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Misquoting Historical Figures for Fun and Profit, Mostly Fun

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AirofMystery Since: Jan, 2001
#151: May 15th 2011 at 12:52:59 AM

"You know what? I think we can all chill, guys. Communism isn't that bad." - Joe McCarthy

"Sup, Galatians. I mailed you a care package of crosses and tasty snacks in the shape of our Lord. Make sure you share 'em round, okay? Cool." - Saint Paul.

"You ever read the Pentateuch while you're high? It totally syncs up to Don't Fear the Reaper, man." - John of Patmos.

edited 15th May '11 12:53:10 AM by AirofMystery

Kinkajou I'm Only Sleeping Since: Jul, 2009 Relationship Status: Hiding
I'm Only Sleeping
#152: May 15th 2011 at 5:24:40 AM

"I am the state of matter." - Louis XIV

"After me, the Deluge." - Louis XV

INT is knowing a tomato is a fruit. WIS is knowing it doesn't belong in a fruit salad. CHA is convincing people that it does.
Octo Prince of Dorne from Germany Since: Mar, 2011
Prince of Dorne
#153: May 15th 2011 at 1:47:31 PM

"The great questions of our times will not be solved by speeches and majority decisions, but by... cake and tea, maybe? Anybody want a cup?" - Imperial Chancellor Otto von Bismarck

"Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency? Cover yourself, for God's sake!" - Joseph Welch to Senator Joseph Mc Carthy

"More dark and edgy!" - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, dying words.

Unbent, Unbowed, Unbroken. Unrelated ME1 Fanfic
cheeseypoofs from my happy place Since: Jan, 2010
#154: May 15th 2011 at 1:56:28 PM

"The people have no bread? Maybe we should help them!" -Marie Antoinette

my essay blog! Dalton Liveblog
Octo Prince of Dorne from Germany Since: Mar, 2011
Prince of Dorne
#155: May 15th 2011 at 2:04:22 PM

"I stand here and would really like a seat!" Martin Luther at the Imperial Diet in Worms.

"Spare them all. God will know who are not his own." Abbot Arnaud-Amaury of Citadeaux

Unbent, Unbowed, Unbroken. Unrelated ME1 Fanfic
Kinkajou I'm Only Sleeping Since: Jul, 2009 Relationship Status: Hiding
I'm Only Sleeping
#156: May 15th 2011 at 5:52:38 PM

"I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse. All because those Spanish are the religious ones, the Italians have the hot women, the French are the most gentlemanly, and German sounds like neighing anyway." Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor.

INT is knowing a tomato is a fruit. WIS is knowing it doesn't belong in a fruit salad. CHA is convincing people that it does.
SantosLHalper Since: Aug, 2009
#157: May 15th 2011 at 10:16:21 PM

Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has; and that is why I'm an atheist- Martin Luther

JackAlsworth Since: Jul, 2009
#158: May 15th 2011 at 10:30:49 PM

"CRAAAAAAWLING IIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIN, THESE WOOOOOOUNDS, THEY WIIIIIILL NOT HEEEEEEEL..." -Achilles

ABNDT Since: Mar, 2011
#159: May 16th 2011 at 2:03:00 AM

Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze, hm? And you *are* beautiful. Well, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em? Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks... Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling! —Mona Lisa

Kraken Since: Jun, 2012
#160: May 16th 2011 at 9:37:30 AM

"Every one of them is Jesus in disguise. Except that guy, he's Kalki. Keeps talking to himself, he does." - Mother Teresa.

edited 18th Jun '11 9:51:19 AM by Kraken

Haven Planescape Hijack Since: Jan, 2001
Planescape Hijack
#161: Jun 6th 2011 at 11:45:22 AM

"fuck im falling down all this history...IT KEEPS HAPPENING" -George Santayana

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku
Ironeye Cutmaster-san from SoCal Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Falling within your bell curve
Cutmaster-san
#162: Jun 6th 2011 at 12:21:31 PM

"I think I can safely say that nobody understands women. If only they were as intuitive as quantum mechanics!" ~~Richard Feynman

I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.
HungryJoe Gristknife from Under the Tree Since: Dec, 2009
Gristknife
#163: Jun 6th 2011 at 12:47:45 PM

"Doctor Moriarty, I presume." ~ Theodore Roosevelt.

Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
Kraken Since: Jun, 2012
#164: Jun 18th 2011 at 9:56:16 AM

"A house divided against itself cannot stand. This is the reason why I never should have allowed Mary to design our summer home."

"All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind. I was a terrible gardener."

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. And then you shift your weight, lift your leg, swing your hip, and then shout RAAAAAIIIDAAAAAA KEEEEEEEEKKKKUUUUUUU"

~Abraham Lincoln

SantosLHalper Since: Aug, 2009
#165: Jun 19th 2011 at 7:13:16 PM

All right let's do this! LEEERROOOY JEEEENNNNNNKIIIIIINNNNSSSS!!!!!- The last recorded words of Roland

edited 19th Jun '11 7:19:24 PM by SantosLHalper

Kinkajou I'm Only Sleeping Since: Jul, 2009 Relationship Status: Hiding
I'm Only Sleeping
#166: Jun 19th 2011 at 7:17:29 PM

Ich bin ein - hey, wait, which Bozo decided it would be funny for me to say I was a donut? - John F Kennedy

INT is knowing a tomato is a fruit. WIS is knowing it doesn't belong in a fruit salad. CHA is convincing people that it does.
TuefelHundenIV Night Clerk of the Apocalypse from Doomsday Facility Corner Store. Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: I'd need a PowerPoint presentation
Night Clerk of the Apocalypse
#167: Jun 19th 2011 at 7:26:44 PM

Damn how do you aim this thing? - Carlos Hathcock Sniper USMC

Who watches the watchmen?
MarkVonLewis Since: Jun, 2010
#168: Jun 19th 2011 at 8:45:46 PM

^ Nice, Tuefel.

"Dammit, not now soldier! My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is on, goddammit!" - George S Patton

TuefelHundenIV Night Clerk of the Apocalypse from Doomsday Facility Corner Store. Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: I'd need a PowerPoint presentation
Night Clerk of the Apocalypse
#169: Jun 19th 2011 at 9:04:41 PM

Touche Mark.

FUCK YOU I AM IN A TANK! -Erwin Rommel

edited 19th Jun '11 9:04:48 PM by TuefelHundenIV

Who watches the watchmen?
MarkVonLewis Since: Jun, 2010
#170: Jun 19th 2011 at 9:11:36 PM

"THRILLER! THRILLER!" - Georgy Zhukov

edited 19th Jun '11 9:11:46 PM by MarkVonLewis

TuefelHundenIV Night Clerk of the Apocalypse from Doomsday Facility Corner Store. Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: I'd need a PowerPoint presentation
Night Clerk of the Apocalypse
#171: Jun 19th 2011 at 9:14:58 PM

I love making these bb guns.-Mikhail Kalashnikov

We will dig your garden for you!- Nikita Khrushchev

edited 19th Jun '11 9:15:50 PM by TuefelHundenIV

Who watches the watchmen?
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#172: Jun 19th 2011 at 9:16:25 PM

So liek teh Ceiling Kitteh lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleeves him u wont evr diez no moar, kthxbai! -Jesus Christ.

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Pyrite Until further notice from Right. Beneath. You. Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Hiding
Until further notice
#173: Jun 20th 2011 at 9:49:00 AM

"Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you." - Dorothy Parker

"!@#$ you." - Calvin Coolidge


"Speak softly, and carry a big stick. And this - is not the stick."

[beat]

"The stick is my penis."

- Theodore Roosevelt

edited 20th Jun '11 10:15:33 AM by Pyrite

Not a substitute for a formal medical consultation.
Aminatep Vulpes Zerda from Glorious Mother Russia Since: Oct, 2009
Vulpes Zerda
#174: Jun 20th 2011 at 10:16:58 AM

Somebody get this nigger off mah internets

- Abe Lincoln

   I will consume not only your flesh, but your very soul.   
JackAlsworth Since: Jul, 2009
#175: Jun 20th 2011 at 10:48:21 AM

"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." -Jesus Christ


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