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Welcome to the Table is a Nations as People webseries by comedian Ben Brainard. Each week he personifies the US states (and sometimes other government bodies) based on their biggest regional stereotypes, as they gather around a table to discuss the latest goings-on of the week. While the states initially spent most of their time discussing their responses to the Covid-19 pandemic, they have since expanded to other hot topics as well.

Ben has featured all 50 states, DC, and Puerto Rico at least once, though he does have a core six who show up the most often:

  • Gov: The Straight Man. The closest thing the states have to a leader, he tries (and inevitably fails) to maintain order. Gov was originally known as DC but changed his label because he represents the federal government and not the actual city of Washington, DC, who has since become a separate character.
  • Florida: He lives for chaos and undermining Gov at every turn, yet even Gov can't deny Florida's usefulness since he provides insight on every other state (because their residents keep moving there). Since Ben himself is from Florida, this state gets the most focus as Florida gives his commentary on the other states' actions.
  • California: A self-righteous hipster kid who often criticizes Gov's more sneaky or heavy-handed tactics while making excuses for his own. In addition to his local culture, Cali also serves as the stand-in for the Democratic party and left-wing politics in general.
  • Texas: A gun-totin', Bible-lovin' cowboy, and the stand-in for the Republican party and conservative politics; he often clashes with California on those grounds. Occasionally overtaken by the separate personality of the city of Austin, who is far more liberal and often works at cross-purposes against Texas' more conservative directives.
  • New York: A street thug who's always cold, perpetually scowling (unless laughing at someone else's misery), and brusque with everyone. And he insists there's more to his state than just NYC.
  • Louisiana: "Loui" is a consummate partier who's never without a drink and speaks in a thick Cajun accent. He's best buds with Florida and the two often get into mischief together.

Welcome to the Tropes:

  • Abhorrent Admirer: The Government is portrayed as such to Hawai'i, who openly hates his guts and wishes he'd leave her alone despite his attempts to get on her good side.
  • American Accents: States played by Ben Brainerd speak with exaggerated versions of their state accent. Location-based characters like Hawaii and Puerto Rico speak with their location's accents as well. Government and other characters that aren't tied to locations usually use their actor's accent.
  • The Alcoholic: Louisiana is always portrayed with a cup in his hand and constantly tries to solve problems using daiquiris. In one episode, he suggests throwing a daiquiri party to encourage children to break a strike.
  • Armor-Piercing Response: Gov delivers scathing responses to both California and Tennessee in regards to the 2020 election results.
    Cali: The Dems have control of the House, the Senate, and the Presidency—
    Gov: —For the first time in what, ten years?! Obama had the same thing.
    Cali: But...
    Gov: But what? You keep electing people with one foot in the grave, all you're gonna get is status quo.
    Tennessee: That's right! Them old Dems don't actually care about you!
    Gov: And you think the Republicans do?
    Tennessee: Well...
    Gov: It's just a public game of tug-o-war. Any time one team pulls one way, the other team pulls right back.
  • Author Appeal: Ben is a huge football fan, and several states are portrayed through that lens.
  • Author Avatar: In some episoes, Ben will appear as himself to give his actual thoughts on the goings-on. Usually done for a quick Breaking the Fourth Wall joke, but also done when Ben is extremely pissed off and wants to just lay into the government.
  • Author Tract: Ben is politically left-leaning and uses the show to speak his mind on several issues.
  • Character Catchphrase:
    • Loui and Florida have a long-drawn out, "Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww!" whenever someone insults them.
    • Gov's exasperated or else confused "Excuse me?!" or "Why?" in response to anyone (usually Florida) saying something bizarre.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Florida. He quite literally personifies the Only in Florida trope, and nary an episode goes by when he doesn't reference doing something illegal, ill-advised, or both. When spotlighted, Tennessee proved to be one as well.
  • Color-Coded for Your Convenience: For most of 2020, DC wore a blue suit with a red tie. While one could easily assume Ben was going for a patriotic color scheme, the election-themed videos reveal that the red tie represented Republican Donald Trump as president. When Democrat Joe Biden won the 2020 election, Ben switched to a blue tie for the Democrats.
  • Commonality Connection: Hawai'i and Florida are pleasantly surprised by how much they have in common, with similar gripes regarding tourists and ineffective infrastructure, and similar climates and local foods.
    • The same applies to Alaska and Maine, who are so close that Alaska offers to start referring to the continental US as "... the lower 47".
      Florida: I think Alaska found his brother bear!
  • Deep South: Often invoked with the Southern states, except Florida.
  • The Dividual: North and South Dakota. Florida notes that the only way to call one of them to The Table is for Gov to call them both and kick out the one he doesn't need.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: Texas harboring envy towards Alaska for being bigger.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: When Ohio mentions that some of his teachers are striking over a lack of air conditioning, Florida (who makes a running gag out of trying to make his own education worse) demands to know what's wrong with him.
  • Foreign Cuss Word: New Mexico calls Gov a pinche cabrĂ³n (fucking bastard), which Florida is surprised isn't censored.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes:
    • Florida is considered an obnoxious embarrassment by virtually everyone but Loui and, surprisingly, Hawai'i.
    • Gov is criticized relentlessly from all sides, either for being too conservative or not conservative enough, often for the exact same actions, which is Truth in Television.
  • Fun with Acronyms: The US's foreign policy is represented by "International DC," a vapid socialite played by Elena Rose. Her initials? "IDC."
  • The Gadfly: Florida lives to irritate the others, especially DC, New York, and Texas. His usual method of calling another state to the table is to insult them, causing them to show up and argue with him.
  • Goggles Do Nothing: Colorado is never without his ski goggles, despite being perpetually stoned and unlikely to go skiing.
  • Gratuitous French: Loui, naturally. Not only does he constantly drop Cajun slang, he's also able to pronounce the name of football player K'lavon Chaisson without missing a beat.
  • Gratuitous Spanish: New Mexico. Florida sometimes dips into this as well, reminding everyone that he was a Spanish colony for 200 years.
  • Gun Nut: Texas loves his firearms, much to the distaste of California especially. This aspect of the character understandably gets played down when the states discuss more serious issues, such as recent mass shootings or cases of police brutality.
  • The Hedonist: Loui, Florida, and Nevada.
  • Heterosexual Life-Partners:
    • Among all the infighting, Florida and Louisiana (whom he calls "Loui") are genuinely close, enjoying each other's company.
    • Also Oregon and Washington State.
  • It Amused Me: Florida's motivation for doing literally anything.
    Texas: Whose side are you on?!
    Florida: Chaos knows no sides
  • Joins to Fit In: Maryland has tried to be a part of the Northeast and the South to no avail. Even the West and Midwest don't want him, leaving him as one of the "misfit states"
  • Literal Split Personality: DC (the federal government), Washington, DC (the actual city), and International DC (foreign policy) are all separate characters.
    • As of 2021, "Gov" has arrived, looking like a blue-tied DC, but calmer with more of a backbone. He represents the federal government under the Biden administration.
    • And then "Old DC" comes back, in response to Trump creating the "Office of the Former President."
    • "Table History" introduces Continental Congress, the mannerly, idealistic precursor to Gov as we know him.
  • Made a Slave: Nevada, since Gov owns 84% of his land (which he's not remotely thrilled about).
  • Minnesota Nice: Subverted. Minnesota starts this way but he doesn't hesitate to get woke, particularly in response to the George Floyd killing.
  • Mood Whiplash: An extremely powerful one in an episode posted in late May of 2022. The states are arguing as usual, getting in snarky one-liners and petty squabbles... until Texas suddenly goes silent, looking incredibly distressed and clutching his chest. The other states immediately stop arguing, as they know "that look," and they somberly agree that "this can't keep happening." "This" being mass shootings, one of which had just happened at an elementary school in Texas. The episode ends with the states all listing places where mass shootings had occurred recently across America, and asking the viewer to contact their representative to ask for better gun legislation in America.
  • Moral Guardians: Utah dips into this on occasion.
  • The Napoleon: Rhode Island. Tiny, angry, and spontaneously apparates when Florida insinuates he is a part of Connecticut and Massachusetts.
  • Nervous Wreck: The poor CDC is an anxiety-ridden mess because no one ever listens to him.
  • The Nicknamer: Florida gives nicknames to several of his fellow states, such as Safe Space (California), Nation-State (also California), Mary (Maryland), and Pa-Pa (Pennsylvania).
  • Only in Florida: Invoked big time.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business:
    • You know it's bad when even Florida is getting genuinely upset. For example, he's legitimately pissed off about Haitian immigrants being deported, since most Haitian immigrants in the U.S. live in Florida. As he puts it, "Those are my people!"
    • Minneosta is furious over the George Floyd shooting.
    • Texas stops arguing with California when he realizes the school shooting in Uvalde has just occurred.
    • In general, even the silliest states will tone it down when talking about recent tragedies.
    • When California passes a law that can potentially force people with major mental health issues to seek treatment, Austin agrees with Texas that it's a bad idea.
    • When Florida sees that Waffle Houses are closed due to the approaching Hurricane Ian, he actually takes the storm seriously.
    • When Wisconsin says he passed the CROWNnote  Act, the other states ask what that is. Tennessee and Louisiana step in to explain that CROWN laws prevent employers from penalizing Black workers for wearing natural hairstyles (afros, cornrows, Bantu knots, etc.). Loui even drops his usual drunken swagger to do so. The others look at them like they've grown three heads, as Tennessee and Louisiana are not historically known for being at the forefront of social issues, but both states have significant Black populations and passed similar laws.
    • New York goes from joking to wide-eyed shock at the video of the Rainbow Bridge explosion in 2023.
  • Rapid-Fire Comedy: The skits can delve into this, generally being under 5 minutes long and often featuring numerous references in a row
  • Ripped from the Headlines: Essentially the premise of the show; the states primarily discuss Covid as well as more bizarre new stories of the week.
  • The Rival: New York and Massachusetts. Texas and Oklahoma. Ohio and Michigan.
  • Running Gag:
    • Florida doesn't know what mountains are, even after several states try to explain it to him
    • Also, Florida can't read, likely a reference to the state's consistently low literacy rate
    • As a counterpart, the election sketches revealed that Nevada can't count.
    • Alaska's total refusal to recognize Gov's authority, sometimes even straight-up not knowing who he is.
  • Separated by a Common Language: When Canada appears, she tries speaking French to Loui, but while they understand the basic language, they both use completely different figures of speech and end up confusing each other.
  • Sharp-Dressed Man: Gov starts off wearing polos before switching to a regal three-piece suit.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: West Virginia, though it's always bleeped with a "technical glitch" (poking fun at their handling of the Covid pandemic in 2020). Also applies to New York, who's bleeped with "[speaks New York]."
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Texas and California get along about as well as you'd expect. Cali likes Austin, though.
  • Sleepyhead: Georgia is almost always shown with a blanket and either half-asleep or straight-up sleeping.
  • The Smurfette Principle: Hawaii is played by comedian Pashyn Santos, making her the only "female" state. Also doubles as Actor-Shared Background since she's a Native Hawaiian.
  • Soapbox Sadie: California is a male version.
  • Split Personality:
    • Sometimes comes up when a state has one city that's culturally distinct from the rest of it, such as Texas turning into the left-wing Austin (you know it's Austin when he takes off the cowboy hat), who actually impresses California. California experiences this on occasion as well, with his relaxed beach mode a stark contrast to his usual uptight hipster persona.
    • Wisconsin is alternately played by Ben and native-born comedian Charlie Berens.
  • States As People: The show's premise.
  • The Stoner: Colorado. Later, Oregon.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Maryland always has a container of Old Bay with him. Florida even calls him by asking, "Does anyone have any Old Bay?"
  • Wearing a Flag on Your Head: Most of the states wear t-shirts representing the state they live in, as well as hats, which often include the states' flags. Maryland takes this to an extreme, however, in that he wears a hat and a shirt bearing his flag, and also an actual Maryland flag as a cape.
  • Wild Card:
    • Florida will argue for any side, just as long as it annoys Gov and amuses himself.
    • Due to representing the entire U.S. government, the good and the bad, Gov can swing between being a well-meaning dreamer, a world-weary Only Sane Man, a greedy liar, or a completely ineffective and cowardly snake. It's the reason none of the states exactly like him.


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