If you Must Have Caffeine, Trope Co.® can provide.
With beans from Turkey and hastily brewed on the request of Ziltoid the Omniscient, Klatchian Coffee™ will kick your ass and keep you up for weeks at a time. Containing 50,000% of your daily-dose of artificial sweetness and distilled coffee extract that only Science Fiction could accomplish, Klatchian Coffee™ supercharges the neurons in your brains, removing your need — and the ability — to sleep from between 1-to-5 weeks straight.
Klatchian Coffee™: When regular Coffee™ just won't cut it for you anymore.
Do not try Klatchian Coffee™ if you are pregnant, are going to become pregnant, are emotionally attached to keeping your liver, suffer from high-blood pressure or suffer from any heart conditions. Ask your doctor before trying Klatchian Coffee™. Trope Co.® cannot be be held responsible for every Tom, Dick and Harry who tries out products without reading the warning label and suffers from any medical emergencies related to Klatchian Coffee™. In fact, we might just sue you for libel should any health problems arrive from taking our Klatchian Coffee™. Your ass will be grass and your family will be indentured servants to Trope Co.® for the next five generations. Ironically, they'll spend the rest of their lives harvesting coffee-beans used to make more Klatchian Coffee™.
