Follow TV Tropes

Following

Theatre / Altar Boyz

Go To

"We are the Altar Boyz
We know that God is where it's at
We are the Altar Boyz
Because we think he's real phat
We are the Altar Boyz
You know we don't get no complaints
We are the Altar Boyz
And we can even name the saints!
We are the Altar Boyz
We think that church is super fine
We are the Altar Boyz
We love the wafers and the wine
We are the Altar Boyz
And I think you'll find...
We're gonna altar your mind!
"We Are The Altar Boyz"

Five small-town boys from Ohio — Matthew, Mark, Luke, Juan and Abraham (he's Jewish) — have joined forces to save the souls of America through their righteous music, with lyrics like "Girl, You Make Me Wanna Wait" and "Jesus Called Me on My Cell Phone". But will their angelic voices and spectacular dancing work its wonders in New York City?

The ninth longest-running off-Broadway musical in history, Altar Boyz is an Affectionate Parody of boy bands and Christan rock. The Boyz are giving a concert in New York, hoping to save the souls of their audience, but find themselves confronting their own demons and doubts over the course of the night.


This musical provides examples of:

  • Bigger Is Better: The boys are very upset that they're in a small Off Broadway theater and not a place like the Radio City Music Hall.
  • Black Comedy: An extended sequence involves milking laughs out of Juan's discovery that the parents for whom he's spent his life searching are, in fact, dead.
  • Boy Band: The central concept of the show is an Affectionate Parody of Christian rock and boy bands.
  • Breakup Breakout: In-Universe, it doesn't actually happen, but record labels promise exactly this to each member of the band to get them to sign a solo deal. Abraham is the only one not to accept the deal.
    Abraham: Let me get this straight. You mean I'm the only Altar Boy??
  • Chase Scene: La Vida Eternal, as the boys try to get Juan to finish his song.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Surprisingly. Juan, after searching for his parents for years, finds out that they're dead on his birthday. Luke has had an awfully hard time in school, and went to alcohol to cope with his issues. As for Mark, it is implied that he got gaybashed every Sunday when he was young.
  • Flamboyant Gay: Mark. His bandmates do not appear to notice.
  • Funny Background Event: When Abraham takes over the vocals on "La Vida Eternal", it's kind of funny, but watching the other three desperately chase Juan around the stage is hilarious.
  • Funny Foreigner: Juan, particularly played up in the "Genesis of the Altar Boyz" segment.
  • Gay Aesop: "Epiphany", Mark's big solo, seems to be setting up a "Gays are people too" message, but then turns out to be "Catholics are people too" instead.
  • Genius Bonus: Abraham, the Jewish gefilte fish out of water, writes all the bands' songs in universe. It especially makes sense if you have the knowledge that a great many Christmas songs were written by Jewish songwriters (Johnny Marks, Irving Berlin, Jule Styne, Sammy Cahn, etc).
  • Give Me a Sign: Used in the "Genesis of the Altar Boyz" segment.
  • God-Is-Love Songs: Altar Boyz is made of this trope.
  • Have a Gay Old Time: An audience member confesses to having coveted his neighbor's ass (i.e., the sin of lust). Juan mistakes his meaning and gives an impassioned speech about the lure of donkeys.
    "And maybe if you ask nicely, your neighbor will allow you to stroke his ass!"
  • Innocent Innuendo: The Altar Boyz beg to "put it in me" — of course, they're referring to God putting the rhythm in them.
  • It Runs on Nonsensoleum: The Soul Sensor DX-12.
  • Musical World Hypotheses: Falls decidedly into the diegetic category.
  • Parental Abandonment: Juan's backstory.
  • Pretty Fly for a White Guy: Luke.
  • Product Placement: The Soul Sensor DX-12 is a Sony product, and Matthew never fails to remind the audience of that fact.
  • Pun
    "At least I signed with Virgin!"
  • Purity Sue: Matthew. So much so that he even sings a song about how abstinent he is.
  • Subverted Rhyme Every Occasion: A variation; the rhyme is preserved but the spirit is the same. In a song about waiting until marriage to have sex:
    Girl, you make me want to wait
    At least until our wedding date
    So till then, I'll master...
    My own fate
  • The Eleven O'Clock Number: Epiphany is a parody of this.
  • Transparent Closet: Mark basically lives in one.
  • Unreliable Narrator: In "Genesis of the Altar Boyz", the beginning of the band is told in a sketch divided into segments, each written by one member of the band and highly influenced by the author — in Mark's section, Matthew gushes over his hair; in Luke's, everyone is very nonverbal; in Juan's, everyone is incredibly insensitive about his lack of parents, and in Abraham's, everyone is incredibly insensitive about his Judaism.
  • Unusual Euphemism: Repeated reference is made to Luke having just come out of rehab for "exhaustion".
    • Subverted by the in-character blog that used to be on the site for the musical. It turns out that Luke was exhausted because he'd been driving the band's van at night and not getting any sleep, causing him to crash into a tree and sustain some minor injuries (hence the need for rehab).
    "In my defense, I was incredibly exhausted at the time!"
  • When It All Began: The "Genesis of the Altar Boyz" sketch.

"We are the Altar Boyz
You know we're right here in your town
We are the Altar Boyz
You helped us knock the devil down!
We are the Altar Boyz
You know we'd really love to stay
We are the Altar Boyz
But now it's time to go away
We are the Altar Boyz
You know we'll always dance and rhyme
We are the Altar Boyz
Why don't we sing it one more time?
We are the Altar Boyz
And I think you'll find...
We're gonna altar your mind!
"We Are The Altar Boyz (Remix)"

Top