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Too Dumb To Live / Pro Wrestling

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  • Bobby Heenan, on many occasions, completely forgot that he was "The Brain" and foolishly would try to attack Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior and ... most foolishly André the Giant. Every time, Heenan should have known he would be in for a severe beating, but yet ... .
  • On the May 25, 1998 episode of WCW Monday Nitro, WCW United States Heavyweight Champion Goldberg defended the title against Jobber Johnny Attitude, who came out for the match with a bald head and even imitated Goldberg's mannerisms. The match itself lasted 1:09. If you've never heard of Johnny Attitude, there's a reason. In fact, you can actually see the look on the referee's face that Johnny's gonna get a whupping.
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  • At ECW's December 5, 1998 show (aired on December 9), held at the Burt Flickinger Center in Buffalo, NY, Lance Storm (w/"Tammy Lynn Bytch" Dawn Marie) was scheduled to face Mikey Whipwreck. Storm walked to the ring carrying a cassette box for Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows, saying that he wasn't going to let Paul Heyman "screw" him like that, and left. Mikey got on the mic and issued a challenge to wrestle anyone. Rod Price walked out and accepted. Mikey chickened out, saying that he wanted to wrestle, but that Price doesn't wrestle, he fights, and left. Price got on the mic and issued a challenge to anyone who "wants a damn fight!" Cue "Natural Born Killaz," AND HERE COMES NEW JACK!. Jack proceeded to Squash Price in his usual style in about two minutes, finishing with the guitar shot off the top. Joey Styles even said, "In ECW, you do not throw out open challenges."
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  • On the September 16, 2000 ECW Hardcore TV, the Musketeer threw out an open challenge to anyone...and "The Female Fighting Phenom" Jazz ran in and kicked his ass in 49 seconds. After the match, Joey Styles mocked him by saying, "Good night, d'Artagnan!"
  • On a more mundane note, those Jobbers who try to slam or shoulderblock Kamala, Earthquake, Vader, etc.
  • Real Life case: Teddy Hart, an infamous Spot Monkey notorious for refusing to follow the script and doing insane high-flying moves just to show off. Doing these moves forces the other wrestlers to catch him unprepared, nearly getting everyone injured or killed. This blatant disregard for everyone's safety plus Teddy's primadonna attitude, have led him to be fired and blacklisted from several promotions, including WWE, TNA, and ROH (where the stunt took place) — which is a pity, because he does have a lot of talent, but until he grows a brain he isn't going anywhere.
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  • Bo Dallas. A delusional motivational speaker who interrupts other wrestlers and tells them to "Bo-lieve!" — okay, fine, it's WWE. When he starts to doing it to former World Champions and others on a similar level, you think he's either ballsy or a little lacking in self-preservation. When you do it to Brock Lesnar? As JBL says, he's "the dumbest man on the planet".
  • Another real life example: Eric Kulas, victim of the infamous "Mass Transit Incident". Showing up to an ECW house show where they were short a wrestler, Kulas told promoter Paul Heyman that he was twenty-three years old, and had been trained by Killer Kowalski. In actuality, Kulas was seventeen years old and had not been trained to wrestle at all. Promptly finding himself subbing in for the no-showing Axl Rotten as "Mass Transit", a Ralph Kramden-esque bus driver gimmick, he was paired with D-Von Dudley. Unfortunately, they were being booked in a hardcore Squash Match against The Gangstas, Mustafa Saed and New Jack. New Jack, for those who aren't aware, is an actual sadistic sociopath with absolutely no regard for the health and safety of anyone who he's working with. Kulas didn't improve matters by copping an attitude towards the actual wrestlers at the show, talking big like he was going to take charge of the match and disrespecting people. Even worse, having already annoyed New Jack with his attitude, Kulas was dumb enough to actually ask New Jack to blade him during the match, because he'd never done it himself. New Jack, as expected, intentionally bladed Kulas too deep with a scalpel, severing two arteries in his forehead, sending blood spraying across the ring and causing Kulas to immediately pass out, while his father at ringside screamed "Ring the fucking bell. He's seventeen!". Kulas' father gets an honourable mention here for actually backing up his son's lies about his age to Heyman, apparently under the impression that his son was signing up to pick flowers and braid them into wreaths. There was a massive scandal over the incident and it nearly got the next ECW PPV canceled. Once Kulas' sheer stupidity in getting himself into the situation came out, New Jack was cleared of assault charges and their civil case against him was dismissed.

Alternative Title(s): Professional Wrestling


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