Well, you've certainly spent a lot of time talking about gender roles recently, which does point to a certain preoccupation with the topic. About all I can suggest, though, is to worry about it less. Restricting your behavior based on what's in your pants seems, at best, kind of petty and small-minded — although it's never a bad thing to consider the symbolism of how you're acting, which is not quite the same topic.
Don't get too emotionally invested in your perception as feminine or as gender-variant; either one can be a trap if your behavior starts to evolve out of it.
edited 19th Aug '09 2:40:06 PM by Nornagest
I will keep my soul in a place out of sight, Far off, where the pulse of it is not heard.I wonder if there is a name for not caring which body you have—it feeling irrelevant in relation to what's in your head. That would be me. If that connection is part of you, though, it's pretty complex and worth asking yourself a lot of questions about. For instance, what would feel right? You don't have to choose one gender or another to answer that; combine as you wish.
Also, while it's not overcast, I wonder if I might make peace with the night sky, and how. I'd give it a ring, but I can't for obvious reasons.
Some writing.You really want to know? Okay. You asked for it. 100% serious, this is what I feel my body should be like. It's not my "ideal body", it's honestly how I feel when I look inside myself. It's how I assume I look when I first wake up in the morning, when I'm dimly aware of reality and a song is playing on loop in my head clear as day. ✖
Something tall and lithe with no genitals, no breasts, very long hair and multiple, tentacle-like limbs, with a highly flexible spine.
Please don't laugh. I am so serious.
edited 19th Aug '09 6:19:27 PM by Made of Meat
I see nothing to laugh about; I'm open to anything.
How do you get a song in your head in the morning, though, if it's not the one that wasn't letting you sleep the night before?
Some writing.If I were to choose an absolutely ideal body for myself...
I'd say six feet tall, blue skinned, futanari succubus with cute little red horns and ruby-red eyes that shade to solid pools of sanguine light when I'm feeling excited. Oh, and my tail (of course I have a tail!) is prehensile.
the dice are loaded, the deck is stacked, the game itself will hold you backPersonally I think that my body is pretty fine as-is, since I really don't much care about it except.
[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.Me? It's not who I am inside, admittedly, but a body that would ease a lot of my mental issues: a humanoid robot that is able to move like a thing of flesh. Gender could be purely secondary characteristics. Somewhat like how I use clothes already, I'd have mechanics as an excuse to wear less loose clothing than others in a work setting, maybe less in general.
A mechanical body would be like the difference between one plane of existence and a higher one, because we couldn't have put the body together if we didn't understand every inch of it and everything it could do. Finally it would belong to me.
Some writing.I always associate the term "psychically" with Psychic Powers, I really shouldn't. =/
[1] This facsimile operated in part by synAC.I've spent time wondering about how I dress and whether or not it's a selfish cry for attention. My mother seems to be convinced it is as are some others. It worried me and still does every so often when I'm sad or something.
For the most part I've seemed to have settled on "fuck it, I'm dressing however I feel comfortable and if that changes over time fine."
I've also wondered as to why I crossdress. I can't seem to find an answer besides "it feels like me and looks like me". I can't find an answer besides that and I don't know if I need a better one...I feel like I do sometimes and at others feel like it doesn't matter either way.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

Meaty, I think you're giving too much credit to gender roles and the stereotypes applied to each sex. Just because our culture says that some things are masculine and some things are feminine doesn't mean they inherently are. People are too complex for that. So, FUCK the roles, FUCK the sterotypes. They do us no good.
The only thing you need to concern yourself with is how you perceive yourself. Does you body feel 'right'? If it does, you're probably female. If this is the case, don't take that to mean you have to be stereotypically feminine. Nobody, and I mean nobody can conform to those standards, and nobody should try. They're utter crock. If it feels 'off', start trying to figure out what would feel 'right' to you. Don't rush. It's not something that can be figured out in a day or two. Additionally, this is something only YOU can figure out.
edited 19th Aug '09 2:23:36 PM by Miijhal