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But I was off my face on Terra Juice, so I didn't know right from wrong.
Gayle on sneaking a panini into a movie theatre by swallowing it whole in a balloon like a drug mule.

Gayle is an Ax-Crazy, Up to Eleven suburban housewife who loves Yanni, couscous, couponing, Chobani yogurt, running her organization Mothers Against Road Head with her neighbors/rivals Bonnie and Linda, The Big Chill, and flirting with the town orthodontist, Bruce. She lives a disciplined life, waking up at 5 AM to power walk every day, insisting on taking her groceries from Whole Foods into the house in one trip to the point of dislocating her shoulder to be able to carry the milk in, and kidnapping an SAT tutor and chaining him to the radiator for most of her daughter's life so she would get into an Ivy League school. Don't even think about trying to steal from her couscous stash.


In Real Life, Gayle is comedian Chris Fleming, who based the character off the hypercompetitive women he'd see power walking around his childhood neighborhood in the wee hours of the morning.

You can find the series here.

This series provides examples of:

  • Abusive Parents: Gayle to Terri and Ira. She is constantly verbally abusive to Terri, holds her to impossibly high standards, ridicules her appearance, and refuses to let Ira play Spanish guitar, to name a few things. Not to mention she kidnapped Ira when he was a young boy from a Costco, sells him on eBay, and only takes him back as a ploy to see Bruce before he leaves to find his real parents.
  • Absurd Phobia: Gayle isn't afraid of anything, not even death... except mall kids.
    • And Trader Joe's employees.
  • Always Someone Better: Gayle's greatest fear. For example, she resents Bonnie's son for being valedictorian, while Terri's 'only' salutatorian.
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  • Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better: Gayle is constantly trying to one-up her rival Bonnie, whether it's "rescuing" a dog, or attempting to sabotage Bonnie's son's efforts at becoming valedictorian.
  • Artistic License – Biology: Played for Laughs - Gayle's sister somehow doesn't have a pelvis, as a product of her yoga and no-meat diet.
  • Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: While tailing Terri, Gayle slams on the brakes in disgust of a tree.
  • Aww, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Gayle and Bonnie have their moments, including confessing to each other while lost and seemingly about to die in the new development that they do dearly love and care for each other, and in a flashback to Gayle's wedding day, Bonnie saves her from being killed by a shark and they outrun the police together.
    • Also, Gayle does care for Dave somewhat, stealing all the khaki pants she could to give to him for Christmas, and drop-kicking him to save him from the aforementioned shark, after she broke free from the police holding her, protesting, "Dave, get out of the way! That's my husband!"
  • Ax-Crazy: Gayle has threatened to suicide-bomb a Blockbuster for charging her $800 in late fees (she had The Big Chill out for six years), almost set her house on fire with her and Bonnie inside after tying up the latter with an electrical cord, and would be willing to kill the valedictorian at her daughter's high school (she's salutatorian) if it weren't for that manslaughter count for what happened at Cinnabon.
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  • Bestiality Is Depraved: Some reptile-themed party-planners were apparently very attached to their reptiles.
  • Bi the Way: Terri's friend Michaela. Gayle's not buying it.
    • Gayle's expressed sensual attraction towards Yanni and Katie Couric, though the latter is more of a hate-sex thing.
  • Blatant Lies: Gayle, frequently. Notable is when her a capella group, realizing they sound terrible, lip-sync to a Yanni CD. Which is instrumental.
    • Bonnie convinces Gayle that there's an 'Uncommon App', where you draw yourself on a beach towel and send it to a college along with a urine sample.
  • Calling the Old Man Out: Ira, on Gayle's birthday.
  • Catapult Nightmare: One prompts Gayle to grill Terri about her college applications at 3 AM.
  • Catch-Phrase: "WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?"
    • "My husband, DAAAAAAAVE..."
  • Celeb Crush: Gayle has a huge one on Yanni.
    • She also has a fixation with Katie Couric, saying she wants to make her cry but also admitting that she would "hate-scissor her until the cows come home."
  • A Day in the Limelight: "DaveCam" is about Dave's daily life from his point of view.
  • Despair Event Horizon: Gayle can't even get out of bed after she inadvertently caused a truck full of Chobani yogurt to flip over on the highway.
    I destroyed something beautiful.
  • Did Not Think This Through: Any plan Gayle cooks up will go disastrously wrong.
    • She admits this once when she steals a teacup pig on impulse to prove a point and gets Dave landed in prison for a night.
  • Drives Like Crazy: Flooring it in reverse down the highway while flipping everyone off through her sunroof to make it to the movie theatre in time for the 6:15 showing of War Horse, or driving at full speed to her daughter's high school, paper worth half her grade in tow, and then abandoning the car to retrieve the paper from a tree.
  • Enemy Mine: Gayle and Bonnie occasionally join forces to take down a greater threat, such as the residents of the New Development
  • The Faceless: Dave's face is always either offscreen or obscured.
  • Faking the Dead: Gayle faked her own death to get an Edible Arrangement delivered to her house.
  • Fangirl: Gayle for Yanni.
  • Fate Worse than Death: Gayle isn't scared of death, but she is scared of Mall Teens. And Trader Joe's employees.
  • Felony Misdemeanor: Having 16 items in a 12-item express lane, the prospect of her daughter going to a "little Ivy" like Colby or Bowdoin, being forced to pay late fees for a DVD of The Big Chill, wearing shoes in the house, leaving the box of Swiffer Wet Ones open so they dry out, knocking over a portrait of Tonya Harding, upstaging Gayle while exercising to a Zumba DVD...
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: Gayle and Bonnie beat each other up using Bonnie's son.
  • Hell Is That Noise: The a capella group.
  • Helpful Hallucination: Gayle occasionally hallucinates Ina Garten, who gives her rhyming advice. Advice such as stealing granite from driveways to make croutons.
  • Henpecked Husband: Dave. He's soft-spoken and meek, contrasting with Gayle's abrasive nature.
  • Hypocritical Humor: Terri says 'ass' in front of Gayle, who immediately admonishes her. Terri then lists all the swears Gayle has said in front of her that morning. It's quite an extensive and creative list.
  • Ignored Epiphany
    Gayle: I don't need validation! Wait 'til I tell the whole town!
  • Insane Troll Logic: Gayle and Bonnie come to the conclusion that, because Mark and his wife are from the Bay Area and they like walking, they're going to open up a trendy bistro and they're trying to steal the positions of salutatorian and valedictorian from Terry and Brendon.
    • Gayle, Bonnie and Linda all believe that girls who receiving gifts from Claire's from their boyfriends leads to a higher probability of them giving road head to their aforementioned boyfriends.
  • It's All About Me: Gayle. On her birthday, everyone has to watch her exercise. She also tries to sabotage her husband's toothpaste business venture because she can't let people know he has sensitive teeth because of the embarrassment she thinks it would bring upon her.
  • Lost in Character: Gayle briefly believes she is Brad The Mall Teen.
  • The Maze: Gayle and Bonnie get lost in the New Development.
  • Motor Mouth: Gayle, when she gets steamed about something.
    • Bonnie's husband, partially because he wears four Bluetooths simultaneously.
    • Rick Gausnan. At one point, he nearly blows Gayle's cover when she's infiltrating a group of Mall Teens.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: Stretching out a beach towel by tying the ends of it to two SUVs, and driving them in opposite directions, or shoplifting a beach towel from Macy's by jumping off the top level of the parking lot, using the beach towel as a parachute, onto your getaway car.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: The only time Gayle has even remotely felt remorse for her often psychotic, violent actions is when she accidentally caused a Chobani yogurt truck to overturn on the highway, ruining thousands upon thousands of light lunches.
  • New-Age Retro Hippie: Gayle's sister in California, who Terri temporarily moves in with. Her constant yoga and no-meat diet somehow caused her not to have a pelvis.
  • Nice Job Fixing It, Villain!: Gayle pretends to be a pilgrim to get rid of Dave's friend, Mark. Mark thinks it's a play and gleefully joins in.
    • Gayle pretends to be a wild woman to ruin Dave and Mark's toothpaste business pitch. The toothpaste executives think it's part of the pitch and greenlight the toothpaste.
  • Not So Different: One might think Gayle's the only crazy one, but Bonnie is shown to be just as ruthless and egotistical.
    • Terri sometimes describes things similarly to how Gayle does.
  • One Steve Limit: Averted. Every girl from the New D. is called Jenny.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Ira, who is usually silent, gives Gayle a devastating lecture on her birthday.
  • Paper-Thin Disguise: The Mall Teens are totally taken in by Gayle's Mall Teen disguise, not realising she's a middle-aged woman.
    • Happens again when she poses as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson at Terry's break dancing performance, wearing an ill-fitting bald cap and sitting on top of Rick Gausnan's shoulders. Everyone falls for it.
    • Subverted by Gayle's Phantom of the Opera; everyone knows it's her.
  • Precision F-Strike: Gayle only uses an uncensored F-word once, when she's about to foil Bonnie's plans of ruining her luncheon for the people of the New-D ala breaking her appliances so she can't cook her homemade pie. Gayle gives us one of these before strapping herself with the dog's electric collar and walking through the fence, severely electrocuting herself and flying through her house's roof, but cooking the pie in the process.
    Fuck you, Bonnie.
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!:
  • Rant-Inducing Slight: Gayle, frequently.
  • Ridiculously Cute Critter: Gayle freaks out when Dave doesn't get Hillary Clinton (their Bichon Frise) groomed before the luncheon, saying she looks like a "dino baby" and a "strung-out, Albert Einstein looking house bat." Played with in that she still thinks she's cute, trying hard not to crack a smile when Hillary starts licking her nose.
  • Right-Hand Cat: Bonnie strokes her son's hair in this manner.
  • Serious Business: EVERYTHING. Including, but not limited to: Chobani yogurt, grocery shopping, college applications, unsightly trees, enforcing her "Shoes-Off House" rule, Swiffering, preventing road head, ending bisexuality, and power walking.
    Gayle: As you well know, I always make it in the house with my groceries in one trip. No exceptions. Well, looking around at today's load, I knew it was gonna be a little rough. For one, I was covered head to toe in car grease.
    Linda: Why?
    Gayle: Well, back at Whole Foods, I saw Peggy Gausnan with 16 items in a 12-item express lane! I'm not gonna deal with that shit! So I go out to her Toyota Corolla and cut her brake lines. What would you have done?
  • Stockholm Syndrome: Gayle mentions that Ira's is wearing off in episode three, contributing to her decision to sell him on Ebay.
  • Stylistic Suck: Any animal, besides the family dog Hilary Clinton, will be very clearly made of craft materials.
  • Suddenly SHOUTING!: Gayle, quite a lot.
    "My husband, DAVE..."
    "Get rid of the couches, we can't let people know we SIT!"
  • Unusual Euphemism: Dave uses words like 'tiddlywinks' as swears.
  • Up to Eleven: Gayle lives by this.
  • Vocal Dissonance: Fleming looks fairly convincing as a thirty-something woman, but he doesn't bother sounding like a woman-in fact, he deepens his natural voice to play Gayle.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: Ira is last seen hitchhiking to Santa Fe to find his real parents.
  • Worthy Opponent: Gayle stops trying to kill Bonnie, and instead applauds her, when she realizes that Bonnie wasn't stealing her couscous, but rather just keeps a stash of Israeli couscous on her person at all times.

Example of: