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Wrestling / Ted DiBiase

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Moneyy moneyy moneyy moneyy monneeyyyyy-eeyy...

"Everybody's got a price
Everybody's gonna pay
Because the Million Dollar Man
Always gets his way!
Ted DiBiase's entrance theme

Listen up, you nickel-and-dime peons: "The Million Dollar Man" Theodore Marvin DiBiase Sr. (born January 18, 1954) is a retired professional wrestler. He was one of the premier Heels in the "federation years" of the WWE. He was inducted into WWE's Hall of Fame in 2010, and has since been keeping a watchful eye over his son Ted DiBiase Jr. in his WWE run. He is a 3x WWE World Tag Team Champion with Irwin R. Schyster (Mike Rotunda) as Money Inc., a 1x WWF North American Heavyweight Champion, a 2x All Japan PWF World Tag Team Champion with Stan Hansen and 1x All Japan Pro Wrestling World Tag Team Champion also with Hansen, and held various territorial titles in the late 1970s and through most of the 1980s before arriving in WWE in 1987.note 

"Every man has his trope":

  • Bling-Bling-BANG!: Not sanctioned by the WWF, the Million Dollar Belt was more a huge piece of jewelry than anything else. Taking a belt shot covered in diamonds? That'll leave a mark.
  • Catchphrase: "Everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man!"
  • Demoted to Extra: As with so many other stars, Ted was kept on WCW's payroll despite rarely appearing on television. Ted was one of the first WWF Superstars to jump ship to WCW, and also one of the first to jump right back. The idea was that Ted bankrolled the nWo, with Hogan and the others providing the muscle. He turned face and disappeared from WCW programming later that year, and his boss role was subsumed by Eric Bischoff. According to Ted, it slowly dawned on Eric that he was essentially paying someone to play himself, but DiBiase had signed a three year contract. When he kindly pointed this out, Turner Entertainment realized that they had no choice but to keep employing him, so Ted became a road agent for Nitro. He really took them to the cleaners.
  • Dirty Coward: Whenever he couldn't buy his way out of a situation, he folded like a lawn chair.
  • "Do It Yourself" Theme Tune: Sang his WWF entrance theme.
  • The Dog Bites Back: From his "servant," Virgil.
  • Early-Installment Weirdness: Returned to the WWF as a face in 1987, feuding with old nemesis One Man Gang at house shows in Texas. He didn't begin his "Million Dollar Man" gimmick and start appearing on WWF TV until a month later.
  • Even Evil Has Standards:
    • One of the ways heels got under Randy Savage's skin during his WWF World Heavyweight Championship reign was to threaten Elizabeth, and more than once grab her and swing back a fist, night club, etc. Not DiBiase; he never once even so much as acknowledged Elizabeth ... he just wanted the WWF World Heavyweight title.
    • Evoked this from other heels when he announced his plans to buy the WWF title from Hulk Hogan. It wasn't for noble reasons though, they were simply outraged that he would have the audacity to sidestep them (and the process of winning a wrestling match) and procure the title for himself.
  • Every Man Has His Price: The main point of his shtick, as highlighted by his entrance theme (see quote at the beginning of the article). He bribed whoever it took to get his way, including that time he bought the WWF Championship from André the Giant.note 
  • Every Year They Fizzle Out: Regularly tops lists of the best wrestlers to never win a world title. He did briefly hold the championship when he bought it from Andre, even defending it at some house shows, but his reign was retconned from WWE canon.
  • Evil Knockoff: When Yokozuma bested The Undertaker at the '94 Royal Rumble, he finally broke Paul Bearer's hold over the zombie wrestler. DiBiase declared that everybody from there to Timbuktu was searching for The Undertaker's remains, but had come up short. Using his vast money and resources though, the Million Dollar Man claimed he did indeed find the casket first and signed a contact placing Taker (actually an impersonator, Brian Lee) under his control. Paul called B.S. on this, as not even he knew where Taker was buried. In due course, Paul unsealed the power of the urn and the real Undertaker re-materialized to take the imposter out.
    RocketHideout: At the end of the SummerSlam match, when his Undertaker was lying prone and helpless, I think Ted DiBiase took a closer look at his Undertaker and saw on the bottom of his boot those three words nobody wants to see when they buy something. Made in China.
  • Evil Laugh: Almost without doubt the greatest and most-iconic in professional wrestling. Ted Dibiase is always laughing; he must be very happy.
  • Expy: Claimed in his autobiography Every Man Has His Price that Vince McMahon described the "Million-Dollar Man" gimmick to him as a wrestling version of Donald Trump. Which made it funny in a meta sense when DiBiase gladhanded with Trump at WrestleMania V, held at Trump Plaza.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Few people knew it at the time due to the lack of national exposure, but before his days as the "Million Dollar Man", Ted Dibiase was the fan favorite of the old Mid-South territory. He played the same scrappy asskicker character in his stints in the pre-Hulkamania WWF, so when he came back in 1987, he had the same persona, but after his debut return match, he quickly turned to his heel tendencies, and very soon after, the first Million Dollar Man vignettes began airing on WWF television, showcasing his new character.
    • Pro Wrestling Illustrated (who covered his face years and always refused to go with Vince's insistence that they pretend it's a totally new wrestler) explained away his sudden money as years of payouts from victorious matches and title wins.
  • Faux Affably Evil: DiBiase always appeared to be a congenial guy, but the moment things didn't go in his favor, he would lash out at everyone.
  • Fiction 500: He is basically Daddy Warbucks with fists. This was parodied by Kayfabe News (basically a wrestling The Onion) with the article "DiBiase Bails Out Greece".
  • Finishing Move:
    • The Million Dollar Dream submission hold (a Cobra clutch).
    • He also used the Cobra clutch combined with a Russian legsweep, a top rope backwards elbow drop, and a spinning toe hold at different phases of his career.
    • His unique fist drop was sometimes used as this or as a Signature Move.
  • Heel: Probably one of the best-known characters of this archetype.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: After the famous incident in 1993 where The 1-2-3 Kid beat Razor Ramon, Ted challenged the Kid to a match to prove how easy it was to beat "a nobody." During said match, Ted kept picking the Kid up at the count of two just to inflict more punishment. When Razor himself showed up, Dibiase decided to rub it in by attempting the most nonchalant cover imaginable... only for the Kid to crucifix him for the win. Razor, his Heel–Face Turn now complete, cracked up laughing on the outside.
  • "I Am Great!" Song: MoneyMoneyMoneyMoneyMoney
  • It Runs in the Family: See Wrestling Family below.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: He bought the #30 spot in the Royal Rumble from Akeem in order to have the best chance at winning. Along with that, he tried to buy off Big John Studd so he could win the whole thing. Studd didn't bite, making the Million Dollar Man the last man eliminated. In the subsequent Rumble matches he participated in, DiBiase drew #1 in 1990, #2 in 1992, and #3 in 1993. He was even the first man eliminated from the Rumble in 1992.
  • Man of Wealth and Taste: His entrance attire is a tuxedo, for crying out loud! Barney in How I Met Your Mother spent an exorbitant amount of money on a custom suit with diamond encrusted pin-stripes called "The DiBiase". You can't take that to just any dry cleaners.
  • Marshmallow Hell: Happened while he was selling a bump, after DiBiase made fun of Sherri's tits once too often.

Some might cost a little
Some might cost a lot
But I'm the Million Dollar Man
And you will be bought! DYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!