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Warp That Aesop / Adventure Time

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Warp That Adventure Time Aesop.


  • Being an insane sociopath is entirely okay, just as long as you're not a creepy old guy or evil. Being an insane sociopath is okay as long as you're hot.
  • The best way to resolve issues with your father is to seal him in another dimension.
  • It's perfectly normal to stalk your friends.
  • Having mercenaries who believe in an unreasonably short statute of limitations capture and guard a dangerous criminal who hasn't deliberately done anything wrong 'recently' is within the realm of the proper thinking required of a leader of a nation.
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  • Dogs can screw unicorns.
  • "Princess Cookies":
    • In a hostage situation, you should show more sympathy for the terrorist than the hostages.
    • Being a terrorist gets you what you want.
  • It's okay to sneak into your friend's house and watch them shower, just as long as you're a hot chick.
  • Building a Frankenstein's monster from the stolen body parts of women who rejected you is okay as long as you're nice to the monster.
  • If you ever encounter a family of children with various degrees of mental illness being horribly abused by their deranged parent, focus all your energy on rescuing the most "normal" child.
  • It's okay to insult a person's beliefs, treat an emotionally troubled girl like a science experiment, throw a wedding officiant in jail even after he shows his up-to-date paperwork and accuses you of breaking into his vehicle, and generally never admit that you've made a mistake as long as you're a princess.
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  • Don't bother trying to write that novel; all it will do is distract you from your dead-end job and upset your wife.
  • The general populace are complete morons and need to be closely monitored for their own safety.
  • Being very concerned about the fact that one of your friends is dating a physically and emotionally unstable Person of Mass Destruction makes you a bad person. Being even more concerned about said person forcibly taking control over a kingdom that is openly antagonistic against you makes you an even worse person.
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