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Krautman WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT from Hiding from the man, man Since: Jan, 2010
WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT
#526: Jun 28th 2011 at 10:44:04 AM

So, we recently had a session where our Infernal-bloodline Sorcerer got sent to hell. He had a Crowning Moment Of Awesome thanks to his godly Intimidate and Bluff skills.

  • Asmodeus: So, this little worm is the one-

  • Sorcerer: Send me back.

  • Asmodeus: I'm afraid you don't understa-

  • Sorcerer: See this? *holds up fist* This is the amount of fucks I give. I've seen you operation. Frankly, it's a little lacking. Torture? Really? Do you have ANY idea how sick, twisted, and morally deprave the people who get sent here are?

  • Asmodeus: Silence, you-

  • Sorcerer: Not finished. Aside from your pathetic operation, you made the biggest mistake ever not even two minutes ago.

  • Asmodeus: Oh? And what would THAT be?

  • Sorcerer: Letting me in. You see, I revel in anarchy. Read the reason I'm here. I killed everyone, every single man, woman, and child in an ENTIRE CITY not out of spite, not out of a sense of justice, not out of devotion to some cause. I did it for shits and giggles. I did it again, and again, and again whenever I was slighted in any way. Eventually, I made my way to the seat of power just to tell the king he now reigned over a land of exceptionally rude ashes.

  • Asmodeus: And that is wh-

  • Sorcerer: QUIET. I'm talking. This is not when I died. Not when he sent his entire legion of guards after me- that's why my bag of holding is filled with the gore of my enemies. Not when he unleashed the twin lions caged by his throne. I did not allow myself to die until there was no one left to kill in that area. Until every bit of life in the area was extinguished. All because I could. In one week, the kingdom went from lush and fertile to a desert of glass and bone. BECAUSE. I. COULD. I can do the same thing here, but I think I'd rather take over. And like any regime change, there would be no place for the old guard in my kingdom. So, ask yourself. DO YOU REALLY WANT ME HERE.

  • Asmodeus and the DM stand looking shocked at the player who calmly rolls 2d20 (one for Bluff for the "exterminating a kingdom" thing, one for Intimidate), both coming up on a nat. 20. He has to announce it three times before the DM recovers and has Asmodeus instantly send him back to life and ban him from ever returning to the afterlife. The character shows up in my Gnome Druid's room, after a day of mourning, naked as a jaybird.

"Got any food?"

...and that's terrible.
darnpenguin Yakka Foob Mog from one friend to another Since: Jan, 2001
Yakka Foob Mog
#527: Jun 28th 2011 at 10:59:53 AM

[up] Your signature has never been more relevant.

Add me on Skype: Al Cook (darnpenguin)
Nomic Exitus Acta Probat from beyond the Void Since: Jan, 2001
Exitus Acta Probat
#528: Jun 28th 2011 at 11:01:04 AM

Altho ultimately you just convinced Asmodeus you shoudl go to the Abyss (Chaotic Evil) instead of Hell (Lawful Evil), which really isn't much of an improvement (they both kinda suck, but in a different way).

Krautman WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT from Hiding from the man, man Since: Jan, 2010
WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT
#529: Jun 28th 2011 at 12:44:40 PM

Not me, another character in the group. I'm the guy whose room he popped up in, I survived the encounter. The DM was apparently so stunned she didn't think of that.

...and that's terrible.
Vorthon from a pale blue dot Since: Feb, 2010
#530: Jun 29th 2011 at 5:46:16 PM

Okay, started a new campaign recently, using Labyrinth Lord for that delightfully old-school feel. The party ended up having not one, but two tanks. The first was, of course, the fighter. The second was the cleric (an elf who rolled absurdly well for his constitution score). He serves a goddess of healing, knowledge and medicine. His excuse for beating the life out of things using an iron-shod fighting staff? 'For Science!'

So, the party was in a dungeon, and had just come across some troglodytes. They proceed to fight said trogoldytes, and the cleric rolls a natural 20 to hit one. Since the LL rules don't really cover critical hits, I winged it and ruled that if he rolled max damage, (The staff does 1d8 damage) he could roll again, and add that to the damage total, and if he kept rolling max damage, he could keep adding until he rolled lower. He ended up doing 21 damage to a trogoldyte with 11 hitpoints. The poor thing's head ended up splattered across a nearby wall, and the cleric is responsible for inventing abstract art.

edited 29th Jun '11 5:53:30 PM by Vorthon

"If there are any gods whose chief concern is man, they can't be very important gods." - Arthur C. Clarke
#531: Jun 29th 2011 at 6:19:40 PM

Is it just me, or is there some nice plot hook potential in "never come back to the afterlife"?

I've actually done the exact same thing before. One character I played had basically his entire build based on the bluff-and-intimidate tactic.

My other best exploits have been:

  • Impersonating one of the party's enemies, mystifying the other members as to how the enemy got inside our guard and almost getting killed for no reason other than the lulz.

  • Tackling a bad guy with a grenade and blowing both of us up (I had medics, he didn't, stinks for him).

<><
TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#532: Jul 6th 2011 at 9:35:32 PM

We recently faced off against a guy named Raki Rapefist, who had an army of pokemon do his bidding.

One of which used a Unconscious (save ends) effect on the party avenger, and there was a series of about four coup de graces before she finally died of HP loss.

No, I guess that really isn't funny. What with seeing the badass with the insanely OP artifact fullblade get taken out by an overgrown mushroom...

IrishZombie Since: Dec, 2009
#533: Jul 7th 2011 at 6:02:11 AM

The game was D&D, version 3.5, the level of the party was 14 or 15. We had just finished fighting a bunch of salt mummies and ironclad maulers, when the DM throws a charnel hound at us. For those of you who don't know what a charnel hound is, picture a 20-foot tall dog...made of corpses. Yes.

Anyway, we're tired, and running low on HP, but we fight it. As we wear it down, I, the party wizard, begin to run out of good spells, and the only thing I have left that could possibly help was Baleful Polymorph. I decided, "Eh, couldn't hurt", and cast the spell at it. I didn't know that the spell wasn't supposed to work against undead.

Thankfully, neither did the DM.

The result was that the hound was transformed into a hamster. But that's not all! It recieved the ability scores and alignment of a regular hamster, but according to the rules, it kept its base attack bonus (+10), hit dice (21), and base saves (7, 7, and 12). One member of our party, not knowing this decided to keep it as a pet. When I told him this, he decided to train his new monster hamster. We have yet to see what kind of damage this critter can unleash, but I bet it will be hilarious![lol]

NotSoBadassLongcoat The Showrunner of Dzwiedz 24 from People's Democratic Republic of Badassia (Old as dirt) Relationship Status: Puppy love
The Showrunner of Dzwiedz 24
#534: Jul 7th 2011 at 11:55:35 AM

[up] Nope, actually the effect of a Baleful Polymorph a) works on undead, b) doesn't allow to keep saves or attack bonuses, c) if the target blows a Will save after 24 hours, it becomes a completely ordinary hamster.

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/balefulPolymorph.htm

Although if the Will save succeeded, you'd have a hamster with a shitload of hit points and totally shitty attitude.

edited 7th Jul '11 11:57:43 AM by NotSoBadassLongcoat

"what the complete, unabridged, 4k ultra HD fuck with bonus features" - Mark Von Lewis
TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#535: Jul 7th 2011 at 12:28:53 PM

It doesn't work on undead. Undead are immune to anything that allows a fortitude save unless it also works on objects (ala Disintegrate)

IrishZombie Since: Dec, 2009
#536: Jul 7th 2011 at 1:27:10 PM

[up][up] A) [up]What he said, though I didn't find that out until I looked up the Undead Type in the glossary of the Monster Manual.

B) They must have changed it for the SRD. My group just reads straight from the Player's Handbook, and it specifically states: "It still retains its class and level (or HD), as well as all benefits deriving therefrom (such as base attack bonus, base save bonuses, and hit points)."

C) Also, my Player's Handbook says nothing about a second save 24 hours later, just a single Will save at the time of casting, that if it fails, "the creature loses its extraordinary, supernatural, and spell-like abilities, loses its ability to cast spells (if it had the ability), and gains the alignment, special abilities,and Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma scores of its new form in place of its own." Again, they must have changed it for the SRD.

Not that it matters, though, cause we never got to see it in action. It died with the party (see my story on the "bitch about your GM" thread for more details).sad

edited 7th Jul '11 1:28:18 PM by IrishZombie

doorhandle Since: Oct, 2010
#537: Jul 7th 2011 at 11:17:01 PM

@Krautman sorry to dampen that player's parade, but isn't Asmodeus the GOD of trickery and deceit?

Shouldn’t he have ridiculous bluff, charisma and sense motive then? If he was statted at all?

It just bugs me. D:

TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#538: Jul 7th 2011 at 11:27:57 PM

He was not a God in 3.5. Well, 3.0 really, what with the Book of Vile Darkness. But yes, he did indeed have ridiculous charisma.

Krautman WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT from Hiding from the man, man Since: Jan, 2010
WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT
#539: Jul 8th 2011 at 5:24:16 AM

The DM [[retconned]] it that Asmodeus was impressed by the guy's sheer audacity.

...and that's terrible.
Ezekiel Since: Jan, 2001
#540: Jul 12th 2011 at 9:08:21 PM

I'm still ticked off about my revolver.

Dunno whether I've already posted here about this or not, actually. I was playing a campaign where I was a sorcerer from a modern setting thrown back in time due to my sorcerous awakening. I worked out a deal with the DM; I got to begin play with two destroyed revolvers, which I would later be able to repair, but if I rolled a natural 1 twice in a row on an attack, the weapon would blow up in my hand, I'd have to roll attacks against myself for every bullet loaded, and I'd have to repair it before I could use it again.

So, assuming you haven't heard this one already, just... guess what happened.

TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#541: Jul 12th 2011 at 9:32:09 PM

If you attacked 400 times, you were asking for it! :D

If you'd only attacked 100 times so far on the other hand, man, that seriously sucks :/

Wait, my math is off.

edited 12th Jul '11 9:32:25 PM by TheyCallMeTomu

Ezekiel Since: Jan, 2001
#542: Jul 12th 2011 at 11:55:21 PM

I might've attacked a total of 50 times prior to that point, maybe; most of that would have been when I was firing a crossbow into a crowd of goblins. And then on my first attempt to use my revolver it's a spectacular failure.

Then again, I did repair it and end up using it to outright kill a guy without a damage roll (a wand of invisibility was involved).

TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#543: Jul 13th 2011 at 12:13:12 AM

Heh. Well, you had a 1/400 chance for any two consecutive rolls being both natural 1s, so it's not astoundingly unlikely or anything, just really unlucky.

3of4 Just a harmless giant from a foreign land. from Five Seconds in the Future. Since: Jan, 2010 Relationship Status: GAR for Archer
Just a harmless giant from a foreign land.
#544: Jul 17th 2011 at 2:18:18 PM

not tabletop, but RP... In our World Of Warcraft RP Guild we play a Regiment of Stormwinds Army, and my Character, freshly promoted, got to teach two recruits how to shoot with crossbow and musket. Lucky me...

So we use a system to check how good we shoot. Depending on how good the Character is with the weapon (how much experience he has, ie) we roll 1-15 (for newbies), 1-20 (for average) or 1-25 (for experts) or something between. Everything above 10 is a hit, with how high determines how good, f.e. if my Char hits a 25 with her rifle she headshots someone.

Now the first 4 of 5 rounds of Crossbow practice went without incident, which led me to make the joke that rolling a 1 means the Arrow goes wild and will hit our Doctor who was watching behind us. Promptly following by one of the Recruits, a very good played slight Cloud Cuckoo Lander, rolling a 1 and hitting him in the Arm. Only a Flesh Wound though.

After tending to his wounds (including the Doc selfstitching it) we go over to Muskets. by that time I had added that anyone rolling a 2 would have hit MY Char, as she stood at the sidleine. Tempting Fate as it turned out, because the very same recruit, in the very next round of firing rolled a 2 and therefore shot my Character into her leg.

Not so funny for her, but hilarious for us (and the rest of the Guild wo promptly heard about it in guild Channel).

The whole thing endet with my Character, limping back to our HQ, in front of our Commander, saluting and giving a detailled, neutrally worded report with whas only reacted to with a Facepalm.

Said recruit may probably end as Regiments Clerk though. ;) Or Sharpshooter.

edited 17th Jul '11 2:19:42 PM by 3of4

"You can reply to this Message!"
Vorthon from a pale blue dot Since: Feb, 2010
#545: Jul 18th 2011 at 4:07:23 PM

Okay, just finished up a session a couple hours ago, and some pretty funny things happened. The party's cleric made a double-Rat-Flail by tying a dead giant rat by their tails to each end of his iron-shod quarterstaff, the bard lost his hand (He touched something he shouldn't have, and his finger got stuck, so instead of cutting off the finger, he cut off his entire hand, and proceeded to cauterize the wound with his torch.), they encountered a group of four zombies that had been told by their creator to 'wait here', and got creative in killing them (Herded them all into a line, ran them through with the iron-shod quarterstaff the cleric uses, set them on fire, and caused them to explode (The last bit was via a wand of wonder that they got a hold of), leading to them getting bonus XP due to the fact that they basically made an exploding zombie shish-kabob. The bard also gained a point of charisma for solving a puzzle (Well, both the bard and the cleric solved it, but the bard grabbed the reward first), leading to him gaining the nickname 'Stumpy McHandsomeFace'.

edited 18th Jul '11 4:08:18 PM by Vorthon

"If there are any gods whose chief concern is man, they can't be very important gods." - Arthur C. Clarke
Idler20 Rabbit Season Since: Oct, 2010
Rabbit Season
#546: Jul 19th 2011 at 4:21:23 AM

I think Gelzo trouncing us all at EDH because I was too nice to him last night deserves a spot here.

You're an ad hominem attack!
Medinoc from France (Before Recorded History)
#547: Jul 19th 2011 at 5:19:43 AM

What's EDH? This is of little help...

"And as long as a sack of shit is not a good thing to be, chivalry will never die."
Idler20 Rabbit Season Since: Oct, 2010
Rabbit Season
#548: Jul 19th 2011 at 5:22:39 AM

A special form of Magic The Gathering, also known as Commander.

You're an ad hominem attack!
CountDorku Behold my legal acumen! from the depths of insanity (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Behold my legal acumen!
#549: Jul 19th 2011 at 2:34:49 PM

To elaborate: it involves multiplayer politics, massively increased deck size and life totals, and legendary creatures to lead the army. Rules can be found here.

TheyCallMeTomu Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
#550: Jul 21st 2011 at 10:09:48 AM

Come to think of it, I once had a female player seriously object to the low charisma scores of ordinary horses.


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