It's perfectly normal to get annoyed about how you are boring. Let's face it: you can't beat up bank robbers, fly over buildings in a single bound, or even command the creatures of the deep! Now that's pathetic. Have you any suitably super-heroic functions?
Well, now you do! Just get the Trope Co. Transformation Trinket®! This handy device will transform you into a pretty soldier or badass in spandex or even a Badass Biker person! It's incredibly easy to use as well! Just stick the included key in, yell "By the Power of Grayskull!", and let the flashy Transformation Sequence do the rest! Order now and get one free wish!
So don't delay! Order one now! ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
Disclaimer: Trope Co.®, its subsidiaries, and its associate Incubators Inc., from which this product is manufactured, are not responsible for botched transformations from yelling the transformation word incorrectly, and for bad guys shooting you while the transformation is in progress. For security purposes, to buy a trinket, you must agree to sign a contract. By signing this contract, you agree to give us your soul so it may be placed inside your trinket. You also agree that we are not responsible for the inevitable backfire of your wish, the psychological torment you will suffer, or your subsequent, despair-fueled transformation into a horrifying Eldritch Abomination. Product non-refundable.