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Azreal341 Since: Jan, 2011
#552: Aug 29th 2011 at 6:42:42 AM

One time I rolled a critical failure while casting create food and this happened:

"You turn into a chicken. Every Barbarian in a 1d10 mile radius knows your location. You are magically delicious."

ArcanGenth Since: Aug, 2009
#553: Aug 29th 2011 at 7:50:48 AM

Your DM had a sense of humor, Azreal, I love it.

Azreal341 Since: Jan, 2011
TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
BlueNinja0 The Mod with the Migraine from Taking a left at Albuquerque Since: Dec, 2010 Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The Mod with the Migraine
#556: Aug 29th 2011 at 12:27:10 PM

You are magically delicious - Asreal
Did your feathers have Lucky Charms patterns on them or something?

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw
Azreal341 Since: Jan, 2011
#557: Aug 29th 2011 at 12:29:25 PM

No I was just supernaturally tasty.

Night The future of warfare in UC. from Jaburo Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Drift compatible
The future of warfare in UC.
#558: Aug 29th 2011 at 1:22:44 PM

The cursed dice event from Classic Battletech, where after losing the remainder of the company, a single Wasp goes on to through-armor critical hit three Clan heavies, winning the game.

My opponent took the first one, a Mad Cat Delta taking a through-armor triple engine critical from a medium laser, in good grace; he'd been lucky up to then. The second, a Linebacker of some sort taking the same triple-engine through-armor critical from a single SRM hit, he wasn't happy about it. When the Nova Cat took a through-armor triple engine critical from a medium laser the next turn, there was a good deal of cursing and he swept the minis to the floor and threw the dice in the trash.

Nous restons ici.
Korochun Charming But Irrational from Elsewhere (send help!) Since: Jul, 2011
Charming But Irrational
#559: Aug 29th 2011 at 10:58:26 PM

[up] Reminds me of the duel of honour my group was called out to by some Duke who liked to lick Katherine's boots a few sessions ago. Two Lances vs two Lances, three players, rest NP Cs. So we all basically pair off against a single opponent, more or less by pure chance, making this sort of a mass dueling event. Our entire group is taking heavy damage, our commander has internal structure hanging out of every hit location, but we're giving more than we're taking by and by.

Then our NPC in an outdated Assault 'mech finally closes to range with his opponent — Atlas with Adamantine armour, mace, full bells and whistles. He stops, pops off a few medium lasers with absolutely no effect, then fires off an AC/5, gets a through-armour hit on the center torso, rolls 12 for crits, then proceeds to crit the engine three times. K.O.

The game also included me ripping apart a Barghest without killing it — by the end, it had absolutely no armour and less than ten internal structure on all sections, but I just wasn't rolling any criticals. Or even repeat hit locations.

When you remember that we are all mad, all questions disappear and life stands explained.
Krautman WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT from Hiding from the man, man Since: Jan, 2010
WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT
#560: Aug 31st 2011 at 5:08:05 AM

THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF THORAZ RUGDUMPH, CENTIPEDE JESUS!

While walking through the jungle of his homeland, his party was attacked by a viscous Fire-Elemental T-Rex! He did not panic, however, but was unable to use Diplomacy or Handle Animal to calm it down. He then proceeded to Awaken it, leaving us with a Neutral Good T-Rex who got a level in Druid in the process. Knowing we can't take it with us on the ship, we sent it back to the main settlement of the island.

Now, a few weeks later, we were done hunting for one of the Mac Guffins. We come back to find out there's a wedding.... between Thoraz's bastard son and the female T-Rex.

...and that's terrible.
Sakan4k from The Other Rainforest Since: Dec, 2010
#561: Sep 2nd 2011 at 5:23:09 AM

I killed an NPC using Marshmallow Hell and a knife to the back. My action was deemed Neutral as he was the happiest man in the world as he died.

Vorthon from a pale blue dot Since: Feb, 2010
#562: Sep 6th 2011 at 5:30:33 AM

Started a new campaign (There's only a single player at the moment, but he's gonna recruit more players.). I was running a thief through a Megadungeon with Alien Geometries. He ran into a single orc. The orc had a club. The thief won initiative, missed, and the orc proceeded to roll a natural 1 on its to-hit roll. I rolled on a fumble table, and the orc hit itself in the head with its club, killing itself instantly. That's right, an orc fumbled so badly trying to hit a 3rd level thief, that he caved his own skull in. It was hilarious. That, and by visiting the library of the dungeon, the thief decided that it was built by either a women or an effeminate man that had a fetish for small things and liked to use small dogs as ingredients in cooking.

"If there are any gods whose chief concern is man, they can't be very important gods." - Arthur C. Clarke
wannabeotaku I can't breathe in this from Earth Since: May, 2009
I can't breathe in this
#563: Sep 6th 2011 at 9:23:15 PM

Let's see... It all began as a stealth check when our dwarf fighter was given leaves to put into his armor in order to reduce the sound he made as he moved. When we arrived at a town to pick up a Kobold NPC, we are attacked by mechanical dogs. After my character, a Revenant Assassin for the curious, climbed onto a nearby rooftop to get a better vantage point, I helped the dwarf up, who, on his next turn did a flying elbow from the roof onto the dog, who had full HP and bloodied the thing. All the dog saw was a shrub flying at it, but we knew that it was really our dwarf companion being a badass.

Hello again tropers
Kraftwerk kraftwerk Since: Sep, 2009
kraftwerk
#564: Sep 16th 2011 at 8:46:37 PM

My players just sold a party member into sex slavery, then broke her out again against unbelievable odds. Using an orgasm ray no less.

TheInferno |Y| = |X| Add 5 from probably on Earth Since: Jul, 2010
|Y| = |X| Add 5
#565: Sep 16th 2011 at 10:00:42 PM

...I don't know if I want more information or not. Either way that sounds disturbing [lol]

"The fact that your food can be made into makeshift bombs alarms the Hell out of me, Scrye." - Charlatan
Michael So that's what this does Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Drift compatible
So that's what this does
#566: Sep 17th 2011 at 3:32:54 AM

I was in a game once where people tried to negotiate selling my character into sex slavery. I explained OOC that if this came to my character's attention there would be a bloodbath and given where they were negotiating, a bloodbath would prevent us from continuing the current plotline since none of our contacts would speak to us.

When that didn't work I freaked them all out by describing my character's preferred sexual activities in detail. They dropped it to shut me up.

MadWritter Since: Jan, 2001
#567: Sep 18th 2011 at 3:41:35 AM

[up] Remind me not to play any version of "Vampire" with you.

Logging off, Dr Thinker, a.k.a, Mad Writter
Michael So that's what this does Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Drift compatible
So that's what this does
#568: Sep 19th 2011 at 12:29:04 AM

Meh, it got the game back on track and frankly I didn't see how I could ruin a game where people were already doing that kind of stuff.

Krautman WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT from Hiding from the man, man Since: Jan, 2010
WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT
#569: Sep 19th 2011 at 7:45:23 AM

So, I just found more stories of Kribnefka in the DM's notes.

We're walking along the road in a swamp, just after a nice sleep in an inn. The Warlock has had a chat with his hellish benefactors, the Cleric is checking our finances, the druid's animal companion (a tortoise) is carrying our stuff, and our Bard (who spent a week after the dragon incident trying to write a ballad about Kribnefka) is sitting on its back playing a jaunty tune. It all seems so peaceful.

Suddenly, a Hydra jumps out of the swamp and starts going nuts. the others are taken aback, but Kribnefka is Genre Savvy (magical item keeps him from being caught flat-footed) and the Hydra rolls poorly for its attack. It leans in to bite Krib when he smacks it across the nose.

"NO."

The other four heads try again. Four more smacks.

"NO."

"STOP IT."

"THIS IS STUPID."

"Fine, you want to play?"

Now, my turn rolls around. Kribnefka raises his hands skyward and casts Sturdy Cottage... which promptly drops from above the hydra, crushing its entrails and trapping it. The hydra continues trying to snap at Kribnefka, until he just walks up, grabs the Hydra by its cheeks and glares into its eyes. 20 on an intimidate roll.

"STOP. BEING. A. JACKASS."

The Hydra recoiled, throwing the house off its back and retreating while yelping like a scared dog back into the swamp.

Another time, we faced off against an intelligent ghost. Kribnefka eventually got sick of the intangible creature touching his bladder and cast Phantasmal Killer. The ghost suddenly found itself in a black corridor with glowing white walls and mysteriously floating orbs. Suddenly, it heard a horrific gnashing as a monster rounded the corner and ate one of the large orbs.

"WAKKAWAKKAWAKKAWAKKA."

edited 19th Sep '11 7:45:54 AM by Krautman

...and that's terrible.
Azreal341 Since: Jan, 2011
#570: Sep 19th 2011 at 1:30:58 PM

...And in other news Lay on Hands does not allow you to heal people by slapping them.

TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#571: Sep 19th 2011 at 2:23:33 PM

... I thought that was exactly what it does.

darnpenguin Yakka Foob Mog from one friend to another Since: Jan, 2001
Yakka Foob Mog
#572: Sep 23rd 2011 at 8:35:25 AM

I was at the game store last night with my new buddy Greg and I saw some 2nd Edition AD&D manuals on the shelf, so I decided to flip through them and make fun of some of the art. (Sea wolf FTL) At one point I asked Greg if I could play a myconid in his game. The store owner, being a very good mood that day, started singing a little song about them.

"I'm a little mushroom man with a spear. Please don't come near. If you lick me, things will get weird."

"Correction: can I play a myconid bard named Ken(the store owner's name)?"

Add me on Skype: Al Cook (darnpenguin)
jewelleddragon Also known as Katz from Pasadena, CA Since: Apr, 2009
Also known as Katz
#573: Sep 26th 2011 at 11:55:01 AM

Our chaotic cleric tried to rob the temple of St. Cuthbert.

The god of retribution.

Azreal341 Since: Jan, 2011
#574: Sep 26th 2011 at 12:17:36 PM

Man that guy is an idiot. He should have robbed the temple of the god of Charity. they might not have noticed the theft for months.

God_of_Awesome Since: Jan, 2001
#575: Oct 3rd 2011 at 8:37:36 PM

I have a GM who has homebrewed a Tron game with Wo D d10 rules. I made a paladin-like security program uncreatively called "Palace". The GM has, as a story, some kind of zombie virus -Zombie-werewolf I called it, since they turned into beasts. And it's apparently caused by vampiric programs- infecting programs and my character becomes infected himself. He asks a superior to have someone nearby to kill him in case he goes mad. His superior hands him a grenade.

"Do it yourself."

Palace accepts this and now is laid up in a hospital bed, disarmed since he was infected except with a grenade cradled to his chest. Then a guy runs in who's able to transform his arms into zombie arms at will and bisects a security guard chasing him, this guy is a vampire program. Understandably, Palace chucks his grenade at him because that shit doesn't fly with him. The vampire is able to neutralize it mid-flight by means I didn't understand but a whole pack of security guards are coming and he tries to convince Palace that he is a friend -Palace's infection, which originated from the vampire's programing type, makes my infected arm green and monstrous, like what the vampire could transform. Palace is curious and when the vampire hides and the security pack comes, Palace misleads thems but points out since he is infected he could go mad and should have a grenade to end his life just in case. Palace is a security program, they are security programs, they trust him and the leader hands him his grenade and they take off. The vampire comes out of hiding very thanful but Palace holds out his new grenade.

"I have a grenade again, and this time I will not throw it."

This makes the vampire very pliable to Palace's demands for answers for a little while until he calls for a guard and then grabs him and sucks him dry of energy. Palace throws his grenade again -He just said he wouldn't but it was a reflex- and this time the vampire catches it and crushes it before it can detonate (Because... Tron). Then Palace calls for more guards, warns them to stay out of mellee range and the ruckus attracts the other P Cs and we manage to knock out the vampire. We bring him to my superior for interogation. I tell my superior I used my grenade on the vampire and ask for another one, which I recieve. The P Cs are allowed to partcipate in the interogation and I wake up the vampire by leaning into his ear and speaking.

"I have a grenade again."


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