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Web Original / Elfslayer Chronicles

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"/tg/, I'm a dick"

The Elfslayer Chronicles is the given name for a series of 4Chan posts in December of 2009 by an Anonymous player (a human illusionist) detailing a series of Dungeons & Dragons games played over IRC. Over five separate threads, OP details how he successfully turned a campaign about restoring peace to the elven lands into a dangerous game of escaping punishment for murdering their own prince.


Elfslayer Chronicles provides examples of:

  • Always Chaotic Evil: Humans, as expected in a story like this. They're described as being hidebound, homophobic, greedy, elf-hating warmongers. The fun starts when OP decides to start playing his (human) character as a hidebound, homophobic, greedy, elf-hating warmonger. After killing off the Elf Captain of the Guard, OP avoids sending news of his victory back to the human kingdom for fear that the DM will use this trope against him by having his superiors kill him and claim credit for his actions.
  • Artifact Domination: Discussed and defied. When OP finds an orb offering great power, he makes sure to only move it using a shovel and to not directly interact with it.
  • Artifact of Doom: The Eye of Blight (really, what could you expect with a name like that?). It was once a magical weapon of execution, and could rot anyone who held it away within seconds.
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  • Author Appeal: The DM built the campaign around elves and Yaoi, both of which she loves. The only reason dwarves and tieflings are allowed as player characters is that she doesn't like them, so she is fine with them being allied with the evil humans.
  • Badass Beard: OP mentions that the Rumbling Brothers described the importance of beards in Dwarven society, with decorations holding specific meaning (such as beads to denote their children, braids as military rank badges) and the worst criminals being forced to shave their beards and scar their faces so they can never regrow them. Though it's not entirely clear how much of it is true (they change the story with each telling), several commenters praised the idea and declared that they wanted to adopt it the next time they played Dwarves.
  • Baleful Polymorph: According to the DM, the worst criminals in the Elven society are turned into trees. There's a heavy implication that this would be OP's fate if the DM ever catches him.
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  • Batman Gambit: Elements of this. OP, out of character, told the DM he was attempting to lure out any assassins in order for the DM to allow his sneaking around to go on undisturbed.
  • Big Bad: OP. He organises a series of murders in order to fuel a war and briefly muses about kidnapping a princess, although it never does go through. OP suspects that the DM was trying to turn him into this by introducing him to the Eye of Blight in order to get the party to kill him.
  • Calling Your Attacks: A trait of the tiefling swordsman.
  • Can't Argue with Elves: Elves look down on the human practice of resurrection because they, lacking human materialism, prefer to let their dead rest in peace. They don't execute criminals (they imprison them, banish them, or turn them into trees), nor do they have holding cells due to the low amount of elf crime. They are also extremely accommodating of homosexual behavior. It's pretty clear which race had the DM's favor.
  • The Chessmaster: OP plays a very good game. By the end of the story, he's set it up so everyone thinks that the elf Guard Captain killed the human prince, and there's no way to link it back to him.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: The thread theorised that the DM's reaction to the illusionist refusing a yaoi threesome was to allow the half-orc to rape him in his sleep. It may have been an attempt to sabotage any bid for power the illusionist might make, though.
  • Double Standard: Rape, Female on Male: When interrogated regarding the party, the half-orc ranger states she carried OP's illusionist to his bed-chambers. When asked what she did then, she states honestly that she slept with the illusionist. Said illusionist was blind-drunk (and too weak to fight back even if sober) and not aware of having been laid until the interrogation. While jokes were made about the event, OP considers it somewhat creepy, especially after the DM just up and accepted it.
  • The Dragon: The half-orc. She is the only one who is both active in the illusionist's plans and helps them come to fruition. She even goes above and beyond to give herself an alibi for the murder.
  • Elves vs. Dwarves: Elements of this come up with the dwarves' enjoyment of messing with the elven interrogation.
  • Equal-Opportunity Evil: While the humans are presented as more vile than the elves, the human empire was made to accommodate the entire party. As such, dwarves, tieflings and half-orcs are confirmed to live within the kingdom.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Possibly more Good Cannot Comprehend Evil, but the illusionist mentions that one of the DM's main problems is that she seems to have no idea why he's doing what he's doing, and keeps trying to tempt him with the power to destroy everything and wreck the world. If she grasped that he is a loyal servant of his nation, trying to uphold its honor and protect its best interests, she might have had better luck. Of course, if she could understand that, she probably would have just written a better plot and setting in the first place.
  • For the Evulz: Averted. While the DM assumes this to be the case (even offering an artifact that would offer destructive power), all actions taken by the illusionist are for the benefit of his nation.
  • The Full Name Adventures: "Elfslayer" is the nickname OP eventually gives himself in order to make it easier for readers to find his posts.
  • Gone Horribly Right: The DM claims the humans are homophobic warmongers. Then OP decides that he won't be an exception, and furthermore, he'll be a very smart non-exception.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: OP's justification for attacking the prince is that the war has been good for his kingdom's economy, which the DM has established in order to show humans being greedy, and in addition, his nation is homophobic, according to the DM, so OP wouldn't accept the prince being gay. Elven religion not being materialistic and making a point of letting the dead rest in peace (as the DM filibustered about) means that the prince cannot be raised from the dead, and finally, the DM commenting that elves have so little crime and therefore don't have holding cells allows OP to set up the scene for the Captain of the Guard's murder.
  • Humans Are Bastards: Set up as background by the DM, played completely straight by OP.
  • Humans Are the Real Monsters: Declared war on the elves after the elves supposedly killed their prince, and now are out to utterly destroy the elven forests and way of life. The job of the party was supposed to be bringing the prince back and stopping the war, but unfortunately for that plot, OP decided to be one of those real monsters.
  • Karma Houdini: OP. As he clearly states to everyone, there is no in-game reason for anyone to suspect him of killing his prince, with most of his tricks used to shift suspicion onto the Captain of the Guards. The closest he comes to retribution is the tiefling, but everyone points out his accusations are, in the game, unfounded.
  • Lie Detector: There are spells in Dungeons & Dragons that can function as such, and you can imagine the DM uses it quite liberally. Unfortunately for the elves, the spells aren't perfect. The dwarves of the party decide to have a bit of fun with it: one twin is a Quirky Bard who has such a high Charisma stat that he can effortlessly fool the spell, but the other twin doesn't and can't. So they constantly spout outrageous lies (one twin makes up the lie, the other confirms it to be true) to give conflicting readings on the same statements, and not even to help OP, they just do it for laughs.
    OP: Dwarves just love making Elves suffer.
  • Loophole Abuse: The DM tries this in order to catch OP and punish him for ruining her game without resorting to a fiat. For example, introducing the Eye of Blight: instead of trying to bust open OP's ironclad alibi and find evidence of his crimes in-universe, why not have him turn evil and give the rest of the party an excuse to kill him?
  • Manipulative Bastard: OP. Oh so much. How else would he manage to not only avoid blame for the prince's murder but successfully pin it on the prince's lover while appearing heroic?
  • Master of Illusion: OP's Modus Operandi. Through disguises and technical truths, he is able to create a clean narrative that both gives him an alibi and can fool any witnesses. As an additional measure, his status as an illusionist is a secret in-game. He makes a point of having a non-illusion spell to match any illusion he has, which he uses more often publicly. Dude has all his bases covered.
  • Meta Guy: The Tiefling, or Weeaboo as OP calls him, who constantly rails against OP both in character and out, and has a hard time keeping OOC knowledge (namely, that OP was the killer) out of the game.
  • Nameless Narrative: With the sole exception of the Rumbling Brothers.
  • No Ending: There's no real resolution to the plot; it just stops a short while after OP kills the Elf Guard Captain, though at that point he's gotten rid of both his target and any potential witnesses, and gotten clean away with the whole thing. His goal, to continue the war between elves and humans, has been accomplished.
  • Off the Rails: The entire thing.
  • Our Dwarves Are All the Same: Played with. While the dwarf brothers describe elaborate dwarf history about the cultural significance of different styles of beard (a braid can refer to a family or a military rank and a shaved beard typically refers to a criminal), the stories told vary with each telling. Amusingly, the dwarves are described as being twins.
  • Our Elves Are Different: The elves in the campaign are standard D&D elves and eladrin, presented by the DM as peaceful and more culturally advanced than other races, are far more accepting of homosexual relationships, they have very little crime and they don't believe in disturbing the dead. They also appear to be xenophobic, since the human kingdom also houses half-orcs, tieflings and dwarves while the elf kingdom does not. According to OP, the elven culture was a mix of Eladrin and normal elves. The Human Prince's lover in particular was an Eladrin Swordmage.
  • Pragmatic Villainy: OP's illusionist character is motivated by what they consider best for the human empire, as well as what might provide a boost in personal power. Being led to believe that the war with the elves leads to a surge in patriotism, an economic boost and potential access to a great source of lumber, he endeavors to keep such a war going.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: The GM, who, when faced with a player who goes wildly off the rails and takes the campaign in exactly the opposite of the desired direction... rolls with it and keeps going instead of throwing a snit fit and declaring Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies, as would be expected.
  • Screw You, Elves!: The party's reaction to the elves.
  • Shout-Out: The weeaboo's character is described as having "ripped off every anime half-demon he can find".
  • Spanner in the Works:
    • The DM's plans for pretty much everything are unraveled because of OP's decision that he would not be an exception to the Humans Are Bastards themes of the campaign. The Weeaboo also tries to be this for OP, but he isn't quite up to snuff, and ends up implicating himself more than OP.
    • One of the commenters on the 4chan threads was accused of trying to be this in a meta sense, repeatedly asking for the DM's contact information (while claiming they just wanted to offer her storytelling advice). Either way, OP refused to give the info.
  • Superior Species: Elves and Eladrin, according to the GM. Not only are they more in tune with nature and more peaceful, but they are far more accepting of homosexual relationships than other races in this story.
  • Then Let Me Be Evil: OP. In a game where Humans Are the Real Monsters, he decided to act in character.
  • Those Two Guys: The dwarves, Bali and Baldin. They don't directly help with the gambit, but actively mess with the interrogators whenever possible. They would both tell the same story, using the one brother's high bluff skill and the other's abysmal skill to read the same story as both true and false.
  • Token Good Teammate: Depending on your definition of "good", the swordmaster referred to as "the weeaboo" actively opposes the illusionist and tries to reveal his involvement, though he has no in-character reason to do so.
  • Villain Protagonist: OP openly states how he's becoming the Big Bad, but fills the role of protagonist by virtue of being the storyteller and only character who knows, in character, exactly what's going on.
  • War Is Hell: But only for the elves, who are losing badly. For the humans, the war has revitalized the economy and brought about a surge of patriotism. Apparently this was put in so the DM could show how greedy the humans were, but it bit her in the arse when OP used the fact that the war was good for his kingdom as his motive for continuing it.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: OP's in-universe reason for why he's continuing the war between humans and elves is it's for the good of his kingdom.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: The DM. Beyond the core plot of the intended campaign focusing on a homosexual romance, the couple tried (and failed) to rope the OP into a threesome.


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