Tall, Dark, and Snarky Writer / Artist / GM / Roleplayer / Musician / Graphic Designer / Voice Actor

*Takes a deep breath*

Hi there. If you're reading this, you probably have too much free time. Fortunately for you, so do I. So here's a bit of information about me.

I'm a student who's always had a passion for fiction - books, movies, whatever. I look for works that do something creative and show me something I've never seen before. So, when a girl I was dating told me she was into anime and manga and recommended that I start reading Fullmetal Alchemist and watching Baccano, I got completely hooked. I've recently taken up a mild interest in tabletop gaming after reading Erfworld - the creativity required to think of the ending to book 1 made me look for a situation in which I'd have to exercise that kind of outside-the-box thinking for myself. These days, my downtime is spent serving as the film critic for my college's paper, playing guitar, writing songs, running a Legend campaign, designing Legend's official character sheet, GM screen, and other visual aids, and dealing with school.

I'm a Serial Tweaker, an Eclectic, and a proud member of PLATTER. I'm currently floating around the Tabletop Games sub forum.

Those of you familiar with the awesomeness that is Double K may have seen a little video I threw together that Captainosaka was nice enough to feature.

Vandalism!! Whoo!!

I provide examples of:

The Anti-Nihilist:
Yours Truly: Odds are, nothing we do is going to last. In the grand scheme of things, all we are are insignificant little specks rocketing through the universe on a slightly bigger insignificant little speck. And every step you take, someone is going to try to step on top of you. Ultimately, there's no real meaning to any of this, and none of it is going to be important. So why not just be happy that you're here, now, alive, and do what you can to make things even a little better?
Badass Beard: I certainly like to think so, anyway. Also shows up a lot in my work.
Badass Longcoat: I have two, both of which I chose specifically for this effect. They are also Awesome Yet Practical in the New England winter.
The Bartender: Slowly but surely building up this reputation.
Berserk Button: Several, but the only one big enough to effect an actual immediate personality change is defective tech and/or badly written instructions. If I'm trying to do something, the instructions aren't working, I can't Macgyver a solution, and other help is not forthcoming, I go from my usual laid-back Nice Guy self to being an impatient short-tempered Jerkass in 10 seconds flat. And I flip back just as soon as it's working again.
- More seriously: I will deck you on the spot for any of the following: bigotry, Lack of Empathy, abuse of power, greed, and anything remotely related to sexual assault. Especially that last one - I can't remember the last time I was angrier than when I heard someone say "The only one of them attractive enough to be sexually assaulted is--"
Big Ol' Eyebrows: They have been mistaken for caterpillars. Runs in the family.
Bi The Way
Brief Accent Imitation: I slip into this far too frequently for my own good. The fact that I'm not nearly as good at it as I like to think I am doesn't help.
Casanova Wannabe: On the one hand, by any reasonable standard, I have a pretty decent sex life. On the other hand, when you compare me to the people I spend my time around, one of whom is essentially the long-lost child of Ferris Bueller and Flynn Rider, and compare where I am to where I'd like to be...
Chivalrous Pervert / Ethical Slut: Somewhere in the middle, depending on how much action I'm getting at any given time.
Do Not Call Me "Paul": There are about ten people on earth who I allow to use the unshortened version of my real first name, and all of them are blood relatives. Anyone else who refers to me with that name will make me very unhappy with them.
Ear Notch: I'm not sure if I was born with it or if it's the result of an incident with my cousin when we were very young, but either way, there's a noticeable chunk missing from my right ear.
Evil Laugh: Mine scares children. Only when I want it to, though - my real laugh is much more jovial.
Fatal Flaw: SLO TH, to an absolutely ridiculous degree.
Fiery Redhead: Sort of.
For Happiness
Game Master: Well, yeah.
Generation Xerox / Identical Grandson / Like Father, Like Son: My father's side of the family has some damn strong genes. Pretty much every single physical trait I have also appears on him. The exceptions are hair ^*, height^*, and the specific details of our individual vision problems ^*He's farsighted, I'm nearsighted. We're both avid readers and movie buffs, with similar taste in music (although I've always been willing to go heavier than him).
Good Parents: I couldn't ask for better.
Grammar Nazi: I'm not that anal about it, but a really easy way to get me ticked is to screw up its/it's, their/there/they're or say would/could/should of. Really, internet?
Hates Being Alone: There is a very good reason that ignoring me is listed as my Berserk Button.
He Cleans Up Nicely: 90 percent of my wardrobe consists of T-shirts and jeans. The rest contains some very, very nice suits that I look very, very nice in.
I Can't Dance: Really, truly can't.
Irishman and a Jew: Nothing to do with the character pairing, but as it happens, I'm actually both.
Keet: I've been known to get pretty good vertical airtime when I get excited about something.
Large Ham: When I want to be. Case in point.
Limited Social Circle
Loud of War / Make Me Wanna Shout: I'm certainly capable of this; see No Indoor Voice below.
Man of a Thousand Voices: Let's see... I can do three distinct types of Guttural Growler, the Gollum voice, the Stitch voice, Mr. Burns, Marge Simpson, Riff Raff, three types of Fake Brit, Fake Russian, a decent Southern drawl, a bad Scottish accent, an even worse Irish accent, a decent impression of Spongebob, and a few more that aren't based on anything but my sheer desire to be annoying. This made me one of the go-to guys for reading dialogue in English class, at least until the incident detailed under Sir Swears-a-Lot happened.
- That said, I don't tend to use a whole lot of these in my voice work because they generally sound too cartoony to be convincing. I generally end up playing hyperactive teenagers.
Martial Pacifist: My philosophy on violence. It definitely shows through in my work.
Metal Head: Although it's worth noting that outside of an appreciation for horror movies, an incredibly in-depth knowledge of the genre, and a few mild Nightmare Fetishist tendencies, I don't fit the stereotype at all.
- Stop Being Stereotypical: And I tend to have this reaction to the ones who do - I get enough crap about my tastes without these guys forcing me to explain to everyone else that they're heavily in the minority.
Motor Mouth: Whenever I get very involved in fixing something, I pretty much become this. Also, this.
Multicolored Hair: It's a mixture of Ginger and dark brown, with a jet-black stripe running down the middle of my beard and equally black eyebrows. All of this is completely natural.
Myers Briggs: Textbook INFP. Literally everything in this article (aside from family conflicts) is 100% accurate.
Nightmare Face: Capable of pulling an incredibly creepy one.
Nightmare Fetishist: Not to the extent of most, but I am fascinated by the macabre and enjoy scaring the shit out of people considerably more than is likely healthy.
Noodle Incident: At present, there is a full deck of playing cards glued to my ceiling. Not even I know why I decided to put them there, although the most likely candidate is Alcohol-Induced Idiocy.
Pigeonholed Voice Actor: Psychopaths, teenagers, and psychopathic teenagers.
Real Men Wear Pink: I firmly believe this - not that I'd ever follow the trope name literally, but that's just because I don't think I look good in the color.
Ridiculous Procrastinator: Oh dear lord, where do I begin with this one...
The Roleplayer: With a dash of The Loonie.
Sad Clown: Used to be one. I keep up the clowning these days, but I've gotten much happier.
Serious Business: If I decide to get involved in something, it instantly becomes this.
Sir Swears-a-Lot: Again, considerably more so in real life than online. Pretty much every session of my Legend campaign where I've been on the mic has qualified for Cluster F-Bomb.
- This has actually gotten me in trouble once in a while when I accidentally let myself off the leash. Most notably, I once translated the passage that gave us the name Country Matters into modern English. While keeping the vulgarity level roughly the same. In the middle of English class. While the teacher was present. To be fair, I did substitute a slightly less vulgar alternative for the big one.
Sugar-and-Ice Personality: Most of the time, I consider myself pretty amiable, if a bit overly boisterous. Other times... not so much.
The GM Is a Cheating Bastard: Homeboy here might as well physically throw his Legend handbook out the window if there's a high enough potential for something awesome to happen. -Exelixi
Trademark Favorite Food: Rotates. At the moment, Mapo Tofu is in the top spot.
Waistcoat of Style: I've taken to wearing them.

My characters provide examples of:

In General:

Chaotic Good: With exceptions.
Crazy Awesome: Half the time.
Dark and Troubled Past: Usually some kind of ex-criminal.
The Stoic: The other half of the time.

Altusholt (D&D 4E):

Campaign: The Golden Dragon

Anthropomorphic Personification: Of heavy metal, explaining his Ethical Hedonist nature.
Author Filibuster: See Berserk Button below
Badass Biker: See below.
Berserk Button: Don't force your will on people, and don't hurt kids.
- Also, don't try to tell him that Heavy Metal is based on hate / anger / rage. He shares this one with me, and one particular incident resulted in the following rant:
"A great man once said, "If Heavy Metal ran the world, there'd be a lot of songs about war and a lot of songs about death, but nobody would actually die. You lost because you thought what we do is about hate. It's not. It's about love - loving people enough to open yourself up to them, loving what you do enough to share it with them, loving yourself enough not to care what anyone else thinks of you for it. Every time I go on stage, I see the audience coming together to share something that makes them happy. I see my band acting as a single unit to do what we love, what we're passionate about. I don't see hate, or violence, or evil. I see joy."
Blood Knight: Depends on his mood. He enjoys fighting most of the time, but not enough that he won't prioritize protecting innocents. And if you manage to piss him off...
Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Despite the fact that he's got a screw loose, he's an incredibly competent fighter and a damn good musician. Also capable of giving some surprisingly good advice when necessary.
Casual Kink
Chivalrous Pervert
Cool Bike: It's the one from Painkiller's jacket art. If you don't know what that is, then observe.
Crazy Awesome: The aforementioned insanity is also what results in him riding such a cool bike and coming up with metal several centuries before its time.
Ethical Hedonist: With heavy emphasis on the "Hedonist" part, but he's also quick to get serious and do whatever he can to help someone who needs him. He is, at his core, an entertainer.
For Happiness
Friend to All Children: Yep.
Hell-Bent for Leather: Spikes and all.
Instrument of Murder: The Axe of Fate is also a literal axe. That is on fire.
Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Pretty much his defining trait. Usually an amoral, hedonistic jackass, but if someone's actually suffering he's the first to get serious and unleash the righteous fury. He's also The Medic.
The Medic
Memetic Sex God: This actually wasn't my idea - we needed a reason for a certain monk to stay with the party, and everyone simultaneously concluded that Alt was good enough in bed that said monk would be willing to stick around.
Metal Head: No shit. That said, he does actually play other styles when the situation calls for them.
Nightmare Fetishist
The Power of Rock
Special Snowflake Syndrome: Amazingly, not an intentional victim of this. The conversation that led to his creation went like this:
Me: What's the one-sentence setting description?
GM: Medieval Japan, but fantasy version.
Me: Awww, there goes my heavy metal Tiefling bard idea.
GM: Actually, I'll let you do that.
Me: SWEET!
Tranquil Fury: Gets like this whenever he's sufficiently pissed off - which is pretty frequent, come to think of it.
Wisdom from the Gutter: Any legitimate advice he gives is this, simply because it's coming from him.

Atwiless Habagabar, Lord and Master of the Duchy of Froofibowiway (Self-proclaimed) (Legend System)

Campaign: Legends Of Voronda

Badass Grandpa
Chaotic Neutral
Crazy Awesome: On account of attempting to turn his own brain into a magic focus.
Dangerous Forbidden Technique
Henshin Hero
Large Ham: USUALLY SPEAKS IN BOLD AND ALL CAPS.
Mad Scientist
Magic Carpet: He rides one. That has gatling guns mounted on it.
Powered Armor
Professor Guinea Pig
Reality Warper: The other result of attempting to turn his brain into a magic focus.
Talkative Loon
They Called Me Mad!
With Great Power Comes Great Insanity
Wrench Whack: His Weapon Of Choice.
X Meets Y: Don Quijote meets Da Orks.

SIR RODRICK FENDER (Legend System)

Campaign: The Prisons of Drear

Ax-Crazy: He does a good job of hiding it, but it's there.
Boisterous Bruiser
The Brute: He's bigger than the party's resident Orc.
Complete Monster
Even Evil Has Standards: His actions tend to give others this reaction.
LARGE HAM
Murder Is the Best Solution
The Paladin: A very, VERY warped version.
Tautological Templar: Not only is he one, but his order is actually designed to produce these.
Villain Protagonist

Drej Sinnigen (Legend System)

Campaign: Tower Of God

Blade Below the Shoulder: One on each arm, and they're electrified to boot. In addition, they have a tendency to set enemies on fire.
Dark and Troubled Past: Originally a FUG member in the outer tower, he left the organization over something that has yet to be explained / decided by myself and the GM. Unfortunately, this left him with very few skills that didn't involve sneaking around and killing people, so he contracted himself out as a hitman to put food on the table.
Deadpan Snarker: Oh dear god, yes.
Fragile Speedster: VERY fragile.
Glass Cannon: He's capable of one-shotting roughly half the party if necessary. At the same time, he really can't take a hit.
Guile Hero: Has the party's Blood Knight tank completely pegged.
Hitman with a Heart
In the Hood
Necessarily Evil: Views himself as this. He doesn't actually like killing, but he's very good at it and circumstances force him to utilize that skill constantly.
Satisfied Street Rat
Shock and Awe
Stealth Expert
The Stoic
Take a Third Option
Vitriolic Best Buds: This dynamic is slowly developing with the aforementioned Blood Knight.
You Fight Like a Cow: While being chased through a maze:
Graul: COME OUT! SNEAKING IS FOR THE WEAK!
Graul runs directly into a concrete wall
Drej: Oh dear, is competence for the weak as well?

Evan Gordon

Campaign: Troper Changeling The Lost Chronicle

The Face
Master of Disguise
The Social Expert
Weakened by the Light: As a Darkling, this is to be expected.

Things Mr. Jacobs Is No Longer Allowed To Do In An RPG:

If I see signs of an impending boss fight in a tomb, I cannot open the coffins, dismember the skeletons, and shove the individual bones through a closed portcullis.
- I am not allowed to make choo-choo noises when the GM attempts to dissuade me from doing this.
If my character attempts to reason a point, and has a high enough intelligence score that they can reason it well, the point may not be completely stupid.
My tail does not give me +5 to acrobatics.
Do not allow the party to split. EVER.
- I really should have learned this lesson after my first ever session left me stranded in a trap-filled room... while everyone else was fighting a boss. The fact that I kept failing my perception and thievery checks led to the following immortal line:
ITT: We all fight the boss while Kyle plays Nethack.
Not allowed to force the party into fighting in a cramped hallway just because I'm trying to keep the session moving.
- Especially not when they are all level one and are dealing with a level four barbarian. It's worth noting that this would have been balanced in their favor if not for the fact that they were trapped in a hallway.
Not allowed to cannibalize NPC names from whatever I have lying on my desk.
If the campaign is set in feudal Japan, I am not allowed to play as a Tiefling heavy metal bard whose guitar is also an axe and on fire. Because he's underpowered. Skalds, however, are fine.
Said skald does not know the spell "Summon Groupies".
Just because I can one-shot half the party does not mean I should take on a boss on my own while everyone else stays back fighting minions. Especially when I'm the squishiest member of the party.
Smite Evil cannot be used against abstract concepts.
I am not allowed to declare the party's absentminded old wizards lengthy monologues as Evil and smite them.
No longer allowed to start singing "With Catlike Tread" any time the party fails horribly at being stealthy.
My paladin is not a member of the church of the Most Holy DM.
Not allowed to play a character without a solid grasp of the concept of "Around".
I am no longer allowed to play an omniglot just because I took "Good With People".
"Peasant" is not a separate language and if it was I would not speak it.

Tropers / Kyle Jacobs

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