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"The Reason You Suck" Speeches in live-action TV shows, titles from A to M.


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    A 
  • In the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. episode "Nothing Personal", Skye gives one of these to the traitorous Ward. At first, because he doesn't know she knows he's a traitor, she couches it as suggestions of what he could say to his traitorous mentor, Garrett. When all is revealed, though, she actually gives him a second speech... while his prisoner!
    • He gets another one in the season finale, "Beginning of the End", after all the fighting's done and he's been captured. Coulson tells him that, as bad as any physical torture he might receive will be, his internal torture will be worse.
      Coulson: You devoted your entire life to a deranged narcissist who never gave a damn about anyone, and now he's dead. You've the rest of your life to wrestle with the question, "Who are you without him?"
    • Coulson calls him out again in season 2 "A Fractured House".
      "My team? Y-you... You are not, nor will you ever be on my team. You dropped Fitzsimmons out of a plane. You murdered Victoria Hand and Eric Koenig. You betrayed every one of us you deluded son of a bitch!"
    • Finally, Bobbi calls him out on his massive Never My Fault tendencies during the season two finale.
  • In series 3 of Alias Sydney delivers one to Vaughn after she recovers from her kidnapping/brainwashing, only to discover that Vaughn has married someone else.
    Sydney: Don't use rational thought as a defense with me, not after all you and I have seen. Vaughn, you and I live and breathe madness every day on the job. There is no rational thought. I can't pretend to have a conversation about anything else with you. What it comes down to is faith. What I was hoping you'd say was, "I gave up on us, I lost faith." But what you came here for was closure, and there is not a chance you are getting that from me. I'm not gonna say I understand. I'm not gonna sympathize with you, and tell you how hard this must be for you. But you wanna know how I am? I am horrible! Vaughn, I am ripped apart. And not because I lost you, but because if it had been me, I would've waited. I would've found the truth. I wouldn't have given up on you. And now I realize what an absolute waste that would've been.
  • On All My Children, Janet Green, fed up with the way the people of Pine Valley have been treating her ever since her release from prison, starts off one of these with "You self-righteous, sanctimonious bunch of HYPOCRITES!", then proceeds to truthfully point out that nearly every single one of them has done something despicable, yet they have all been forgiven and are now pillars of the community, all the while showing little to no remorse for their actions nor making efforts at making amends to the people they hurt, whereas she has been bending over backwards trying to redeem herself only to be consistently treated like dirt.
  • American Horror Story:
    • American Horror Story: Freak Show: After his freak show decide that they don't want to work for him anymore, Dandy Mott gets angry and decides that he will simply kill them all with his gun. However, a few of the freaks manage to escape his wrath, and they decide to punish him for killing their friends. After successfully drugging him, they trap Dandy inside a Harry Houdini box and decide to drown him...but not before Desiree gives him this speech.
      Desiree: A lot of freaks died on these cursed grounds. Some by your hand and some not. A man came through here and started putting our kind in glass jars. Filled up a museum with our kind. Saw it with my own eyes! That's where you think freaks belong— powerless, behind glass, a human car crash to stare at and remind you how lucky you are. Well, maybe that's true. Maybe that's all we are, but let me tell you this, pretty boy. You may look like a motion picture dreamboat, but you are the biggest freak of them all.''
    • American Horror Story: Cult: In the series finale, Straw Misogynist Kai Anderson gives a rather hard-hitting one to Ally after he takes the senatorial debate hostage and holds her at gunpoint.
      Kai: My question is this: Did you ever think you were more than just kindling? You're not the flame, you're the spark to start the fire that I built. You're not a hero, you're a symbol, one I created! Killing people doesn't get the men hard and the ladies wet anymore. But Americans lose their ever-loving shit when you destroy their symbols: statues, flags, pledges of allegiance, twenty dollar bills, white Jesus, and Merry fucking Christmas! You come for any of that stuff, you've got rioting in the streets and domination of the news cycle for weeks. You symbolize the hope that women will one day win an argument with their husbands, that they won't be catcalled when they walk down the streets, that their bosses won't talk about their tits anymore, that they'll make just as much money as men make, that the fight is winnable! But when I kill you, they'll see that there is no hope. Women. Can't. Lead. Women. Can't. Win! They will always be outsmarted and outmuscled! They need to finally understand that what they can and should do is shut up, know their place, and make me a goddamn sandwich!
  • Happens quite often on Angel. It makes sense when it comes from someone like Wolfram & Hart, or another of Angel's old enemies. But they can even come from a source as unlikely an insectoid priest who lives in another dimension, who started taunting Angel about how Angel's son will never appreciate him.
    • When Angel tries to return to the team after his "epiphany" in season two, Wesley calmly and quietly delivers one of these speeches in defense of Cordelia. Although it's less of a the-reason-you-suck speech and more of a my-best-friend-is-awesome-and-you-suck-because-you-haven't-been-around-to-notice-it speech.
      Angel: Knowing her...
      Wesley: But you don't. You don't know her at all. For months now you haven't cared to. Otherwise you might have realized that our Cordelia has become a very solitary girl. She's not the vain, carefree creature she once was. Well, certainly not carefree. It's the visions, you see. The visions that were meant to guide you. You could turn away from them. She doesn't have that luxury. She knows and experiences the pain in this city, and because of who she is, she feels compelled to do something about it. It's left her little time for anything else. You'd have known that, if you hadn't had your head firmly up your...place that isn't on top of your neck.
    • Another one of these speeches comes in "Conviction". Angel has stopped the bad guy of the week, a soldier working for Wolfram and Hart. The soldier says that all of his evil deeds were done simply because he likes being evil, but then points out that at least he believes in something. Angel, he is saying, has no real beliefs, and is just "going through the motions" (as Buffy sings about in her musical episode) without any real reason to want to do good.
      • Angel's response:
        Soldier: You pathetic little fairy.
        Angel: I'm not little.
        Soldier: That's exactly what you are. You're miniscule. A dust mote on the shelf of that great institution. Now, you think I'm just a trigger-happy jerk who follows orders. But I'm something that you'll never be: I'm pure. I believe in evil. You and your friends, you're conflicted. You're confused. We're not. That's why you're going to lose. Because we possess the most powerful thing in the world: conviction.
        Angel: There's one thing more powerful than conviction. Just one: mercy.
        [Angel kicks his gun causing the soldier to shoot himself]
        Other Soldier: What happened to mercy?
        Angel: [walking off] You just saw the last of it.
    • In "Destiny", Spike gives one to Angel after defeating him in battle, explaining that Angel only does good when he has a soul, a soul forced on him as a curse. Spike was willing to do good even without a soul, and even then, he eventually fought to get one because he wanted to be a good person again.
    • Of course, Angel also poked holes in that speech and gave him a speech - which, just like Spike's speech, was essentially fan opinions used by shippers in the great Spike/Angel war.
    • Marcus Hamilton beat up Angel and talked about how if Angel had never been turned into a vampire, he would have lived an unremarkable life and then died penniless and forgotten in a gutter, but even as a vampire, he still fails everybody in the end. It backfires because during the speech, he inadvertently reveals the source of his power, allowing Angel to defeat him.
  • Malcolm Merlyn delivers one to Oliver in Arrow in the first season finale.
    Merlyn: You can't beat me, Oliver. Yes, you're younger, you're faster, but you always seem to come up short against me. Want to know why? Because you don't know, in your heart, what you're fighting for. What you're willing to sacrifice. And I do.
    • In the season 2 episode "Time of Death", Oliver finally has had enough of Laurel's nonsense after she lashes out at both her family and him when everyone tries to reconcile after Sarah's return and delivers a truly epic speech about her blaming everyone but herself for her problems, including things that were her own fault.
      Oliver: I have loved you for half my life. But I'm done running after you.
    • Gets a callback in season 3 episode 15, after Laurel finds out Oliver has been lying to her about Sara's killer.
      Laurel: It's hard to remember a time, when I was actually in love with you.
    • Quentin Lance, after Oliver is arrested for being the Arrow, gives a painfully accurate one on the consequences of vigilantism.
      Quentin: You've made liars out of all of us.
  • The season three opener of Ashes to Ashes (2008) has Gene Hunt receiving one of these from Jim Keats.
    Keats: You think you're so special. So clever. So needed. So damned right. You fooled everyone into believing in you. And I have the horrible, unpopular job of showing the world what you really are. The things you've done? Oh, they won't want to believe it. Because they love you. They think they know you, and they'll hate me for it. But in the end, they will see. As sad as it will be for them, they will see. I know what you did, three years ago. I know.
    Gene: So you're gonna bring me down? Why're you telling me that?
    Keats: See, that's what's ironic. You can't leave here, no matter what happens. This place defines you, which means you're going to have to sit here and watch me close your little kingdom forever. And you're left with a scrap heap. I just hope I can help Alex before it's too late.

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    B 
  • Band of Brothers: After a veteran grows just a little too sick of a fresh replacement trooper's eagerness to get into combat...
    "Hey, O'Brian. Shut up!"
    "I told you, it's O'Keefe..."
    "You know why nobody remembers your name? It's because nobody WANTS to remember your name! There's too many Smtihs, Dimatos, and O'Keefes, and O'Brians, who show up here to replace Tacoa men! Or more dumbfuck replacements like you who got killed in the first place. And they're all like you. They're all piss and vinegar. 'Where the krouts at? Lemme at 'em! When we gonna jump into Berlin?' Two days later, there they are. With their blood and guts hanging out. And they're screaming for a medic. Begging for their goddamn mother. Dumb fucks don't even know they're dead yet."
    O'Keefe looks away, uncomfortable
    "Hey, are you listening to me?! Do you understand that this is the best part of war I've fucking seen? I got hot food, hot showers, warm bed... Germany is almost as good as being home. I even got to wipe my ass with real toilet paper today. So quit asking when we're gonna see some action. And stop with the fucking love songs!"
  • Babylon 5:
  • Jon Taffer delivered a similar piece to the staff of O-Face Bar in an infamous episode of Bar Rescue:
    Taffer: The first day I got here, I never even made it inside the bar. I got in a fight in the parking lot where your manager was fighting with you, Cerissa. At the end of that fight, [to co-owner Karen] you looked at her and said she had it coming. And then I came across something that took me completely over the top, and I want an answer to this. Matt, Dave, please explain this.
    [Taffer plays a video of co-owner Matt screaming at and physically assaulting bartender Dave and then bribing security guard "Syck" with a pay raise to throw Dave through a window]
    Taffer: "You get a $10 raise per hour if you throw your own employee through a glass window." [to Dave] How do you like it when he slaps you in the face?!
    Dave: I didn't like it at all.
    Taffer: Is he a reasonable person when he does that?
    Dave: No, not when he does that.
    Taffer: [to server Cerissa about Karen] And was she reasonable when she told you you deserved it?
    Cerissa: No.
    Matt: I could give two shits about what they're talking about right now.
    Taffer: Your bar isn't what's wrong, your character is what's wrong.
    Matt: I've aired out my differences with all these people! I've talked, I've discussed-
    Taffer: Really?!
    Matt: Yeah, I have!
    Taffer: How do you defend this?
    Matt: And I'm sick of you yelling at my wife!
    Taffer: The problem is you guys think this is OK. You guys are a mess.
    Matt: I ain't scared of you, Jon.
    Taffer: My tolerance for an owner hitting an employee is zero. You have no responsibility, none. You see, I have a reputation, and I have to protect it! And you will destroy it, just like you destroyed your own.
    Karen: We are not those type of people.
    Taffer: Then what did I see?
    Karen: There are the things you saw in that video, but that's not the norm that goes on around here.
    Taffer: The ultimate coup de grace is an owner hitting an employee. I am not going to rescue a bar and then read in a newspaper that somebody got hurt here next week. I won't have any part of it. Since I've been here you've proven to me that you don't have the fundamentals to run this business and proven to me how irresponsible you are. So here's the deal: I'm leaving. I am not rescuing your bar. My advice to you is this, as another human being: you need some help, and you need to pull your lives together, and then maybe you can save your business. You need a counselor, not a bar professional. I'm done. This is the first Bar Rescue I've ever walked out of, you blew it. I'm gone. Good night.
  • Being the kind of show that it is, you wouldn't be surprised to find examples from Battlestar Galactica here. But consider the Number One Cylon model's utter contempt for humanity summed up with this unforgettable rant.
    Number One: I don't want to be human! I want to see gamma rays! I want to hear X-rays! And I want to - I want to smell dark matter! Do you see the absurdity of what I am? I can't even express these things properly because I have to - I have to conceptualize complex ideas in this stupid limiting spoken language! But I know I want to reach out with something other than these prehensile paws! And feel the solar wind of a supernova flowing over me! I'm a machine! And I can know much more! I can experience so much more. But I'm trapped in this absurd body! And why? Because my five creators thought that "God" wanted it that way!
    • Both Adamas on the show beautifully deliver one to every single human in existence, Bill gives his in the miniseries, and Lee when he testifies during Baltar's trial in "Crossroads"; in fact, if they weren't you know human, Cavil would probably be begging them to teach him how its done.
    • And Lt Gaeta hands old man Adama a pretty damned good one of his own as the mutiny makes itself known late in season 4.
  • In Better Call Saul, Chuck gives one to Jimmy about how he's not a real lawyer and he's still the same miscreant he was in the past, which drives a wedge between the two brothers.
  • The Big Bang Theory:
    • On the second season, Howard went through a state of depression after Penny told him off for hitting on her for the umpteenth time.
      Penny: I know you think you’re some sort of smooth-talking ladies’ man, but the truth is, you are just pathetic and creepy.
      Howard: Um, so what are you saying?
      Penny: I am saying it is not a compliment to call me doable. It’s not sexy to stare at my ass and say, “Ooh, it must be jelly ’cause jam don’t shake like that.” And most important, we are not dancing a tango, we’re not to’ing and fro’ing. Nothing is ever going to happen between us. Ever.
      Howard: Wait a minute. This isn’t flirting, you’re serious.
      Penny: Flirting? You think I’m flirting with you? I am not flirting with you, no woman is ever gonna flirt with you, you’re just gonna grow old and die alone.
      • Subverted, in that Penny does follow it up later on with a You Are Better Than You Think You Are speech, and Howard subsequently stops pursuing Penny seriously and begins a steady progression of character growth. While he is still a neurotic mess, Howard has developed and matured as a human being more than the rest of the main cast put together.
    • During a later episode in Season 3, "The Precious Fragmentation", Leonard gives Sheldon, Howard, and Raj a very scathing speech about how the ring nearly tore their friendship apart.
      Sheldon: Where's the ring?!
      Leonard: It's in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.
      Raj: The fires of Mount Doom?
      Leonard: Peter Jackson’s office in New Zealand. It wasn’t ours.
      Howard: You quit the game! You had no right to take it.
      Leonard: I came in here, you guys were all sleeping. The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.
      Raj: Well, so then we start the game over until there’s a winner.
      Leonard: There wasn’t ever going to be a winner! There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friends! Is that really what you guys want?! ‘Cause if it is, fine, I don’t want anything to do with you! And I don’t know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up!
      • This one is a subversion, however, because it was revealed immediately afterwards that Leonard didn't send the ring back.
  • In the pilot of Big Time Rush, after Gustavo ignores Kelly's advice to give the boys a break and tries to make them sing, Kendall accidentally causes a fight between him and the other three boys using fruit water and pillows. This results in Gustavo scolding them saying that they lack any potential whatsoever:
    Gustavo: [to Carlos] YOU... can't sing. (to Logan) YOU... can't sing, OR dance!
    Logan: But I can backflip.
    Gustavo: Stop it!
    Logan: Okay.
    Gustavo: Forever.
    Logan: Mm-hmm.
    Gustavo: [looks at James, but says nothing and moves to Kendall] And worst of all, you don't even seem to WANT this! [Kendall coughs up feathers]
    James: What about me? I sing, dance, and I want this.
    Gustavo: You... remind me a lot of Matthew McConaughey.
    James: Awesome.
    Gustavo: I CAN'T STAND MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY! So, this group can't sing, can't dance, they don't have a song, or a look, and they're COVERED... IN FEATHERS! And I would rather quit-RIGHT NOW!-than commit pop suicide on Friday in front of the record company!
  • Blackadder:
    • The final episode of the first series saw its protagonist Edmund dismiss his henchman Lord Percy Percy. Percy asks why:
      Edmund: Because, Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly. And the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a furry cod-piece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. That is why you are dismissed.
    • Then a comical example at the end of Season Two, when Lord Blackadder is much more of a Deadpan Snarker:
      Blackadder: Oh yes, we are proud of our comic serving wench voice, aren't we? Just because we can say 'zer' instead of 'sir' at social gatherings — the tedious little turd who puts on fancy voices. What else have you got in your astoundingly inventive repertoire, I wonder? A brilliant, drunk Glaswegian, no doubt? A hilarious black man — see you Jimmy, where am dat watty mellon? Oh fabulous! I can't wait for your side-splitting puff and that funny little croaky one who isn't anyone in particular, but is such a scream. And most of all, I like the one you do all the time — the fart in the German chamber pot standing in front of me.
  • The episode "The Waldo Moment" from Black Mirror has a couple of these when the voice actor for a cartoon bear runs for political office. The rants ironically make his political run serious.
    Monroe: You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage, who is scared to engage, who hides behind a children's cartoon. I'm speaking about James Salter. That's your name isn't it? James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. He's 33 years old, a man whose career can be summed up surprisingly quickly: you were in a sketch troupe that enjoyed minor success about six years ago, and the others moved onto better things, but your main achievement seems to have been playing the part of a corn-on-the-cob in a high interest personal loan commercial. I notice you keep that pretty quiet. And now of course, operating this sort of teddy bear thing, which by the way is easier than it looks. Anyone could do it. See this is the thing. It's easy what he does. He mocks. And when he can't think of an authentic joke, which is actually quite often, he just swears. I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel debases the process of debate, and smothers any meaningful discussion of the issues. So I return to my original question, is that really what this is for? He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. Prove me wrong. Speak, Waldo. Please. Come on, speak up. [Long pause] There, you see? Nothing.
    Waldo: Oh go fuck yourself.
    Monroe: There. More swearing.
    Waldo: You're a joke. You look less human than I do, and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock! What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? No one takes you seriously, that's why no one votes!
    Monroe: The vast majority do vote.
    Waldo: It's bullshit! You think you deserve respect? Because you went to public school and grew up believing you're entitled to everything?
    Monroe: Ad hominem nonsense.
    Waldo: Something's gotta change! No one trusts you lot, because they know you don't give a shit about anything outside your bubble! What about your mate Gladwell, the kiddy-flasher, you knew him for 20 years, did you not know what he was like?!
    Monroe: ... No of course not.
    Waldo: Yeah, because you're all just front, like him; sly and pretending, and in that way, you're all the same!
    Host: Gwendolyn Harris, is all politics a waste of time?
    Harris: Well of course I think no-
    Waldo: Oh shut up! You're worse! Seriously, she's faker than him! Are you going to win? Why are you here? Tell them why you're here! She's here to build a showreel! I'm not kidding, that's literally it. Knows she's not gonna win, this is all experience to get herself on telly! She actually gives less of a shit about anyone around here than he does because he'll actually have to represent you! Am I wrong?! A career politician, someone else less real than me, and I can do this! [pops his head off] What is this for?! Is that what you wanted to know?! And the truth is, none of us know anymore, thanks to you! What are you for?! What are you for?! [flips the bird] Thank you, and goodnight!
  • In Boston Legal, Alan comes up in trial against Jerry Espenson, a lawyer previously at Alan's firm who has Asperger's, and has been working on it through a variety of techniques. In the trial, he uses a wooden cigarette to relax and turns into a brash, arrogant (but very good) lawyer. Without it, he's a bumbling, hopping, purring, squealing man who never takes his hands off his thighs (thus the nickname "Hands" Espenson). In a break in the trial, Jerry gives Alan a "This is why I'll win" speech, and Alan beats it with this:
    Alan: Here's the problem with your theory, Jerry. As plausible as it sounds now, you and I both know that when you actually get up to give your closing, you're "Hands" Espenson. Chewing on a silly wooden cigarette isn't going to distract you from the reality that you have very little trial experience, that you're scared to death just to be in the room, and as able as you might be to fool others or even yourself, I know what you are. And knowing that I know, feeling my stare upon you, you'll be utterly reduced to an ineffective, bumbling, inarticulate man with Asperger's, because that's what you are, Jerry.
    • Jerry drops the cigarette, grabs his stuff, his hands go back to being pressed to his thighs and he runs out of the corridor, hopping on the way out, which makes him a massive Woobie.
    • Could also count as a What the Hell, Hero?, seeing as Jerry is one of just two people that Alan considers a friend. Immediately afterwards, Alan is remorseful and the consequences of his words are felt for the next few episodes.
  • Breaking Bad: Mike Ehrmantraut delivers a devastating speech of this sort, which drives Walt mad and results in his own death, because Mike then turns his back on Walt.
    Walt: I want those names, Mike. You owe me that much.
    Mike: I don't owe you a damn thing. All of this, falling apart like this, is on you!
    Walt: Wow. (disbelieving chuckle) Wow! Oh, that's some kind of logic right there, Mike. You screw up, get yourself followed by the DEA, and now suddenly this is all my fault? Why don't you walk me through this, Mike?
    Mike: We had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch! We had Fring, we had a lab, we had everything we needed, and it all ran like clockwork! You could have shut your mouth, cooked, and made as much money as you ever needed! It was perfect! But no! You just had to blow it up! You, and your pride and your ego! You just had to be the man! If you’d done your job and known your place, we’d all be fine right now!
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
    • Willow gives one to Faith in "Choices", when the latter is holding her at knife-point.
      Willow: Faith, wait. I wanna talk to you.
      Faith: Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. "Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."
      Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo. Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.
    • Also, much more simply, in "Enemies" after Faith challenges Buffy with the old classic "You think you're better than me!"
      Buffy: I am. Always have been.
    • A sillier one, directed as Alpha Bitch-turned-Laughably Evil vampire gang leader, after her gang gets sick of her Contractual Genre Blindness and turns against her:
      Buffy: Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad? You suck.
    • Also, Buffy gives one to the potentials in "Get It Done". Anya even lampshades it later.
      Anya: You missed her "everyone sucks but me" speech. If she's so superior, let her find her own way back.
    • Xander gives one to Buffy in "When She Was Bad" when her unwillingness to work with the group leads to everyone but Xander being kidnapped:
      Xander: I don't know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of now, I officially don't care. If you had worked with us for five seconds, you could have stopped this.
    • And let's not forget the one he gives to Spike in "Doomed":
      Xander: "Hate to break it to you, O Impotent One, but you're not the Big Bad anymore. You're not even the Kinda Naughty! You're nothing but a waste of space - my space! And as much as I always got a big laugh watching Buffy kick your shiny white bum and as much as I know I can give you a little bum-kicking myself right now, I'm here to tell you something: you're not even worth it."
    • Dark!Willow after inflicting a magical No-Holds-Barred Beatdown on Giles.
      "You're such a hypocrite. Waltzing in here with your borrowed magicks. So you can tell me what? Magic's bad? Behave? Be a good girl? (chuckles) Well, I ... I don't think you're in any position to be telling me what to do. (camera pans up to show Giles pinned to the ceiling)
    • In "Checkpoint", Buffy gives one to the Watchers' Council, pointing out that their tests are just being used to save face and they're going to let her back in no matter what because they can't be Watchers without a Slayer.
      "You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watching Masterpiece Theatre."
    • The First Evil gives one to Spike in "Lessons" while taking the form of previous Big Bads, mixed with an extended Badass Boast.
      As Warren Mears: Of course she won't understand, Sparky. I'm beyond her understanding. She's a girl. Sugar and spice and everything... useless unless you're baking. I'm more than that. More than flesh-
      As Glory: -more than blood. I'm... you know, I honestly don't think there's a human word fabulous enough for me. Oh, my name will be on everyone's lips, assuming their lips haven't been torn off. But not just yet. That's alright, though-
      As Adam: -I can be patient. Everything is well within parameters. She's exactly where I want her to be. And so are you, Number 17. You're right where you belong.
      As Mayor Wilkins: So what'd you think? You'd get your soul back and everything'd be Jim Dandy? Soul's slipperier than a greased weasel. Why do you think I sold mine? *laughs* Well, you probably thought that you'd be your own man, and I respect that, but-
      As Drusilla: -you never will. You'll always be mine. You'll always be in the dark with me, singing our little songs. You like our little songs, don't you? You've always liked them, right from the beginning. And that's where we're going-
      As The Master: -right back to the beginning. Not the Bang, not the Word-the true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride. I think we're all going to learn a little about ourselves. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck, if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you. Trying to do what's right, just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. It's not about wrong.
      As Buffy: It's about power.

    C 
  • Cheers. Frasier's speech to Sam and Diane in the ending sequence of "Triangle", which also Lampshaded the Belligerent Sexual Tension trope.
    Frasier: You're BOTH pitiful! I'M pitiful! We're ALL THREE a pitiful ménage-à-BOOBS! Well, this boob is moving on—you know, you two may not have the courage to face it, but I finally do: Sam and Diane, you are now and have always been hopelessly in—I GUESS the word for it is"love"… and unfortunately for you, like it or not, you always WILL be!
    Sam: You are so—!
    Diane: This is NOT—!
    Frasier: I KNOW!—I KNOW!!! (Beat) Now you're gonna deny it! Even though it's LUDICROUSLY obvious to EVERYONE around you, you two will go on pretending that it's not true because you're emotional INFANTS! You’re in a living hell! You love each other. And you hate each other. And you hate yourselves for loving each otherwell, my dear friends, I want no part of it! It’s time I just picked up my life where I left off. It’s time to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. So I’ll get out of here now, so you can just get on with your… denial fest. (Storms out)
  • Community:
    • In the episode "Football, Feminism and You" Jeff delivers a really nasty one to Annie after she discovers his role in persuading Troy to rejoin the football team.
    • Then there was the collective emotional turmoil the study group went through and then delivered at Starburns's funeral.
    • Jeff gets one from Professor Whitman early in the first season.
    • Recurring character Todd gives one to the entire study group, citing their cliquiness, their unhealthy codependency and their ability to turn the smallest disagreements into shouting matches.
    • Chang get's one as a back-handed compliment/promotion. The group considers whether to add Rich, whom Jeff met/hates at pottery class or Chang, to the group. Jeff roots for Chang, who he says smells like Band-aids, is a terrible person, emphasizes words at random, and makes bad puns.
    • And of course, there's Troy's smackdown of Britta in "Biology 101".
      Troy: You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth. You are the opposite of Batman.
    • Jeff tries to give one of these to The Black Rider, but it reveals nothing but his own insecurities. At no point has the Rider made any kind of reference to his own or anyone else's handsomeness, people have just commented on it in front of Jeff. So he goes with:
      Jeff: You think you're good looking but you're not. You're average. You're just an average looking guy with a big chin.
    • Jeff gives one to Pierce's father over his terrible parenting, which brings on a fatal heart attack. Then Pierce gives his father one as a eulogy.
    • Subverted in "Repilot", in which Jeff, who has been nudged back into his old Amoral Attorney ways by his old frenemy Alan, begins to deliver a monologue about how Alan's merely a pathetic wannabe who wishes he was as bad as Jeff can be, but then ends up deciding halfway through that Alan's not even worth the speech and just starts beating him up with his own tie instead:
    • Frankie hilariously gives one to Dean Pelton while trying desperately hard not to in Advanced Safety Features.
      Frankie: Are you—? I don't know how to... I have a rule about being constructive, so I can't ask any questions right now because all the questions I have right now are rhetorical and they end with the word "idiot." Do you know what a rehtorical—of course you don't know what that is because you're an idiot. *gasp* I'm sorry! I am so sorry! But you're so stupid! And you have no idea! And you're the only one who has no idea because guess why? *Dean opens his mouth* Don't answer that! You'll get it wrong. Oh, so dumb. You're just a dumb little man who tries to destroy this school every minute. I AM SORRY! I'm so sorry! [Dean breaks down into tears and hugs her] Oh! Oh it's okay! I mean it's not okay, but shhhhh… Oh... so stupid... Oh shhhh… Such a dummy...
  • The Cosby Show:
    • Cliff gives one to Theo upon being told he should accept him regardless of his bad grades in school, as follows.
    Cliff:Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!
    • Claire delivers a scathing one to Vanessa after she attempted to sneak off to Baltimore to see a concert and everything that could've gone wrong, did. Once she was back home, Cliff mostly sat on the sidelines and watched. This is the ending to it...The whole thing can be seen here.
      Claire: And there's just one more thing Vanessa I have to say to you, you have proven to us that you cannot be trusted. It's gonna be a very long time before we even think of trusting you again.
      Vanessa: Mom, I said I was sorry. This is not going to happen again!
      Claire: For all I know, you're lying right now, GO TO BED!!!
      Vanessa: (Almost starting to cry) Mama… (realizing it's no use, heads upstairs)
  • Cold Case:
    • Often happens during the interrogation that leads to the perpetrator's confession and just before The Reveal of the actual murder scene.
    • In "The Promise", when the victim admonishes her friend for (unintentionally) getting her humiliated at a frat party:
      Laurie: You four-eyed loser! That's what the jocks used to call you in high school, or don't you remember? You think getting contacts changes who you were? Makes you their friend now? Their brother? You used to hate guys like this, guys who beat you up in gym class every day. You were better than them. Because you didn't need to make others feel small, to feel real. But you know what? You're that guy now, Dirk. You're that guy.
    • In "Torn", when the victim calls out her mother:
      Elizabeth: And where do you think you're going at this hour?
      Francis: Out, Mother.
      Elizabeth: Not if I have anything to say about it.
      Francis: I'm through being told what to do by you! Or anyone else for that matter.
      Elizabeth: Except that coven of riffraff.
      Francis: Why do they frighten you so much, Mother?
      Elizabeth: They don't frighten me.
      Francis: Then come with me. See for yourself what they are really like.
      Elizabeth: Don't be absurd.
      Francis: Absurd is thinking women are just domestic angels. Absurd is thinking we need men to decide how we should live.
      Elizabeth: Why can't you accept that I'm happy the way I am, and you can be, too?
      Francis: Because you're not happy, Mother. You're just too scared to admit it.
      Elizabeth: I am a wife and a mother. What more can a woman ask for?
      Francis: Her freedom. Don't you want that?
      Elizabeth: What you want will never happen! Can't you see I am trying to save you from disappointment?
      Francis: You're the one who's disappointed, Mother, in the bill of goods you bought hook, line and sinker!
      Elizabeth: I'm a realist, Francis! Hoping for a future that will never happen is simply too painful!
      Francis: So you do want more?
      Elizabeth: I am happy with what I have!
      Francis: I'm sorry, Mother, but this cage simply isn't big enough for me.
      Elizabeth: It's not a cage!
      Francis: Yes, it is, you just can't see it!
    • In "Iced", when the victim rails against his best friend for raping his coach's daughter to get back at him for ignoring him:
      Tommy: I ain't Little Tommy no more! You don't get to call me that! Everybody always calls you a tool, And I'm the only one that sticks by you! The only one! Let you push me around! I play your wingman! For this?! They're right about you! You're nothing but a loser.
      Dwight Barnes: Take it back, L.T.
      Tommy: That kid is better off not knowing the truth about you, anyway.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation:
    • Catherine is on the receiving end of a brutal one from Leo Finley at the end of "A Thousand Days on Earth". After confronting her, he explains how thoroughly she ruined his life note , screams at her for not caring about what she's done to him for no reason and simply trying to shoot him instead of attempting to at least reason with him first, then concludes by telling her in a chillingly calm tone that he's thinking about killing himself and how it'll be her fault if he does go through with it.
      Catherine: What are you doing here?
      Leo Finley: I was waiting for you.
      Catherine: How did you get in here?
      Leo: Can't we talk about something interesting? Me, for instance. I'm interesting.
      Catherine: Yeah, let's do that. Let's talk about you.
      Leo: For starters, Norah left me. Actually, she threw my stuff out onto the street, got a restraining order on me, notified the neighbors and called my boss. "Hey, Scumbag. Don't bother coming in, we'll mail you your last check." So in one fell swoop, as it were, I lost my girlfriend, my livelihood and my place to live. I thought it was going to be different this time. Frankly, I blame you.
      Catherine: I didn't create the circumstances of your life, Leo.
      Leo: You grind up the innocent with the guilty.
      Catherine: Just take it easy. I was just doing my job.
      Leo: (mockingly) I was just doing my job.
      Catherine: Yeah, I was just doing my job.
      Leo: "I was just doing my job. I was just following orders." Blonde. Nazi. BITCH! You get in there with your big boots and you kick it all apart and you don't care who you hurt! Whose life you destroy in the process!
      Catherine: Calm down.
      Leo: No! It's not fair!
      Catherine: Calm down!
      Leo: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!
      Catherine: (draws her gun) Just stay back and calm down!
      Leo: You going to shoot me? Would that help you forget how completely you screwed my life up? Would you sleep better at night? Maybe I should just save you the trouble and blow my own brains out, hm? What do you think?
      Catherine: I think you need to talk to somebody.
      Leo: I am talking to somebody. I'm talking to you. So how about this? If I do decide to kill myself, I'm going to come over to your house and blow my brains out right on your front lawn. As a gift to you and everything you stand for. How does that work for you? [turns and walks away]
    • She delivers one to the perp of the B-Plot in "Justice is Served." who had killed her daughter from a previous relationship in a carnival ride and made it look like an accident because she wanted to be with her new boyfriend without any responsibility.

    D 
  • Jon Stewart often delivers these on The Daily Show to people and places that do outrageous things. One of the most scathing was in December 2010 to the Republican Party for constantly co-opting 9/11 imagery to serve their political agenda:
    Stewart: Guess what, Republicans? Here's the deal—your "We're-the-only-party-that-understands-9/11-and-its-repercussions" monopoly ends. Now. So...no more co-opting 9/11 imagery to get yourselves elected.note  No more using 9/11 as the date when magically all your policies became "right."note  No more using 9/11 to micromanage Manhattan's zoning decisions.note  No using 9/11 as an excuse for why your Bush tax cuts never stimulated the economy in the first place...note or 9/11 as an excuse to do what you were going to be doing anyway.note  No more using 9/11 as a price point.note  You know what, Republicans, you use it so much, if you don't owe the 9/11 responders healthcare...at least you owe them royalties!
    • The most scathing was when he visited CNN's Crossfire in 2004, personally chewing out hosts Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala. How harsh was it? CNN canceled it a few months later.
  • Defiance: Being a smug Anti-Hero Cowboy Cop on post-apocalyptic Earth, Joshua Nolan is on the receiving end of these pretty frequently, and sometimes he actually has it coming. One notable one comes from the young E-Rep officer Jessica "Berlin" Rainier, who calls him an overgrown child who's living out his Han Solo fantasies in a wrecked world.
    Berlin: You're not trying to paper over your nasty wartime past; we all have that. You're trying to hide the fact that you like where it dumped you out.
  • Julia Sugarbaker of Designing Women is legendary for these. They are leveled against her opponents so often, and so well, that the rest of the gang occasionally refers to her as "The Terminator".
    • This tendency for delivering these set downs comes back to bite her in "The Candidate". Julia runs for a local office to unseat a pompous career politician, and he goads her into going off on live television.
  • Doctor Who:
    • In "The Edge of Destruction", Barbara gives the Doctor a big lecture about how he cares nothing about anyone else, thinks that he is the most important person in the universe, has no sense of right and wrong, just does whatever he wants to all the time even if it endangers other people, and is a horrible man, a terrible grandfather and genuinely deserves to be dead. This leaves him quite shaken, and the final part of the serial shows him apologising to her for his behaviour and admitting that her spirit in calling him out on it is the same thing that caused her to figure out what was wrong with the TARDIS and how to save them all. This is very important in giving him Character Development.
    • In "The Ark in Space", the Fourth Doctor gives one to Sarah Jane calculated to hit all of her Berserk Buttons, in order to turn her screaming into screams of Unstoppable Rage. (This was the Fourth Doctor's second story and so it serves as something of an Establishing Character Moment for him — it is impossible to imagine the Third Doctor being this manipulative.)
      The Doctor: Oh, stop whining, girl. You're useless.
      Sarah: Oh, Doctor..!
      The Doctor: "Oh, Doctor", is that all you can say for yourself? Stupid, foolish girl. We should never have relied on you. I knew you'd let us down. That's the trouble with girls like you. You think you're tough, but when you're really up against it, you've no guts at all. Hundreds of lives at stake and you lie there, blubbing.
    • One of the angstiest moments in old school Who was at the climax of "The Curse of Fenric": the seventh Doctor is forced to crush Ace's faith in him with a particularly nasty speech in order to make his plan pay off. He apologizes afterwards.
      Fenric: Time for the one final game. The choice is yours, Time Lord. I shall kill you anyway, but if you would like the girl to live, kneel before me.
      Ace: I believe in you, Professor.
      Fenric: Kneel, if you want the girl to live!
      The Doctor: ...Kill her.
      Fenric: The Time Lord finally understands.
      The Doctor: Do you think I didn't know? The chess set in Lady Peinforte's study. I knew.
      Fenric: Earlier than that, Time Lord. Before Cybermen, ever since Ice World. Where you first met the girl.
      The Doctor: I knew. I knew she carried the evil inside her. Do you think I'd have chosen a social misfit if I hadn't known? She couldn't even pass her chemistry exams at school, and yet she manages to create a time storm in her bedroom. I saw your hand in it from the very beginning.
      Ace: No...
      The Doctor: You're an emotional cripple. I wouldn't waste my time on her, unless I had to use her somehow.
      Ace: No!
      • This is called back to in "The God Complex" where the Eleventh Doctor has to break Amy's faith in him and gives a "Reason You Suck" speech to himself.
    • "Dalek": The Doctor gives a couple to Henry van Statten:
      • First off, when van Statten wonders what the Dalek wants. The Doctor bluntly points out that all the Dalek wants is to kill as many people as possible, because it honestly believes they should die, and then chews out van Statten for letting it loose.
      • There's another especially powerful one once Rose is trapped in the lower levels of the bunker with the Dalek:
        The Doctor: Let me tell you something, van Statten. Mankind goes into space to explore. To be part of something greater!
        Van Statten: Exactly! I wanted to touch the stars!
        The Doctor: You just want to drag the stars down and stick them underground, beneath tons of sand and dirt, and label them! You're about as far from the stars as you can get! And you took her down with you.
    • "The Parting of the Ways": Jack has some harsh words for the people on Floor 0 who refuse to help with defending the Gamestation against the Daleks. He finishes up by telling them their only hope for survival is to stay quiet and hope the Daleks don't decide to come downstairs.
    • "Tooth and Claw": When all is said and done, Queen Victoria banishes the Doctor and Rose from the British Empire (and Earth) for, as she explains, acting like the whole incident with the alien werewolf was "fun", and also their "blasphemy".
    • "The Idiot's Lantern": Tommy gives a blistering one to his abusive father, calling him out for, after having fought in a war against fascism, practicing it at home by informing on people he knew solely to protect his reputation.
    • "The Satan Pit": The Beast uses one on everyone in the base to demoralize them. The Doctor responds by pointing out that its ominous, sinister deconstruction of them is actually playing on very basic, vague and ill-defined fears that could apply to anyone, and counters them with a Rousing Speech.
    • "The Runaway Bride": Lance gives a heartbreaking one to Donna after he's revealed to have been Evil All Along, about how she's only a key to his ambitions and he couldn't stand the thought of being married to her.
    • In "The Lazarus Experiment", to a mutated Richard Lazarus:
      The Doctor: You can't control it, the mutation's too strong. Killing those people won't help you. You're a fool. A vain old man who thought he could defy nature, only nature got her own back, didn't she? You're a joke, Lazarus! A footnote in the history of failure!
    • "Journey's End". Just before Davros detonates the Reality Bomb to destroy all kinds of matter in all universes, he stops to taunt the Doctor, pointing out that he turns his companions into weapons, and that hundreds have died for him, and yet he still has failed.
      Davros: The man who abhors violence, never carrying a gun. But this is the truth, Doctor. You take ordinary people and you fashion them into weapons. Behold your Children of Time transformed into murderers. How many have died in your name? The Doctor, the man who keeps on running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you yourself. Stand witness, Time Lord; Stand witness, humans: Your strategies have failed, your weapons are useless, and... oh, the end of the universe has come!
      • Even though, as is typical of villain arguments, it glosses over all the good, he had a fair point. It's even brought up again in a much later episode... by Rory Pond of all people. What's truly dangerous about the Doctor isn't that he makes people want to die for his cause (he can't control that, not without the consequences being even worse anyway) but because he makes them want to impress him. The Doctor can't control who chooses to die for him but he's fully aware of how much he shows off.
        Rory: You know what's dangerous about you? It's not that you make people take risks, it's that you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don't want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you're around.
      • This particular example is given some Hypocritical Humour value later in the same episode when Rory ends up insisting that he be allowed to stay and help the Doctor face the dangers of that week's villain's plot. Given the guilt-trip he'd explicitly laid on the Doctor for precisely this sort of thing earlier, and given that the Doctor had clearly taken it on board and explicitly told his companions to go back to the TARDIS where they'd be safe, the Doctor is a little bit annoyed at Rory, but there's no time to argue.
    • In "Cold Blood", the Doctor delivers one to the woman who tortured a sentient dinosaur to death and tries to destroy their civilization, thereby destroying peace talks and igniting a war between humanity and the other race. Every interaction he has with her for the rest of the show is essentially him telling her what a horrible person she is.
      The Doctor: When you talk about this, you tell people we had a chance, but you are so much less than the best of humanity!
      • At least until the final minutes, where he responds to him saving her life despite this by stating "An eye for an eye... is not the right way." Then he advises her to ensure her son and future generations know that she was wrong, giving her a proper chance at redemption.
    • In "A Good Man Goes to War", River Song gives it to the Doctor with both barrels after the Battle of Demon's Run, right before revealing that she's Amy and Rory's daughter, whom the Doctor failed to rescue in the violent spectacle:
      River Song: You make them so afraid. When you began all those years ago, sailing off to see the Universe, did you ever think you'd become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name? "Doctor," the word for "healer" and "wise man" throughout the Universe, we get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word "doctor" means "mighty warrior". How far you've come. And now they've taken a child, the child of your best friends, and they're going to turn her into a weapon just to bring you down. And all this, my love, in fear of you.
    • The Doctor gives another really good one to the true Old God during the climax of "The Rings of Akhaten" that gradually turns into a Badass Boast as he dares it to gorge itself to death on the memories of his 1200 years of life.
      The Doctor: Okay then. That's what I'll do. I will tell you a story. Can you hear them? All these people who lived in terror of you, and your "judgement". All these people whose ancestors devoted themselves, sacrificed themselves, to you! ...Can you hear them singing? Oh, you like to think you're a god! But you're not a god, you're just a parasite, eat now with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others! You feed on them, on the memory of love and loss and birth and death and joy and sorrow so...so...come on then. Take mine. Take. My. Memories. But I hope you've got a big appetite because I have-unf-lived a long life and I have seen a few things. I walked away from the Last Great Time War. I marked the passing of the Time Lords. I saw the birth of the universe and watched as time ran out, moment by moment until nothing remained. No time. No space. Just me! I walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a MAD...MAN. I have watched universes freeze and creations burn! I have seen things you wouldn't believe, I have lost things you will never understand, and I know things! Secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken! Knowledge that will make parasite gods BLAZE! SO COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON, THEN! TAKE IT! TAKE IT ALL, BABY! YOU HAVE IT! YOU HAVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!
    • The Doctor gives an absolutely vicious one mixed with the Patrick Stewart and "world of cardboard" variants to Bonnie and Kate in "The Zygon Inversion", when each of them has their hand hovering over a Big Red Button that has a 50% chance of wiping out either the humans or the Zygons (watch it here).
      The Doctor: So, let me ask you a question about this brave new world of yours. When you've killed all the bad guys, and it's all perfect and just and fair, when you have finally got it exactly the way you want it, what are you going to do with the people like you? The troublemakers. How are you going to protect your glorious revolution from the next one?
      Bonnie: We'll win.
      The Doctor: Oh, will you? Well maybe — maybe you will win. But nobody wins for long. The wheel just keeps turning. So, come on. Break the cycle.
      Bonnie: Then why are you still talking?
      The Doctor: Because I'm trying to get you to see. And I'm almost there.
      Bonnie: Do you know what I see, Doctor? A box. A box with everything I need. A 50% chance.
      Kate: For us, too.
      The Doctor: And we're off! Fingers on buzzers! Are you feeling lucky? Are you ready to play the game? Who's going to be quickest? Who's going to be the luckiest?
      Kate: This is not a game!
      The Doctor: No, it's not a game, sweetheart, and I mean that most sincerely.
      Bonnie: Why are you doing this?
      Kate: Yes, I'd like to know that too. You set this up — why?
      The Doctor: Because it's Not a Game, Kate. This is a scale model of war. Every war ever fought right there in front of you. Because it's always the same. When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die. You don't know whose children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken! How many lives shattered! How much blood will spill until everybody does what they're always going to have to do from the very beginning — SIT! DOWN! AND TALK! Listen to me, listen. I just — I just want you to think. Do you know what thinking is? It's just a fancy word for changing your mind.
      Bonnie: I will not change my mind.
      The Doctor: Then you will die stupid. Alternatively, you could step away from that box. You could walk right out of that door, and you could stand your revolution down.
      Bonnie: No, I'm not stopping this, Doctor. I started it. I will not stop it. You think they'll let me go after what I've done?
      The Doctor: You're all the same, you screaming kids, you know that? "Look at me, I'm unforgivable." Well here's the unforeseeable, I forgive you. After all you've done. I forgive you.
      Bonnie: You don't understand. You will never understand.
      The Doctor: I don't understand? Are you kidding? Me? Of course I understand. I mean, do you call this a war, this funny little thing? This is not a war, I FOUGHT IN A BIGGER WAR THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW, I DID WORSE THINGS THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE, AND WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES, I HEAR MORE SCREAMS THAN ANYONE COULD BE ABLE TO COUNT! And do you know what you do with that pain? Shall I tell you where you put it? You hold it tight, till it burns your hand. And you say this: No one else will ever have to live like this, no one else will have to feel this pain. Not on my watch.
    • Clara, pulled from the moment of her death in the New Series 9 finale, "Hell Bent", learns what it took to get her back, to as he put it, right an injustice (he was imprisoned for 4 1/2 billion years before he broke himself out). She stands up and delivers this speech to the freaking Time Lords:
      Clara: You're monsters. Here you are, hiding away at the end of time. Do you even know why? Because you are hated. You...are...hated! By everybody...but by nobody more than me.
    • "The Woman Who Fell to Earth": At the climax, the Doctor denounces the antagonist, Tzim-Sha, not only for murdering people but for being a "big blue cheat" by breaking the rules of the ritual hunt he's on.
  • Drake & Josh has the second titular character giving this one to the first titular character for always getting away with everything.
    Josh: We spent like a hundred hours on that dune buggy trying to fix it up and you ruined it! And you're hurt! But all you can think about is getting away with it. "Ooh I'm Drake! I'm so cool I get away with everything!" Fine. I'll just stay grounded and I'll fix the dune buggy, again, and you just keep worryin' about yourself. It's what you're best at.
    • He gives Drake another one along with his girlfriend Lucy after their fight shatters his chances of getting Mindy's parents' approval.
      Josh: You see what you do?! One night, one night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it!
      Drake: Josh, I...
      Josh: I told you how important this was to me. I told you that this was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents! I spent like two days working on this dinner, and 300 bucks on a dumb harpist [turning to address her] who at this point should STOP. PLAYING! [the harpist stops] And I don't even care what you think of Mindy, 'cause she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I can't date her because you wrecked it! Alright? You wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my $100 ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!
      Drake: [beat] You spent $100 on ice?
      Josh: [yells and attacks Drake]

    E 
  • ER specialized in these. Nearly every one of its many characters got to deliver one of these to someone else—in one of its first episodes, Carol gives a blistering one to Doug when he shows up at her place uninvited, unannounced, drunk, and disrupts her evening with her boyfriend, blasting him for how he treated her during their relationship (cheating on her left and right) and for being so stupid as to think she would be so pathetic enough as to take him back. However, the arguable high point is when Dr. Dave Malucci got to deliver an epic one to Kerry Weaver, encapsulating practically everything that nearly everyone on staff had probably wanted to say to her for years:
    Dave: You're a sad, cold-hearted bitch, you know that?
    Kerry: Somebody call security.
    Dave: You may not like me, but nobody here likes you.
    Kerry: Get out!
    Dave: You know why this stupid ER is so important to you, lady? You know why? Because it's the only thing you have in your life! Nazi d***!" [rips off ID, throws it in her face, and storms out]
    • Kerry, in fact, delivered one to Malucci shortly before he gave her the above mentioned one, including his stand-offish behavior toward patients and like he doesn't take his job seriously, asking him how he can take himself seriously as a doctor with his attitude.
    • Malucci got another one from Elizabeth 1.5 years prior. Unusually, it's very subdued and sad rather than yelling and screaming:
      Elizabeth: When residents arrive here, we size you up. We have great hopes for you. We want you to succeed. But over time, we form opinions. Do you want to know the staff's opinion of you? You're lazy, sloppy, and your careless attitude to your responsibilities as a physician endangers lives, as witnessed today. In short, none of us thinks you're much of a doctor.
    • Peter Benton would give these out occasionally, but was on the receiving end of a truly epic one from Dr. Keaton in Season 3.
      Keaton: What's at issue here is that you ignored my specific instructions.
      Benton: I didn't ignore anything! I followed standard operative procedure. Look, I've done it at least a dozen times in other patients.
      Keaton: This is not "another patient"! This is an infant! Outside, now.
      *they step out of the NICU and into the hall*
      Keaton: You don't know anything about pediatric surgery!
      Benton: Look, I thought it was necessary -
      Keaton: Are you unwilling to learn from your mistakes?
      Benton: It doesn't say in the text not to stitch a liver!
      Keaton: It isn't in the text! You didn't know what the hell you were doing! The second you realized you screwed up you should have called me. Why did I find three stitches in there?!
      Benton: Because I tried to —
      Keaton: Because you arrogantly and blindly think that you have all the answers! If that baby dies, it'll be my responsibility, but it'll be your fault!
  • In the Everybody Loves Raymond episode "Someone's Cranky", Robert is staying with his parents while recuperating from being injured by a runaway bull, and is driving everyone crazy with his crabby attitude. When Debra tries to cheer him up, he snaps at her too and earns a severe dressing-down for his trouble:
    Debra: You know what I think? I think you love that bull! I think you were so happy he found you, because he's a two-ton excuse for your life! That's right, you were a victim before that bull, you've been a victim your whole life, because there's nothing easier than playing the victim, is there, Robert?
  • In "H.O.U.S.E. Rules", a season 1 episode of the sci-fi comedy Eureka, resident smug snake Nathan Stark gets one in against idealistic super genius Henry Deacon when he tells him "People like you don't get to do what you do unless people like me do what I do. Idealist don't get much done without a few realists running interference for them. So get off your moral high horse."
  • Unbelievably, given its avoidance of wading into (explicit) politics, there is an example of sorts from the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest. Host country Azerbaijan had long been accused of simply using Eurovision as a means to self-promote rather than celebrate all the other countries, as well as being criticized for their conservative government and anti-LGBT laws. This, of course, doesn't get brought up in the show...until Anke Engelke, one of the previous year's hosts, phones in from Germany, and says this before announcing the German scores (all with a big smile on her face):
    Anke: Tonight, nobody could vote for their own country. But it is good to be able to vote, and it is good to have a choice. Good luck on your journey, Azerbaijan. Europe is watching you.
  • Andy's monologue from the end of the Extras Christmas special, which sums up all of the show's themes about celebrity culture and turns into a Heartwarming Moment at the end ("I'd be the penguin").

    F 
  • In Farscape:
    • In "Durka Returns", Rygel finally manages to deliver one of these to his old torturer.
      Rygel: Durka, you are pathetic. Look at you: salivating at the chance to maim and kill someone who can't even defend herself. Foaming at the mouth like a sick trelkez. Pathetic.
      Durka: Why Rygel, what's this?
      Rygel: Something I should have said to you a long time ago.
      Durka: Yet you didn't. I was going to save you for a bargaining tool. But now I'm wondering... do you think your shipmates would really care if I just burnt your face right off?
      Rygel: Go ahead and find out- I don't care... because the all-powerful Durka is a failure. It's the truth, Durka! You tortured me without mercy, but you never broke me! You only made me stronger! And even if you kill me, I'll be laughing at you because the last thing I'll think of is you on Nebari Prime for another 100 cycles,
    • Also, in the episode "Crackers Don't Matter" the normally friendly Pilot delivers one to Crichton and, by extension, humanity:
      Pilot: I'm only judging on my experience with you, but I've never seen such a deficient species.
      Crichton: Have you run the scan on the pulsar light yet?
      Pilot: How do humans make it through a cycle, even half a cycle, without killing each other?
      Crichton: We find it difficult. Have you run the scan?
      Pilot: You have no special abilities. You're not particularly smart, can hardly smell, can barely see, and you're not even vaguely physically or spiritually imposing. Is there anything you do well?
      Crichton: Watch football.
    • In "The Choice" Aeryn, drunk and grieving for the death of John, delivers vicious put-downs to Dogged Nice Guys Crais and Stark, who both have hopes of "comforting the widow":
      Aeryn: Come on, Crais, you can tell the truth. Hmm?
      Stark: You get up! Get away from him!
      Aeryn: No, that's all right. He wants me. Isn't that right? You always wanted to take me from Crichton and now here's your chance. And you know what, Bialar? If I squeeze my eyes closed tightly enough, you could be someone else. [Crais tries to pull away] No! Come on! Right now! Give it to me! Give me what you've got!
      Stark: You're coming with me! I'm taking you, now.
      Aeryn: Don't you touch me! I swear I will spear the last eye you have left. Do you know what makes you so much worse is the fact that you think you're so much better than him? Always pressing against me. Stealing looks. Get out of here! Both of you get out!
  • Firefly: River reads Badger's mind and affects his Cockney accent while shredding him:
    River: Sure, I got a secret. More 'n one. Don't seem likely I tell 'em to you now, do it? Anyone off Dyton colony knows better 'n to talk to strangers. You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, though, ain't ya? I've met a dozen like you. Skipped off-home early. Minor graft jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim. And you're, what, a petty thief with delusions of standing? Sad little king of a sad little hill.
  • In The Flash (2014) episode "Killer Frost", Barry gets a few, both from Caitlin and Cisco, who blame him for messing with their lives due to him changing the timeline in an ill-fated attempt to save his mother's life, and from Julian, who believes he isn't fit to be a CSI after asking Julian to lie in a police statement to protect Caitlin.
    Caitlin: You keep messing with everyone's lives, wrecking everything, and we're left behind to pick up the pieces. Some things you break can't be put back together.
  • Frasier: Years later, when Diane appears on Frasier's show putting together a play that romanticizes their failed relationship, she practically rubs Frasier's face in how she left him at the altar, resulting in Frasier delivering a long-withheld rant against her.
    Actor: [playing Frasier reacting to being left at the Altar by Diane's character, Mary-Anne] This whole getting left at the altar thing, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.
    Frasier: I may be able to illuminate that for you. What you are feeling is that this woman has reached into your chest, plucked out your heart, and thrown it to her hell hounds for a chew toy! And it's not the last time, either, because that is what this woman is: she is the devil! There's no use running away from her, because no matter how far you go, no matter how many years you let pass, you will never be completely out of reach of those bony fingers. So drink hearty and laugh, because you have just made a pact with Beelzebub, and her name is Mary-Anne! [actors applaud as Frasier storms out]
  • A few in Friends, but the best one was Hugh Laurie's one to Rachel in "The One With Ross' Wedding".
    Laurie: [takes off his headphones] I’m sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say that you are a horrible, horrible person.
    Rachel: Pardon me?
    Laurie: You say you love this man, yet you’re about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I’m afraid I have to agree with your friend "Pheebs". This is a... this is a... terrible, terrible plan.
    Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
    Laurie: But why?! He loves this... this Emily person. No good can come of this.
    Rachel: Well I-I think you're wrong.
    Laurie: Oh-no. [He bites his fist at her] And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break! [puts his headphones back on]
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    G 
  • Game of Thrones features quite a few of these, some of which are taken from the books, others created exclusively for the TV series:
    • Lord Renly Baratheon delivers a fantastic one to his older brother King Robert in "A Golden Crown".
      Robert: Those were the days!
      Renly: Which days, exactly? The ones when half of Westeros fought the other half and millions died? Or before that, when the Mad King slaughtered women and babies because the voices in his head told him they deserved it? Or way before that, when dragons burnt whole cities to the ground?
      Robert: Easy boy, you might be my brother, but you're speaking to the king.
      Renly: I suppose it was all rather heroic, if you were drunk enough and had some poor Riverlands whore to shove your prick inside and "make the eight".
    • Tyrion delivers one to Cersei when he returns to King's Landing as the acting Hand of the King; here, he gives Cersei an earful for allowing Joffrey to execute Ned Stark and starting a war with the North in the process, and another for letting Arya Stark escape King's Landing, costing them a chance of making peace. For good measure, he snidely returns that it must be odd being a disappointment to the family for a change.
    • After flinging insults at Theon for the past two episodes, Balon Greyjoy is finally given a taste of his own medicine when his son retaliates; best of all, it's right after Balon's finished delivering his House's Badass Creed.
      Balon: We do not sow. We are Ironborn! We are not subjects, we are not slaves; we do not plow the fields, nor toil in the mine. We take what is ours! Your time with the wolves has made you weak.
      Theon: You act as if I volunteered to go! You gave me away, if you remember, the day you bent the knee to Robert Baratheon- after he crushed you! Did you "take what was yours" then?
      [Balon slaps him across the face and begins marching away]
      Theon: You gave me away! Your boy- your last boy- you gave me away like I was a dog you didn't want anymore! And now you curse me, because I've come home!
      [Balon hesitates at the door, looking genuinely upset for a moment, then leaves without another word]
    • The Lannister generals are often subjected to these kind of speeches from Tywin Lannister himself as their incompetence starts becoming evident; arguably the harshest (and probably most-deserved) was given to Amory Lorch, who'd ended up sending a critical message to the enemy. After pointing out that his cup-bearer can read better than Lorch, Tywin not only denigrates him as a brainless thug, but threatens to kill him if he ever gives the enemy an advantage again.
    • Tywin Lannister is a grand master at this. He always has one on hand for moronic subordinates and has given at least one to each of his children — telling Jaime that his personal glory is ultimately worthless, Cersei that his lack of confidence in her is not because she's a woman, but because she's not as smart as she thinks she is, and Tyrion that he'll never honor any claim he has to Casterly Rock because of his birth circumstances and irresponsible and lecherous behavior.
      Tywin: You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust and low cunning. Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors, since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about, wearing the proud lion that was my father's sigil, and his father's sigil before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse.
    • Lancel Lannister is often the recipient of these; after spending the first season being told that he was named by "some halfwit with a stutter," and that his mother was "a dumb whore with a fat arse," he ends up getting one of these from Tyrion when he discovers that Lancel's been having sex with Cersei- accusing him of earning his knighthood in bed with Cersei, impugning his masculinity for claiming innocence, and blackmailing Lancel into becoming his personal spy.
    • In "The Old Gods and the New", Tyrion delivers a vicious one to Joffrey after he tops off a long reign of strenous dog-kicking by ordering the execution of an entire crowd after one of them threw a handful of cowshit at him- causing a riot in the process.
      Tyrion: We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!
      Joffrey: They attacked me!
      Tyrion: They threw a cowpie at you, so you decide to kill them all?! They're starving, you fool, all because of a war you started!
      Joffrey: YOU ARE TALKING TO A KING!
      (SLAP)
      Tyrion: And now I've struck a king! Did my hand fall from my wrist?
    • Theon finds himself on the receiving end of one of these speeches once he makes the mistake of accepting the Ironborn lifestyle and betraying the Starks. Here, it's from Theon's sister, Yara; given that Theon's managed to take Winterfell and completely bugger up what good he did in the space of a few days, it's pretty well deserved.
      Yara: I saw the bodies above your gate. Which gave you the tougher fight, the cripple or the six year-old?
      Theon: I treated the Stark boys with honour, and they repaid me with treachery!
      Yara: You treated them with honour... by butchering them?
      Theon: Before I had to kill them, I-
      Yara: You used their home, as is your right; we're Ironborn, we take what we need. Then you made them prisoners in their home, and they ran away; is that treachery? I'd call it bravery.
      Theon: They made me a promise.
      Yara: The little boy prisoners made you a promise, and you got mad when they broke it? Are you the dumbest cunt alive?
      Theon: Don't call me-
      Yara: A cunt. A dumb cunt who killed the only two Starks in Winterfell. You know how valuable those boys were.
      Theon: If I hadn't killed them, the Northerners would think me weak.
      Yara: You are weak. And you're stupid.
    • In season 4, Tyrion delivers another very much long-awaited and well-deserved one, this time at Tywin, Cersei, and basically everyone in King's Landing, calling them out for all their ungratefulness for the Battle of Blackwater and their betrayals, among other things.
      Tyrion: I saved you. I saved this city, and all your worthless lives. I should have let Stannis kill you all.
      Tywin: Tyrion, do you wish to confess?
      Tyrion: Yes, father, I'm guilty. Guilty, is that what you want to hear?
      Tywin: Do you admit you poisoned the king?
      Tyrion: No, of that I'm innocent. I'm guilty of a far more monstrous crime; I'm guilty of being a dwarf.
      Tywin: You are not on trial for being a dwarf.
      Tyrion: Oh, yes I am. I've been on trial for that my entire life.
      Tywin: Have you nothing to say in your defense?
      Tyrion: Nothing but this; I did not do it. I did not kill Joffrey, though I wish I had! Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores! I wish I was the monster you think I am! I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you! I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!
    • Cersei tries to give one to her father midway through Season 4 (about how he's so self-centred about his family legacy he neglects his real family) but Lord Tywin turns it round on her in his ignominiable style. Later, Tywin starts in on another of his patented speeches in the fourth season finale, only to have Cersei cut him off and say, "I'm not interested in another one of your smug stories about the time you won. This isn't going to be one of those times." She then informs her father about her and Jaime's relationship, consequently ruining the former's delusions about the family legacy and becoming the first person in the series to shut Tywin up. After that comes Tyrion's turn... who brings a crossbow for the conversation and after giving a piece of his mind to Tywin shuts him up forever.
    • Cersei gives a nasty one to Tyrion in Season 2 after he makes a crack about her and Jaime's "relationship":
      Cersei: You're funny. You've always been funny. But none of your jokes will match the first one, will they? You remember- when you ripped my mother open on your way out of her and she bled to death.
      Tyrion: ...She was my mother, too.
      Cersei: Mother gone. For the sake of you. There's no bigger joke in the world than that.
    • Margaery gives a short but wonderfully scathing one to Cersei in Season Five.
      Margaery: Lies come easily to you. Everyone knows that. But innocence, decency, concern...you're not very good at those, I'm afraid. Perhaps that's why your son was so eager to cast you aside for me. Get out, you hatefulbitch!
    • Ned gives Robert one in Season One when he decides to assassinate Daenerys:
      Ned Stark: I followed you into war. Twice. Without doubts, without second thoughts. But I will not follow you now. The Robert I grew up with didn't tremble in the shadow of an unborn child.
      Robert Baratheon: She dies.
      Ned Stark: I will have no part in it.
      Robert Baratheon: You are the King's Hand, Lord Stark, you'll do as I command or I'll find me a hand who will!
      Ned Stark: [Removes his badge] And good luck to him. I thought you were a better man.
    • Olenna gives one to Cersei in "The Broken Man", calling her out leading both their houses to the brink of destruction through her stupidity and pettiness:
      Cersei: I'll never leave my son.
      Olenna: What'll you do then? You have no support, not anymore. Your brother's gone. The High Sparrow saw to that. The rest of your family have abandoned you. The people despise you. You're surrounded by enemies, thousands of them. You're going to kill them all by yourself? You've lost Cersei. It's the only joy I can find in this misery.
    • Lord Karstark points out that Robb pardoned his mother for releasing an enemy, but wants to execute him for killing members of the same enemy family. He fails to mention that the enemies he killed were defenseless children.
    • Jon Snow's compassionate critique of the wildlings:
      Jon: I know your people are brave; no one denies that. Six times in the last thousand years, a King-beyond-the-Wall has attacked the kingdoms; six times they failed. You don't have the discipline. You don't have the training. Your army is no army. You don't know how to fight together.
    • Catelyn gives a very mild, but very pointed one to Renly in Season 2.
      Catelyn: [reviewing Renly's troops] I pity them.
      Renly: Why?
      Catelyn: Because it won't last. Because they are the knights of summer, and winter is coming.
    • Catelyn tries to give one to Jaime about being a Kingslayer, but he retorts with quite an effective Shut Up, Kirk!.
    • Davos delivers a short, but very effective one to Melisandre in regards to her trying to justify murdering Shireen.
      Davos: If he commands you to burn children, your lord is evil!
    • Rodrik Cassel confronts Theon for his shameful backstabbing and gets killed for it.
      Rodrik: It grieves me that you have less honor than a back-alley whore. You were raised here, under this roof! These people are your people! King Robb thought of you as his brother!. (Your brothers) died fighting a war your father started! Lord Stark raised you among his own sons! If he were alive to see this... I should have put a sword in your belly instead of in your hand! Gods help you Theon Greyjoy, now you are truly lost.
    • Locke gives one to Jaime about being a Smug Snake that mooches off of his father's name. He punctuates this speech by chopping Jaime's right hand off.
    • Tywin has no problem with summarizing the flaws of past rulers, Joffrey included, while the guy is lying in state with his mother by his side, and over her feeble and rather pathetic protests no less.
    • Kevan drops an epic one on Cersei in the small council chamber.
      Kevan: I returned to the capital to pay my respects to my brother, and to you, and to serve the King. I did not return to the capital to serve as your puppet. To watch you stack the Small Council with sycophants. Sending your own brother away—
      Cersei: My brother has left the capital to lead a sensitive diplomatic mission.
      Kevan: What mission?
      Cersei: That is not your concern as Master of War.
      Kevan: I do not recognize your authority to dictate what is and is not my concern. You are the Queen Mother. Nothing more.
      Cersei: You would abandon your king in his time of need?
      Kevan: If he wants to send for me, I'll be waiting for him. At Casterly Rock!
    • Tyrion gives a short but scathing one to Ellaria Sand for the callous murder of his niece.
  • General Hospital: During 2006, when Manny Ruiz kidnaps Sam, Alexis starts to criticize Mac and the PCPD for not doing a good enough job, but Mac turns it back around on her by reminding her that she was the one who got Manny acquitted in the first place:
    Mac: You wouldn't need my department if you hadn't put Manny Ruiz back on the streets to begin with.
    Alexis: Hey, I didn't put him on there. The jury did—
    Mac: Spare me the lecture on constitutional law! You knew Manny Ruiz was a psychopath, and you went above and beyond to set him free. Alexis, you used the law to free a killer, and now you stand here, and criticize the people who are out on the streets risking their lives to clean up your mess. You're blaming the police for what you brought on yourself. You know what, Alexis, you wanted a win? Well, you got it. And now your daughter is the one who has to pay the price.
  • Glee:
    • Oh, 90% of Sue Sylvester's dialogue. The one she gives her mother in episode 2x08 is particularly epic and scathing, though.
    • In "Original Song", Rachel thinks that this is what Quinn is giving her regarding their Love Triangle with Finn, although, listening to the speech itself, it is painfully clear that Quinn has in fact realized what tiny people she and Finn are going to be in comparison to Rachel.
      Quinn: Do you want to know how this story plays out? I get Finn, you get heart-broken. And then Finn and I stay here and start a family. I'll become a successful real estate agent, and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop. You don't belong here Rachel, and you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way.
      Rachel: I am not giving up on Finn. It is not ov...
      Quinn: Yes it is! You are so frustrating! And that is why you can't write a good song; because you live in this little school girl fantasy of life. Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending, then you are never going to get it right!
    • Emma finally standing up for herself, and verbally bitch-slapping Schuester in front of the entire staff.
      Will: Emma, can I talk to you in private?
      Emma: No, you can't. Will, we're going to talk about this here and now, because I have absolutely nothing to hide. Actually, did you know I was seeing a therapist? Do you know that? Did you know I've been trying to work through my OCD so I could be with you? Will, do you think that's fun for me? It's not fun, it's absolutely humiliating. And come to find out you've been fooling around with some woman named Shelby, and you slept with April Rhodes.
      Will: How did you find out about that?
      Emma: You're not denying it. Wow, okay. See, I thought we were trying to work through this. I thought when you said you were trying to figure out things on your own, I really thought you meant that. I'm not going to stand for this anymore. I'm not. I'm putting my foot down, and I'm finally sticking up for myself. You're a slut, Will. You're a slut. You're a slut, you're a slut, you're a slut. Everybody should know that. And you should know that I'm through with you.
    • In "I Am Unicorn", Will finally puts Quinn in her place when she tries to blame Glee Club for "ruining" her life:
      Will: You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long are you planning on playing the victim card? Since day one, you've done nothing but sabotage the same Glee club that's been there for you over and over again! When you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out... You know, Mercedes even let you live in her house! And I don't recall ever hearing so much as a 'thank you'. Tonight, you're a train wreck. Well, congratulations. But you stride into my office and tell me it's MY fault? Well, then I have something to say to you... Grow up.
    • Kurt standing up to Karofsky in "Never Been Kissed":
      Kurt: You going to hit me? Do it.
      Karofsky: Do not push me.
      Kurt: Hit me, because it's not going to change who I am. You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you!
      Karofsky: Get out of my face!
      Kurt: You are nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!
    • "Mash-Off" has four speeches - one from Santana to Finn, calling him a fat, untalented failure. Finn then shoots right back, calling her a self-hating bitch. Later, Shelby then chews out Quinn for her psychotic behavior in trying to get her baby back, and Quinn calls Shelby a whore.
      • Santana calls Finn a fat, untalented failure, Finn responds by pushing Santana out of the closet at the top of his lungs in a crowded hallways, disrupting her life, costing her years of her relationship with her grandmother.
    • "Kissed a Girl" was chock full of them! Puck has one to Quinn, after she invites him over to "not watch a movie." He calls her out, saying, paraphrased:
      Puck: I used to be really into you, I thought you were hot, and like, the coolest girl in the entire school. But now, I see otherwise. You're not as hot, you might just be the most selfish person I've ever met, and you're kinda nuts.
      • He has another one, to Shelby, calling her out for being to scared to start a relationship with him. Granted, she's a teacher, and he's a student, but it still counts.
      • In a truly epic example, the entire femme population of the Glee Club and the Trouble Tones call out this guy who's hitting on Santana in the hopes of "straightening her out" and then proceed to jump into Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl."
    • Kurt, Holly Holliday and Cassandra July all hand Rachel short but beautifully formed examples of this at different points in attempts to impress on her that no amount of talent (assumed or real) will make people put up with her rude, arrogant and conceited behavior. Cassie actually does it within five minutes of first encountering Rachel and her 'I'm better than the teacher' eyeroll, which is both perceptive and expedient.
    • In "The Quarterback", Santana gives one to Sue Sylvester, calling her out on all the torture she's put them through for the last 3 years and how rude she's been. Needless to say, it was pretty effective.
    • In "Jagged Little Tapestry", Kurt tells Brittany and Santana they're too young to get married. Later, Santana spends over a minute ripping Kurt a new one, tells him not to project his own relationship failures onto her, and then walks off under a sign saying "Get your crap together".

    H 
  • Halt and Catch Fire:
    • Joe MacMillan gives one to potential investor LouLu Rutherford after she makes an insulting offer for an 80% stake in Cardiff Electric's PC division. However, it does not deter Cardiff Senior VP John Bosworth from accepting the offer. When the RYSS didn't work, Joe still manages to sink the deal by making out with Loulu's boyfriend.
      Joe MacMillan: We're not going to be partners.
      LouLu Lutherford: Why is that?
      Joe MacMillan: Because you're a bored, poisonous dilettante with time on her hands and no taste. Two things destroy companies Mrs. Lutherford: mediocrity and making it about yourself. I think you make everything about yourself; that's why you rent your friends and repel everyone else.
    • When it seems like the Giant will never make it to COMDEX, Gordon Clark tells off Joe when the latter reveals that he's leaving Cardiff Electric to return to IBM. After riling up Joe, Gordon does a 180 and gives a Rousing Speech on why Joe should stay with Cardiff and see his project through.
  • The Handmaid's Tale:
    • Short but succinct; in a flashback that shows the aftermath of the previous Offred's suicide to escape the poisonous atmosphere of the house, as her body is being carried away a quietly furious Serena Joy hisses at Fred: "What did you think was going to happen?"
    • Serena Joy hands this to Fred, after she finds out about his secret meetings with Offred. She also doesn't hesitate to tell him that Offred's pregnant, but the baby isn't his and will never be due to his stupidity and sterility.
    • Offred delivers a big one to Serena after Serena not only takes her to where her and Luke's daughter is being held and doesn't allow Offred to see her, but also threatens her life if anything happens to Offred's unborn child or if Offred steps out of line.
      Offred: What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? How can you do this? You're deranged. You're...you're...you're fucking evil. You know that? You are a goddamn motherfucking monster! Fucking heartless, sadistic, motherfucking evil CUNT! Fuck you, Serena! You are gonna burn in goddamn motherfucking hell, you crazy, evil bitch!
      Serena Joy: Don't get upset. It's not good for the baby.
  • Harlots:
    • Charlotte delivers a devastating one to George Howard at an aristocratic dinner party after he rapes her.
  • Heroes:
    • Manipulative Bastard Adam Monroe, one of the principal villains, caps off the final episode of Season 2 with a magnificent diatribe against humanity's petty nature, successfully arguing in the process that Hiro Nakamura, the man who has come to stop him, effectively turned him into the man he is today.
    • In the later seasons these start to become a signature move of supervillain Sylar, as he often hands one out to the other characters before killing them or simply to screw around with them. Presumably this is a function of his original power of understanding how things (and people) work, combined with his acquired ability to learn a person's memories through touch.
      • Sylar gets one of these himself from Hiro Nakamura in Volume 5, where Hiro travels to the past, has a showdown with Season 1 Sylar, and finally tells him his fate: "You will collect a lot of powers. You will kill many people. You will become strong. The strongest of them all. But in the end, it won't make any difference. We all gather to stop you. You're alone. No one will mourn your death. No one will shed a tear. No one."
      • He also gives a reason-WE-suck speech to Elle, calling them both "damaged goods that will never change"
    • Samuel, channeling a bit of Adam Monroe, delivers a diatribe of his own against humanity about their inability to accept evolved humans into society towards a waitress in a restaurant in the town near his carnival, right before he drops the entire town into a big sinkhole.
  • Her Story:: After Lisa outs Paige, a lawyer working to open women's shelters to trans-women, as transgender, the two have a confrontation leading to the latter giving the speech.
    Lisa: I didn't do anything wrong. Look, I'm not saying you are a man, but I think that biologically you are male and that makes a difference.
    Kat: Please, stop, Lisa! Seriously—
    Lisa: No. Because if you open that door, then anyone can say that they're a woman. Not someone like you—
    Paige: "Not someone like me." But I was turned away from a women's shelter once. Guess their help wasn't for me.
    Lisa: Well, maybe there should be TRANS shelters.
    Paige: I've heard enough.
    Lisa: No, you haven't. You need to understand—
    Paige: Nah, bitch. YOU need to understand. You know how many times I run into people like you that talk about racial inequality without a black girl in sight? Write your little economic inequality pieces, but you've NEVER been poor? This is about women who you've decided aren't women and you are wrong. Now, I don't give a shit about what you think, but when you, or ANY of you, do ANYTHING to put the lives of transwomen at risk, I will fight you And make no mistake; all I do is win.
  • Two of these happened in the Home Improvement episode "Jill and her Sisters." In it, Jill's sisters come over to help her plan a party for their parents' 50th anniversary. However, the sisters spend the whole time arguing with each other while Jill is stuck being the referee. Then, when the sisters start fighting again after just reconciling, Jill finally snaps at them before storming out of the house.
    Jill: You are all insane! And I'm insane for sitting here listening to this. I'm sick of all this fighting! I'm sick of playing referee in this family! And when there is no party for Mom and Dad, you can tell them why!
    • After Jill leaves, Tim, who saw the whole thing, calls out the sisters after they have the nerve to ask what Jill's problem was and act like they didn't do anything wrong, right before he takes away the breakfast he made for them.
    Tim: My wife has been up all night worrying because you hens won't stop bickering! She tries to do something nice for your parents and how do you thank her? You're arguing about a cat playing the piano and Hank Farfignewton! You know what? I'm sick of this stuff too. From now on, you're no longer welcome at my sausage barn.
  • Occurs frequently in Homicide: Life on the Street, as detectives frequently deliver these to suspects as part of their interrogation tactics. One notable example occurs in "The Gas Man", a rare Villain Protagonist episode starring Bruno Kirby as Victor, a former gas man who was arrested by Pembleton for negligent homicide after an incorrectly-installed gas heater killed a family, and is targeting him for revenge. The episode involves him stalking Pembleton and plotting revenge, but his accomplice Danny — who comes to respect Pembleton after watching him in his daily routine — eventually has enough and delivers a veiled one to Victor about his inability to take responsibility for his actions.
    Danny: We've been following Frank Pembleton. And what do we see? Frank slaving away at the office. Frank at the morgue. Frank interviewing the gypsy's neighbours. Frank buying flowers for his wife. Frank humiliating himself so that they can have babies. Frank Pembleton takes responsibility for himself, for his family. Hell, he even takes responsibility for dead people. It's about time I started taking responsibility for my own life. I'm not going with you, Victor.
  • Dr. House has patented these. So much so that at the end of season 3, two thirds of his staff quit on him. House also receives an epic one from Jack Moriarty, a.k.a. his own subconscious in the Season 2 finale.
  • House of Anubis has a few, most courtesy of the sinners.
    • Sinner!Fabian delivered two of them, to Joy and Alfie respectively. To Joy, he had whispered to her that nobody liked her, and she should just shut up and be glad anyone was stupid enough to date her...this was when she had come to him seeking out comfort after her recent heartbreak. To Alfie, he taunted him for thinking he could stop him and rescue the unknowing KT, and claimed, "You always get it wrong, Alfie. You're the joke of the group. I will always be two steps ahead of you." Then, Alfie ended up fearlessly standing up to him, delivering one very effective line that was enough to get the supposedly uncaring Sinner enraged.
      Alfie: What are you going to do, attack me? Yeah, umm, you're not exactly the most sporty person ever. Maybe that's why Nina left you.
  • In the How I Met Your Mother episode "The Goat" in Season 3, Ted gives one to Barney after he sleeps with Robin (who was his girlfriend in Season 2):
    Ted: You think that this is just about Robin? This is about... You know, I've seen you do some bad stuff. I mean, some really terrible stuff to a lot of different people. I just always thought there had to be a limit. I always thought I was the limit. You're always spouting off these rules for bros. Isn't one of them, "don't do this"?
    Barney: Yeah. And I broke it. I'm sorry. But, Ted...seriously, this suite at the Bellagio...
    Ted: I am not going to Vegas with you! I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would... (Beat) You know, Barney, earlier this week, I started putting things in a box, and that box was labeled "stuff I have no use for anymore."
    Barney: What does that mean?
    Ted: It means...maybe you belong in that box.
    Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
    Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore.
    • Marshall also delivered a scathing one to Barney a couple episodes earlier. After calling his mom a slut, telling him that he's in denial about his brother being actually his half-brother, and informing him that he doesn't look as good in suits as he thinks he does:
      Marshall: Bob Barker's not your father! You've concocted this delusional idea that a game show host is your real father, and he's not! You were abandoned, Barney! You were abandoned, and you never dealt with it, and so now you never allow yourself to feel anything, and that's how you survive in this corporate world, and if I keep heading down this path, I'm gonna turn into you!
      • Somewhat averted in that it's a psychological exercise Barney set up himself, and he's nodding and grinning and urging Marshall on the whole time — although that thing about the suits does seem to shake him for a second.
    • Ted gave the other four a truly epic one in "False Positive" after they all decided to make mature, life-changing decisions, then blew them off in favor of cowardly or selfish choices instead:
      Ted: Are you kidding me?!? [to Marshall and Lily] All you ever talk about is having kids, and now you have one little freakout, you want to get a dog instead? No, unacceptable! You're gonna turn around, go home, get naked, lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child! Right now! I'M SERIOUS, GO GO GO! [to Barney] And YOU! Barney, you look real stupid in that suit. You're gonna get your money back and give it to charity - and I don't mean that stripper you keep emailing us about even though we begged you to take us off that list. [to Robin] And YOU, you did not move to the greatest city on Earth to become a coin-flipping bimbo. (takes out coin) So, here's how it goes - Heads, you take the job at Worldwide News. Tails, you take the job at Worldwide News. [flips coin into Robin's face] Hey, looks like somebody got a new gig!
      [everyone flees in terror, Ted's phone rings]
      Punchy: [on the phone] Ted I can't get married!
      Ted: YES YOU CAN YOU LOVE HER!
      Punchy: You're right I do, thanks Ted!
    • After 56 days of Marshall's depression over Lily leaving him, Ted gives him one why he can't go and beg her to take him back.
      Ted: BECAUSE YOU'RE PATHETIC! I'm sorry. But right now, you are NOT Marshall. You are the miserable, whining, shampoo-sniffing ghost of Marshall and frankly, a guy like you doesn't have a shot in hell with a girl like Lily. You know who might have a shot somewhere down the line? Marshall. The REAL Marshall. But if you go down there now like this, you'll blow it for him and he's never gonna forgive you. Of course, whatever I say, you just will do the opposite so, have a great weekend! Good luck screwing up your life.
    • After Ted's fiancée leaves him at the alter for the father of her child, he and his friends go to her house to confront her. Ted imagines himself walking up to her and informing her that she picked the wrong guy, calling her out for leaving him, and refusing to take her back. However, when he actually gets out of the car to deliver the speech, he sees her being embraced by her daughter and her father, realizes Stella actually made the right choice, and quietly walks away.
      Ted: You picked the wrong guy.
      Stella: Ted...
      Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this, you know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it, because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could've had with me. Goodbye.
      Stella: Ted, wait—
      Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I'm here to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
      Stella: ...I know.
      Ted: Good.
      (cut back to cab)
      Ted: That what I'm gonna say.
      Lily: That's good, go say that!
      Future Ted: (narrating) So I got out of the cab read to say all that stuff. Ready to explode. But then... (Stella is greeted at the door by her daughter and boyfriend) It all just went away. And that was it. In that moment I wasn't angry anymore. I could see Stella was meant to be with Tony. Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or to throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward. And that, kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me.

    I 
  • iCarly:
    • In iKiss, Sam reveals that Freddie has never been kissed during one of their shows. This causes a lot of problems for Freddie while at school and Carly does her best to support him. Before their next show, Carly calls out Sam for going too far and not caring about what she put Freddie through.
      Sam:What? Okay, he stayed home from school all week, he missed two iCarly rehearsals, and now he's gonna miss the show? That's so unprofessional.
      Carly: You really hurt him. Every time he leaves the house, he gets teased 'cause you told the whole world he's never kissed anyone. You know, he won't even talk to his mom. He just sits on the fire escape alone 'cause he's too embarrassed to see anyone. You like ruined his whole life and you don't even care.
      Sam: All right, I'll go apologize....
      Carly: It doesn't even matter if you apologize, kids are still gonna give him a hard time 'cause you can't take back what you said.
      Sam: Look, I didn't mean...
      Carly: You went too far this time and you can't fix it.
    • In iDate Sam & Freddie, Carly is being dragged along to Sam and Freddie's dates to try and prevent them from fighting. She spends the entire episode watching Sam and Freddie bickering, fighting and making her fix their problems. At the end of the episode after they start another fight on a date at a fancy restaurant, Carly snaps. She delivers a "frustrated speech" version of this trope to Sam and Freddie about how they shouldn't be dating at all.
  • From In the Flesh Jem gets given a devastatingly harsh one by her friend (and the daughter of a zombie she killed) after failing to defend the school from a lone "rabid" zombie. Pointing out that she's paraded as a hero, given a medal for killing her father. Hypocritical for the treatment of zombies, when her brother is a zombie so she gets him back and that she pretends to be badass but is little more than a coward.
  • In the Heat of the Night: Chief Bill Gillespie delivered several of these throughout the series' run. One of the most memorable came in Season 4's "Perversions of Justice," where the Sparta Police Department investigates a sexual abuse claim against a teacher that, in the end, proves to be unfounded. A series of sensationalist stories have been printed in the town's newspaper the Sparta Herald contribute to ruining the teacher's reputation, and the trope kicks in when the editor, who authored all of the articles criticizing the police department for what appeared to be a lack of urgent response, wants to do a follow-up upon learning the teacher had killed himself. It's set up when the editor, trying to defend what he claimed was reporting the facts, speaks too freely about how it was a good thing the teacher killed himself, since to him it surely must have proven that he (the teacher) was guilty of molesting a child. Gillespie, however, tells him that absent a criminal charge or trial (neither had taken place), he had no right to ruin a man's reputation ... and then really blows his stack when the editor suggests he does indeed have that right just because he's the press. Gillespie then warns him: "I am legally obligated to suffer you and protect you, but I will surely fail in my duty unless I stay away from you ... AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!" The editor wisely backs off at that point.

    J 
  • JAG: In "People v. Gunny":
    Admiral Chegwidden: [to the Maryland state’s attorney] But we all know that your only intent is to bolster your own campaign for the state’s attorney. You’re nothing but a hypocrite and an opportunist and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna have a bottom feeder like you further your personal ambition trampling the integrity of this office.
  • In Justified, Boyd is on the receiving end of two powerful reason-you-suck speeches. In season 5, Raylan reminds Boyd that countless people are dead or incarcerated because they believed his lies. In season 6, Markham likens Boyd to a child playing "pretend", reminding Boyd that despite all his efforts, he's only a small player in the crime world.

    K 
  • The song "Jij Praat Teveel" from Studio100 series Kabouter Plop has the male gnomes scolding Kwebbel for her habits of talking to much and giving a lot of embarrassing information about them while she's secretly watching them.
  • The Killing: Sarah Linden gets called out more than once on her being a terrible mother, and in season 3 she calls out an even worse mother than her, Danette Leeds, while also being called out by the wife of her partner on the original investigation for the affair she had with him. She also swiftly and scathingly calls out Holder's new partner on his laziness and obnoxious behavior.
  • On both the British and American editions of Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon Ramsay frequently gives these to the owners and chefs of restaurants he works with, but the most scathing was probably to the eponymous owner of "Sebastian's" on the American edition:
    Gordon: I'm forty years of age, and I've gone to a lot of restaurants, but I've never, ever, ever, ever met someone I believe in as little as you. (walks away as he pats Sebastian on the arm) Good luck.
    • He ends up topping this in the sixth season towards "Amy's Baking Company" after watching the hellhole that the place had become, one so out of his reach, he left.
      Gordon: I can't help people that can't help themselves and cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. If you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream... but this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff, it's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu, and it's not normal for the level of animosity that you've built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me is to get out of here.
    • A rare case of one being delivered by someone who is not Ramsay occurs in the "Runaway Girl" episode of the UK series. Richie, the beleaguered head chef and the long-time best friend of Justin, the restaurant owner, unloads years of pent-up rage in an explosive, Cluster F-Bomb-laden rant after Justin makes one lame and egotistical excuse too many. The event leaves even Gordon himself utterly slack-jawed and speechless, as Richie gives him an apologetic pat on the arm and steps out—
      Richie: Jus... this is what I'm talking about, you've got to cut the fucking bullshit. Why the fuck are you still trying to make out you've fucking got something?
      Justin: (tries to cut him off) When I —
      Richie: — when the fucking... when the damage has been done, we already look like a couple of fucking tits, yeah? You're already looking like a twat, yeah? This guy's too fucking clever for you. So shut your fucking mouth, and fucking listen!
      Justin: But I can't —
      Richie: If you do not turn it round today, two O'clock, me and him are fucking off! Yeah?!
      Justin: Today —
      Richie: I ain't fucking staying here, Jus! (Justin tries to protest) CUT THE FUCKING CRAP, TO TURN THINGS ROUND! HE'S HERE TO TURN IT FUCKING ROUND! You can do it without me, or fucking with me. Cause I've had enough of this fucking charade. Cause I don't need this fucking shit, and I've got to stand next to him and show him fucking tubs of fucking shit! That's our fucking cooking! So fucking — (Justin cuts in again) don't say nothing!
      Justin: I'm saying to tell me where to go from here, Rich! Because what —
      Richie: YOU'RE NOT FUCKING LISTENING TO HIM! HE'S TRYING TO FUCKING TELL YOU! I'VE TRIED FUCKING TELLING YOU FOR TWO YEARS, ABOUT EVERY-FUCKING-THING! Food, bands— and I told you that! BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND! SO SHOW HIM SOME FUCKING RESPECT, OR ELSE I'M FUCKING GOING AT TWO O' CLOCK, AND THAT'S FUCKING IT! (Beat) That is it, no fucking bullshit.
      Justin: (blankly) Okay.
      Richie: Fucking dangle me like a fucking puppet! (turns around to leave, but reassuringly pats Gordon on the shoulder as he walks off) Sorry. (starts to walk out, yells back to Justin) So don't take the fucking piss out of me no more! (leaves) Fuck this shit, man.
  • In the ninth season finale of Knots Landing, Jill gives a very long one of these to her husband's ex-wife Val, citing her perpetual "poor Val" victimhood. She then forces her at gunpoint to take a fatal overdose of sleeping pills after setting up a ridiculously elaborate alibi. (In the next season opener, Val is found and saved Just in Time.)
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    L 
  • On Late Night With David Letterman, Letterman has had enough of comic-book writer Harvey Pekar repeatedly appearing on his show with the intention of promoting his work, only for him to be rude and attack his sponsors and engage in confrontational rants on national television. Letterman ridicules him ("I'm praying for a terrorist") and talks over Pekar. When his guest wouldn't budge, he finally bans him from the show.
    Harvey: Don't worry, Dave. I won't be coming back unless you really ask me. [continually interjects from then on]
    David: You're not coming back at all, Harvey, because we've given you many, many chances to come on this show and talk about things we thought would be of general interest to people, and also, to promote your little Mickey Mouse magazine here, your little newsletter, your clubhouse-rainy-day-fun-for-boys-and-girls, your Weekly Reader deal here, and you've blown every single chance you had, Harvey, every single chance! You're not coming back! You're a dork, Harvey. Relax!
  • Stephen Colbert was gracious enough to give the Late Show desk to Jon Stewart on a live episode right after the 2016 Republican National Convention ended. Stewart returned to his ‘’Daily Show’’ roots and gave us nine beautiful minutes of “Green Death”-flavored spitfire against FOX News, particularly Sean Hanni—er, Lumpy (and Republicans in general), condemning them for nominating a man (Donald Trump) who represents all the things they hated about President Barack Obama: a lack of experience, general divisiveness, the clear inability to take an insult to his face without losing his temper, authoritarianism, and narcissism (oh, and the need to use a teleprompter to, y’know, READ his speeches).
    Jon: So let’s just say it for real, here’s where we are: either Lumpy and his friends are lying about being bothered by thin-skinned, authoritarian, less-than-Christian readers-of-prompter being president, or they don’t care as long as it’s ‘’their’’ thin-skinned, prompter, authoritarian-tyrant-narcissist. You just want that person to give you your country back, because you feel you’re this country’s rightful owners. There’s only one problem with that: THIS COUNTRY ISN’T YOURS. You don’t own it. It never was. There is no “real America.” You don’t own it! You don’t own patriotism, you don’t own Christianity, you sure as Hell don’t own respect for the bravery and sacrifice of military, police, and firefighters! Trust me! I saw a lot of people on the Convention floor in Cleveland with their “Blue Lives Matter” rhetoric who either remained silent or actively fought against the 9/11 First Responders’ Bill reauthorization. I see you, and I see your bullshit!
    Jon: So I see you. You got a problem with those Americans fighting for their place at the table. You got a problem with them because you feel like the . . . “sub-groups” of Americans are being divisive. Well, if you have a problem with that, take it up with the Founders. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal!” . . . Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not being divisive; those fighting to keep those people out are, so Lumpy, you and your friends have embraced Donald Trump. Clearly, the “C” next to your names don’t stand for “Constitutional” or “Conservative”, but “cravenly convenient c*airhorn*! Video Here starts at 10:40.
  • One episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit has Doctor Warner deliver one of these to a doctor who was involved with Enhanced Interrogation Techniques. It's a short one, but she makes her point loud and clear.
    Warner: You took an oath. You don't get to take a time-out because we're at war. Because it's difficult to uphold. The oath was written for times like these.
  • In an episode of The League of Gentlemen Ross gives one to Pauline thinly disguised as a Reason You Can't Have This Job Speech during a mock interview:
    You strike me as a bully; you're ill-mannered, ignorant and foul mouthed. You're not qualified for this job. And apart from anything else - you're too old. Miss.
  • In Life On Mars, Sam Tyler gives a good one to the woman who — on orders from a local gangster — led him into a 'honey trap' to neutralize him as a threat and then made the mistake of taunting him about it.
    Sam: You're a loser, Joni... or whatever your name is. Because you live in fear. And that's not really living at all, is it? See, I don't live in fear. I'm alive.
    • Gene Hunt gives Sam quite a tongue-in-cheek one:
      Gene: You great, soft, sissy, girly, nancy, French, bender, Man. Utd supporting poof!
  • In the season 6 premiere of Lost, the Monster gives such a speech about the recently deceased Locke to Ben, taunting his hope for destiny and purpose, indirectly making fun of Ben's uselessness in the process, and (intentionally) enraging all of the viewers who have put so much faith in Locke over the years.
    The Monster: "Do you want to know what he was thinking when you choked him, Benjamin? What the last thought that ran through his head was? 'I don't understand.' Isn't that just the saddest thing you ever heard? But it's fitting in a way because when John first came to the island he was a very sad man, a victim shouting at the world for being told what he couldn't do, even though they were right. He was weak and pathetic and irreparably broken."
    • "But- there was something admirable about him".
      • Locke has received so many of these, it's not even funny.
        Ben: I feel for you, John. I really do. You keep heading down dead ends. You couldn't find the cabin, you can't make contact with Jacob and now you are so desperate to figure out what to do next you are even asking me for help. So, here we are, just like old times. Except I'm locked in a different room, and you're more lost than you ever were.
        Jack: Have you ever stopped to think that maybe these delusions that you are special aren't real? That maybe there is nothing special about you at all? That maybe you are just a lonely old man who crashed on an island?
        Sawyer: Locke was scared even when he was pretending he wasn't.
        Kate: I think about you sometimes. I think about how desperate you were to stay on that Island. And then I realized... it was all because you didn't love anybody.
        Richard: Over, uh, twenty years ago, a man named John Locke, he walked right into our camp. And he told me that he was going to be our leader. Now I've gone off the Island three times, to visit him. But he never seemed particularly special to me.

    M 
  • The Madam Secretary has Dr. Henry McCord, the Secretary of State's husband and a theology and ethics professor, appear on a call-in talk show. He gets a caller questioning his credentials on ethics and morality over a sexpic of his daughter turning up on the Internet (because her partner's phone was stolen). Henry promptly rips the guy to shreds on live TV, accusing him of contributing to the moral degradation of American society by trying to First Post on a situation he knows nothing about.
  • The program Made in Canada ends with a good one in which long-time Yes-Man Victor finally tells idiot CEO Alan Roy what he really thinks about having to slave away saving an oblivious idiot from himself.
    Victor: Alan: you're out!
    Alan: ... what did you just say!?
    Victor: You're out!
    [...]
    Alan: I'm sorry, what??
    Victor: Ah, c'mon, big guy, I'm a 42-year-old man who has no family because I have spent my entire working life saving your ass! I've been the fall guy for the last time, Alan, and it - is - OVER! YOU are an IDIOT! Now take your eleven million dollars, and SHOVE IT UP YOUR-
  • Mad Men:
    • Roger Sterling puts down Pete Campbell in a rather epic way.
      "I want you to be very clear about this: You were fired. I wanted you out. Cooper wanted you out. And you would be, if it weren't for this man. [motions to Don] He thought you deserved another chance. That's right. He fought for you. You are here because of Don Draper's largess. Now, I know that your generation went to college instead of serving, so I'll illuminate you. This man is your commanding officer. You live and die in his shadow. Understood?"
    • What makes this speech all the better is that Roger is lying through his teeth. In fact, he was the one who had to explain to Draper that Campbell has Ultimate Job Security due to his family connections, but the key to managing Campbell is to make sure he never realizes it.
    • Joan has a truly epic one at the end of "Mystery Date" in which she finally tells her husband off for raping her — three seasons after it happened.
    You're not a good man. You never were, even before we were married. And you know what I'm talking about.
    • She has quite possibly an even better one against Don Draper in season six:
      "Honestly, Don, if I could deal with him, you could deal with him. And what now? I went through all of that for nothing? Just once, I would like to hear you use the word 'we.' Because we're all rooting for you from the sidelines, hoping you will decide whatever you think is right for our lives!"
    • Megan to Don in "New Business" while divorcing him:
      Megan: I'm going to say a word. Wasn't going to give you a satisfaction of knowing you ruined my life.
      Don: Megan.
      Megan: Why did I ever believe you? Why did I believe the things you said to me? Why am I being punished for being young? I gave up everything for you. Because I believed you and you're nothing but a liar. An aging, sloppy, selfish liar.
  • In the Make It or Break It episode "Life Or Death", new coach Darby's "let's all be friends" technique — including agreeing to let the girls of The Rock go to see Emily's boyfriend in concert the night before a crucial meet — results in Lauren and Co. getting their asses kicked...
    Darby: You know, there is something to be learned from this.
    Payson: Yeah - we learned that we need a coach. A real coach. Not a buddy, not a teammate... a real coach.
    Darby: Hey, calm down, Payson... what exactly do you mean by "real coach"?
    Payson: A real coach isn't afraid to be the bad guy if she has to be. A real coach would've told me not to go for a vault that I have never done without a practice tramp. A real coach would know better than to let me make a fool of myself and my team. And a real coach doesn't take her team out to party the night before a meet just because she wants the whole team to like her. [Darby leaves on the verge of tears]
    Lauren: And a real coach would never walk away from a diss like that.
  • Malcolm in the Middle:
    • Malcolm is subjected to one of these by a girl on whom he has a crush. After pestering her for hours as to why she likes some relatively unintelligent guy and not him, she sort of breaks down and explodes at him.
    • In a later episode, another girl he likes, though he was actually dating her at the time, explodes at him for genuinely making her despise him, in spite of the fact that he's smart, funny and cute, for being far too whiny and never listening to anything she says.
    • Another episode had Reese and Malcolm desperately trying to get into a party. After they fail, they desperately shout "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE US?!?". One scene transition later, Reese and Malcolm are okay and say that "they had some strong points".
    • Lois of all people gets one at the hands of a snarky RA who calls her out for being a possessive, smothering loser who even forced her way onto her son's college visit, to the point of sleeping in his room with him.
    • Lois also gives one to her oldest son, Francis, for constantly blaming her for everything that goes wrong in his life, and never owning up to his part at all. In the end, he takes a long, hard look in the mirror... and blames his wife, for not pointing this out to him sooner.
    • Lois again, in the episode "New Neighbors", towards, well, her new neighbor:
      Tina: Damn it! Damn it, Hector, not over there! Are you deaf, or stupid or both? Could you please try to be a little less useless? Where is the sun, do you see the sun? I told you to dig the holes over there! God, you people drive me nuts with your laziness!
      Lois: What is the matter with you?
      Tina: Excuse me?
      Lois: You can’t talk to him like that! He’s a human being, you talk to him like he’s some kind of animal!
      Tina: I will deal with the help the way I want to!
      Lois: He is not The Help! He’s not a servant or a slave, he’s a professional! [we see the gardener blowing a can across the yard with a leaf blower] He’s a person with a skill, a skill you do not have, which is why you hired him! [looks at gardener] Oh, for god’s sake, just pick it up!
    • When Lois's mother Ida meets several of their black friends, they put up with her overt racism with impressive patience until one of them finally has enough:
      Malik: Every one of us is better than you in every way.' I'm smarter than you. I'm better educated, I contribute more to society. I've got a family who loves me. And I make more money in a month than you do in a year.
    • When Lois convinces Kitty to be more aggressive, she gives a Reason You Suck Speech to her son, husband, the waiter who had been messing with her all evening, and everyone in the crowd watching her.
    • In the pilot episode Malcolm himself lets loose on the school bully after being fed up with the all crap he subjects the student body to.
      Malcolm: Hey, Spath! Why don't you stop being such a buttwipe?!
      Students: Ooh.
      Spath: What'd you call me?
      Malcolm: You heard me! I don't care anymore! I just don't care, Spath, okay? All you ever do is make everybody miserable! Except for your little monkey slaves over there. Who, by the way, only pretend to like you. They hate you as much as everyone else does! And you're just too busy being mean and stupid to ever figure it out!
  • Marvel Cinematic Universe:
    • Daredevil (2015): In "World On Fire", Nelson & Murdock have been hired to represent Elena Cardenas, an elderly friend of Sgt. Brett Mahoney's mother who is worried about her and several other tenants being evicted from their building. Foggy and Karen go down to Landman & Zack to meet with her landlord's lawyers...who turns out to be Foggy's ex-girlfriend Marci Stahl. Marci tries to condescendingly convince Foggy to drop the matter, to which Foggy calmly destroys her argument:
      Foggy Nelson: Marci, convincing my client to agree to your terms? That's your job, and I'm not going to do it for you. See, you think there are only two options: These tenants take their payout and leave, or leave without taking it. But given how long they've put up with Tully's bullshit, I think you're actually afraid that Mrs. Cardenas and her neighbors will find a way to eke by. And short of physically and very illegally forcing tenants from their rent-controlled homes, Armand Tully loses his condos. Your firm loses Tully. And that's very bad for business. You want me and my client to think that you're doing us a favor, that we have no leverage. When really, we have all of it. So you're gonna see us in court where I will absolutely dismantle you, from the top of your salon blowout to the bottom of your overpriced pumps. [Karen grins as she and Foggy walk away]
      Marci Stahl: [pause] You would've killed it here, Foggy Bear! You never should have left.
      Foggy Nelson: You never should have signed on, Marce. You were really something, back in the day. When you had a soul.
    • Jessica Jones (2015): In "AKA 99 Friends", Jessica's quest to stop Kilgrave is sidetracked by Audrey Eastman, a woman whose mother was killed during the Incident. The woman blames not only the Avengers but all gifted people for her loss, and tries to kill Jessica as a form of revenge. Jessica is less than sympathetic...
      Audrey Eastman: I was trying to pull my mother out from the rubble, watching her bleed to death [sniffs] while all around me, you people were raining down hell!
      Jessica Jones: [getting increasingly angrier] So go after the big green guy or the flag waver! I wasn't even there!
      Audrey Eastman: Consider it a preventative measure for next time!
      [Jessica finally has enough of her misblaming and begins throwing their furniture around while ranting...]
      Jessica Jones: You think you're the only ones who've lost people?! You think you're the only ones with pain?! You think you can take your SHIT and dump it on ME?! You don't get to do that! So you take your goddamn pain and live with it, assholes! You lost your parents?! Welcome to the goddamn club! I lost mine in some random accident! DO YOU SEE ME TRYING TO KILL EVERY SHITTY DRIVER?! NO!! BECAUSE I DON'T WORK MY SHIT OUT ON OTHER PEOPLE! SO KEEP YOUR GODDAMN FEELINGS TO YOURSELF!!! [Jessica finishes her rampage by throwing a water heater through the double doors] Ninety-nine. You wanted to know how many of us there are? The last time I counted, I had ninety-nine gifted friends in this borough alone. And now, every single one of them is going to know about the shit you tried to pull. And they hate attempted murder, they really do. And the cops hate it too, you know, because it's against the law.
    • Luke Cage (2016): Luke, grieving Pop's death, is accosted by a mugger while standing outside Cottonmouth's stash house at Crispus Attucks. The mugger asks him, "What are you doing here, nigga?"
      Luke Cage: Young man, I've had a long day. I'm tired. But I'm not tired enough to ever let nobody call me that word. You see a nigga standing in front of you, across the street from a building named after one of our greatest heroes? You even know who Crispus Attucks was? A free black man. The first man to die for what became America. He could've acted scared when those Brits raised their guns, blended in, in the crowd, but he stepped up! He paid with his life, but he started something. That's what Pop did... not me. I laid in the cut until he stepped up, and it cost him his life, too! I ain't laying back no more! You wanna shoot me? Do it. [the would-be mugger is now absolutely frightened] PULL THE TRIGGER, NIGGA! I ain't got all night. Do it! What, you scared? Fine. I'll do it for you.
  • M*A*S*H:
    • The season one episode "Sticky Wicket" offers this gem:
      Hawkeye Pierce: You think you're the only one who's busy. You asked for help three times today, three! Give me some salt, I can still taste this. Then when you make a mistake, you're not smart enough to admit it and start over. We're not here to compensate for you.
      Trapper John McIntyre: I'll buy that.
      Frank Burns: Well, I don't buy it.
      Margaret Houlihan: Neither do I.
      Trapper John: It's a tie, two against fifty.
      Hawkeye: You're inconsiderate, insulting with your nurses, bloody arrogant, demanding, distracting, and dumb. And those are your good points. You're also surgically incompetent. I wouldn't let you operate on me for dandruff!
    • In a later episode, BJ is lamenting how sad his life is by his wife having to work and he is missing out on important parts of his daughter's early life. Margaret gives him a dressing down ("How dare you think your type of pain is more important that ours") pointing out that the only reason he has more to lose is that he has more to start with.
    • In the episode "Fallen Idol", Hawkeye lays one on Radar after Radar complains that Hawkeye's drunkenness in the OR made Radar think less of him:
      Hawkeye: You can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? The blood of CHILDREN? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then to hell with you. How DARE you! To hell with your Iowa naivete and to hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear and while you're at it, tohell with YOU! Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder. If possible, without going crazy. Period.
      [Radar starts crying]
      Hawkeye: Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will you? You NINNY!
      • Of course Hawkeye immediately regrets what he said, and he receives SEVERAL in return, the first, from Father Mulcahy...
        Father Mulcahy: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! I mean, that boy is lying there in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out of his body, and you... You call him a ninny?! I'm incensed! I am outraged! Where's your decency, man?! Your humanity?! I am acrimonious!! I am not a man giving to physical demonstrations of emotion, but let me tell you, I am persuaded to violence! (Kicks the heater)
      • ... then a second one from Col. Potter with unwanted assistance from Margaret Houlihan.
        Col. Potter: What the hell is the matter with you?! Are you nuts?! I think you are! I no sooner give you a lecture on one patient, and you go in, and try to destroy another! Maybe we should aim you at the Chinese!
        Margaret: (entering to Hawkeye) I'd like to talk to you. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!!
        Col. Potter: (To Margaret) Just a minute, Major. I have something to say on that subject.
        Margaret: Just hang on, you'll get your turn.
        Col. Potter: I'll get my turn?! I'm the commanding officer!
        Margaret: I beg your pardon, Colonel. Please go ahead.
        Col. Potter: Thank you. (To Hawkeye) Your behavior is incomprehensible, AGAIN!! You have a boy in there, fresh out of the cornfield, who is highly vulnerable and impressionable, not to mention the fact that he worships you...
        Margaret: Although why, I can't see!
        Col. Potter: And you make this kid, the target of the most bellicose barrel of bull durum, anybody's ever heard you utter?!
        Margaret: And I, for one, have you utter plenty!
        Col. Potter: This boy's been told he's nothing more than a pimple on a flea, by the man whose opinion, he values more then anyone, in the world! And I think you DAMN well better do something about it!!
      • Hawkeye gets his third and harshest one from Radar himself.
        Radar: Oh yeah?! You want to apologize? Well, you can just forget it! Just forget it!! The hell with me, huh?! The hell with you!! How about that? And another thing, I want to tell you something. (Gets up) Anybody who says anything about Iowa, better be prepared to back it up, pal! I'll give you a fistful of Iowa naiveteness right in the puss! How about that?! You know, I don't need you to tell me what's what! I know what's what just as well as you do! So why don't you just crawl back in your bottle of booze, and pickle yourself! Haha!
  • The Mentalist: Virgil Minelli delivers one to the standard "How are you feeling" reporter question after several CBI agents are killed:
    Minelli: You know, for 8 years, I've put up with the idiotic questions of the media, and I've never said squat. But today, I must tell you Meredith, you've really set a new standard in horse's-assery. You people have no ...concept ... of what we do. We go into dark, horrible places, alone and afraid. And we do it with no money, broken down vehicles, with computers that have more viruses than a $10 whore. How? Good people. And I lost 3 good people today, and a fourth is in critical condition. And you ask me how I'm feeling? I'm feeling sad, you moron. Any other questions? (silence) Okay then, good day to you. Lisbon, carry on.
  • In Merlin, Queen Annis gives a devastating one to Morgana, all the more so because it's just a simple sentence:
    Annis: You came to me in the name of Gorlois, but I fear you're more like Uther than you realize.
  • In the Modern Family episode "Arrested", Phil and Claire receive a call in the middle of the night from their daughter Haley, who has just been arrested. They rush over to the college she attends (with lawyer Mitchell in tow), bail her out, and wait for a disciplinary hearing that could result in her getting kicked out of school. Claire is repeatedly frustrated by Haley not taking any responsibility for her mistakes, instead trying to play the victim (since she was just one of many kids drinking and only she got caught, conveniently leaving out that she jumped on a police officer), as well as Phil for not seeming to take the situation seriously, instead just wanting to get her, get breakfast, and go home. But, when Haley seems more concerned with looking pretty for the hearing, Phil blows Claire away by giving Haley what was likely the first real scolding he's given her in her whole life:
    Phil: "Just stop... just stop talking, Haley. You're not the victim here. You're the one who screwed up! You made one bad decision after another, and now you're about to blow EVERYTHING your mother and I worked so hard to give you! And the worst thing is, you don't seem to care. We all got up at 3 o'clock this morning to bail you out of jail! We haven't eaten a thing, and you know what I haven't heard from you yet? 'I'm sorry, Mom.' 'I screwed up, Dad.' 'Please forgive me!' Now put on some real clothes. We'll see you at the hearing. Do not be late! Come on."
  • Mr. Robot:
    • In episode five of the first season, Elliot and fsociety attempt to hack the servers at Steel Mountain, and in order to pull it off, Elliott is told he must "destroy" Bill, a Steel Mountain employee giving him a tour. And well... he does.
      Elliot: Think about it Bill.
      Bill: Think about what?
      Elliot: If you died, would anyone care? Would they really care? Yeah, maybe they'd cry for a day. But let's be honest: no one would give a shit. They wouldn't. The few people that would feel obligated to go to your funeral would probably be annoyed, and leave as early as possible. That's who you are, that's what you are. You're nothing, to anyone. To everyone. Think about it Bill, because if you do, if you let yourself, you'll know I'm telling you the truth. So instead of wasting anymore of my time, I need you to go call someone that matters, because Bill, you don't.
    • In episode three of season two, Elliot unleashes one against the people of his church group and God himself after listening to a man's story about God "forgiving" him for beating up an Indian store owner, and then thinking about Gideon Goddard's senseless death.
      Elliot: Is that what God does? He helps? Tell me, why didn't God help my innocent friend who died for no reason while the guilty ran free? Okay. Fine. Forget the one offs. How about the countless wars declared in his name? Okay. Fine. Let's skip the random, meaningless murder for a second, shall we? How about the racist, sexist, phobia soup we've all been drowning in because of him? And I'm not just talking about Jesus. I'm talking about all organised religion. Exclusive groups created to manage control. A dealer getting people hooked on the drug of hope. His followers, nothing but addicts who want their hit of bullshit to keep their dopamine of ignorance. Addicts. Afraid to believe the truth. That there's no order. There's no power. That all religions are just metastasising mind worms, meant to divide us so it's easier to rule us by the charlatans that wanna run us. All we are to them are paying fanboys of their poorly-written sci-fi franchise. If I don't listen to my imaginary friend, why the fuck should I listen to yours? People think their worship's some key to happiness. That's just how he owns you. Even I'm not crazy enough to believe that distortion of reality. So fuck God. He's not a good enough scapegoat for me."
    • At the end of the season three finale, Dom gives one to Darlene after she takes advantage of Dom's feelings for her to steal her badge credentials, which indirectly leads to Dom's boss being murdered and her being coerced into becoming a terrorist spy under threat of the Dark Army murdering her family:
      "You are a terrible person. Don't ever convince yourself of anything else. All you deserve for the rest of your life is pure and utter agony. That'll begin to scratch the surface of how I feel about you. You've taken everything from me. My whole life is ruined because of you. Live with that. Die with that."
  • Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Castle of Fu Manchu". Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank send Joel and the Bots a rather BAD movie, causing the Bots to break down by the first host segment, and Joel crying by the third act. Forrester and Frank begin prepping for the victory by the end of the movie, when Joel fires back at them.
    "You haven't won, Dr. Forrester; you've lost. And I feel so sorry for you. You're nothing but a sad little man in a hole in the ground who can only feel power by hurting others. Well, we've won because we survived, and we survived because, well, we're Robinsons, roughly. That's what Robinsons do is survive, basically, and well, if you think it's so easy, well, YOU should try and watch a movie sometime!
    • Needless to say, Forrester fails.
    • Tom Servo gives one to Crow after they read another one of his scripts (teleplay):
      Tom: I have a suggestion.
      Crow: Yes?
      Tom: WHY DON'T YOU SET FIRE TO THIS STINKBURGER AND NEVER PUT PEN TO PAPER UNTIL THE MOUNTAINS CRUMBLE INTO THE SEAS!


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