Texts From Last Night is a website cataloging hilarious and downright bizarre texts that are sent in from around the United States and occasionally around the world. It is very much Not Safe for Work as 90% of the texts sent in are under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or mentions of sexual encounters. Other times, it's perfectly sober people making extremely poor decisions.
It's become a popular Tumblr meme in many fandoms to copy and paste texts from TFLN onto stills or screencaps (with names edited appropriately) as if the characters are the ones sending the texts.
Tropes seen on this site:
- A Date with Rosie Palms: A frequent topic.(636): I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
(636): And then audibly agreed
- The Alcoholic: Many of the posters talk about a chronic alcohol problem.
- Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: The entire point of the site...although sometimes, it's just perfectly sober people making extremely poor decisions.
- all lowercase letters: the default mode is for texts to be lowercase if the auto-correct isn't on.
- Atomic F-Bomb:(614): Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
(1-614): FUCK YOU.
- Auto Erotica: Quite often, actually.(561): I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.(303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
- "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word:(928): whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
- Broken Bird: Lampshaded with all the class one expects from a drunk person.(262): But he's like a baby bird with a broken wing that I want to FUCK.
- BrotherSister Incest:(845): Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
- Cargo Ship: Invoked in one Miami conversation:(305): He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
(1-305): Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
- Clingy Jealous Girl/Crazy Jealous Guy: Occasionally strays into this territory.(847): i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
- Cloudcuckooland: It gets really weird the deeper you get into each area code.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Most of the people sending the texts. Their thought processes can be rather...special, especially if they're sober.
- Cluster F-Bomb: "Fuck" is about as common as "the".
- Cordon Bleugh Chef: On occasion.(913): Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
- Dating What Daddy Hates:(585): don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
- Deadpan Snarker: The receivers of some of the crazier texts will often be this - especially if they're sober, and the person they're talking to is not.
- Death by Sex
- Drugs Are Bad:(404): he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.(440): Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
- Drugs Are Good:(803): Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.(773): halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
- Even the Dog Is Ashamed:(423): What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers(602): My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this(440): I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
- Everybody Has Lots of Sex
- Gargle Blaster:(916): I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?(845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.(603): you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
- Geeky Turn-On:(617): she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once(315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...(323): Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
- Generation Xerox:(636): i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend(765): I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..(570): the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad(603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.(270): My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
- Gratuitous Foreign Language:(571): How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
- Idiot Ball: Some of these actions just seem like bad choices regardless of state.
- I Need a Freaking Drink:(253): I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
- It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time: So many times.(732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
(1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
- Kissing Cousins:(304): Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
- Lampshade Hanging: Someone in New York managed to do this to the entire blog.(310): It was a shit show.(917): We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
- Language Barrier:(973): he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
- Lethal Chef:(509): after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
- Mad Hatter: Nobody tries to hide the fact that they're crazy and they love it.(858): I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that.
- Makes Just as Much Sense in Context & It Makes Sense in Context: Some texts seem so silly that you have to wonder "how did you end up in this situation?" and since they tend to be taken out of context, we can't say that it made sense or not in the moment.
- Making Love in All the Wrong Places:(443): we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.(716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.(650): We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
- Malaproper: A common occurence.(412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
- Mile-High Club: It's happened.(512): The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
(914): I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
- Though some instances are not what you would expect.
- Misplaced Wildlife:(716): why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
- Moment Killer: Sometimes accidental, sometimes deliberate.(715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
- Mushroom Samba:(828): I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
- My Sister Is Off-Limits!: Occasionally straying into Anyone in My Family is Off Limits.(813:) I'm fucking your sister right now.
(1-813:) You motherfucker.
(813:) She's next.
- Never Mess with Granny:(651): It happened again.
(651): I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.(973): You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
(908): That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
- Noodle Incident: Since all of these texts are posted out of context, you often wonder what the circumstances are that would entail such responses.
(845): It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
- Mentioned word for word:
- Office Romance: Or rather office trysts. Sometimes invoked, sometimes averted.(305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?(303): Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.(513): DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
(504): NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
- Oh, No... Not Again!(240): Banned from zoo.
(301): Again?(520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
(480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
- Only Sane Man: A vibe frequently picked up from some of the multi-part texts, along with Deadpan Snarker:(613): IM WEARING A FLAG
(1-613): So that's a no to the clothes, then
- Only in Florida: As you might expect, some of the craziest texts are from the craziest state.
- One Phone Call:(203): I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.(601): Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
- Open-Minded Parent: Quite a few, especially if the parents had been just as wild in their younger days.(951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.(319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.(970): my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned(678): My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.(519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
(1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
- Parental Incest:(210): I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
- Point-and-Laugh Show: Depending on whether you want to look at the "good night" or "bad night" ratings, you will either feel really envious that you never go out, or extremely relieved that it's not happening to you. Some of the texters will agree.(403): My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.(417): Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
- Polyamory:(731): Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too(630): And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
- Refuge in Audacity:(423): We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
- Sexy Whatever Outfit: The Halloween texts.(512): halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
(480): exactly, that's why i want something interesting
(512): slutty neuroscientist?
(412): i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
- One hilarious saga is apparently a group of friends deciding to dress one of their male friends in a French Maid Outfit for Halloween, complete with fake breasts and leg waxing.
(412): his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
(412): we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
(412): he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
(412): he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
(412): Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
(724): Dude, they all thought you were gay.
- "Shut Up" Kiss:(860): How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
- Skewed Priorities:(404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.(707): he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities(616): You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook(+69): She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
- Stoners Are Funny: As a part of Truth in Television.(650): Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
- Stupid Sexy Flanders:(206): Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.(512): after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
- The Internet Is for Porn:(917): his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much(847): His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.(713): Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
- Toxic Friend Influence:(408): Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship(817): Last one there wins
- Wacky Fratboy Hijinks: Especially since the prime demographic displayed are college students/twenty-somethings.(501): instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight(843): they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals(205): Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
- What Did I Do Last Night?: The website.
- Wholesome Crossdresser(+61): yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
- Worth It:(404): Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.(615): But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...(647): One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.