Taken from Gorram It, Not Another One!: A Study Of Annoying Beings - Arthur T. Brings, first published 2001
"The Catas' origin tale is one of wonder and amusement. At one point, electric snails created a small, but powerful, reactor and later on, I think a beige suit is involved. I think. The details are unimportant. The only thing that matters is that this story resulted in a collection of masses. One of them later picked up a keyboard and spewed nonsense into the eyes of unsuspecting people.
The life of a Cata is still unknown, but many of the world's brightest talents have attempted educated guesses. They have deduced, for example, that a Cata would beat most on a slip and slide. They feast on cider and pizza, are addicted to internet discussions about cards and like to talk about themselves in third person when creating their own page. Most of this information is based on the observations of various internet communities, into which the lead Cata (or so it seems - it is certainly the one that has the most human like nature) like to insert himself. Confusingly, he goes by the screen-name 'Cata'.
It is also theorized that all Catas are actually part of a single being - this would be backed up by the one who is believed to be the alpha Cata being the only Cata ever seen by human eyes, as well as his choice of screen-name."
I thank Mr Brings for such a lovely excerpt to start my page, and for such a flattering book to include me in. I think it's safe to say that the later theory is the correct one, I have checked my body multiple times and I have yet to find another me. The middle paragraph, when talking about behavioural habits of me, is strangely accurate.
Since you have come to this page, I assume you wish to inquire more about me, my nature, my likes and my collection of penknifes. So please, dear reader, have a look at the tropes and the whatnot below and I do hope you'll find me adequate enough to be part of your likes. If not, I hope you can instead take solace that you can now store a fair deal of money in the spaces where your liver used to be.
Some say that I'm very, very bald. They would be correct. Some say that I have the sharp wit and vast vocabulary of a Mark Twain/Oscar Wilde love child. They would also be correct, but the other form of correct which means utterly, totally wrong.
Below are a list of my tropes and my likes, but I fear that doesn't make for good reading. I've yet to see anyone give a shopping list the Booker prize, or a set list a place in the Tate Modern. So here's me, sitting, typing, and seeing what comes out.
What can I tell you about myself? Let's get the boring age, gender, location stuff out the way first (of course, that's a meaning of first that means in the third paragraph of the second section). I'm a 29 year old male living in the amazingly sunny and beautiful section of the world - I'm sorry, I can't do that with a straight face, I'll start again. I'm a 29 year old male living in the amazing grey and dreary section of the world, Nottingham, England. England, as we know, is home to the Englans, so I must confess, I am one of those Englans.
I studied Computer Games Design at Staffordshire University in the retro years of 2006-2009, and came out of the ordeal with a darker look on life, a shattered love life and a degree. I am currently in work, and as is natural for a Computer Games Design graduate, I've been working in healthcare admin. Recently, I've been at a Sexual Health clinic and, even more recently, an Endoscopy unit. My CV is basically "I told people not to stick things in them, then I told them we're sticking things in every hole." I can also claim to be a published journalist - I wrote for Yu-Gi-Oh! World GX magazine until it's demise, which I swear I had nothing to do with, honest judge. I am now working in a local school, which just makes me fear for the future of this country. In a big way. I'm currently working at the University of Nottingham, in recruitment, which is just as boring as it sounds.
Outside of work, my main passion is professional wrestling - most nights you'll find me either training or wrestling. I've also gained qualifications in the fitness field (Level 2 Gym Instructor, Level 3 Personal Trainer, Suspension Training). Getting into health pretty much saved my life, mentally and physically, so it's safe to say that's an immense passion of mine.
- Email: email@example.com
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/syntaxhop
- Deviantart name: Cataclismic (I don't go on it much, but will check now and again)
- Professional Wrestling!!!
- Football (or Soccer)
- Yo-yos/Throwing - New to this, but can see it'll be a massive passion in the years to come
- Health and fitness - Shrinking from 20 stone to 11.5 (at my lightest) pretty much saved my life, mentally and physically. If I hear folk talk about "starvation mode", "cleansing", or similar, we're going to have a bad time.
- Right, then - reset the temporal coordinates, recalibrate the stasis dial, technobabble to no one in particular, and... ha! Success! FIRST! - Noaqiyeum
Wait, whut, slow down, let me just get a pen and write that down, don't want to forget the recipe now.
- Too much black and not enough blue in your folders! PREPOSTEROUS! - WUE
I'M STILL LEARNINGGGGGG )=
- We were apprently attending the same university at the same time at some point! *holds up flask of coffee, stamps card* - Bisected8
So, do I get my free drink now?!?!
- So, your background in game design got you a job in health administration? Maybe I should put something on my résumé about all those hours I spent playing Dr. Mario.... - Exaggeration17A
You should man, you could be a chief of medicine with a résumé like that.
- So why doesn't future!Cata exist? -Spooky Mask
You killed him
- The faeries are here to  you! - a faerie
- I do believe that I haven't vandalised your page yet. Despicable! -sips tea- How are you then my fellow chap? -adjusts monocle- —A Crack In Time
TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA TEA SQUEAK AND SOME MORE TEA =D
- Huh? How have I not vandalized your page after all this time?! -hurries to set the page on fire- Whew! Glad that's done. :P -Nekoalexa
BURNNNNNNSSSSSSSS to death D=
- Have a Spot of Tea for me!
- NO VANDALISATION? FROM ME? Man, and I ran out of songs. Hang on!
How cool this guy I know,
He's got taste in music,
Proper cool, innit?
The awesome is easy to see,
He's a sweet guy,
Like the Cadbury's he buys!
Cata, the best,
Better than the rest! - "That One Guy You Know Who Writes Songs. Also The Title Of This Song Is This Very Bit You Are Reading Right Now"
- I can has tea? :3 — Boxen