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Caliborn's Stories will cover ITS MY LIFE!.

They already covered the two most famous fanworks for Portal 1, namely Portal: Prelude and Portal: The Flash Version MapPack. And the most famous fanwork for Portal 2, well...

  • Portal Stories: Mel.
    • Are you kidding me? It's obviously Blue Sky.
  • Circular reference warning: ITS MY LIFE -> (-> means "inspired") TEEN FORTRESS 2 -> Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition -> the Post-SCrash Session series -> Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer -> Calliope and the Final Update -> Caliborn's Stories.
    • Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer and Calliope and the Final Update are actually independent story ideas ASBusinessMagnet had when coming back to the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fandom. Neither was inspired by the other one, and neither was inspired by Spectators of the Host (which is also heavily influenced by ASBusinessMagnet's return); they simply are ideas that were realized in parallel and reference each other way too much.
  • The reason Prelude and TFV MapPack were covered was because, back in the days when Portal 2 wasn't a thing, the story of Portal 1 was largely bare-bones and incomplete, and both of these fanworks provided stories that helped fill in the gaps (Prelude provided the backstory for Aperture and GLaDOS, while TFV MapPack solidified the connection between Portal 1 and Half-Life 2 Episode Two and provided basis for the infamous "Chell is a clone" theory). Portal 2 doesn't have such an issue, as it already has an extensive backstory with the Cave Johnson chambers and supplementary material like Portal 1 and the comic Portal 2: Lab Rat, and even if it DID have such an issue, a fanfic with a Mary Sue OC, terrible spelling and a divergent plot doesn't fill in the gaps in the way Prelude and TFV MapPack did.
    • But come on, everyone would love to see Caliborn rage at "THE HUMAN BITCH'S HUMAN SISTER".
      • Still, Caliborn making fun of more Portal fanworks is extremely unlikely. Once The Stanley Parable (mind you, something completely unrelated to Portal, if you ignore all the similarities between the Narrator and GLaDOS) featured a Portal reference, Caliborn already had to pull the stops and integrate The Stanley Parable into his Portal/Half-Life plot.
    • That's why we come back to Portal Stories: Mel, which is a direct prequel to Portal 2, which establishes the setting for Portal 2 almost as much as Lab Rat does. I... won't spoil everything. You should go play it. Caliborn, that includes you.
    • Wait. If Caliborn covered Portal as a series, that means he does have the same advantage of having Lab Rat (which, by the way, isn't even mentioned or alluded to in the Caliborn version of the story) and Portal 1 as the Portal 2 backstory. In that case, why did he cover Prelude and TFV MapPack in the first place?
      • Early Caliborn's Stories (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Portal and Half-Life) were mostly ASBM poking fun at what she was, once, an indisputable, nothing-can-top-this fan of, and given that she was in the Portal fandom prior to the release of Portal 2, including Prelude and TFV MapPack must have made sense to her.
      • That still doesn't explain why they are covered after the entirety of the series, including the DLCs.
      • So that Caliborn has a place to put his Half-Life/Portal story ending, and especially so that he has some more fictitious idiots to murder.
  • Also, Caliborn's Stories are most likely not receiving any updates because a) the Kerbal Space Program one was removed from FanFiction.Net and b) since Act 6 Act 6 Act 3 has already started and ASBM is not reading it, she has already lost the idea of the style in which Caliborn writes/summarizes.
    • I beg your pardon?
  • Confirmed, sort of, not in a way that you were expecting. Caliborn did feature MarrissaTheWriter in his cover of Marc Laidlaw's Epistle 3 story, though nothing that actually identifies Marrissa (other than her misspelling of Caliborn's name, "California") appeared.

ASBusinessMagnet is actually Insane Guy of DOOM's elaborate trolling identity.

After Sue Mary didn't give him the desired result of trolling, IGoD turned to learning Lithuanian and got into the Portal fandom (for which he would later write serious fics and MarrissaTheWriter trollfics). Later, just to add to the complexity, he entangled his three trolling identities (four if you include interdimensionalPortaller, a trolling identity of a trolling identity) into the biggest clusterfuck possible and continues to pull the strings of the clusterfuck to this very day.

  • This is also why ASBusinessMagnet "came out" as a trans girl; so that all four of the trolling identities would be female and therefore more stereotypically "fanfic writers".
  • He has lost his MarrissaTheWriter password, how can we presume that he didn't lose the one he used for ASBM? Case closed.

France Gall will appear in an ASBusinessMagnet fanfic.

Specifically, a sequel to Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer where "Violet" realizes that she won the Olympics because was trying to live up to other people without realizing what she wanted, which for me sounds pretty similar to the story of how France Gall won the Eurovision. Plus, they look like they could be related or something.

CreativityTheEmotion (from CreativityTheEmotion Recounts) secretly wants to be ASBusinessMagnet.

Me lazily copy-and-pasting everything from "Joy secretly wants to be Riley" on WMG.Inside Out and changing up the names.

  • Her chosen name still isn't Creativity, though...
    • At least try and cover up the fact that you're copy-and-pasting.

ASBusinessMagnet's emotions (from the fic mentioned above) are actually the ones writing these WMGs.

That is the only way in which, even though all these WMGs appear to be posted by ASBusinessMagnet, they still feature different personalities talking to each other.

  • Excuse me? The Personality Islands are not talking to each other. Or talking at all. I get it, Inside Out Island has its own citizens that are basically like us, but they haven't even come anywhere near our Headquarters.
    • Take another read of the Mind Manuals.
  • So, is that a "confirmed" then?
  • Wait, aren't half of those emotions Lithuanian speakers? How come we don't get any entries in here that are written in Lithuanian?
    • We do, but Creativity translates them to English before they actually go live. Source: I am Creativity. It's me.
      • Er, so... do you secretly want to be ASBusinessMagnet?
      • I so do not.
      • Alright, confess immediately: which one of you Pot Holed my response to Blatant Lies?
      • That... didn't really prove anything. Remember, the WMG above states that CTE secretly wants to be ASBM, so of course she wouldn't just confess that she does.
      • What purpose do I have for not disclosing anything that I stand for? I mean, seriously now.
      • Are we seriously forgetting that in CreativityTheEmotion Recounts, you stated and I quote: "Let's be honest here: I am never, ever going to be honest about my feelings."?

ASBusinessMagnet is Riley Andersen.

Notice how Inside Out cuts off just as Riley is twelve, which happens to match up with when the other five emotions supposedly appeared in ASBusinessMagnet's mind. Also notice how in the Islands of Personality list that ASBusinessMagnet gives, some islands suspiciously match up with what we see of 12yo Riley:

  • Family - Family
  • Honesty - Principles
  • Hockey - Basketball
  • Friendship - Social Networks
  • Goofball - Parkour
  • Fashion - Homestuck (via Kanaya being a fashion designer)
  • Boy Band - Eurovision (as a logical branchout to pop music)
  • Tragic Vampire Romance - MarissaTheWriter (after all, Marissa was inspired by My Immortal)
Because of these familiarities (justified by the fact that 12yo Riley has the same five Islands she had when she was eleven), as well as the emotion lineup being exactly the same as Riley's (as ASBM herself has postulated that other people might not have the same set of emotions), we can safely conclude that it's actually Riley's mind, and that she has gotten better at reading others' minds.

  • That, or we could just not jump through loopholes and consider this video. Riley is clearly the one playing, yet ASBM is clearly the one earning the achievements, ergo, ASBM = Riley. End of discussion.
    • If the "I am whoever I am using the Minecraft skin of" argument were valid, I would also be half of Homestuck's female cast.

What does that give? Well, given the dynamics we have between the two sets of emotions, we can safely assume that the original emotions are struggling to recover control, but end up just sending mixed signals, including the whole "from Lithuania" and "male" (later "trans girl") part, and not succeeding much in preventing Creativity's agenda.

  • Alternately, Creativity is Riley's original Joy. Between her learning (and not really being able to accept deep within) that Sadness needs a role and five impostor emotions appearing and claiming Riley's mind for their own, she has gone completely psycho, "revising" her and Riley's life à la Nineteen Eighty-Four (known to be one of ASBusinessMagnet's favorites; see "RECTIFY!" in Andersen's Mind) to the point where it has become completely unrecognizable, what with her supposedly having a Patriotism Island at the age of 12.
  • Haha, lol, nope. Going back to my Islands of Personality list, there are actually ten Core Memories dating to 2007 or earlier, whereas the movie suggests that Riley, age 11, only has ever had the five that power her Islands and the two made during the course of the plot.
  • Firmly jossed by this list, which assigns CreativityTheEmotion the color that "indicates a character in someone else's mind" (i.e. not Riley's).

ASBusinessMagnet is half of Homestuck's female cast.

  • ...Nice try.

In Hiveswap, at least one of Joey Claire's weapons (the tap shoes, the ballet shoes and the flashlight) has a connection to Lord English.

In Caliborn's Stories 15: Hiveswap, Caliborn states that Joey's weapons are "AND I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT MAKING THIS UP. TAP SHOES. BALLET SHOES. AND A FLASHLIGHT." Now, if any one of those had a connection to Lord English, he would be "making them up", contrary to Caliborn's claim.

  • And this WMG has something to do with ASBusinessMagnet... how? (Other than using a quote from her fic)
    • You're absolutely right. Let me fix it:

In Bright yet Dark, at least one of Kate Parker's weapons (the tap shoes, the ballet shoes and the flashlight) has a connection to Lord English.

Much better.

  • Neither tap shoes nor ballet shoes appear in Bright yet Dark, though...
    • Which leaves the flashlight as the obvious candidate. Mystery solved.
  • Assuming Kate Parker does not exist in Hiveswap. For those who think it is too risky to click: "Kate Parker" is what ASBusinessMagnet named Xefros' lusus
    • That doesn't prove anything. If anything, it proves that any person, real or fictional, exists in Hiveswap, because you can name the lususes after them.
  • ...You are physically killing me.

ASBusinessMagnet will begin writing fics as severedSovereign.

This is the rough timeline of how a scenario that I am about to go into pans out:

  1. A video game company announces (in one way or another) a video game, which ASBusinessMagnet is interested in.
  2. ASBM writes a fic about the game in question, trying to predict its plot.
  3. The game is released, inevitably proving ASBM wrong.
  4. The canon and ASBM's versions of the main character of the game meet, somehow.
  5. Having learned that they are not what they should have been, ASBM's version of the character begins writing fics denouncing her.

This is the timeline for Portal 2:

  1. Valve's Portal ARG and the subsequent announcement of Portal 2 - March 1 to 5, 2010
  2. Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time - March 10 to October 26, 2010 (though, if you want to get technical, the part predicting Portal 2 ended on May 21 and then was followed by a part predicting a fictitious Portal 2: Episode One)
  3. Portal 2 - April 19, 2011
  4. The conversation between interdimensionalPortaller and empatheticAmazon at the end of Portal 2 Episode Two: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time Part Two - July 3, 2011
  5. The beginning of The Inevitable Sunset - July 8, 2011

This is the exact same timeline for Hiveswap:

  1. Andrew Hussie's "First Annual Homestuck Kickstarter Update of 2013" - either December 31, 2013 or January 1, 2014, depending on your timezone
    • Note: While the Kickstarter campaign itself ran from September 4 to October 4, 2012, it wasn't until the update above that we saw even a single character that was to appear in Hiveswap, and the fandom's guesses before (and even sometime after) this update were that the game would either be/involve Sburb and let you customize your characters, or otherwise take place on Earth C and feature either Homestuck's main characters or their children.
      • So, basically, the two most common types of Homestuck fanfic, not including any AUs.
  2. Bright yet Dark - January 2 to December 25, 2014
    • Since we got technical in the Portal 2 example, let's get technical here too: the part of Bright yet Dark that explicitly predicts Hiveswap ended on October 30, when Hussie revealed Joey's name for the first time.
      • Which ASBM immediately followed up on with a roleplay dialogue between Kate and Joey, therefore skipping the game's release and going straight to No. 4.
      • That doesn't count. For one, the part about "proving ASBM wrong" still holds. This is not to mention that there are still differences between "Joey ?" and Joey Claire (proving ASBM wrong again), as the former's "prime" was in the 2000s and she had about two conversations with John, whereas Joey Claire lives in 1994, before John was even "born".
  3. Hiveswap: Act 1 - September 14, 2017
  4. The Council of Claires - October 16, 2017 to ???
  5. ???

I think the course of events from now on is obvious.

  • It just serves to prove that as prominent and annoying as Valve Time is, What Pumpkin Time is arguably even worse.
    • Not exactly. Half-Life 2: Episode Three took nearly ten years to go from Episode Two to a poorly-disguised "fanfic" summarizing its plot by the series lead writer who left Valve.
      • Which reminds me: ASBusinessMagnet also made a prediction about the plot of Episode Three, and the plot summary in question was published before Hiveswap. Where is the theory for that?
      • There isn't, because stories written after The Combine Trolling Continues suggest that Chell and Doug did not invade the Half-Life universe, and, well, Chell is the character in question who met her canon self. That, and Gordon Freeman meeting himself is not that interesting when the two alternates can only really shrug at each other.
      • The same could be said for Chell, and yet, look where we are.
      • Chell and Doug didn't really invade "the Half-Life universe" in The Combine Trolling Continues. As Half-Life and Portal are set in the same universe, both are an integral part of the Portal: The 4th Millennium franchise. The thing they DID invade was locations relevant to Gordon, Alyx and/or Black Mesa.
    • Why does it even have to be Gordon who meets his canon self? Near the end of Epistle 3, the G-Man walks away with Alyx, presuming that she is now his "right [wo]man in the wrong place" and the main character of whatever stories would follow Epistle 3. If we assume that he somehow granted her his powers, why can't she meet her canon self?
      • Because she is not ASBM's character, but Laidlaw's.
      • That does not invalidate my point at all. Let's assume that despite (or rather, because of) the negative publicity surrounding Epistle 3 and Artifact, Valve does get their shit together and release a Half-Life 3. Since Laidlaw does not work for them anymore, the Half-Life 2 plotline would have to conclude in some other way. Perfect setup for a potential Alyx Vance/Alex Vaunt meetup in which they exchange the fact that they're each other's alternate universe selves.
      • And "Alex Vaunt" denouncing Laidlaw, despite the fact that he is the reason Half-Life 3 exists, and, regardless of its status, the reason "Alex" is alive and well, while Alyx had the potential to be trapped in an incomplete story?
    • There is an important difference between Valve and What Pumpkin. Valve (back in the day when they used to make games) were a big-budget studio that couldn't risk a failure, so they officially announced games only when they were nearly done and in their final form (otherwise we would be talking about the hype that F-STOP generated and maybe even F-STOP: The Stupidest Spinoff of All Time). Hiveswap, on the other hand, was funded via Kickstarter and made by either people who had no experience in making games beforehand or people who just wanted to run away with the money to make their own game, hence the numerous delays. Plot-wise, yeah, Hiveswap is probably the same game that it was in 2013-14 (as someone in WMG.Calliopes Update Girl pointed out), but it did change both developers and style (from 3D to 2D), whereas Portal 2, as it was announced in March 2010, looks virtually indistinguishable from the game that actually released.
  • Joey Claire, Kate Parker, severedSovereign... Can't we just agree on a single name for her?
    • The Flashlight Girl from the Homestuck Kickstarter.
      • Which was used in a fanfic exactly once, and immediately followed by her being consistently named "Flashlight Girl".
      • That is still her full nickname, just as "the Business Magnet" is a common shorthand for "the Aperture Science Business Magnet".
      • Both "Flashlight Girl" and "Business Magnet" are descriptors, and the names of the "factions" so to say are also important. Note that "Homestuck Kickstarter" and "Aperture Science" are not characters in and of themselves, but are absolutely needed to distinguish the characters; there are a lot of different business magnates, just as there are a lot of different girls with flashlights.
      • The nickname you mentioned has just been removed from the MTW Wiki. I checked, and now the Marrissaverse version of Joey is simply "Joey "Flashlight Girl" Claire".
      • "The Flashlight Girl from the Homestuck Kickstarter" was removed because I realized that if it stays, I should also add "The Original Marrissa Picard from the Stephen Ratliff Stories", which is most definitely not her name.
    • If we assume that history will repeat the exact same way, she needs a name reminiscent of that of Chell's, implying that she got together with another Bright yet Dark character. So... Ms. Parker-Eikpyr "severedSovereign"?
      • Alright, you don't deserve this, but I am going to reveal at least the beginning of Bright yet Dark vs. Hiveswap (I mean The Council of Claires): in that timeline, Kate's spaceship doesn't land on Alternia, but rather on Hiveswap Earth. Which is just Homestuck's B1 Earth. So Kate never even meets Dammek/"Cervis" to begin with.
      • So... Ms. Parker-Claire "severedSovereign"?
      • Eh, no. A large part of the character arc for interdimensionalPortaller, following The Inevitable Sunset, is about trying to meet empatheticAmazon again and failing, and therefore, since they never really meet again, a ship with the two of them is out of question.
      • Ship, like the spaceship that Kate somehow downloaded?
      • Ship, as in relationship.
      • Cinematic parallels:
        [...] in that timeline, Kate's spaceship doesn't land on Alternia, but rather on Hiveswap Earth. Which is just Homestuck's B1 Earth.

        [...] only the first five chapters of Bright yet Dark are canon to this. So, in terms of actual plot that characters in-universe understand, Kate and co. have set off to discover a new planet to settle, but that planet doesn't end up being Alternia. What is it, then? You'll find out soon enough.
  • Another interesting point of evidence. The chapter featuring the interdimensionalPortaller/empatheticAmazon conversation in question is titled "Portalstuck 2: The Plight of Chell Harley". While this appears to be just a reference to EA being a Space player, I should probably remind you that Joey deliberately changed her name to associate herself with her mother, and what would she be before learning about her? Joey Harley. Evidence of ASBM being a time traveller?
    • There is exactly zero evidence for me being a time traveller in any form.
      • At least you saw Hiveswap in the future, given that both Kate's and Joey's adventures on Alternia start out with them falling flat on their face.
      • Somehow, if I played Hiveswap from the future (which is pretty much a must if I were to pick up on such a minor detail), I don't think I would be writing a fic "predicting" it at all, and especially not such an inaccurate one to throw everyone off. And in that case, you would have a lot of trouble phrasing the sentence you just said; as what we know as Kate would be named Joey, you would have to say something like "both the Bright yet Dark and Hiveswap versions of Joey's adventure on Alternia...".
    • The purpose of "Portalstuck 2: The Plight of Chell Harley" is actually twofold. One, it is a direct reference to how, when Combine OverWiki celebrated April Fools' Day 2010, the titles of various Half-Life series games were changed, including a hypothetical Half-Life: Opposing Force sequel titled "Opposing Force 2: Chell Shepard's Revenge". Two, it is a prelude to me, in the ITS MY LIFE! Expanded Universe, amalgamating names for fun and profit, including but not limited to Kanner Sorket (Kanaya Maryam + Vriska Serket), Janet Roberts (Jane Crocker + Marrissa Roberts), Luminacondy Pixies (Lumina Squires + Her Imperious Condescension + Feferi/Meenah Peixes), Skepness Man Beauregarde (Skepkitty + Business Man + Violet Beauregarde), Loreta Alcorn (Loreta Asanavičiūtė + Leelah Alcorn) and Linux Travolta (Linus Torvalds + John Travolta).
      • It can't be a prelude if you did it in 2010 with Alternate Timeline Warweary Serket (Warweary Villein + Vriska Serket).
  • The timeline presented as the evidence for this WMG is grossly oversimplified and ignores the characterization of the characters involved. First of all, interdimensionalPortaller started writing stories about herself and her friends as early as Part 6c of Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time, given that she probably has a knack for writing stories, and were she not trapped in Aperture, she would still be writing stories, just about something else. Kate, well, has not shown any interest in similar stories. Then, with the introduction of the Aperture Science BBS System Fan Fiction Application, which essentially converts stories to real events, IP's knack for writing stories turns out to also be a reality-altering power, which she gradually abuses more and more in order to become the "great fanfic goddess". Nothing even remotely like this has appeared in Bright yet Dark. Lastly, IP's main reason for resenting ASBM is not because "she is not the canon one", but rather because she has become self-aware, realized that she is in a story, and resents the idea of being a puppet at someone else's hands, and ASBM (and everything she stands for), for her, is just a convenient target for projection. If anything, IP fully accepts what she grew up as, as the Portal series canon has no Fan Fiction Application and therefore no chance for IP to get real power (except maybe if she transferred herself to a core and somehow replaced GLaDOS as the central core). Maybe Kate, if she ever learns about ASBM, will have a different reasoning, and maybe, with a tiny probability, that reasoning will be "oh noes but I wanted to be just like Joey", but we simply don't know at this point, and besides, with no "Kate's side of the story" to confirm it, our prediction ability hinges on IP's experiences.
    • That, and there's evidence that Kate would not fully accept "being just like Joey". After all, the Bright yet Dark narration mentions that the ideal decade for Kate to be born in would be the 1990s, and Joey, born in 1980, does not represent that. That, and one of Kate's dreams is actually living on whatever alien planet she lands on, whereas Joey has experienced firsthand that Alternia is a fairly terrible place and would probably want to return home.
      • Well, Kate hasn't gotten the lowdown on Alternia, but I think if she learned what Joey learned in Hiveswap Act 1 (trolls discriminate by blood color, adults don't live on Alternia, there is a rebellion against the heiress, the leader of the rebellion is a terrible moirail), she would probably just step back in her spaceship and try to find another planet to settle on, especially since, unlike the cherub portal Joey used, Kate's spaceship did not immediately become surrounded by an impassable forcefield the moment she set foot on Alternia. As for Joey, before she got to Alternia? Well, she did write in her diary that she wants a vacation from humanity.
      • Objection: In the Bright yet Dark universe, Dammek's (or Cervis', I guess) tablet is most likely firmly in his hands, and not just randomly next to Kate's spaceship. Since she would never get it, Kate would never contact Xefros (or whatever the hell his name is in the Bright yet Dark universe) and therefore wouldn't learn the things Joey learned from him, at least not as conveniently.
      • That is while we're still assuming Cervis is the leader of a rebellion. Remember that in Bright yet Dark, his reaction to meeting Kate was to run away in fear of the Condesce, while Dammek, in his place, probably would not be afraid to pump Kate full of lead. That, and the whole reason the Condesce banished adult trolls from Alternia is so that another rebellion doesn't happen. One occurring in Hiveswap (and being organized by kids, no less) is pretty much against the odds, and not something anyone could have anticipated while writing a hypothetical on Hiveswap's plot.
      • Pump Kate full of lead? I'm not so sure. Upon learning that Joey is an alien, Xefros is pretty excited to help her, and since his mannerisms are largely inspired by Dammek, he would probably feel the same way too. Also, Xefros immediately takes Joey to the other rebels, which he wouldn't risk if they hated aliens to the point of wanting to kill them on sight, and most importantly, the Heiress hates aliens, which means that, since the rebels are trying to separate themselves from her, they must at least support them. Plus, if we assume Dammek knows what the cherub portal is (reasonable, since he has its schematics around), wouldn't the whole point of him activating it be so that he can recruit aliens to serve as soldiers in the rebellion?
  • The Council of Claires has been posted. Get hype.
    • I will absolutely get hype, but I can't help but wonder... The summary does state that it will feature "Kate Parker, Joey Claire and Joey Claire", and the first chapter suggests that it is actually not just Bright yet Dark and Hiveswap that are getting into play here. So...

Where does the second Joey Claire in The Council of Claires come from?



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