Corrupt Male Menace is a no-longer-so-newish contributor, still pretending to learn the ropes whilst actually reading a comic concealed inside the textbook. He is a small-time Evil Genius living in that top bit of Britain which does not exist according to most works of fiction.
The Hair is CMM's constant companion and protector, residing on the top of his scalp for reasons of its own. Some have speculated that the Hair is in fact the true brains of the outfit, and that before it joined CMM, its previous host was one Stan Laurel...
When not ruining his life through troping, CMM and The Hair have interests in music, drama, correct use of the English language, zontanecrology, world domination...
He is also now a published author, and you can purchase his book here
or view the website here. Or view the trope page here.
Part of The Dysfunctional Family.
This troper demonstrates examples of:
- Affably Evil
- Alien Hair: There are those who believe that The Hair is an alien.
- Anime Hair: The Hair occasionally spontaneously adopts styles which are downright gravitationally impossible.
- Asexuality
- A Boy and His X: Although if the Hair is in control, that makes it An X And His Boy...
- Beard of Evil: Grown to stop him from looking like a fourteen-year-old. Now he looks like a bearded fourteen-year-old.
- Berserk Button: misuse of apostrophes, stupidity and zontanecrological inaccuracy.
- Beware the Nice Ones: CMM seems to have two settings - 'laugh everything off' and 'kill everyone nearby'. He can jump between them without warning.
- Big Eater: The Hair is canonically capable of eating Hell.
- Blithe Spirit: Pre-Character Development, albeit an unusually cynical one.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: He easily identified himself as this and was going to add it to his page ages ago, but he just couldn't be bothered...
- Camp Straight: Downplayed. He's a Camp Asexual, but if pushed he'll admit he tends to slightly prefer females to males.
- Canine Companion: She's called Lady.
- Captain Morgan Pose: Played straight occasionally as he finds it (or variations thereupon) bizarrely comfortable. Played for laughs just as often, or more.
- Card-Carrying Villain
- Cargo Ship: Several people seem to have developed worrying relationships with the Hair.
- Celibate Eccentric Genius: His asexuality takes care of the first point, his exam results thus far would indicate the last one, and the middle one probably applies just by the fact he put so much effort into making this page.
- Cosmic Horror: The Hair.
- Cluster F-Bomb: When he's really, really angry.
- Dance Battler: He once weaponised his own inability to dance by intentionally almost-breaking a girl's arms.
- Deadpan Snarker
- Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Any time the Hair is cut.
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette
- Enraged by Idiocy
- Evil Brit: Naturally has an Edinburgh accent (which probably counts on its own), but affects a refined English lilt when he's in card-carrying mode.
- Evil Genius
- Evil Is Hammy
- Evil Laugh: He has a range of them, all equally creepy.
- Evil Sounds Deep
- For the Evulz: His (claimed) motivation for pretty-much everything.
- The Gadfly
- Geek Physique: Severely underweight, despite being a Big Eater.
- Grammar Nazi
- Hair Flip: Necessary to keep it out his eyes when it decides to engulf his head. Earned him the nickname 'Flicky'.
- Having a Heart: His standard response to a sarcastic "So you do have a heart/brain" is to point out that he does, in a jar on his desk. Named Henry.
- Incredibly Lame Pun: without these, he would never say anything.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain
- Insufferable Genius
- Jerkass Façade: Or possibly Jerk with a Heart of Gold. Or possibly Jerk with a Heart of Jerk. Either way, it is wildly theorised that he is secretly a humanity-loving romantic way, way deep down.
- Kid with the Leash: To the Hair. Maybe.
- Knight in Sour Armour: Following Character Development.
- Literalist Snarking
Anyone: What's up?CMM: Ceiling. Sky. Infinite glory of space.
- Looks Like Cesare: Especially when he's tired or ill. Dark messy hair, very pale, very skinny, sunken dark eyes.
- Madden Into Misanthropy: Was once described as "not so much a misanthrope as a lapsed philanthropist".
- The Mad Hatter
- Mad Scientist: He's an environmental chemist. This course was chosen just so he could experiment on things.
- Memetic Badass: Is the Hair really as unstoppable as people say? The honest answer is that it's impossible to tell - no-one alive in the world today has ever tried to stop it.
- Memetic Hair: Ohhhhhhh boy...
- Messy Hair: All the time.
- Most Tropers Are Young Nerds
- Mouthful of Pi: Can recite as far as 3.141592653589793238462643383275 off the top of his head.
- Nerds Are Virgins: His sexuality makes him a virgin by default. The nerdiness is possibly related somehow.
- Nice Hat: CMM owns three top hats in varying refined colours, two stetsons (one in black and one in SANTA), a curiously woobieish broken jester's hat and a fez.
- Noble Demon: He's Neutral Evil dangit; don't listen to the slanderers who insist he's Chaotic Good!
- Nobody Touches the Hair: Not out of vanity, you understand. It's a matter of personal safety.
- Non-Action Guy: Has spectacularly lost every fight he didn't run from...
- Non-Action Snarker: ...except those of a non-physical nature.
- Overly Long Gag: CMM had an Overly Long Gag once, but it died. Now it's in a jar. On his desk. Named Henry.
- Precision F-Strike: Prefers not to swear if he can help it. Can't always help it.
- Proud to Be a Geek: Technically, he isn't. He's Proud to Be an Ubernerd.
- Sarcasm Failure: Despite being a self-proclaimed 'Stupidity Point-Outer', he refuses to even try to take on certain subjects due to there being too much Snark Bait involved for him to comprehend.
- Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Suffers from repeated bouts of "prolix logorrhoea".
- Shonen Hair: Occasionally, the Hair chooses this style.
- Significant Anagram: His real name is an anagram of Corrupt Male Menace.
- Sissy Villain: He is, by his own admission "suspiciously camp". Being asexual helps.
- The Slacker: Leading to many a Slouch of Villainy.
- The Snark Knight: Originally more of a general Deadpan Snarker, but has grown into one of these due to Character Development from Blithe Spirit to Knight in Sour Armour.
- The Spock: Compared to most of his friends, anyway.
Friend: "God, Calum, why are you so... logical?"CMM: "Someone had to balance out people like you?"Friend: "Aye, well, fuck you too."CMM: "Noted."
- Stupid Sexy Flanders: CMM is quite vocal on the subject of how "John Barrowman doesn't count". And apparently neither does Marilyn Monroe.
- Surrounded by Idiots
CMM: Why must I work with these amateurs?!?!
- Take Over the World
- The Tell: Eats significantly more (which is saying something) when stressed. Also his eczema worsens. And he becomes more of a jerk. In addition, he has a tendency to babble to himself when uncomfortable or self-conscious. And he shakes in times of extreme emotion.
- Too Clever by Half
- Unstoppable Rage: The Hair
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: The Hair. Presumably.
- Wicked Cultured: Favourite historical humans include Mozart, Shakespeare, Burns and Machiavelli.
