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My name is Cloud, I have a sword...

An abridged series of the nerve-twistingly popular seventh entry in the Final Fantasy series. Created by cloudstrife8 (who would later go on to make Resident Evil Abridged), the series follows the adventures of one upstanding ex-soldier, a sharpshooting terrorist leader, a sweet childhood friend, a flower girl from the slums, a ninja from a far away land, a fortune-teller from a theme park, one genius pilot, and an emo who slept in a basement for the past few decades.

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The series is notable for the ability to avoid the infamous Schedule Slip for the most part. A new episode or special feature was released every month or two, and the series finally ended on August 2014 with 19 episodes.

Watch the series from the start right here!

Not to be confused with Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged by Team Four Star.

Now has begun on Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children the first part of which is found here

Needs some wiki love.

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The series provides examples of:

  • Absurdly Sharp Blade: Keeps true with its source material.
  • Absurdly Spacious Sewer: Don Corneo drops Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa in one after pulling the rug out from under them.
  • Achievements in Ignorance: Despite coming off as the Dumb Muscle of the Remnants of Sephiroth, Loz manages to playfully beat Tifa during a game of "tag" all while delivering a one-liner before going for the kill.
    Loz:You're it. Forever!
  • The Ace: Especially evident with Zack who now seems to have a radio station that only broadcasts inside Cloud's head.
  • Action Girl: Tifa is the best example in the series since she did manage to suplex a boss much to the shock of Cloud and Barret.
  • Adaptational Heroism: Cid isn't emotionally abusive towards Shera and has a loving relationship with her.
  • Adaptational Wimp: Reno is a spineless coward who runs at the first sight of danger.
    • Cloud treats Vincent as one for most of the series due to Vincent being so cheerful all the time. This lasts until Episode 18, when Vincent loses his temper. Cloud thinks Vincent being assertive is awesome, and gains a lot of respect for him.
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  • Air-Vent Passageway: Used to listen in on President Shinra's meeting.
  • The Alcatraz: Corel Prison.
  • Anti-Climax Boss: In-universe example. Sephiroth is outraged when, instead of fighting his One-Winged Angel form, Cloud summons the Knights of the Round.
    Sephiroth: Are you for real? This is our long-awaited showdown and you just PHONE IT IN!?!
  • Arm Cannon: Barret and Dyne.
  • All Just a Dream: Turns out the entire series was just Cloud telling it as a story to Sora while out delivering packages.
  • All Love Is Unrequited: Tifa's made her feelings abundantly clear. Too bad for her, since Cloud is photosexual.
  • Ancestral Weapon: The White Materia.
  • Angry Black Man: Barret.
  • Ascended Extra: The Shinra sergeant from Episode 7, who was originally just a nameless NPC, was fan-named "Sergeant Spaz" and since then. This has been the name that is commonly associated with the character in the series. Both in-canon and out of canon.
  • Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence: Aerith, but you'll get to see her again when Tifa helps Cloud fix his mind. and later returns as a co-host for Zack's show in Advent Children Abridged to help Clould "mellow out".
  • Ax-Crazy: Dyne seems to be a cross with this and Cloudcuckoolander. Sephiroth also shows massive parts of this when he broadcasts in Cloud's head during Advent Children: Abridged Part II.
  • Back from the Dead: Sephiroth states that he's back due to fan demand.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: The Turks.
  • Badass Longcoat: Vincent.
  • Bare Your Midriff: Tifa and Yuffie.
  • Becoming the Mask: Reeve, mostly because he hates his job.
    Anyway, Rufus was concerned about you guys and Sephiroth ruining his plans for tracking down the place. so what does he fuckin' do? He orders me to spy on you guys just to protect his interests... I don't believe any of this crap about "Ancient creators leaving behind a land full of rainbow an unicorns and copies of Half-life 3!
  • BFS: "My name is Cloud, I have a sword..."
  • Big Bad: Sephiroth, just like in the series proper.
  • Big "NO!": Our heroes let out one when Reno pushes the button to blow up the bomb.
  • Body Backup Drive: Cait Sith.
    Reeve/Cait Sith:The funniest part about this is this thing comes directly out of Rufus's checkbook!
  • Boy Meets Girl: The girl proceeds to get on the boy's last nerve.
  • Breather Episode: Episode 8.5 features Cloud in what seems to be an endless loop where he's forced to go on a date with each of his party members, each getting progressively worse.
  • Brick Joke: The stinger of episode 16 shows that Tifa rewired Cloud's brain, and it shows up three episodes later.
    • In episode 7, Hojo gives the team a rubber ducky and says it's Sephiroth's kryptonite. Guess what's later used to defeat Sephiroth.
  • Bumbling Dad: Barret manages to forget Marlene, initially justified in that he thought she was dead. He later loses that excuse later on when even Cloud feels the need to remind him about her.
  • Cat Fight: Between Scarlett and Tifa, which ends up drawing in a group of men cheering them on.
  • The Chessmaster: Sephiroth manages to be this despite his personality.
  • Chekhov's Gag: Zack runs a radio station in Cloud's head as a seemingly normal Running Gag until Aerith, who had previously Ascended to a Higher Plane of Existence, reappeared and helped Zack co-host. Only for Sephiroth to hijack the radio station during Advent Children Abridged and temporaily mindrape Cloud.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Cloud's not very chivalrous, but he manages to be put into this category because he's The Hero.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Barret.
  • Colbert Bump: Team Four Star's Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged has helped raise awareness of this series and give it new viewers.
  • Comically Missing the Point: Cloud when Sephiroth's trying to tell him what really happened in Nibelheim.
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: Both Shinras are this, but Rufus takes it up a notch by also being an executive of Capcom.
  • Crazy Awesome: Hojo, so much so that nearly all of his dialogue is accompanied by The Laboratory of Dr. Weird.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Yuffie is arguably this. Tifa says she has the IQ of a plank of wood but that doesn't stop the girl from sneaking into the party twice.
  • Cute Bruiser: Tifa.
  • Deadpan Snarker: The vast majority of the cast but Cloud and Reeve make up the lions share of it.
  • Death from Above: Said word for word by Sephiroth during the infamous death scene.
  • Deep South: Shera. Cid also has shades of this.
  • Defeat Means Friendship: Yuffie.
  • Den of Iniquity: Don Corneo's mansion.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?:
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Cloud punches a kid and steals a chocobo because of how inflated his prices are. The kid then eventually gets his revenge.
  • Distant Finale: Mocked in the last episode.
  • Doomed Hometown: Naturally.
  • Doomsday Device: The Black Materia, as is with the source material.
  • The Dragon: Heidegger and Scarlett to Rufus.
  • Dressing as the Enemy: The Junon infiltration mission.
  • Dropped a Bridget on Him: Sephiroth's Start of Darkness involves this, with the Trope Namer no less!
  • Dude Looks Like a Lady: Cloud, thanks only in part to Aerith this time; he's had practice, you see.
  • Earth-Shattering Kaboom: What Meteor would do.
  • Eldritch Abomination: Jenova.
  • The End of the World as We Know It: The colossal Meteor threatens to crush all of the planet's inhabitants. It's also Heidegger's ringtone.
  • Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: Sephiroth, even more then in the series proper.
  • Fake Memories: Cloud.
    • And, to a lesser extent, Lucrecia's recollection of her past experiences with Vincent
      • "I don't remember it happening quite like that."
  • Faux Horrific: Cloud, Barret, and Tifa seeing the horrors of Final Fantasy XII, Realm Reborn, and Final Fantasy X-2, respectively.
  • Fixed Camera: Loathed by Cloud.
  • For Science!: Hojo.
  • Friendly, Playful Dolphin: The one thing Cloud seems to enjoy throughout the entire series.
  • Fortune Teller: Cait Sith is a particularly bad one.
  • From Bad to Worse: Bad news, Tifa. While you were unconscious for a week after our arch-nemesis achieved his plan, your love interest has gone missing, and there's a giant meteor heading towards the planet to kill us all. Oh! And we're about to be executed.
  • Game Show Host: Inexplicably, Don Corneo seems to host a bizarre dating show called "Moogle Me This." The 'winner' gets to accompany him to his private chambers.
  • Gas Chamber: Tifa manages to survive several minutes of exposure in there, free herself, AND turn off the gas pumps.
  • Go Mad from the Revelation: Finding out that woman was a man didn't go over well with Sephiroth.
  • A God Am I: Sephiroth.
  • Gratuitous Spanish: Rather inexplicably, Vincent and Lucrecia's flashback in the final episode takes on the mood of a melodramatic Spanish soap opera.
  • Green Rocks: Materia.
  • Hand Wave: "So, if you say Cloud was never there durin' the Nibelheim Incident, then how come ya've already twice admitted that he killed you?"
  • He Also Did: Series creator Cloudstrife8 would later go on to do Resident Evil Abridged.
  • Heroic BSoD: Cloud, which shouldn't be surprising.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Cait Sith's barely counts and he and everyone else knows it.
  • Hero of Another Story: Too bad no one played his game.
  • Hidden Depths: Barret of all people knows how to tactfully deal with mentally disturbed individuals such as Hojo.
  • Highly Visible Ninja: Yuffie plays with this trope. She directly attacks the gang but also manages to sneak into the party on two separate occasions.
  • Honest Corporate Executive: Reeve is a very jerkassy version of this.
  • Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: Basically anyone with a gun, this includes Barret. Vincent is the only one who manages to evade this trope as shown in Advent Children Abridged.
  • Inevitable Tournament: Cloud would avoid it if he could.
  • It's Raining Men: And when they land they shatter a few bones.
  • I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Lucrecia and Vincent.
  • Jerkass Woobie: Cloud, during Advent Children Abridged, cuts off contact with his friends after contracting Geostigma because he thinks no one will miss him because of how much of a dick he has been.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Cloud, Barret, Reeve. Basically the entire cast has shades of this.
  • Kavorka Man: Hojo... somehow.
  • Killed Off for Real: Do you really need to ask at this point?
  • Kill the Cutie: See above.
  • Large Ham: Hojo frequently declares "Gentlemen, BEHOLD!!!"
  • Last of His Kind: Aerith and Red XIII.
  • Love Hurts: Only really pops up in the last episode with Vincent and Lucrecia.
  • Mad Scientist: Hojo, oh so very much.
  • Masquerade: A bad one with robots, but one none the less.
  • The Mole: Cait Sith, though he turns on Shinra pretty quickly.
  • More Dakka: Barret.
  • Mythology Gag: Cid is a walking example since he regularly forgets which Cid he is.
  • Negate Your Own Sacrifice: Cait Sith due to him mostly being a jerkass through the whole thing.
  • Ninja: Yuffie is hit or miss.
  • No Indoor Voice: Hojo shouts all his dialogue.
  • No-Sell: In the final episode, Cloud attempts to perform Finishing Touch on a bunch of enemies in the Northern Crater. The Limit Break doesn't work, and the party has to flee from the battle.
  • OOC Is Serious Business: The normally constantly cheerful Vincent loses his temper in Episode 18 and gives Hojo and Cloud a devastating "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
  • Planet of Hats: Everyone in Wutai speaks like Tommy Wiseau
  • Psychopathic Manchild: Hojo, due to being mentally disturbed.
    • Sephiroth too, whose first action in the plot was kill shinra soldiers then use their blood to write on the wall "Sephiroth wuz here." Considering his father was the above example, it's really no surprise, which was lampshaded once.
  • Quirky Miniboss Squad: The Turks are a shining example of this trope. The series even outright declares that "Every Turk has their quirk."
    • Reno is a spineless coward who runs at the first sign of danger.
    • Tseng speaks all of his dialogue like he's narrating a movie.
    • Rude raps the majority of his lines.
    • Elena makes several sexual entendres under her breath, and seemingly forgets ever saying them immediately afterwards.
  • She's a Man in the Original Game: Red XIII is female in this series.
  • Shout-Out: A given since it's an abridged series.
    • "WHAT IS THIS KAGE BUNSHIN NO BULLSHIT?"
    • In Episode 2, Cloud calls Barret a Team-killing fucktard after he accidentally causes Cloud to fall off the walkway.
  • Snark Knight: Cait Sith is this trope incarnate.
    Barret: "Cait Sith! So that was you, Reeve!
    Cait Sith: "Astute deduction, Watson! You figured out that the large, pear-shaped thing happens to be the only other large, pear-shaped thing you know! ...Besides your momma."
  • Sore Loser: Sephiroth takes this trope to a whole new level. After Cloud phoned in the fight against Safer-Sephiroth with Knights of the Round, He mindraped Cloud with Youtube hate comments and fought him again only for Cloud to use the rubber duck to phone the fight in once more. From his limited screentime in Advent Children Abridged so far, Sephiroth didn't take dying from a rubber duck well.
  • Spared by the Adaptation: Bugenhagen doesn't die after the visit to the City of the Ancients.
    • Tseng survives his encounter with Sephiroth, whereas the original game implied that he died until the Compilation showed that he had survived.
  • Take That!: Numerous. The best example is in the last episode to the original ending.
    • On episode 4, the post-Final Fantasy X games.
    • The writers also take several jabs at Capcom through Rufus.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Vincent gives one to Hojo and Cloud in Episode 18 when he finally snaps from Cloud constantly telling him to shut up. Cloud is impressed that Vincent actually stood up to him.
  • Third-Person Person: Tseng usually does this, since he speaks as if he's narrating a film trailer. He doesn't tend to refer to himself by name however, instead preferring flattering descriptions.
  • True Final Boss: When the crew discuss how to do the climax, they suggest having Jenova reveal her true form and fight the party herself, then Sephiroth reveals he was Brainwashed and Crazy and defeating him removed Jenova's control, so he joins the party, at which point Jenova summons Cthulhu to fight alongside her.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: The ending of Advent Children Abridged Part II reveals that despite all of the insults and everything's he put them through. Cloud's teammates still care about him. Even Reeve.
  • Vocal Evolution:
    • Cloud Strife 8 originally sounded a little flat and had trouble making Sephiroth and Cloud sound different. As the series went on the two characters grew more distinctive and Cloud started sounding more convincingly annoyed at everything around him.
    • Barret originally sounded generic and deep, after a while his voice rose a bit and he got an interesting texture to make his voice sound more expressive.
  • What the Hell Is That Accent?: Yuffie in this version speaks not only like, but has the same accent as Tommy Wiseau in The Room
  • "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: What each member does immediately after winning is shown during the credits.
  • Yandere: Tifa.
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