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For real though. I wouldn't go so far as calling myself a writer (really, aren't we all these days?) though I do write. Mostly I'm just a lazy waste of space who spews words much as a sea-cucumber spews its entrails out to deter predators. Predators in this case being, you know, life in general.

Wait, does that work? Probably not. Good imagery, though. Potent.

I ran into TV Tropes here and there during my dips into the internet. This strange, otherworldly place people mentioned from time to time and which seemed to get linked to anytime anyone needed to explain a concept in a film or a book. I skimmed the surface with fear, not understanding. Why was Darth Vader a dragon now? What did this mean?

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Of course now I understand. I understand all too well. Now not a day goes by I'm not browsing the damn thing. I do it whenever there's a lull in anything. Anything.It's basically a reflex at this point.

What do I personally contribute to TV Tropes? Nothing. I think I quibbled about the interpretation of an Iron Maiden song that one time. That was about it. I don't really consider myself capable of bringing anything of value to the site. So here I sit, a pariah. Story of my life.

(I was quibbling the lyrical interpretation of 'When The Wild Wind Blows', by the by. I don't think anyone ever replied. I stand by my assertion that the couple in the song did not kill themselves with poison, but rather died as a result of consuming fallout tainted food, as they did in the original story. I will fight you, breh.)

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Anyway It was a time of shameless self-promotion. Ahem. Short stories and nonsense galore.

WIP

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    Tropes I have arbitrarily applied to myself 

  • Anti-Nihilist: Just because we'll all be dead in a hundred years doesn't mean we should be unpleasant to one another.
  • Attention Deficit Creator Disorder: I get bored incredibly easily, at least if there's anything that remotely resembles hard work involved.
  • The Big Guy: Six-foot four of gangling, awkward manchild.
  • Book Dumb: My progression through academic life was something of a farce. I am not cut out for it and am not that intelligent in the first place. But there you go.
  • Gonk: I'm a distinctly unpleasant looking individual.
  • Guilty Pleasure: W.A.F.F., mostly as I lack the capability to replicate it.
  • "L" Is for "Dyslexia": I also got, like, dyspraxia too. Dysgraphia? A whole mess of dys's, basically.
  • Mellow Fellow: So laid back as to be practically horizontal. But not in the cool way. In the apathetic way.
  • Self-Deprecation: This is not a thing that happens with me.
  • Verbal Tic: "Also" as a means of starting any and all sentences, even if they didn't follow on from anything.
  • What the Hell Is That Accent: Suggestions for where I'm from have covered Australia, Ireland, America, Sweden and South Africa. I am English, live in the town I was born in and have never lived abroad. What happened to me?

    The Vault of Exquisite Quality 

Which is to say: things I like.

Films

Specifically, the ones I would clutch to my bosom were I on a desert island. The ones that have left a mark on me! The ones I love a whole bunch.

    Tropes that oft do feature in whatever it is I laughably call 'work' 

  • Artificial Human: The Spokesobjects who make repeated appearances across several stories are not naturally occurring. Of course, any explanation of what they actually are is never forthcoming. They just are.
  • Body Horror: A guy did get turned into a living teapot that one time? I'm not sure that qualifies, really.
  • Cold Open: Who are these people? Why is he running? Where are we? You will never know. That's probably another trope, now I think about it.
  • Downer Ending: I guess? No-one's ever learned anything, things are usually as bad as they were at the start (or often worse) and everyone involved is usually either injured, dead or crying. But I could be wrong, so don't take my word for it.
  • Flat Character: My characters are blank meat-puppets there so the story happens to someone rather than just to an empty room.
  • Magic Realism: Maybe. I might misunderstand the concept. But there's a fair amount of oddness that people take as read.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: People are typically very blasé about the sometimes-horrific injuries they sustain in the course of whatever it is I happen to be writing at the time. If they're not, they don't get much sympathy anyway.
  • Robot Girl: One of the few stories to gain length without me abandoning it concerns one, though she is only half humanoid. Her friend even less so, given she is a Drone expy. As much as I like the idea of the super-cute, nice girl who is also a kickin' rad robot with guns and wotnot, it would feel self-indulgent if I did it.
  • Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. Cynicism: I try to be cheerful, though the people reading what I've done may disagree. At the very least I'd say the universe isn't unfair, the universe simply doesn't care. It rains on the just and the unjust alike, and some days your best simply isn't good enough. And then some days you turn into a teapot, I guess. I don't know.
  • "Shaggy Dog" Story: Typically my stories start nowhere and don't really get much further than that. No-one learns anything and if they have they're usually too dead to make use of it. On the off-chance it appears someone might break this cycle there's a remedy for that, too.
  • Short story: My primary means of expressing myself, apparently. Long enough that the sort of people who want to read Flash Fiction get bored, too short to turn into anything of any particular value. I exist in a twilight world of silence and obscurity.

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