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Web Video / Wheezy Waiter

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"You gotta kill your clones. They make the census form REALLY hard to fill out. And they eat exactly as much as I do... and I'm a pig! Extra grocery shopping? I think 'kill.' "

Craig Benzine, or WheezyWaiter, is a comedy YouTuber known for his non-sequitur sense of humour and heavy use of recurring jokes.

His videos take the form of heavily fictionalized videoblogs created by an exaggerated, quirky version of himself—although in his videos he insists that they are a documentary, and that his life is filmed exactly as it happens. Recurring elements include clones of himself he creates to do chores for them, and sends to an alligator pit at the end of each day, bad puns, a whale he keeps in a tank in his room, Time Travel, and an apartment that doubles as a Cool Starship.

He seems to talk about his beard a lot, and as a result his fans are called "Beardlovers."


This vlog provides examples of:

  • And I Must Scream: Craig's T-Rex toy that can no longer roar, as seen here.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Comes somewhat close to using it word for word in this episode, where he lists things you should not do on Anti Corruption Day, including corruption, murder, and double parking
  • Artefact Title: He ditched his job as a waiter to become a full-time YouTuber.
  • Buffy Speak
  • Catchphrase: Many.
    • "Hey, Beardlovers!"
    • "I love it when the coffee's done!"
    • "Open up your heart..."
    • "I'm a dork."
    • "Let the wheezing begin!" Usually followed by a wheeze.
  • Cloning Blues: A small number of the clones Craig creates are depressed about the short and trivial nature of their lives—even though nothing is preventing them from disobeying Craig and fleeing, as Clone In Love did by distracting Craig with his butt. However, most just comically under-react to the prospect of having to kill themselves. Played to the extreme with "Craig With A Wig."
  • Advertisement:
  • Deadpan Snarker: Mr. Wheezy himself.
  • Disney Owns This Trope: In protest of complaints that any vlogger who "clones" himself in a video is copying fellow YouTuber Mystery Guitar Man, Craig has declared breathing to be "his thing" and says that everyone else who breathes in a video is copying him.
  • Don't Explain the Joke: All the freaking time.
  • Film Noir: Parodied in The Wigged Man Trilogy.
  • Freudian Slippery Slope: In his segment on Sarah Palin's Double Entendre-ridden article, he quickly succumbs to this trope
    Craig: Sarah, I too believe that the media is sometimes not "up" to the task. Sometimes they're "soft" on the facts. Sometimes they're unable to "harden" their sexual organs—I mean, their sexy research. Uh, I-I mean, their research penis! ...I'll leave the metaphors to you.
  • Gamebooks: Occasionally, you'll get to make a choice about what Craig does. He'll badger you until you do, sometimes drinking "human poison" if you fail to do so (afterwards explaining that he's dead, and it's your fault).
  • Glasses Pull: Hilariously parodied.
  • Incredibly Lame Pun: One of his specialities. Often he draws attention to them.
  • Jump Cut: Which are occasionally announced.
  • Lampshade Hanging: Deserves a special mention, since he hangs a lampshade over almost every goddamn thing he does, for comic effect, or Self-Deprecation.
  • Legacy Character: Over the years, Craig himself has been replaced by his own clones several times after being killed by them in various ways. Sometimes, this is followed up by the real Craig reappearing unscathed, revealing the replacement to have been a clone all along, or by a very disorienting sequence of events which leave the viewer completely confused.
    • Sexy Clone was also replaced at the end of the Meteor Saga by Expendable Clone.
  • Leitmotif:
  • Mundane Fantastic
  • Must Have Caffeine
  • Overly-Long Gag
  • Pre-emptive Declaration: used quite a bit. For instance, in "The Poe Toaster":
    CLONE: I miss the Poe Toaster.
    CRAIG: I miss it when you explode.
    CLONE: But I've never exploded. Oh, I see what you're getting at— (Explodes.)
  • Rapid-Fire Comedy: Used in almost all of his videos, but exemplified to a high degree here.
  • Ridiculously Average Guy: Ty the Regular Guy.
  • Running Gag: Too many to list. Free Bagel Friday, the hot dog costume, juggling, Banjo Face, getting the coffee, the whale tank, eagle-punching, gratuitous toplessness, ironic canned laughter, chips and salsa, Quiet Clone, Sexy Clone, Craig With A Wig, Explosion Wednesday (which isn't "a thing" yet), Scarlett Johansson, brand new couch, singing carpet...
  • Sound-Effect Bleep: The F-bomb is replaced with a simple ding, but "shit" is replaced by a high-pitched "SHIRT," and an image of a WheezyWaiter branded T-shirt is briefly superimposed over his mouth. In reference to this, "ass" is replaced with "PANTS" and covered by a picture of some jeans.
  • Subject 101: Many of his episode titles use this formula, e.g., "Dieting 101".
  • Wink "Ding!": A staple of Craig's videos, usually at the end of them. Originally done by him, then eventually by the fans.