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What An Idiot / Kingsman: The Golden Circle

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SPOILERS ARE UNMARKED

  • With how much of these examples are because of Eggsy, you might as well call the movie Kingsman: Eggsy Fucks Up:
    • Eggsy winds up with Charlie's robotic arm in his taxi after the opening fight.
      You'd Expect: Him to secure it, so that the Kingsman can see how it works and prevent it from doing any more harm.
      Instead: He just leaves it in his taxi unsupervised, allowing it to effortlessly hack the Kingsman network and murder every other Kingsman agent.
    • Eggsy asks one of his friends to dogsit JB.
      You'd Expect: Him to take precautions to prevent any guest from discovering his Kingsman arsenal and gadgets.
      Instead: Their reveal mechanism is discovered within a few minutes by his friend, who starts playing around with hand grenade and nearly blows himself up in the process.
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    • In the middle of a mission, Eggsy has to plant a tracker inside Charlie's girlfriend by sleeping with her.
      You'd Expect: Him to begrudgingly accept that this is a necessity of the mission and could prevent the deaths of thousands, and not tell Tilde about it.
      Or Alternatively: As the below paragraph proves, he doesn't need to sleep with her to plant the tracker per se, he just needs to get her into a state where she won't protest him touching her reproductive organs. So why not just knock her out and then plant the tracker? If it was an Honor Before Reason thing where Eggsy really doesn't want to violate an unconscious woman's body, he could've just as easily planted the tracker via her mouth, as the Awesome, but Impractical example on the main page explained was another option.
      Instead: He calls Tilde to get her permission. This potentially endangers the entire mission, AND has Tilde break up with him, which was all completely avoidable. He has no choice but to plant the tracker in Clara anyway. Turns out he didn't even have to have mindblowing sex with her anyways. As soon as he plants the tracker, he easily and successfully backs out of it before it goes any further without even having to take his clothes off.
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    • Harry is resurrected and his memory has recovered, but his coordination is off and he still has occasional hallucinations.
      You'd Expect: The Kingsman and Statesman to do as Champagne suggests, keep Harry off the team while he recovers. One of the team can grab the antidote while the other controls the computer system.
      Instead: On Eggsy's insistence, Harry joins them, controlling the computers while Eggsy and Whiskey steal the antidote, but nearly gets them killed when he starts hallucinating at a critical moment, and his mental state gives everybody else a reason to doubt him when he questions Whiskey's motives.
    • When infiltrating one of Poppy's labs, Eggsy is surrounded by crates of the antidote.
      You'd Expect: Him to take as many samples as he can securely carry.
      Instead: He only takes one sample. Then, after safely escaping from the lab, he takes the antidote out of its protective case and holds it using only his thumb and forefinger. Even if Whiskey wasn't a factor, it could still have been broken very easily by accident and there was no backup.
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    • Eggsy knows that Charlie and Clara are gonna be at the lab since it's their phone conversation that led him and the Statesmen there.
      You'd Expect: Eggsy to hang back and let Whiskey grab the antidote since Poppy and Charlie don't know about the Statesmen or their agents.
      Instead: Eggsy tells Whiskey to stay back, goes ahead into the large open space that is the lab and allows himself to be seen by Charlie and Clara, who recognize him.
    • Harry and Eggsy have successfully taken down all of Poppy's goons, and only Poppy herself is standing between them and releasing the antidotes. With Poppy seemingly not cooperating, the agents then bring out their trump card: Merlin's reverse-engineered virus created from Poppy's own weapon.
      You'd Expect: That they would've just threatened to use it on Poppy to coerce her into revealing the password to her suitcase, or just make things much more simpler if they had a truth serum instead.
      Instead: The agents just straight up injects her with the virus then explains how it will do to her later (even worse, Eggsy gives her too much virus that gives her less than a minute to live). With Poppy being an obvious psychopath, she could've easily remained silent until her own death or provided them with a wrong password (and when she did provide a password, they automatically assumes it's the correct one without trying it out first), both cases leaving the agents unable to open the suitcase. If Poppy hadn't been generous enough to provide them with the correct password on first try, or even lucid enough after having been shot full of heroin to give the code, the agents could've potentially doomed millions of people worldwide to their painful deaths.
  • So you're a top secret intelligence agency that is so secretive that you can't even tell your best friends or your girlfriend's parents.
    You'd Expect: All necessary precautions to be taken so rejects with potential grudges don't sell your secrets to an enemy. Maybe even use those handy amnesia darts your agents carry around all the time in their watches?
    Instead: Charlie, who is shown to be nothing but smug, proud and a Dirty Coward who spills secrets as soon as he sees himself in danger, is allowed to leave the organization with all knowledge of how Kingsman works intact note . This would eventually allow him to know where to attack Eggsy (the Kingsman tailor shop), what to get vital information from (a touchscreen in Eggsy's cab), and eventually show Poppy which locations to launch missiles at, effectively putting Kingsman into endangered species territory.
  • In a twist, Whiskey decides to betray the agency by preventing Harry and Eggsy from deploying the cure.
    You'd Expect: Whiskey would immediately kill Eggsy and Harry, he must have seen the mass amount of dead soldiers when he entered. Not only that but both Eggsy and Harry are highly trained agents, determined to save the world, they outnumber him and they had killed Poppy's militia. Also Whiskey doesn't need Harry or Eggsy alive so he shouldn't bother holding either of them hostage and killing them would have made Whiskey's plan alot easier since it's just a matter of waiting it out.
    Alternatively: Whiskey could have just distracted Harry and Eggsy for a few seconds then destroy the computer by shooting it or slicing it in half with his electrified lasso. Eggsy initially believed that Whiskey was under the effects of the alpha gel, it's the perfect alibi to use for his betrayal.
    Instead: Whiskey uses his lasso to hold Harry as hostage then tells Eggsy to slide the computer to him. When Eggsy distracts Whiskey with his gadget, Whiskey puts up a decent fight but he is killed when the pair force him into Poppy's meat grinder. Even if Whiskey was hesitant to kill Eggsy due to the film's implications of having Like a Son to Me affections towards him, there's no reason for Whiskey to not kill Harry on the spot.
  • After Ginger Ale revives Whiskey from his headshot, the catalyst she uses to bring back his memories is a picture of long-dead wife who was murdered by methheads. It has been long-since established that it can take time for resuscitated agents to fully recover, during which time they may experience side effects up to and including hyper-realistic hallucinations. He then takes a hypersonic jet to race after Eggsy and Harry, claiming that it was the latter who shot him in the head in the first place.
    You'd Expect: If she can't reasonably stop Whiskey from leaving, Ginger could contact, say, Merlin, because a heavily-armed, highly-skilled, and potentially unstable Whiskey is en route to their location, possibly with violent intentions.
    Instead: She does absolutely nothing, meaning that Eggsy and Harry are caught off-guard and forced into a prolonged fight with Whiskey at a time when victims of the tainted drugs are already dying and every minute counts. And, despite knowing about the tragic circumstances surrounding the death of Whiskey's wife, it never even even occurred to her that such an event (especially after it was used to break his amnesia and was thus a very open wound) might make Whiskey unreliable in a situation like this.
  • So Statesman just found out about Poppy's plan.
    You'd Expect: For them to send every able bodied agent they can in order to stop her.
    Instead: They send Eggsy, Whiskey and Harry.
  • Merlin just stepped on a land mine which will go off if he picks his foot up.
    You'd Expect: For him to simply stay hidden and wait for the others to help him after the fight.
    Alternatively: Merlin would let himself get captured so he can be saved from the landmine. When Eggsy and Harry start fighting the guards, Merlin can get himself to safety or start fighting. He wouldn't have known that they were capturing him but he would have at least picked up on the fact that the guards would have killed him on the spot if they were ordered to.
    Instead: He announces himself and sacrifices himself to kill 4 guards. A noble gesture but one that could have been avoided to make the mission easier. Not only that but Merlin's basically rang the alarm for every soldier in the vicinity, giving them time to arm themselves and prolong Harry & Eggsy's limited time to cure the addicts.
  • The guards just saw Merlin attacking another guard.
    You'd Expect: For them to just shoot Merlin while at long range.
    Instead: They slowly walk towards him and allow him to kill them.
  • The guards see Merlin nod at something to both his left and right.
    You'd Expect: For them to realize this man might not be alone, stop, split up, and seek out his accomplices.
    Instead: They continue to approach him and watch him sing so they can get blown up.
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