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  • Draco in Leather Pants: For Cersei Lannister:
    ...Cersei, the incestuous queen who cracks the short list of the most evil female characters in TV history. She doesn't have a single redeeming quality other than her love for her children … who, of course, were little creepy incest babies. Needless to say, she's hot and I'm attracted to her.
  • Old Shame: The Sports Guy cartoon that ran on ESPN.com during 2004-05 is generally treated like this by Simmons in his columns and podcasts.
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  • Promoted Fanboy: He was formerly a bartender before ascending to ESPN's premier comedy writer.
  • Tearjerker: "One final toss for The Dooze." His last day with his beloved golden retriever.
    • And in a Heartwarming Moment on one his recent columns, the current family pet has become just like The Dooze and he's actualy loving it.

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