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Web Original / Magiczne Przygody Kubusia Puchatka

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Heracles, classic Płońsk aperitif
Magiczne Przygody Kubusia Puchatka, Polish for Magical Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, is one of the legends of Polish internet. It's a cycle of stories concerning the inhabitants of Hundred Acre Wood; being set in already-existing fictional universe, it technically counts as a Fan Fic.

...or more like a Crack Fic.

The characters, and the whole setting, is depicted in a very peculiar way — they're a bunch of thugs, drunks, junkies, womanizers, with an occasional paedophile or Camp Gay thrown in for flavour, spending time boozing, robbing and causing brawls on local discos, and meeting people important to early 90's Polish popculture. The episodes were originally put together by a single person running the website, who took a few already in circulation, wrote a few on his own and admitted good stories sent to him. Later, when the site fell, a number of additional episodes were written by other people.


This thing contains examples of the following tropes:

  • Ambiguously Gay: When drunk, Rabbit occasionally reveals a submissive side with a taste for anal penetration. Otherwise, he's not really signalled as gay — if anything, as more effeminate than the rest of the crew... make of that what you will.
  • Acceptable Targets: the dresiarze (Polish chavs), Romanians/Gypsies, politicians, Catholic Church, police, boy bands, camp gays...
  • Arch-Enemy: To the crew, Christopher Robin and Just 5, a Polish Boy Band from the 90's.
  • Baba Yaga: actually Konstantynopolitańczykowianeczkitrzy, called "dick" for short. She is the manufacturer of Heracles, Classic Płońsk Aperitif wine the protagonists subsist on.
  • Back from the Dead: the Gopher, who apparently came back from (by courtesy of Eeyore) being eaten.
  • Badass Crew: The main cast, really. It took an entire SWAT team to finally bring them down.
  • Advertisement:
  • Badass Longcoat: Eeyore. Also a wielder of Sawed-Off Shotgun (the sawing happens in an early episode).
  • Bar Brawl: at one point, when a character asks others if they think there'll be a brawl at the disco, it's stated that it is a rhetorical question - if they're going to be there, there'll be one.
  • Batter Up!: a baseball bat is the weapon of choice of Winnie. It's remarked he wields it with the skill that must've come from hard and long practice. And no, not sport practice.
  • Bazaar of the Bizarre: the bazaar where the characters go shopping twice in the series. The fun thing is, it isn't fictional, and its depiction is pretty true to its reputation.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: Piglet, despite being the smallest in the crew, is proud to wield the biggest member in the Forest. In winter he covers it with a sock, to keep it warm.
  • Book Ends: Most stories begin and end during a drinking binge.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: happens in one of the stories, when Piglet and Winnie intimidate the narrator to cease his "X said, Y replied" entries.
  • Butt-Monkey: the Rabbit. Also Christopher Robin, but Rabbit plays this role in the crew.
  • Catchphrase: "Wy debile" - "you morons", a catch phrase of Owl.
  • Corrupt Church: all priests in the story are depicted like that.
  • Flowery Insults: while the crew don't exactly shy away from simple swearwords, at times they've been seen to get quite creative. "You son of a glassmaker!" is one of the milder examples.
  • Funetik Aksent: The crew is fond of speaking in a very peculiar "Polish-English-redneckish" dialect.
  • Gargle Blaster: "Heracles, classic Płońsk aperitif" - a cheap wine (itself a peculiarity of Polish drinking culture) moonshined by BabaJaga. The by-products include rotten apples, sulphuric acid and dead rats. The other example is the Russian spirit bought on a bazaar, identified by Eeyore to contain traces of rocket fuel and radioactive materials.
  • Human Sacrifice: Implied in passing by the Psycho Rangers team described below. Their leader's constant problems with his masculinity can only be alleviated by means like eating a gay's heart.
  • Mugging the Monster:
    • Happens several times, when someone (mostly the chavs) attempts to mug one of the crew. In one case Piglet responded with such a rant:
    Piglet: So I work hard the whole morning mugging the old ladies, and now you apparently think that the fact that you've got jumpers from Adibas and pants from Nice grants you the right to rob me of my hard-earned money?
    • The crew itself almost suffers that fate when they mug a Mafia hitman, but they manage to find a way out of the affair.
  • Pædo Hunt: Sort of. Owl has been known to give a jar of vaseline as a birthday gift to Christopher Robin, and can be distracted by telling him of new kindergarten opening nearby... but it's not like he's actively hunted. He's more of a neighbourhood pervert. It's definitely played for black humour. Really, Christopher Robin receives more flak from the crew for being a flamboyant sissy than Owl for fiddling kids.
  • Pedophile Priest: the crew catch one red-handed with Christopher Robin.
  • Psycho Rangers: Łowcy Pip (loose translation: "Pussy Hunters", with the pussy referring to Camp Gay), a paramilitary squad of unclear numbers ("two guys like us three, you'll find not one", said the fifth and both left) whose leader, DonVasyl(TM), had constant problems with his manliness. They occasionally clash with the crew.
  • Really Gets Around: Kanga, the only female in Hundred Acre Wood. It's implied she belongs to the "overworked trailer park hooker" type, though.
  • Reckless Gun Usage: one episode has Piglet drunkenly sleeping after the party with his fully loaded submachine gun in hand. The rest of the crew aren't better, which results in many lethal accidents.
  • Shotguns Are Just Better: Eeyore's sawed-off shotgun, despite being a double-barreled one (and thus supposed to have no magazine), is able to be fired in full-auto mode and is more than equal to the rest of the crew's submachine guns and assault rifles.
  • Shout-Out: for such a thing, it contains quite a lot of smart popcultural references. Two episodes are in particular based about recreating the plot of The Matrix and Star Wars.
  • The Sociopath: everyone, but Eeyore in particular. His real name is Hannibal Lektor and he escaped from an American prison for mentally ill murderers.
  • The Stoner: Tigger, an afficionado of LSD. Not that the others hold themselves in check...
  • Trademark Favorite Drink: Heracles, Classic Płońsk Aperitif. One episode replaces it with a special edition — "Heracles-Liberator, Special Płońsk Aperitif" — which BabaJaga brewed to commemorate the crew's successful recovery of her stolen moonshining apparatus. Also, LSD kind of works this way for Tigger.
  • Where the Hell Is Springfield?: the Hundred Acre Wood seems to be located in Poland, but it's difficult to say where. About the best that can be said is that it seems it's not far from Warsaw.
  • X Meets Y: invoked Several times in the descriptions of characters.
    "She [Babayaga] looked like a small green troll crossed with Michael Jackson"''.