WMG / Homestuck Jokes

Caliborn writes Homestuck

With the recent updates, this is the only possibility. Caliborn's attempts to improve his art. His Deviantart account. His got tiger class and aspect, Lord of Time. It has come to light. Caliborn, not Hussie, wrote Homestuck. He sends it and his Deviantart account to Pre-apocalyptic Earth, before he and Calliope were even born with his Lord of Time powers. He is/was/will be in communication with Hussie in the present/future/past, and will start to write Homestuck.

• Ironically, although the "recent events" this originally referred to have been retconned out, this might still be a possibility for other reasons.
• There are theories from the point of view of people who hated the ending which suggest he wrote everything post-RetJohn, at least.
  He was a fan of Davekat, but he was not a fan of actual feelings or the display thereof, or of romance and the implications thereof; he had no real understanding of what two people did together, or what relationships, romantic or otherwise, supposedly entailed other than completely tame and innocent physical contact. He was a fan of making Terezi suffer, of rendering Nepeta irrelevant, of using Vriska to further his own ends. He was a fan of “manly” things, of bullying Jake, of pushing Jane and Jade and pretty much every girl aside.
  He was a fan of hurting Gamzee, of using and then discarding Jack Noir to further his agenda. He was a fan of enslaving beautiful women to put them “in their place”. He was a fan of not giving a shit about the other trolls.
  He was a fan of impressive-looking feats of battles that made the hero, who was always and only ever his very manly stand-in, look really dashing and manly and strong and ruthless and have I mentioned manly. And anyone who wasn’t manly enough to reach his standards existed only as a prop to enhance the hero’s manliness.
  He also didn’t care for dialogue.

Lord English will be defeated by pumpkins

He can be defeated by glitches in spacetime, and almost no one notice the pumpkins when they appear. Also it's a great joke if you think about it lord English is already here, while the pumpkins are never there

The Trolls are related to the Noah Family

Both have grey skin, golden eyes, and evil tendencies. They could be related to the Noahs, except Trolls have horns and Noahs have Noah marks.

Strider is a member of GGG

Choryujin killed the dinosaurs. This we know. As seen above, it's also likely that Strider killed the dinosaurs. The connection is clear.

Said characters above did not kill the dinosaurs, but did cause a mass extinction.

At the End of Act Two animation, we clearly see dinosaurs hovering over the crater. That means the impact was even earlier than the dinosaurs.

• Truth here. 413 Million years ago to be precise.

In the end, the true winner of Sburb will be Betty Crocker

She's basically everywhere in the comic. Why? In the Homestuck world, she's a being that can be everywhere and watch everyone, so she'll use the errors of the kids, trolls, and Midnight Crew to her advantage and win.

• Why is this on the Joke page? She's manipulating the Alpha kids to get into the game; it may very well be her goal to take their reward at the last second, taking over the universe by making it herself.
• Actually confirmed: she is actually the Troll Empress, who wants to place Earth in the universe from the cojoined kid's session to resurrect the troll race.

John's evil Joker personality is taking over

Secondary-colours costume? (The fact he made himself a costume!) Techno-fetishistic gear? Eye-concealing glasses? The UMBRELLA made of RAZOR BLADES? The guy's halfway between the Joker and Doctor Doom.

• Rose and Dave have since made their own costumes. The serious buisness glasses are incredibly usefull. The Barber's Best friend was created from playing with the alchimiter, and has never been used.
  • John's way too dopey to be evil.
    • I beg to differ...

The reason John can't be beaten in a prank off?

It's because he's Air Man. Air Man cannot be defeated!

Jade will get a Portal Gun as her Ultimate Weapon.

She is the Witch of Space, and she wields guns. This is the only logical conclusion.

• She hasn't (yet), but Jane actually does get a Crockercorp Apperifier Rifle that fulfills this function by sendificating a fenestrated plane.

Jade and Dave's kid will be a Time Lord

Because he'll be the son of time and space, obviously...

• The thing is we already have a Lord of Time.

The circumstances of Alternate Future John's death

In the spirit of hospitality, Typheus made a sandwich for John after having a friendly little chat with him. Unfortunately, it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

• It was so amazing that John got burn marks and exploded.
  • Typheus: Well, this is anticlimactic. May as well make it look like there was a fight.

There was a reason no-one was there when John went outside earlier in the story.

Everyone knew that it was John's birthday. They knew that John was the hero. They knew that strange things happen on the hero's birthday. So they fled en masse to a safer place, much like the citizens of London in the Doctor Who serial "Voyage of the Damned". Unfortunately, that didn't do them any good in the end.

• No, no. You're got it all wrong. The real reason no one was around was due to the mass but quiet evacuation plans the kids' future selves will run to save humanity from The Reckoning. They, of course, kept things quiet from their past selves to maintain a Stable Time Loop. The only reason their absence wasn't as apparent from the other kids' perspective was Rose and Jade's isolated positions and the Striders live at the top of a skyscraper in the middle of a meteor shower induced heat wave.

Skaia, 'crucible of unlimited creative potential', is the Imaginary World from Problem Sleuth

After unimaginable trials, our heroes will arrive outside the brothel in the sky.

Rose: This is less salubrious than I imagined.

Within Skaia lies a third kingdom.

Isolated within the blue sphere in the center of the Incipisphere is the Gray Kingdom, calling themselves Glie. Peaceful, if ignorant, the members of the kingdom must eventually leave Skaia's welcoming interior to ascend to Prospit or descend to Derse, in the process becoming a member of those kingdoms and, though remembering nothing of their life inside, retaining whatever sentiment for the place they had gained in their time there.

• confirmed-ish in principle actually. WV's Army functioned as a Blue/Skaian Kingdom.

What I'm getting at is that Derse is angry at Skaia because they could never have their Day of Flight.

Sburb is The System from Bokurano.

A system that destroys the world when people lose? Check.

Infinitely recurring? Seemingly.

• A system that destroys the world when you play no matter what.

Bro's puppet fetish will lead to the Sex Puppets of Transmetropolitan.

His website alludes to this.

• Too bad the Earth is blowed up.

Rose Lalonde wrote My Immortal

It's a really bad wizard slash fanfiction with a goth self insert. If she didn't write it...

Rose Lalonde didn't write My Immortal...

Roxy did. They have similar tastes in literature, but it's Roxy, not Rose, that has a propensity for creative spelling choices in line with My Immortal's style.

• In the post-Scratch universe, My Immortal is a Complacency of the Learned fanfic, not Harry Potter.

King Queen Jackspers Noirlecrow is Chaos Blade in another reality.

As on other levels of reality, the Corrupted Self seeks to amalgamate itself with as many superhuman bloodlines and power sources as possible. As Christian Humber doesn't (currently) exist in the Homsetuck 'verse, he settles for taking on the powers of all four of the kids as well as the King and Queen. He'll likely try to assimilate the White King and Queen's powers next, along with whatever secret DNA is encoded in the journal.This may continue indefinitely until Jackspers has access to every power source in the game and become Homestuck's take on Demonhead Mobster Kingpin, nearly-impossible to take on without clever thinking on the kids' part. Or perhaps impossible after all...

The bunny is actually the Big Bad.

You can't trust this little guy.

• I knew it. Never trust a bunny.
• I've got a theory/It could be bunnies...

The entire plot of Homestuck is a Moriya Shrine Conspiracy

Considering the sheer number of amphibian/reptile motifs that have started spreading throughout the story?

• Templates like that are forbidden.

The Sylladex mechanics will be the Homestuck equivalent of Problem Sleuth's candy corn.

• It would be hilarious if the final boss were defeated by John picking up his rabbit, accidentally throwing some huge thing at them.
• Rose tries to take out the root of her sylladex. Everything explodes out, including all of the weapons that she has obtained.
• Semi-confirmed, actually. Roxy ejects the Unbreakable Katana from her sylladex to defeat the Condesce.

If the DNA code that created Becquerel was somehow fused into Rose, the result would be Yukari Yakumo.

I base this on the nigh-omnipotence that Bec has combined with the blonde hair and otherwise purple color motif that Rose has.

A corollary to this is that this is what was supposed to be done with the code in the first place, and the dark gods had Rose burn it because they didn't want her matching/surpassing their power. However, it is at this point that this tree grows a poison oak branch in that if the Kids' timeline continues like this, Yukari as we know it, and thus Gensokyo as we know it, will be completely unmade. But hey, the Trolls did say that the Kids are f*** ing up everything.

• I'm pretty sure that the reason the Dark Gods wanted Rose to destroy the book was because they knew about DD and what he was sent to do.
  • Nonsense! Yukari is clearly an SBURB player that ascended to the God Tiers but found a way to bring her original body back to life (the original body being Marbiel Hearn). This caused a localized scratch that gave her even more phenomenal cosmic powers.
• And now Jade has that kind of power.

Fruit Gushers can be used as substitutes for build grist

They look really similar and it would be funny.

• Betty Crocker may have designed them after grist.

Robot Aradia is a vocaloid.

Because why the hell not. Also, listen to Arisen Anew.

aT's robotic legs come with roller skates

...to make jousting easier. Also, they have chainsaw attachments. And built-in rockets for flight.

• Probably not.

aG is an Expy of Lelouch.

From what we have seen, Alternia has an abusive and backstabbing culture with a restrictive caste system that euthanizes their handicapped and allows autistic barbarians to live in caves in the middle of nowhere. aG knows that a large group of trolls could barely agree on pizza toppings, much less work together to save the world. Her solution, much like Zero's, is to unite the other eleven players by giving them a common enemy- herself. With her mind control eye and obnoxious attitude, her plan had a chance of working... except if it did, this would be a different story.

• Doesn't especially fit.
• And the description doesn't jive well with what we know about the pre-Scratch trolls.

Problem Sleuth is set on Alternia during the MC era

PS, AD, PI, NB, HD, and possibly MK are all Prospitan exiles from the Troll's session who found and accidently activated an old Troll game grub, giving them more humanoid features and trapping them in the Troll equivilant of an adventure game. The "real world" they were released to in the end of the game was the city Spades Slick built.

Karkat is Problem Sleuth.

Extrapolating from the above WMG, and the fact that Hussie has stated we will not be seeing the Problem Sleuth characters in the storyline, it can be assumed that the PS characters are dead. However, they have been reincarnated as several of the trolls. Karkat's title is 'Knight of Blood,' which the fans have speculated may be an ability to form relationships, as in 'blood brothers'. While not exactly the same, this is extremely similar to how Pulchritude works. Further, it has been noticed that all the troll's horns resemble candy corn, however Karkat's is the closest. Consider that PS keeps his candy corn under his hat, while Karkat's horns are on his head. Karkat's blood is also red, unique amongst trolls, but the same color as Problem Sleuth's. It has also been stated that Karkat would be a better human than troll, and it will eventually be revealed that Karkat is a human with candy corn on his head, or possibly a Gambit Schema Gone Horribly Wrong.

John Egbert is a younger Sean "Day[9]" Plott.

Alone, or even together, the vague physical resemblance, and the glasses, and the common passion for video games and movies, and the similar typing styles would merely be circumstantial.

The bunny, however, clinches it. (Skip to 1:50)

• Huh... Wow O_o

Homestuck - all of it - is just one long, overly complicated Con Air fanfic.

All the references and homages along the way haven't been just for laughs, they are the entire point of Homestuck. The only things that really matter are John, who is a reincarnation of Cameron Poe, and the bunny. The other kids? The trolls? The paradox clones? SBURB? The creation of alternate universes? Lord English? The weird time shit? All the other plot elements that don't make sense? Red herrings, all of them.

• This is stupid.
  • YEAH RIGHT!
• This is so wrong it hurts. Obviously, it's a Con Air SELF-INSERT fanfic!!

Lord English has access to unlimited Sepulchritude

They look similar enough. Compare the final flip-out with the appearance of the scratch.

Princess Berryboo is a subconscious representation of Feferi.

A princess in a world populated by friendly Squiddles = An ex-princess in a world populated by Eldritch Abominations.

• Squiddles were made by Humans, so probably not.
  • Unless you take seriously Hussie's joke in a recent formspring about the Squiddles being the group that created the trolls' universe, but that would make this even more unlikely.

The Combine are Trolls.

The Xenian crystal is a peice of grist that the G-man (a First Guardian) acquired for the government and his own purposes. The result is an interdemensional rift linking Earth with a Vortigaunt session.

On top of the Reckoning, they're dealing with an Alternian invasion of their homeworld. A significant portion of the fleet gets pulled into the session along with the Vortigaunts who's social structure and culture causes for large scale sessions with wide areas transported into the Medium with them.

The Combine Advisors are various Mother Grubs who are going to have to compete for the right to mother a new Alternia, but in the mean time they need to de-terraform Earth to their liking.

This also explains the Synth, a bio-mechanical race dedicated to their overlords.

All of John's favourite actors are playing in a separate session.

Cage, McConaughey, Cosby, etc.

The Duttle is Lord English

this is actually canon. have a good night.

• Except the Duttle isn't even sentient.
  • As far as you know.

Lord English is related to the stumps

Lord English is meant to represent a wooden pool cue, correct? And the MS Paint Adventures multiverse is full of stumps that make people kill themselves.

• So far stumps haven't been important in HS, although one did cameo.

Bilious Slick is Head Paradox

Where else is time travel associated with frogs?

• The Mother series? Besdies B. Slick isn't really associated with time travel.
  • Alternate theory: All of Homestuck is the Head Death's elaborate fantasy about killing Head Paradox, with Jack Noir as his Author Avatar. Courtyard Droll is Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs.
    • And since Lord English is obviously Cthulhu, that means he'll be vanquished by being wrestled to death by John (the most Steve-like character in Homestuck's cast)?

Sollux is channeling Otacon

The girls they like keep dying.If you strike Aradia down, she will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Even if you do it twice. Which would be cool for that Russian wolf girl from Metal Gear Solid, and it's not like other people aren't getting not dead anymore in that series.

• This is stupid.

Problem Sleuth with fight then kill Bec Noir with Sepulchritude during the final battle

Why? Because it'd be awesome. And as Sepulchritude Problem Sleuth and Bec Noir are the two most powerful non-outright omnipotent characters (thus excluding Godhead Pickle Inspector and Lord English) in all of MSPA they absolutely must fight. In addition, Jack Noir/Spades Slick is outrighted stated to be Problem Sleuth's Evil Counterpart. And why would Sepulchritude Problem Sleuth Defeat Bec Noir? Because SPS covered the entire universe with a blast of his personal charm and Bec noir can "only" break planets, sure the fight will be epic and warrant at least a 5 minute long flash animation battle with an extended version of Squidissension being the theme tune, but it will end with Bec Noir being run through/decapitated by Tectrixcalibur.

• Oh please. It's obvious that Bec Noir will be destroyed by Godhead Pickle Inspector when he finally gets sick of Noir ripping holes in the universe.
  • Alright this is too silly.

Alpha!Bro's Sprite will be Davespritesprite

Since the Alpha kids seem to have different titles from the Beta Kids, Alpha!Bro probably won't be the Hero of Time, so he won't be able to prototype his Sprite with his future self like Dave did. Davesprite's kind of at loose ends at the moment, and he's already got experience with this, so he could be the prototype instead.

• Actually semi-confirmed. He wasn't Dirk (Alpha!Bro)'s, though, he was Jake's (Alpha!Grandpa Harley's). And he isn't just Davesprite^2, he's Davepetasprite^2. There were a lot of time shenanigans that led to a Nepetasprite being created, who was then prototyped with Davesprite to become the incredibly weird Davepeta.

UU is the genetic copy of all of the surviving trolls.

All of them.

To show how dramatic things are getting, Andrew Hussie's Author Avatar will get killed by a character in the story.

Complete with "DEAD" sound effect. Lord English will then take over the narration and rant about how everyone else sucks.

• English has just appeared behind the fourth wall, having decapitated Hussiebot. Stay tuned.
• English has just shot bullets into Hussie. However, the date is April Fool's Day. Again, stay tuned.
• And confirmed. COMPLETE WITH "DEAD" SOUND EFFECT!
• And now Caliborn has taken over "THE NARRATIVE" and he's using THE WEAPON. OF "SATIRE". Check, check, check.

Discworld was one of the many other planets proceeding Alternia and Earth.

It was remembered on Alternia as an anime and on Earth as a book series.

The three-year time skip in Homestuck will be a legitimate, real-life break from the comic, but not totally.

As soon as Act 6 Intermission 1 is over, Hussie will stop updating Homestuck, leaving the readers with the basic idea that Jade and John will explore the different planets that Jade shrunk, meet their denizens and go on quests. They're going to forget a certain character during their years-long questing, though— a certain Davesprite that Jadesprite left behind. He's going through an existential crisis over no longer being an Alpha Dave or even the real Dave, having been doomed from the start through coming from an offshoot timeline and then being doomed anyway because all of the sprites are supposed to die during the Reckoning somehow.

The only thing he can do on his own to distract himself is update the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic in place of Alpha Dave while he's off doing his thing, but he isn't going to hold up for very long. The SBaHJ comics seem to be a reflection of Dave's subconscious thoughts as shown in the dream Dave talked about with Rose closely resembling the comic Dave made by taking a picture of Davesprite with the SBaHJififer. With that in mind, this◊ is comic 38, the most recent one since the timeskip news.

Davesprite did that. Meaning, he's having some really dark thoughts going through his mind while he's floating in the battlefield, alone, doomed to die in some way, shape or form. Thanks to the skip, he's going to have a loooooooooot of time to himself for that kind of thing.

So for an entire three years, Davesprite will be updating SBaHJ routinely, with each comic showing his thoughts as he descends further and further into madness, getting increasingly more graphic, bloody, or just plain weird. When the three year break is up, the final update to SBaHJ will be a long black panel and three words: caw caw motherfuckers

AND THEN HUSSIE WILL GO BACK TO UPDATING THE RELENTLESSLY LIGHTHEARTED COMIC AGAIN.

• Jossed. John and Jade most definitely did not forget Davesprite, and comic 40◊ (which I guess is really comic 39?) is not nearly as dark (though it is as twisted as any other SBaHJ). And did you just call Homestuck "relentlessly lighthearted"?
  • It's a meme. Bit of a dead one but same as "KIDS AND FUN" etc.
• Most likely this will be the end result for Casey.

Donald Trump, like Nic Cage, also played a separate instance of the Sburb game.

And he is destined to ascend to God Tiers as the Don of Time.

Little Debbie is really Feferi.

This is The Imperial Condesce's heiress apparent's Batman Gambit in an attempt to counteract Crockercorp.

Bec Noir, Spades Slick, and Alpha-Jack will merge.

They shall form a single being: an amorphous mass of blackness and screaming faces from the various Jack Noirs. And it will be known as the Jack-snarl.

uraniunUmbra is really Rose.

Look at UU's chat logo. Then look at tail on the p of the Complacency of the Learned poster...

• Also of note is that UU is the RNA equivalent of TT.
  • Wouldn't the first piece of evidence, coupled with with the grey skin and badly hidden horns of the protagonist of COTL, imply that uraniumUmbra is actually CALMASIS?
    • Calmasis has messy hair, not necessarily horns. When we do see a bit of UU, her horns are very prominent. She does however seem to dress like Calmasis.
    • And then we have Hussie in A 6 I 2, who appears to make himself look like Calmasis with UU's horns.

UU is actually Yuyuko.

Think about it.

Lord English is in the SCP Foundation's database

And Homestuck/MSPA is its container. Dr. ██████ discovered the only way to keep it contained was to trap it in writing a la Mushishi. The more writing there is about MSPA the more secure LE is, hence why Dr. ██████ keeps writing about it in ways that encourages others to write about it.

Problem Sleuth was an interpretive pre-telling of the events of Homestuck.

John is Problem Sleuth, Dave is clearly Ace Dick (Davesprite is ZAD, Dave's brain in a jar will somehow be FAD), Jade is Pickle Inspector, Rose doesn't get a character because she was blacked out from view most of the session. Jack is MK which means that Problem Sleuth's story ended before it spoiled the inevitable final-final between the players and the demon.

In Homestuck, The Sprite is just Uboa wearing a jester hat.

They look disturbingly similar. This is most evident if you pause the animation (like by pressing the mouse wheel) while The Kernelsprite is flashing white-on-black; but you can see the resemblance at other times, too.

• He also seems to have picked up one of John's Fake Arms from the Harlequin Doll, at least when he was fused with The Kernel. When split from The Kernel, it's hard to tell because he suddenly has a body.
• Illustrated.◊
  • Why is there an arrow with "Pumpkin!" beside it? I don't see any pumpkins.
  • Sprites really aren't like Uboa.

Sburb is powered by Spiral Energy, and Homestuck is a prequel to Gurren Lagann.

Let's look at it, shall we? First of all, the symbol of Sburb is a spirograph, which by design is made up of spirals. It's also associated with the colour green, as seen in the Spirograph, the block-house symbol, and the First Guardians, and Spiral Energy is green. It can create matter through alchemisation and deploying objects. Homestuck uses a prominent genetics motif in the Pesterchum initials and Ectobiology, while Spiral Energy is the force behind evolution and genetics are reflected in the names of Lord Genome and his generals. Additionally, the kids are making use of Spiral Energy - when John "did the windy thing", the Breeze manifested in a giant spiral, and then later, air drills. Rose, through her attempts to break the system, is ROW ROW FIGHTING THE POWER. And the Dersites, being black, smooth, hairless, and with white highlights, resemble Anti-Spirals, a fitting role for those who oppose the kids and Skaia, which is a well of Spiral Energy. The reason that Sburb targets its meteors at the players and their home planets is more than a coincidence; it's to prevent Spiral Nemesis by taking out the number of potential users. Eventually, on the future Earth, the remnants of humanity, having moved underground, will form a civilisation, and the technology used in Sburb will be used to create the Gunmen, another invention that allows Spiral Races to use Spiral Energy. Of the carapace creatures who took up residence on Earth, the Prospitians, as the guardians of Skaia, may have adapted Sburb's methods of harnessing Spiral Energy to create the Gunmen, however, since we never see any in Gurren Lagann they were probably driven to extinction by the Beastmen. Meanwhile the Dersites, refusing to compromise their plans of destroying Skaia, seal away their consciousness and become the first Anti-Spirals. Lord Genome is in charge of Skaiainet and was responsible for coding Sburb. He will also eventually use Ectobiology to create the Beastmen by combining the paradox slime from humans and animals. And, going with an above theory, Bro is not the reincarnation of Kamina, but Kamina (and, by extension, the Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann) is the reincarnation of Bro.

• So much joss up in this theory.
  • Just because Andrew said he didn't know about Gurren Lagann to reference it intentionally doesn't mean we can't come up with insane crossover ideas.
  • Anti-Spiral Gunmen in Homestuck it's gonna happen.

Okay then: CHERUBS are powered by Spiral Energy.

This is much easier to see than the above theory. First off: Cherubs are OBSESSED with spirals in general, but the places where the spiral appears most prominently are the places related to conflict or power (their cheeks are spirals when they are still in conflict, their sarswapagus has spiral marks on it representing their dual sides, their sucker jujus are spiral-shaped and represent the pinnacle of their individual power). Second: When cherubs mate, they tap into an unnamed 'unlimited power source' which makes them unstoppable against everything except each other. Third: The way they access this unlimited power source is through fighting spirit. An unlimited power source associated with both fighting spirit AND reproduction that is symbolized by spirals? Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

SBURB isn't real and the Kids are just trolling each other for fun.

• Yeah guys let's pretend everyone died, our parents died, and we're getting yelled at by aliens and stabbed by a nascent god.
  • Congratulations you have suddenly filled hundreds of readers with dread.

Dutton ended up in dream bubbles in the Furthest Ring when he slept because of the efforts of a dark god: his own future self.

The Squiddle-Dutton hybrid, the Duttle, is a clue to this. He may have become a dark god as a result of dying while sleeping, his god-made dream self becoming a god himself.

• Only players are remembered in dream bubbles

Andrew Hussie is an eldritch demon forced to conjure the comic to keep him in check.

The various self-inserts have been attempts to break free of whatever is controlling him. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, on the other hand, is created unconsciously by his mind as he works. The increased number of direct SB&HJ references, with no context, show that he is getting stronger. The latest and longest of the self-inserts (the ONE YARD one) is by far his most successful attempt to free himself yet. Everything is SB&HJ-ified by his influence, and he imparts real information directly to the reader. What does the mysterious ONE YARD refer to, you may ask? Well, don't forget that Hussie has known exactly what the last page of Homestuck will be since before he started. It will be a blank page - a portal from which he can exit his cage. Fortunately for us, monitors aren't very big, relatively, and he won't be able to get through, limiting his reach to, oh, let's say... ONE YARD. (Unfortunately, that's more than enough distance to reach people sitting at their computers...)

• So, Hussie really is Lord English all along?

In the end, it will all come down to a pumpkin

What Pumpkin?

• THIS PUMPKIN!
  • Pumpkins aren't really that important in Homestuck.
  • It will probably be that Webcomic/Problemsleuth hammer that has never been mentioned again, or that regular hammer that is still in John's strife card. Because neither of those things stopped being things that were mentioned.
    • A universe is to a frog as all of Paradox Space is to a pumpkin. The series will end with a pan out sequence making this true and then the pumpkin will blink out of existance. Hussie will then refuse to comment on it.
• No, not a pumpkin. ALL the pumpkins. ALL OF THEM. Someone will create a pumpkin-specific multiversal singularity which has been pulling pumpkins out of time and space.
  • Didn't we find out where all the pumpkins have been going?

Skaia was designed by the same forces that designed the game in Bokurano.

A sadistic game that results in the deaths of entire universes for no adequately explained reason? One that seems to enjoy recruiting children as it's players? Face it, Homestuck is Bokurano minus the constant soul crushing despair and giant robots.

• The battles in Bokurano were supposed to eliminate extraneous universes while Sburb/Skaia's goal is to make a new universe at the cost of the old one (or just the players' planet, or because it's the old universe's time to die — I can't remember).

Alternia's Pink Moon is Problem Sleuth's world

Not only is its green counterpart similar to Problem Sleuth's city, but also has what seems to be a little pink sphere connected to it, which could be the world of the Four Kingdoms... think about it...

• The pink sphere is a third moon.

Karkat is eventually reincarnated on Earth as The Angry Video Game Nerd.

Both are irritable, enjoy video games, and have a tendency to express their disapproval towards something with overly-detailed metaphors that often involve scatological comments and profanity.

• Eridan is reincarnated as The Nostalgia Critic, who, like him, is an effeminate, bespectacled, gun-toting Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain who nonetheless can present a threat if he needs to who has a rivalry with Karkat/The Nerd.
• Motherfucker Mike is a Gender Fliped reincarnation of Vriska, being an immoral, obnoxious powergamer who will stop at nothing to win. I have no idea who Board James himself was, though.
  • If the Nerd is Karkat, wouldn't that make Board James Kankri, since they are both played by the same guy?

John's Dad is Problem Sleuth.

They have the same hats, Dad can use PS's Auto-Parry (or Auto-Pastry in this case), he smokes pipes like PS does, he has a clownharlequin bust (John even admits that "it's kind of funny"), and Pickle Inspector's hat is in his room.

• This comes from the wiki.
• A bit of a stretch, but when Mr. Egbert first picks up Ms. Lalonde's scarf, he mentions that "the mystery deepens".
• Further supported in this flash◊: if Ctrl+T is pressed, John's sprite turns upside down and transparent, plus he can walk anywhere in the house. If he goes to the garden and walks up to the chimney, he can find Problem Sleuth's office.
  • Andrew repeatedly enjoys joking about this, but in all honesty it's incredibly unlikely. PS canon and HS canon are impossible to reconcile, and Dad and PS have completely different personalities anyways.
  • Um thats a gif of Jade standing in one place while many random objects fly in her direction from off screen...
    • He probably meant the Act 2 walkaround.

Just for Fun: John's Dad has a brother, and he has played with his nephew before.

Need I say more?◊ And remember, Dad is the only guardian who wasn't created through Ectobiology, so he was presumably born normally...

Dirk Has Combat Operandus: Abstracted Thought

He is simultaneously awake on Derse and Earth.

• Confirmed.

Roxy is a master of the Drunken Fist style

• She's drunk all the time, and she uses Fistkind. Connect the dots.

If the Reset is to have the kid guardians play the session, Reset! Bro’s arc will be similar to the video “BRODYQUEST”.

This is probably going to sound extremely stupid...

By the way, this is Brodyquest.

The video is, essentially, talking about a strange, yet awesome day for Adrian Brody. Notable highlights of this video include:

• Walking around like it’s an ordinary day
• Mysteriously ending up in space
• An ominous voice repeating his name over and over
• light fills Brody's eyes as he hears this
• Explosion

So, along those lines, here’s Bro’s arc:Bro wakes up and does the normal thing, whatever that may be. He gets a pester from one of his friends, telling him to play Sburb; so he does, even though he doesn’t really want to. This playing of Sburb and eventually breaking in his character item (probably something to do with puppets and records) eventually lands him into the Medium- the space metaphor. Sometime later, he’s wandering around on his land, and getting closer and closer to the denizen, when a strange, ominous voice fill his head and repeats his name over and over- this is Lord English, hypnotizing him through Cal and eventually succeeding, as can be told by the colorful changing light that has replaced his eyes behind his pointy anime shades. Unfortunately, Lord English can only hold his control over a person for so long (since this is the newly created Lord English we’re talking about, not one that is used to his powers), and thus Bro goes haywire as a mindless puppet. That will serve as the segue into an eventual explosion- of what, I don’t know, but there will be one.

Bonus WMG: His name will be Adrian Brodrick Strider, as a little joke.

• This is stupid.
  • YEAH RIGHT! More like the exact opposite of stupid.
  • At any rate, English takes the Guardian; so maybe Dave is screwed but Alpha Bro will be fine.
    • Bonus WMG Jossed: The name starts with D.
• Was this ever an actual WMG or just an attempt to get people to watch Brodyquest?
  • OP here: that was actually a real WMG. I guess it does seem pretty out of the blue, now that I think about it.
    • Brodyquest is a bit of a trip...

• All but the specific character confirmed. It happened to Union Jack instead.

Updates are so slow because Andrew made the art team look up EVERY FANTROLL EVER

When UU is fully revealed it's going to be at a Homestuck convention and we'll have to find her.

Alpha!Bro's shades...

Whereas Beta!Bro and (initially) Beta!Dave wore Kamina Shades, Hussie will this time take the retroactive Shout-Out one step further: Alpha!Bro will either initially wear or eventually obtain five-point star shades like Simon's. I'm guessing this because why the hell not?

• Jossed for the present moment, but may be the case in either the past or future.

The Kids' Game will take place....

ON MARS! That's why the SBURB symbol is red. :O

• THIS IS STUPID
  • Please put joke theories in the Joke section :|

Everyone save the Alpha Kids fled to Mars.

The reason why Earth is so empty is because at one point in their childhood the rest of the Human race decided to flee the planet to the Mars Colony after hearing about an apocalyptic meteor strike going to happen around that time and using them as a chance to repopulate the planet after it goes. Some, after watching the Older Strider's movies, became disillusioned to the Baroness's ways and saw it as a way to escape her wrath. Those who remained on Earth after that point were either brave enough to face the meteors head on or simply didn't believe the event would happen and saw it as another "end of the world" scare.

• There's no evidence that anyone is missing from Earth in either universe. The lack of other people is simply the Law of Conservation of Detail in effect.

The Alpha Session will create a new universe, and that universe will be the one the Hussie Author Avatar exists in.

And thus, implicitly, our world. It just seems to fit the cyclical Stable Time Loop theme. Presumably, they're going to do something to their Cosmic Frog to remove it from the light of the Green Sun to prevent it from getting involved in SBURB.

Jane's interactions with the Batterwitch will be composed in large part of Shout Outs to Star Wars

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

POST-SCRATCH FRUIT GUSHERS ARE GRUBS!!!

Jane says that Gushers "simulating the experience of eating plump insects", it's all but stated that the ruler of Crocker Co. is the Troll Empress, and trolls eat grubs... Then again maybe Jane just really hates Gushers.

Hussie's Ancestor is Joss Whedon

It's where he got his affinity for strong women and killing off all of his characters.

• The implications of this are staggering. Hussie the character is the son of Charles Dutton, the First Son of Skaia. Assuming that this makes Dutton the "Dad" figure, a constant placeholder between Ancestor and Descendant who remains between Scratches, that means that Dutton's father- that is, Skaia itself, the setting equivalent to God- is, in reality, Joss Whedon. Which really explains quite a bit, when you think about it.
  • But his ancestor is Doc Holiday.

Lord English takes fashion tips from The Doctor.

Just look at his coat (which can sort of resemble a certain Doctor's scarf) and the suspenders.

• Lord of Time, anyone?

Gamzee is Bro.

Just from the fact that he's moving Cal around just like Bro used to. Either Gamzee goes back in time and somehow vastly changes appearance, or Bro's consciousness was somehow transplanted after his death.

• Across universes, species, time, and all logic
  • Miracles.
• Well, we now know of a connection Gamzee and a version of Bro have through Cal...

Gamzee will be defeated by the Magnetic Wodka.

Juggalo. Magnets. Once affable because he was essentially perpetually drunk. "You guess this could be useful" is rather blatant Foreshadowing.

• Magnetic Wodka was presumably abandoned on Rose's land.
• When? If Rose was not pictured abandoning it then she clearly still has it.
  • Players lose their inventory when dying!

Karkat and Sollux eventually make it to Earth

...several decades before the SBURB beta. Sollux writes the book on ~ATH, while Karkat writes a series on programming under the name "Buckminster Funnyuncle".

• THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY AND ALSO RIDICULOUS. Jossed if you're being serious though.

The Pyralspite scalemate is a true sleeping dragon.

Just wait. It'll wake up and RAAAAR!

The Homestuck trolls are the Doctors. ALL OF THEM.

No, really, each incarnation of the Doctor is a troll.

1. Aradia
2. Tavros
3. Sollux (Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!)
4. Eridan
5. Feferi
6. Gamzee
7. Kanaya
8. Vriska
9. Equius
10. Terezi
11. Nepeta
    • Look for a jerkass doctor in a couple years calling the Daleks fuckasses. But in all seriousness, 9 and Equius? That really doesn't match up.
      • Whoever wrote that was a damn genius. Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi) confirmed for Doctor 12.
    • And Eight is nothing like Vriska. He's kind of more like Nepeta; they're both energetic, friendly, and wear long green coats. Maybe Nine could be Karkat: grouchy on the outside, but occasionally quite cuddly once you get to know him.
      • Where does that leave Eleven, though? Vriska or Equius? Both seem odd fits.
      • I would figure Equius would fit 6 for the jerkish/arrogance and Gamzee could fit in 11 for the silliness and occasional tendency to flip out and scare people when he gets serious.

Karkat is secretly pretty fucking gourmet

And created the website whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com

• The site just recommended that I should make some damn-tasty sounding barabque ribs. If this WMG is true, then Karkat has good taste.

The trolls are descended from displaced Dremora.

They look like Dremora, they use the Daedric alphabet, and they're both Proud Warrior Race Guys. During the Oblivion Crisis, some Oblivion Gates were opened on another planet, either by accident or by Camoran being really thorough. After the Gates were closed, the Dremora remaining on the planet colonised it, and eventually evolved into the trolls.

• Alternatively, Dremora are descended from trolls who somehow were transported to Oblivion.
• Doesn't really work given that Dremora are literally sentient ideas who don't really have bodies, but instead, must create a corporeal form upon entry into the Physical Plane due to its rules. As a result, they lack anything like DNA to reproduce through. A fun theory however, and one could probably get some interesting fanfic out of it.
• This would also mean that Mehrunes Dagon is Doc Scratch's One-Winged Angel form. (Yes, I realise he's more like Clavicus Vile than anyone else.)

End of Homestuck

The last act of Homestuck will be an in-depth look into John's psyche: his father issues, his loneliness, his three loves (his male friend, a girl who is related to him via cloning, and the one who calls him stupid), his depression, and his self-hatred. It will feature an alternate universe look at how Homestuck could have turned out. It will look strangely like a clipshow. This is all because Hussie has, at this point, run out of budget and cannot afford to finish it like he wanted to.It will end with John figuring out how to love himself. All of his friends and family will be there, clapping and congratulating him, including Jaspersprite. Millions of fans will be incredibly angry until the feature film, End of Homestuck is released. Though it shows what happens outside of John's mind during the final moments of the original webcomic, it has just as strange an ending, with everybody turning into orange faygo.

• While staring at a naked Jade.

UU's quest on her land will be to literally get a tiger.

It'll be running around all over the planet and messing stuff up and when she finally catches it she'll be high enough on the echeladder to ascend when she dies on her quest bed. Bonus points if the tiger is actually GCAT.

Betty Crocker is an innocent victim of circumstances.

Her Imperious Condescension was simply using her and her company from behind the scenes to prepare for her invasion of Earth. Once the Condesce arrived, Crocker was either imprisoned or killed so the Condesce could take her place and make it look like they were the same person the whole time.

• Dirk appears to be suggesting here that the Batterwitch "stole her name from someone else." Hmmmmmmmm...

The Post-Scratch Medium is within the Null Void.

Well, it is a Null and Void session.

Jesus was a displaced Sburb player.

He was the Hero of Life, and his Quest Bed was somehow in the tomb where he was laid after death.

Hussie may have said we won't be seeing Problem Sleuth and co. in Homestuck...

...but not that we wouldn't see any alternate-session counterparts. We may end up seeing suspiciously similar Prospitians with the initials PS, AD, and PI who aren't destined to become their private eye personas from the Problem Sleuth comic.

• Was this WMG added before or after the second bubblr exploration?

Andrew Hussie has read Umineko: When They Cry.

There are a large number of similarities between the two works. To wit:

• Both works center around discovering the central mysteries behind respective reality-altering games.
  • Both works feature multiple instances of the same game.
• Both works are highly trope-savvy.
• Both works have a tendency to suddenly shift perspective to new characters.
• Both works feature the eventual discovery of an enormous bomb that will destroy the entire setting of the story.
• In both works, Anyone Can Die...multiple times.
• Both works might contain magic.
• In Umineko, words in red are true, unless used for Irony. In Homestuck, Dave, rarely, if ever, lies, but is very ironic.
• In Umineko, words in gold represent knowledge specific to the Game Master. In Homestuck, Sollux built the game in the A2 session, while Dirk effectively runs the B2 session.
• In Umineko, words in purple are true, unless spoken by a murderer. In Homestuck, only Gamzee and Eridan, two of the resident murdering psychopaths, speak in purple.
• Beatrice is quite similar to Vriska. Both are highly competitive, homicidal, dramatic, manipulative jerks with a sad backstory and questionable intentions who want to compete with the hero to make him stronger, but secretly like him, sometimes doing dangerous things as a result.
• There are a lot of parallels between Umineko's Bernkastel and Homestuck's Doc Scratch:
  • During her game, Bernkastel speaks in white to express the truth. Doc Scratch speaks in white, and never lies.
  • Both are nigh-omnipotent and nigh-omniscient within their respective sphere of influence.
  • Both hijack the narrative.
  • Both are Faux Affably Evil.
  • Both are extremely tricky with Exact Words and lies of omission.
  • Both manipulate and control near every aspect of their respective instances of the game.
  • Both are inclined to offering very nasty deals.
  • Both are kind of creepy.
• Both work for a considerably stronger master with some time-related powers.
• Both also contain meta-fictional layers to their stories with author avatars that can interact with and influence the lower levels of the story, to the point of blurring the lines between them.
• The phrase "It takes two to make a universe" functions as Arc Words in Umineko. If you apply it to Homestuck, the meaning becomes dead literal.

Lord English is French

He eats universes. Universes are frogs. Who's known for eating frogs' legs? The French. Also, Lord English's summoning glitch is that players are spawned outside their own session; this may bear some reflection of his own nature, where his name implies his session to be English but his spawning was French.

• Soooooooo ........ he'll actually be defeated rather easily? ;;;;)

UranianUmbra and undyingumbrage are really just Roxy's mom and Dirk's bro acting as trolls representing Calmasis's two split personalities.

They're covertly guiding their adoptive descendants/ectobiological parents and their friends towards winning the game and beating the Condesce. And they're taking no chances in the Batterwitch finding out she hadn't managed to kill them and throwing a wrench in their works. That's why it's for the best that Jake doesn't know who UU really is just yet.

Guy Fieri is going to read Homestuck at some point

After Dante Basco and Andrew Hussie kissing Rufio's corpse, declaring Guy Fieri responsible for five billion deaths makes it inevitable. The law of escalating awkwardness demands it.

Stephen Colbert will make a joking Homestuck Shout-Out on his show that Hussie will take advantage of.

Colbert will probably say something like, say, "I for one welcome our new fish alien overlords." Then the Colbert of the Post-Scratch universe will be revealed to be a Condesce sympathizer in a later pesterlog.

Colm from Fire Emblem: TSS is Vriska.

Okay, so I was playing FE:TSS, checking out the profiles of my newest additions to the team. Obviously, Colm is of the Thief class. However, I looked a bit closer and realized that he was the Light aspect. Vriska = Thief of Light = Colm. COINCIDENCE?!

Vriska is Eric Cartman.

"Silver Head" from the infamous Sega Saturn promo video is Lord English

"Silver Head" is terrifying, compelling, constantly flickering with power like a First Guardian, and quite possibly has amazing demonic powers. (the sudden expression changes accompanied with flashes of light are him stopping and restarting time in rapid succession just to show off and frighten young children into purchasing the SEGA SATURN). Why is he silver and not green? Video editing. Where are the pool-ball technocolor eyes? Lord English could probably turn them "off" for a little while if he wanted.

The orange-hatted douchebag dancing is either one of Betty Crocker's less-successful thralls, or else possibly a member of the Earth equivalent to the Felt (could he control time via dancing? Note the sudden teleport at 0:33 in the video).

Why would Lord English help advertise the Sega Saturn? Simple, Sega is part of Betty Crocker's empire, and we're all living on the Post-Scratch Earth.

• Oh, and this is Her Imperious Condescension (poorly) disguised as a human. The unidentifiable accent is just what a highblood troll sounds like when they speak a human language and are trying to suppress their quirks (troll vocal chords aren't quite like a human's, and neither are the language centers in their brains. Quirks could possibly arise from a neurological cause.). And the most telling thing: "I've never been a human"

The Batterwitch will be defeated by the combined efforts of Duncan Hines and Aunt Jemima

The game is going to be about FedoraFreak]'s session

He is human, after all, and all we know about the guy is that he had a session of his own and may have gotten to God tier.

The guy who donated ten thousand dollars to the Kickstarter in the first couple of days is Dante Basco

No reason to believe this, it just feels somehow "right".

The Combine will invade.

Lord English destroying the dream bubble started a Resonance Cascade in their universe, which would allow the Combine to enter it.

The purpose of the Sburb sessions is to inspire Godhead Pickle Inspector as he creates new universes.

Rufioh reads Homestuck

If only to bring his Whole-Plot Reference to Dante Basco to it's logical conclusion.

• Alternately, he, like the other pre-scratch trolls, has been watching the events of Homestuck from the Furthest Ring.

ARANEA: So, wh8 do you think of the humans?

RUFIOH: oh man, that rose human 1s so gangsta... and the dave human 1s so cool...

RUFIOH: 1'd k1nda l1ke to hang out w1th h1m... do1n' noth1n' but be1n' cool all day...

RUFIOH: maybe we could trade some sweet rhymes... 1 bet he'd like my poems...

Meenah is Skrillex

She doesn't bother Rufioh, so he uses "Bangarang" as a "Thanks for not stalking me". Plus, Skrillex has Krill in it and Kill for her fish puns and life thieving.

Lord English will be defeated with The Power of Rock

It's generally believed that in order to defeat Lord English, Calliope's name must be spoken. Now, that name comes up multiple times in the song "Blinded by the Light". And, it would be simultaneously awesome and incredibly trollish of Hussie to have the universe-destroying villain defeated through an impromptu performance of a '70s rock song.

Equius is a Deva of the Mountain.

Come on, it's obvious! He's ridiculously strong(Which Onis are known for), he isn't in the games because he's a male(But it doesn't make sense because blah), and the Horns are, well, the horns.

Eridan is Judge Cal

His trolltag is caligulasAquarium. Cal, who was named for Caligula, made his pet goldfish Deputy Chief Judge. The connection speaks for itself.

Homestuck will end like The Sopranos

This one is fairly self-explanatory. Homestuck will end with a flash depicting the main characters (or at least the ones that are left) together, and, right as a character's in the middle of something, bam! Cut to black out of nowhere.

Homestuck is an instruction guide disguised as a webcomic

Andrew Hussie is from a failed session of sBurb, where he was the Heir of Space. He somehow left his session and went to another iteration of his universe, where he started writing Homestuck as a compilation of some of the worst ways a session could go wrong, so that we would know what to do. He only explains the mechanics that will be relevant in the real thing, or that he knows about. The Homestuck Game that will be released is sBurb, which is why he's finishing Homestuck first; he needs to finish the game manual.

• The one real problem with this theory is the Sylladex, which the manual treats as a basic aspect of reality and is absent in our iteration. Maybe it actually comes with the game, and it being otherwise in the manual was just to streamline things and enable jokes?
  • Wait, you haven't noticed your Sylladex yet? How the fuck do you carry things around?
  • We all have Sylladices. It’s just that most of us use either the “backpack”, the “satchel”, or the “pocket” modus.
• Great, I want this to be true so much a small part of my brain believes it! Although, I have met an interesting kid named Andrew recently...

Harold Hill is behind major Homestuck events

"Trouble... starts with T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for pool!" The two Biggest Bads of the comic (Doc Scratch and Lord English) are pool themed. He knows.

• Alternatively, Harold Hill … is Andrew Hussie. And the entire comic is set up to warn us of the insidious dangers of pool!

The increasing number of disgusting ways to describe the taste of Faygo is a case of Real Life Writes the Plot.

How many bottles of Faygo given by fans has Hussie likely consumed by now? It's entirely likely that he's grown sick of it to a level no other person ever could and is having the characters describe Faygo in more and more "Holy shit this is the most disgusting swill ever put on store shelves" ways as an Anvilicious message to fans to stop giving it to him.

There's some sort of connection between Nicolas Cage, the Condesce and Lord English.

Cage's plan this whole time was to give us boners. And at some point or another, every reader got one. The Condesce wants to cease human reproduction and fears no one but Lord English. Cage's face in both Dark Cage segments ended up resembling English's. Cage is also the only human outside of the kids and guardians who survived the apocalypse, having reached God Tier before the kids even entered the game. Coincidence? Maybe. But Hussie has surprised us before.

Dave Strider grows up to be Billy Ray Sanguine

He's blond, a Texan, wears aviator shades, wields a bladed weapon and sometimes wears a suit. At some point he might lose his eyes, since everyone in Homestuck runs the risk of losing a limb or an eye.

Lord English will be defeated by Ms. Paint.

She is the only one who has been confronted by him and lived. This could mean something about her. She may ultimately end up acting out of revenge for Lord English killing Andrew Hussie. She will destroy him by pouring her paint can on him, thereby revealing paint as a weak point of his. In the end, it will be she who deals the final blow.

The comic is over

With the last strip, Caliborn is showing himself triumphant and Hussie's face being crossed away. No author, no story. Caliborn won and Everyone Dies

• I doubt it. The author's died before, and all he got out of it was a crush.
  • Apparently, Hussie can still insert Intermissions into Caliborn's "masterpiece"

Andrew and Doc Scratch are cherubs.

Andrew's slightly ashamed to involve himself in the story and thinks it's self-indulgent, Doc Scratch used to do it at every opportunity and be quite smug about it. Andrew wants to let his characters take charge of their own fates, Doc Scratch tends to manipulate them. Their fonts are black and white. They're quite the opposites. Sure, they didn't turn into gigantic universe-spanning snakes for their mating rite, but Aranea may have embellished that part.

Because he tampered with the cartridge, Caliborn will unknowingly defeat Lord English.

Either in a fight against LE himself (without knowing that LE is essentially himself) or by screwing up history to the point where Calliope predominated instead of himself, thus undoing LE's existence.

• seriously; why this one is in the jokes section? you need to exploit glitches to kill LE and now the cartridge is glitched as hell

The pause in updates from September 24th to the 28th and the 28th to October 1 was because Hussie & Co. were watching the Breaking Bad marathon/finale.

VRISKA: You can't just 8e a 8ookish dwee8 all your life, then suddenly decide to flip the 8adass switch and expect people to take you seriously.

Meulin's ancestor will be one of the most important characters in Homestuck.

Nobody would expect it, so there's no way Hussie wouldn't do it.

Each pre-scratch kid and post-scratch troll is one of the students from Danganronpa in a previous life.

I would just like to say that this sounded waaaay better in my head and that this will be very stupid. Litle connections to characters shall be made. Also possible spoilers.

• John- Makoto Naegi
• Rose- Touko Fukawa
• Dave- Leon Kuwata
• Jade- Mukuro Ikusaba
• Aradia- Sayaka Maizono
• Tavros- Yasuhiro Hagakure
• Sollux- Chihiro Fujisaki
• Karkat- Mondo Oowada
• Nepeta- Hifumi Yamada
• Kanaya- Kyouko Kirigiri
• Terezi- Kiyotaka Ishimaru
• Vriska- Celestia Ludenberg
• Equius- Sakura Oogami
• Gamzee- Junko Enoshima
• Eridan- Byakuya Togami
• Feferi- Aoi Asahina

Likewise, each of the post-scratch kids and pre-scratch trolls is a character from Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair in a previous life.

Again, very strenuous connections.

• Jane- Mikan Tsumiki
• Roxy- Sonia Nevermind
• Dirk- Hajime Hinata
• Jake- Gundam Tanaka
• Damara- Hiyoko Saionji
• Rufioh- Nagito Komaeda
• Mituna- Nekomaru Nidai
• Kankri- Twogami
• Meulin- Peko Pekoyama
• Porrim- Ibuki Mioda
• Latula- Chiaki Nanami
• Aranea- Mahiru Koizumi
• Horuss- Kazuichi Souda
• Kurloz- Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu
• Cronus- Teruteru Hanamura
• Meenah- Akane Owari

Ms. Paint will kill absolutely everyone in order to resolve the weird plot shit.

She will do this by finding whoever or whatever is behind everything and proceed to brutally murder it by converting all their code into MS Paint accessible files and then whiting them out and changing the size.

Lord English has a lot of sleeping gas or knockout majjyks stored away somewhere.

Calliope has powerful anti-sleeping majjyks. Caliborn is effectively the opposite of Calliope. Caliborn is now Lord English. Why not?

Caliborn and eventually Dead!Calliope will get to kill Andrew Hussie too.

Lord English did it and the author was fine. Caliborn is probably pissed at the author for attempting to teach him anything remotely resembling the narrative not being skipped fast. Calliope...I don't know, maybe she doesn't like Hussie cosplaying her trollsona?

Calliope is highly explosive.

THIS IS STUPID but I don't know why not put it here

At some point, Caliborn will insert cutouts of anime drawings into his retelling of Homestuck.

He has an anime drawing guide that hasn't been used, and he already used one of the other books for props. Soon.

Hussie's in-story avatar will jokingly marry a troll.

We know he's been trailing Vriska with an attempt to propose and at one point Meenah, so there's that.

fedorafreak will somehow kill Lord English

It is said that only one that is predestined to enter the medium, but ff entered too, maybe with a glitch. said glitch might be LE's weakness.

Caliborn's stardusting and candycorning of the cartridge will backfire horribly and (help) kill Lord English.

Lord English is rumored only to be killable via exploiting glitches in spacetime. The glitched-out cartridge sure seems to be causing a lot of glitches in spacetime. Lord English will enter the scratched session, only to be injured by an out-of-control accidentally released ball of stardust glitches gathered up by John, then conveniently finished off by Dave via Caledscratch or the Scarlet Ribbitrar being wound from broken to not broken inside of Lord English.

At some point, in-universe Hussie enslaved Caliborn or Lord English to help with the illustrating for Problem Sleuth.

This is why Homosuck's more original art is similar to a poorly drawn version of Problem Sleuth. It is not a reference, LE is an uncredited member of the art crew.

The Jack Noir-Diamonds Droog moirallegiance serves a critical purpose on Diamonds Droog's end.

Namely, if you get rid of Jack Noir and don't deal with the rest of Sburb in time, Diamonds Droog will kill everyone more efficiently than Jack Noir could. Yes, this is inspired by a fic part of Replay Value AU, but it would make sense for Sburb to throw everyone a curveball when you take out even the archagent of Derse.

When the Grand Finale finally comes out, it will break the internet.

Again. And it will be far, far worse than before.

• It'll start with a simple repeat of the [S] Cascade incident; MSPA, Tumblr, Newgrounds, and Megaupload go down.
• Hussie will resort to other file-sharing sites, like Mediafire and Dropbox, which will die too.
• The fans that HAVE seen it will go to other social sites like Twitter or Facebook to gush about the animation, eventually bringing them down too.
• Various forums might fall too, from Homestucks hoping to find a dedicated thread to the comic where they can talk.
• The Homestucks will decide that, if they can't chat about it, at least they can touch up the Tvtropes page, leading to its fall as well.

The day will go down in history as The Homestuck Apocalypse. Never forget.(Apologies for the peculiar formatting. Tvtropes was once again being disagreeable with the paragraphs.)

• I thought this was a given.

Caliborn is trying to create an army of davekat shippers on DeviantArt.

This explains why he put that on MSPA. Why he would need, want, or use this army is probably not going to be explained.

Caliborn's DeviantArt is going to be used a lot to detail what Caliborn is up to for a long while.

If Hussie and/or Caliborn were going to make it, might as well use it, right?

Gamzee is going to be perfectly fine, despite being bisected by chainsaw.

Like some form of demonic clown starfish, cutting him into two pieces will cause them both to regenerate into another Gamzee, leaving not one but two of him wandering around. All the ones destroyed in doomed timelines just pulled a Temporal Replicsimile ad infinitum style shenanigan and got recycled into the fabric of Paradox Space as elementary particles, which is why they inexplicably do not appear in dreambubbles. Yes, that means everything in Paradox Space is Gamzee. Everything.

• The smiling half goes on to raise Calliope and Caliborn, which is why he's usually smiling. The sad half will continually antagonize everyone until he is locked somewhere where he can't kill everyone.
• So Gamzee is GPI?

All the dead Gamzees from doomed timelines were assimilated back into the alpha timeline Gamzee Makara.

This explains why there aren't any doomed gamzees floating around. The clown just happened to be asleep with a waking dreamself every single time a doomed timeline ended.

Hussie will always kill off all characters who get shipped in the comic.

Nepeta's shipping wall? 'All of the trolls will die' rings a bell. Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert get shown together at a romantic battlefield castle dinner...and get killed by Jack Noir. Immediately after Caliborn wrote some Dave Kat, both Dave and Karkat got killed. I'm suspecting a pattern...

• With the reveal of Vriska and Meenah sharing a friendly moment which might eventually border on moiraillegiance when the time is right, in viewing range of Lord English exploding dreambubbles and killing people, this does not bode well for those ghosts.
• Original (pre-John-retcon-shenanigans) timeline Rose and Kanaya. Nuff said.

Karkat is lavaproof and can breathe lava.

He will be perfectly fine and sink to the bottom of LOFAF's new lava lake, where he will found a race of foulmouthed angry flaming trolls in the Forge somehow. Or just end up hanging with Echidna. The stunned expression isn't because he's burning to death, it's because Gamzee stabbed him and that's making him rethink his actions.

The easiest way to kill Yaldabaoth is with a planet to the face.

This is why Caliborn's quest was to get rid of all the other planets in a game of pool first, in order to make it even harder for him to win.

When Homestuck's cartridge completely crashes, Caliborn will clean it off and integrate any uncorrupted data into whatever he's doing next.

Because why not use everything lying around?

Lord English will win and destroy Paradox Space in an unrelated incident related to a pumpkin.

Hussie would do it. You know he would.

John will blow out the star dust in the game cartridge through space and time

• John will do a cosmic, windy thing, and blow out the star dust in the game cartridge, somehow affecting it in Calliborn's timeline, from the post-scratch universe. This will get rid of the glitchy visuals of the comic.
  • So far playing the wind seems to have confirmed this. The cartridge got knocked out by the windy thing.

All the 'Vriska will steal the light of the Green Sun' theorists are going to be trolled by Hussie.

It is actually Snowman going to do the stealing, because of all the Vriska-Snowman connections. Spades Slick will take out Snowman's pin at some point or other either because he needs another person to help him with something or because he legitimately wants to see what probable weirdness will result, which will resurrect the troll universe with her. This will destabilize the Green Sun as half of its mass is forcefully converted back into a frog for however long, possibly for quite a while assuming that Snowman's continued survival keeps it alive and being reformed will eject it from the remaining half of the Green Sun back into the Furthest Ring (Squiddle session Skaia? Who knows at this point), at any rate either weakening Bec Noir and PM along with several other First Guardians or making Paradox Space even more unstable, along with any other ramifications of the original Vriska theory. The worrying part is that it will be done entirely comedically because Hussie wants to mess with the fandom again and something serious will come up and make this minimally relevant in the meantime.

The graet pause was actually used to make a real life sBurb game.

And the Creator can't WAIT to see everyones shocked faces when the world END!!! MWAHAHHA!!!

QB ceased trolling Tv Tropes.

The Creator will also make a real Flarp game for massive roleplayers.

Homestuck is secretly about YOU, an exile, looking into another universe. This is how you can give the characters "names"

The other Calliope is incorrect or was partially lying about why LOWAS randomly exploded.

While her reasoning is sensible and her facts about why Typheus might blow up the place legitimate, it was somehow Davesprite doing something incredibly awesome in Typheus' denizen palace that caused a massive planet-destroying internal meltdown. The explosion is the right color of orange to be his direct fault.

• Why can't it be both? Maybe Typheus had Davesprite do the honors.

Maplehoof's corpse was used to create cherubs somehow via shenanigans.

"The shades OBVIOUSLY shattered when Maplehoof's corpse released the Vast Neigh, put on the Cairo Overcoat, and became none other than Lord English himself." according to the formspring. Since Maplehoof looks nothing like Caliborn clearly there was a really big intermediary step.

Denizens make silly faces when offering The Choice to their players.

This is why both Yaldabaoth and Typheus had the giant-glowing-face thing going on when talking to Caliborn and John respectively, Echidna's puffing cold air during Bargaining with the Beast's track art, and the Typheus line illustration has him looking all monster-y. It's because it's a very serious occasion but they can't help but make silly faces while singing fire and ice and whalesong and glitches and whatnot in the player-specific language that Yaldabaoth and Typheus hid their faces behind a really strong glow. Yaldabaoth has a reputation to maintain so he makes up for it by looking serious in all his statues and imagery.

The dream moons and their moons have rockets, though they're not very useful.

This is why people consistently reference piloting Derse's moon into the Furthest Ring instead of "letting it float on momentum out there and hoping it doesn't crash into squiddles" despite no shown intent of using time powers to minimize Furthest Ring timespace weirdness. They activate automatically on a bunch of spiky buildings (probably the taller structures at the points of the pentagon seen when looking at the moon) in case of the moon being knocked out of orbit to avoid crashing into anything on accident. These are the things being used by the application that Rose referred to when it was piloting and course-correcting Derse's moon.

• B1 Prospit's moon rockets were damaged by the Red Miles and thus couldn't use them to avoid crashing into the Battlefield, while B1 Prospit itself was able to avoid crashing but B1 Derse's moon just got unchained.
• B2 moons got blasted by primarily non-game associated means and were more destroyed than removed from orbit, and then Derse got first guardian teleported which didn't activate the rockets.
• A2 moons got exploded by First Guardian powers so no use there and we don't know what happened in A1.
• Cherub session Prospit was way too close to black hole First Break Skaia and got caught before using the rockets would be useful, or because dream Calliope being dead and the session a one player void meant that Prospit had nothing to do that was critical to the game progressing anymore they just didn't turn them on once they saw Skaia cloud over and just waited to die. Cherub session Derse isn't shown enough to draw any conclusions, though they could have been used to stay in orbit, survive long enough to evacuate critical personnel, or get rid of the moon after getting off important people to render the session even more unrecognizable.

George Washington and Lady Gaga are Denizens.

George Washington in the post-scratch universe had prophetic dreams. Denizens also have prophetic dreams. While it's possible he was an extraneous session ancestor we don't know who he'd switch with. Lady Gaga has WMGs that she's a video game boss which nobody has even gotten close to defeating yet (Denizens are the planetary final bosses and they sure take a lot of firepower to kill), is an eldritch abomination (just because Denizens are associated with lands and Skaia's prophecy doesn't mean they can't take hints from the horrorterrors when bored), and probably can fit in the super-flexible-mythology-void that conjures up myths to match Sburb's weirdness. For bonus points, other universal constant actors are also denizen options, though for what classpects we're not sure.

• If you're willing to allow non-canon aspects, Lady Gaga could be the Denizen of Rain. She's certainly crazy enough.
  • OP here: Fun fact, this WMG was inspired by an offhand comment somewhere on the Replay Value forums that "Lady Gaga is totally a denizen, we just haven't met her yet.", though I can't remember who said it.

Lord English will be crushed under a pile of heavy objects.

This will defeat him as it will take longer than the lifespan of the universe he is in to get out for whatever reason. The pile will be created when a team of doomed godtier Roxys tries to get all the stuff John narrative teleported all back in one place for whatever reason, which collapses onto Lord English by complete accident. So far John's only teleported a planet-covering oil slick besides himself but more retcons might be coming.

[[spoiler: The Tinkerbull that was shot by Jake E. was evil.

Which is why all those little buggers hugged him with love. Or maybe they think they have too many of their own kind.

Magic is real but just got here.

Magic is fake as shit. Shit just got real. Therefore, magic = real, but only just now.

The cherub session Scratching is impossible and not just because Skaia is a black hole.

Yaldabaoth knew in advance that it would be an abnormal session because of the whole Skaia stuff. Since he had a long time to prepare for Caliborn's coming, he got the Strider sword (the only thing other than Echidna's quills confirmed to be able to do anything to the Scratch construct) before it made its way to Dirk on Post-Scratch Earth, the same place, cut Caliborn's scratch construct with it, and since Earth was not in the Medium yet it just went off into space uselessly. This is why there is no large time-associated object that would probably have been noticeable if it was still around by Caliborn's entry. It's much easier than just not giving him one in the first place.

Roxy broke the narrative again the second that John fixed it.

Edit Tips told me not to make an over 9000 joke. The shop theme/elevator music is abnormally fast, and Roxy isn't saying anything other than sup yet. Nix trolled her into accidentally something and things went out of control from there, so she's hiding out on John's planet in hopes he won't notice whatever she did.

The cueball is named Ed.

Caledscratch. Cal + Ed = Scratch. Lil Cal was one of the ingredients to make Doc Scratch. The other one was the cueball. Therefore, the cueball must be Ed!

Fireflies are naturally unstuck in canon.

This is why they're perfectly fine buzzing around LOWAS in the void without being even slightly worried about getting left behind there, and why they are now outside the panel.

Andrew Hussie's avatars are not a single person.

Instead of doing something simple like Dirk's both-dreamself-and-realself-active thing and physically entering the dreambubbles in order to be in two places at once during Openbound, Hussie is actually a hivemind species, not an individual. There are multiple Hussies spread throughout the universes, as a counterpart to Lord English. Because Calliope's soul isn't destroyed yet, Paradox Space requires a balance to the rampant cherub until he can fix that.

Calliope's revival will be much easier than anyone thought and not require Ring of Life shenanigans.

All someone has to do is point a resurrection spell at Lord English. Since Caliborn is very much alive, it will default to reviving Calliope back into that body as well. This could easily be accomplished if Godtier Doomed Feferi hasn't been killed yet for a silly version, and about as easily and more seriously if Game Over Jane is available.

There are thousands of doomed timelines spiraling off and dying right now, all headed for Calliope.

Because shenanigans and the decreasing amount of dreambubbles respectively leaving more dead people and making Calliope's spiral a more and more likely place to be, obviously every single person is going to congregate in that one place until the sheer mass of doomed Vriskas and doomed Roses will actually manage to alert LE with whatever Light power Calliope was worried about. This will end in a massive stage production which will be interrupted by Lord English, who will be shot down by a zerg rush of every single dead person ever via prolonged final battle that will take days in-story and months out-of-story as they manage to recover from shock before LE does, unlike the dreambubble residents who more or less just stood there as LE showed up instead of throwing things in hopes an anti-LE device is hidden in there somewhere by sheer memory-based chance.

Hope is dead/lost on a wide scale.

• Cronus is a Bard of Hope. Eridan is a Prince of Hope. Both of those are classes that destroy their aspect. Cronus' session scratched and Eridan blew up the Matriorb. The rather killfrenzy troll universe was not exactly hopeful, then Snowman got shot and it died, and the Red Miles-ing of the human universe probably isn't a hopeful scenario. Even if the kids' session wins, the world is still net down a universe and the Green Sun is probably off perpetuating cycles of suffering from Doc Scratch-esque manipulated First Guardians or something.
• Jake is a Page, but "The Page is dead, our Hope is lost" seems to be pretty damning even if he revived as god tier. Even then he still required Aranea doing the Lighty thing in order to quickly fix the serious mental blockades stopping him from using his powers, and we know that was another doomed timeline where everyone dies anyways. The power of the hope field did very little beneficially in the same case, as it damaged a section of Derse and lead to setting up LOFAF for Game Over in general. Also the Gigapause.
• While John's narrative hopping around is probably a good chance to win, Paradox Space is extremely vehement about enforcing doomed timeline means everyone in it dies. This is likely even more so when John is capable of actually changing anything and the setting will thus kill him the second anything remotely lethal can get into position. Or, that rule is there for a reason and a severe paradox will show up and make everything complicated and kill him that way.
  • Plus, Lord English is probably more experienced with the narrative teleport house power thingy since it would resolve all of his leprechaun-related timeline shenanigans and thus make them more suitable minions. John and LE will end up just hopping around until they're in a situation where John is not capable of overwhelming LE alone.
• Hussie is also great at trolling the fans. The final flash won't be a beautiful victory/denouement panorama a la Problem Sleuth like we all expect, it will be a devastating glimpse at Lord English slaughtering everyone followed by annihilating Paradox Space for the lulz, then getting killed by a pumpkin appearifier or inappropriately-timed ham or something utterly silly that leads into the next story.

Jade will defeat Lord English, or at least deal the final blow.

And the clues are in the soundtrack! The music playing over Jade's ascension in Cascade is called Savior of the Dreaming Dead. 'The dreaming dead' could quite easily refer to the ghosts residing in the dreambubbles for obvious reasons. Lord English has been destroying the dreambubbles and their residents in massive numbers, so anyone to defeat him would be a savior. QED.

The Adventure Game will turn out to be SBURB in disguise........

A fanboy can dream, 'aight?

• Of the end of the world?

The reason why all Time players have an instrument/something to do with music...

... is not simply because tempo and Time are effectively the same. It's also because to turn back time, they have to play the Song of Time.

Sburb was created by the Reapers.

Let's see... Sburb perpetuates an endless cycle of destruction, allowing intelligent life to develop a civilization before extinguishing it, while ensuring that the proper infrastructure for the next cycle remains...

Pesterquest Vriska is a closeted trans boy, not a trans girl.

Her repeated insistence in Pesterquest that she's a girl to the PC who never questioned her girlhood is overdone to the point of seeming more like a Suspiciously Specific Denial than anything else.

You're Homestuck

And you have to get out. You gotta. It's you.

---

> Go Back
> Return to main page

---