing POV to tell detailed lesbian Their First Time with 13-14s, both kinda a problem and hypocritical.

Until said otherwise going review further, but this is hitting close to 5P territory.

Edited by Amonimus on Sep 15th 2022 at 11:12:53 AM

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
LargoQuagmire Since: Jan, 2010 Relationship Status: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA
#7: Sep 16th 2022 at 9:36:06 AM

Someone in the original threas did a dive where they found the problem chapters, iirc (it's been about 5 years? I think?). Let me take a look for where that discussion starts.

I haven't read the fic myself but its reputation preceeded it.

LargoQuagmire Since: Jan, 2010 Relationship Status: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA
#8: Sep 16th 2022 at 9:45:00 AM

Okay, here were all the posts regarding the specific non-policy-approved things. Assassin-sensei was the one who looked into the fic:

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13349331300A11026600&page=477#comment-11922 —> my initial reasoning for reporting 6 yrs ago (god) https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13349331300A11026600&page=478#comment-11929 —> questionable tropes leading to my reporting https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13349331300A11026600&page=478#comment-11931 —> Assassin-sensei starts his lookthrough https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13349331300A11026600&page=478#comment-11933 —> Assassin-sensei leaning towards calling it for policy-breaking after reading aforementioned detailed sex scene btwn. 14 year olds; edit describes adult character graphically fantasizing about a child https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13349331300A11026600&page=478#comment-11940 —> Assassin-sensei finds further explicit pedophilic material, asks for cut; Septimus calls for vote

Libraryseraph uu~ from Canada (Handed A Sword) Relationship Status: Raising My Lily Rank With You
uu~
#9: Sep 16th 2022 at 5:10:36 PM

Based on that, I'm going to say cut

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FOR MARIA
miraculous Goku Black (Apprentice)
Goku Black
#10: Sep 16th 2022 at 5:12:15 PM

Sounds like a pretty easy cut.

"That's right mortal. By channeling my divine rage into power, I have forged a new instrument in which to destroy you."
ReynTime250 Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
CompletelyNormalGuy Am I a weirdo? from a place where folks put cream cheese on hot dogs (Oldest One in the Book)
Am I a weirdo?
#12: Sep 16th 2022 at 5:39:27 PM

Yeah, this looks like a cut.

Bigotry will NEVER be welcome on TV Tropes.
themayorofsimpleton Short-Term Projects Herald | he/him from the Island of Koridai (Captain) Relationship Status: I won't say I'm in love
Short-Term Projects Herald | he/him
#13: Sep 16th 2022 at 6:32:00 PM

Reading through the links Largo Quagmire provided, definite cut.

Works That Require Cleanup of Complaining | Troper Wall
StarSword Captain of USS Bajor from somewhere in deep space Since: Sep, 2011
Captain of USS Bajor
#14: Sep 16th 2022 at 6:36:15 PM

Yikes, cut the f**k out of that s**t.

Trust me, I'm an engineer!
WarJay77 It's NaNo, Bay-beeee! (8,356/50,000) from My Writing Cave (Troper Knight) Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
It's NaNo, Bay-beeee! (8,356/50,000)
#15: Sep 16th 2022 at 6:36:49 PM

Cut

Working on: Author Appeal | Sandbox | Troper Wall
Siegfried1337 Calabash. from The Eastern Luminant Since: Sep, 2018 Relationship Status: Will you go out with me to the End?
TheLivingDrawing Lucas the Dreamer from The Town of Clayton Since: Apr, 2019 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Lucas the Dreamer
#17: Sep 16th 2022 at 8:15:14 PM

Cut

Once Upon A Time.
4maskwolf Since: Apr, 2015 Relationship Status: Barbecuing
SeptimusHeap from Switzerland (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Mu
#19: Sep 17th 2022 at 12:12:08 AM

Calling this for cut (finally...). Locked, cutlisted, cut, notices posted, locking.

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman
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