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The Reason You Suck Speech / Real Life

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Oh yeah, people in Real Life have plenty reason to dish out these speeches!

Note: This is not a YMMV page, so please avoid linking to YMMV pages such as Moment of Awesome, even if the speech was awesome. Also, please remember the Rule of Cautious Editing Judgment.


  • Doctor Who was subject to heavy Executive Meddling in the 1980's by BBC Director of Programming Michael Grade, who personally hated sci-fi and wanted to re-direct its budget to drama and comedy. This came to a head at the end of Colin Baker's final season, when showrunner John Nathan Turner rejected a cliffhanger ending for "Trial of a Time Lord" from head writer Eric Saward because he thought it would give Grade the window he sought to cancel. JNT and Saward had been butting heads for a while, and Saward would tender his resignation shortly after sending this memo that told exactly what he thought of Grade, JNT, and the BBC...
    "If you think M. Grade will take it off because of what I’m proposing, I think you’re mistaken. M. Grade will take it off, if he so chooses, however it ends. You could have 'See You Next Season' flashing in neon throughout the last episode and he would still cancel it. As you well know, it seems to be down to audience figures and his personal whim. If you don’t like my ending - fine. If you want to suggest an alternative, I will happily incorporate it, but not your current suggestion."
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  • ESPN reporter Britt McHenry was the subject of a media frenzy in 2015 when she unleashed a verbal tirade against the employee of a towing company that had towed her vehicle from a parking lot (after illegally being parked there overnight). In her remarks, which were posted to the website LiveLeak, McHenry criticizes the towing company and specifically targets the clerk with a verbal tirade that includes multiple remarks about the employee's appearance, her social class and ability to do her job. Shortly after video footage from the exchange went public, McHenry apologized but ESPN still suspended the reporter for a week for her comments. The public was divided as to what should be McHenry's future: some say she should be allowed back on the air, some thought a bigger deal was made out of it than needed to be or thought that a double standard was being made ... while others thought she should be fired and/or made to work in a job dealing with the public, where sometimes some dissatisfied customers won't hold back in their criticism.
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  • This article is a Tranquil Fury deconstruction of an author's controversial book title of "I Wish My Kids Had Cancer: A Family Surviving the Autism Epidemic". After conceding that raising children with autism could be difficult, the writer of the article states how hard it is to have a child with cancer, especially a brain cancer incurable and lethal, and that even surviving is not easy due to the extreme treatments needed for the child and the life problems for the parents.
  • This is the experience of some people who go through Basic Training (Boot Camp for Marines) in the armed forces of the United States, although "The Reason You Suck" Speech is only half the deal - it's the prelude to Dare to Be Badass. For recruits, the effect is as such: the drill sergeant has dwelt upon their inadequacies and failures at length. Can they prove him wrong?
    • Once the Drill Sergeant/Instructor gives this speech and actively implements mental and physical activities designed to reinforce it, his task is then to build the recruits up with mental and physical activities and training so that they *will* prove him wrong. The Drill Sergeant Nasties in both real life and fiction tend to forget this part, though, and there is considerable debate as to whether these sorts of "breakings" truly make for the most effective soldiers.
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    • One punishment in Basic Training/Boot Camp/OCS is to give a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to yourself.
  • For judges, giving these is often part of the job:
    • The judge at York Crown Court in 1971 to a defendant called Philip Mccutcheon: "I think you should give burglary up. You have a withered hand, an artificial leg and only one eye. You have been caught in Otley, Leeds, Harrogate, Norwich, Beverley, Hull and York. How can you hope to succeed? You are a rotten burglar. You are always being caught."
    • This Atlanta judge who gave a child molester a life sentence had a few scathing choice words to say to the woman who let a rapist into her home and gave him access to the children, allowing them to end up in such a situation after giving the sentence.
    • Judge Samuel Kent gave one of these to two lawyers in his disposition.
    • Judge William G. Young gave this one to Richard Reid, the shoe bomber. Young did this as he was sentencing him to life in prison in 2003.
    • Ontario Superior Court of Justice judge Joseph W. Quinn has made rather a name for himself by not holding back from using his decisions to deliver scathing, detailed, and amusing "Reason You Suck" Speeches to various deserving parties. Some of his greatest hits:
      The source of the difficulties is hatred: a hardened, harmful, high-octane hatred. Larry and Catherine hate each other, as do Larry and Sam. This hatred has raged unabated since the date of separation. Consequently, the likelihood of an amicable resolution is laughable (hatred devours reason); and a satisfactory legal solution is impossible (hatred has no legal remedy).
      ...Catherine and Larry were married on October 7, 1995. If only the wedding guests, who tinkled their wine glasses as encouragement for the traditional bussing of the bride and groom, could see the couple now. [Footnote: I am prepared to certify a class action for the return of all wedding gifts.]
      ...Larry, who regularly drives by the residence of Sam and Catherine, "often shoots the finger" [Footnote: A finger is worth a thousand words and, therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.] at Sam and, on about three occasions, has yelled, "Jackass, loser." [Footnote: When the operator of a motor vehicle yells "jackass" at a pedestrian, the jackassedness of the former has been proved, but, at that point, it is only an allegation as against the latter.]
      [after 212 paragraphs of trenchant and witty shellacking of both parties]: ...the parties repeatedly have shown that they are immune to reason. Consequently, in my decision, I have tried ridicule as a last resort.
      For best courtroom adaptation of a work of fiction, the award goes to the applicant, Clarissa Olenka Szakacs, who shamelessly feigned what she thought was necessary to convince the court to circumscribe access by the respondent to their almost-six-year-old daughter.
      One could sit in Family Court for many years and not encounter such a callously conniving and mendaciously manipulative litigant. She effortlessly put the “rage” in “outrageous"...
      ...At several points throughout the trial, Ms. Szakacs emphasized that she was a Christian who practiced Christian values. There must be some key pages missing from her copy of the Bible.
      The trial began, quite unremarkably, on a sunny summer day in July of 2011. Storm clouds were not long in arriving and we never saw the sun again.... After four weeks, the first witness, Stefan Fridriksson, was still testifying. Six additional days were needed to complete his evidence. In total, Fridriksson sub-let the witness box for 26 days. He entered the box as an articulate professional with impressive academic credentials, displaying what appeared to be a sound and comprehensive recollection of events. When he stepped down, after more than 14 days of withering cross-examination, he was noticeably dazed, his credibility was reduced to existential confetti and he even appeared to be physically shorter than when the trial began. The case for the plaintiff was leaking oil (at one point, I thought that I saw smoke) and everyone who was paying attention realized that whatever damages were at issue in the trial would be swamped by the costs tsunami that was approaching.
      ...Determining credibility can be a challenge for a trial judge. We have no special powers in that realm and, wherever possible, avoid reliance upon darts, dice and Ouija boards. However, rarely, has a witness generously offered up so many reasons to be disbelieved. Fridriksson was an evidentiary gift who kept on giving. He ignored rule number one in the Litigants’ Credo: “Know thyself, because others soon will.”
      Singh, on the other hand, I found to be a devious man and an unbelievable witness who would do or say anything to advance his position. He was maddeningly unwilling to respond to the simplest of questions and often had to be asked the same question over and over (no doubt using the time gained to visit his pantry of untruthful answers). He was evasive, non-responsive and verbose in his testimony. Throughout the trial, I patiently waited for a Phoenix-like moment that might serve to rehabilitate his credibility: it never came. All in all, he was an exasperating witness who told untruths too numerous to catalogue and insulting in their breadth.
      Singh was evasive as a witness. He refused to acknowledge simple factual matters. He failed miserably in making reasonably diligent efforts to provide documentary disclosure, rendering it obvious that his objective was to divulge only what he wanted the court to see. Singh lied under oath. He tendered forged documents in evidence with the intention that the court act upon them. He perpetrated a fraud upon the plaintiff and his plan was to do the same upon the court. In this trial, he was a one-man crime wave.
    • The Alberta case of Meads v. Meads, decided by Justice J.D. Rooke, has become a classic of Canadian law, cited in every province and in a variety of foreign jurisdictions. The Alberta courts had been beset by a number of legal Cloudcuckoolanders known by various names including "freemen on the land" and "detaxers." These folks attempt to repel lawsuits and prosecutions for assorted offences by putting forward various ''unusual'' legal arguments by which they hope to coerce the court into recognizing them as beyond the government's jurisdiction just because they say so.note  It turns out that many of these arguments are being sold, for money, by "gurus" who are conspicuously absent when the time comes to clean up the mess. To deal with this, Justice Rooke took advantage of what would have been a fairly routine family law decision but for the involvement of such a "freeman" to write a breathtaking 736 paragraphs detailing the many varieties of these arguments, providing a helpful reference guide to why all of them are utter gibberish, and finally taking aim at the people who sell these arguments to bilk the uninformed and desperate out of their money and any hope of defending themselves legally:
      In his poem Inferno at Cantos 26-30, Dante placed the “evil counsellors” ‑ those who used their position to advise others to engage in fraud, and “the falsifiers” ‑ alchemists, counterfeiters, perjurers, and imposters, into the inner canyons of the eighth circle of hell. As sinners, the evil counsellors and falsifiers were matched by those who induce religious schisms, and surpassed only in fault by oath‑breakers.
      Persons who purposefully promote and teach proven ineffective techniques that purport to defeat valid state and court authority, and circumvent social obligations, appear to fall into those two categories. That they do so, and for profit at the expense of naive and vulnerable customers, is worse.
      William S. Burroughs in Naked Lunch (New York: Grove Press, 1962, p. 11) wrote: “Hustlers of the world, there is one Mark you cannot beat: The Mark Inside.” I believe that is true for you. At some basic level, you understand that you are selling lies, or at the very most generous, wildly dubious concepts.
      It does not matter whether you frame your ‘business’ as a joke, religion, for educational purposes only, or as not being legal advice; your ‘business’ harms your naive or malicious customers, their families, and the innocent persons whom your customers abuse as they attempt to exercise what you have told them are their rights.
      You cannot identify one instance where a court has rolled over and behaved as told. Not one. Your spells, when cast, fail.
    • Judge Rosemarie Aquilina gave one of these to former USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar after he was convicted of sexual abuse.
      This letter [that Nassar read to the court] tells me you have not yet owned what you did. You still think somehow that you are right, you're a doctor, that you're entitled, that you don't have to listen. That you did 'treatment'. I wouldn't send my dogs to you, sir.
      • This came on the heels of a seven-day sentencing hearing at which over 150 victims spoke, several of them giving Nassar their own The Reason You Suck speeches.
        Kyle Stephens: Little girls don’t stay little forever. They grow into strong women that return to destroy your world.
        Tiffany Thomas Lopez: The army you chose in the late ’90s to silence me, to dismiss me and my attempt at speaking the truth, will not prevail over the army you created when violating us.
        Aly Raisman: Let this sentence strike fear in anyone who thinks it is O.K. to hurt another person. Abusers, your time is up. The survivors are here, standing tall, and we are not going anywhere.
  • The Declaration of Independence is one big one from the thirteen British colonies over in America to King George III and the British government.
  • In many ways, Charlie Chaplin's satirical film The Great Dictator was an extended "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Hitler and Nazism. Chaplin, having studied Hitler's mannerisms and speech patterns, ends the film with an impassioned Patrick Stewart Speech on the bright future of mankind.
  • The French Revolution was an era that saw several of this. The popular song La Carmagnole is "The Villain Sucks" Song about Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI. The pamphlet "What is the Third Estate?" is one directed against the First Two estates telling them that the Third Estate is the true voice of France and the only ones capable and competent enough to run the nation.
    • Maximilien Robespierre is a man who often invited these speeches but he usually responded back with ones of his own. When representatives tried to introduce legislation to install a defense of slavery in the French constitution so as to protect France's colonial interests. Robespierre replied instead, "Perish the colonies rather than our principles".
  • British forces that liberated the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp had a pretty good one, delivered via loudspeakers to local German officials who'd been taken to witness the camp, and the captured SS troops being made to bury the dead.
    "You, who represent the fathers and brothers of German youth, see before your eyes some of the sons and daughters who bear the direct responsibility for this crime. They are a small portion only. Therefore, it is more than the human soul is able to bear. But who bears the real responsibility? You, who allowed your leader to carry out this horrible madness; you, who couldn't do enough for this degenerate triumph. You, who were a part of this camp..."
    • The whole process of denazification consisted of delivering carefully-worded ones to the German population, through the media and propaganda posters. The western Allied authorities in all sectors pounded it into the Germans that they were all responsible for what happened during the war, including the Holocaust, and that they had better repent and shape up! The plan seems to have worked, since most Germans regard No Swastikas and the atrocities of World War II as extremely Serious Business, and are willing to say, to this day, that their country as a whole were the bad guys in the war.
      • To a point, anyway. There's no way around it, after all, it can go either way when you have to deprogram a population. But as a consequence this caused the Vocal Minority who still believed to become incredibly radicalised, to the point the #1 complaint by Hammerskins and DVU about the fuhrer isn't that he lost, or that he was tactically incompetent... But that they lost by being too nice. Similarly a complaint with some modern Italian fascists and Futurists. Primarily stems from the fact they buy into period propaganda, dismissing "US-taught history" as propaganda, and not believing Germany's logistical problems or the requirement for slave labour. Not related at all to Holocaust denial, it instead stems from believing in Hitler's mythos that he 'saved' Germany from destruction by greedy outsiders and his military strategy and the individual soldiers of the time were invincible.
      • Also, the Soviets had a much different approach. For one, their version of 'denazification' consisted largely of the expulsion and murder of large (often noble) landowners and appropriation of their property and of setting up camps where alleged Nazis were held. Some of them were Nazis, no doubt, but others were simply political prisoners. In East Germany, the people were told that they were just as much victims of the Nazis as anyone else, and were told that the West Germans were still Nazis, and the rest of the American-led first world were neo-fascists. The official name of the Berlin Wall was Anti-Fascist Security Wall. As a result, people in the east did not really begin to come to terms with the holocaust until after German re-unification.
    • Also, they didn't try to do this against the Japanese, in part because it could be potentially offensive against their ancestors (the Japanese, as many East Asian cultures, worship their ancestors) and it could make the American occupation of Japan difficult if they tried to disgrace them, since it's one of the greatest taboos of the Japanese culture. It was also that America was still too racist to be offended by Japan committing atrocities because no one expected better of the Japanese. Germany was a "civilized" western country, and so the rest of the western world were offended that one of their own would do such a thing. This did end up coming back to bite them in the ass somewhat; while most of present day Germans are the most passionate anti-Nazis imaginable, some in Japan look at war atrocities committed by their military- such as the Rape of Nanjing, the Bataan Death March, and the sadistic human experimentation of Unit 731 — and shrug them off. The historiography of the war, especially in school history textbooks (which require government approval), remains a hotly (and rather appallingly) contentious issue today.
  • In 2011, after it emerged that the Vatican had conspired to shelter child sex abusers in the Irish diocese of Cloyne and had even gone so far as to interfere with the investigation of the abuse by Garda Síochána, Enda Kenny, Taoiseach of the Republic of Ireland, gave the most hostile speech ever given by an Irish politician about the Mother Church in the Dáil Éireann. It was so furious, and so unprecedented in one of Europe's most Catholic nations, and so unexpected of the man who delivered it—whose party, Fine Gael, is the more traditionalist and pro-Church faction in Irish politics—that some commentators have called it "the end of Catholic Ireland". Soon after, the Vatican recalled its papal nuncio to Ireland and Ireland closed its Vatican embassy in Rome.
    Kenny: For the first time in this country, a report into child sexual abuse exposes an attempt by the Holy See to frustrate an inquiry in a sovereign, democratic republic as little as three years ago, not three decades ago. And in doing so, the Cloyne report excavates the dysfunction, the disconnection, the elitism that dominate the culture of the Vatican today...I want to make it clear, as Taoiseach, that when it comes to the protection of the children of this State, the standards of conduct which the Church deems appropriate to itself, cannot and will not, be applied to the workings of democracy and civil society in this republic. Not purely, or simply, or otherwise, because children have to be, and will be, put first.
  • Lucius Sergius Catilina gets a tongue-lashing from Cicero, beginning thus: "Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? Quamdiu etiam furor iste tuus nos eludet? Quem ad finem sese effrenata iactabit audacia?". This means: "How long, Catilina, will you abuse our patience? For how long will that madness of yours mock us? To what end will your unbridled effrontery toss itself about?". And then it gets worse for Catilina...
    • Cicero tended to use this tactic a fair amount in his speeches, which tended to be against someone: in Ancient Rome, "orator" meant "lawyer" (and specifically "barrister"); although most of Cicero's cases had him defending, he made his name as a prosecutor, as he was willing to take cases against powerful Senators (in no small part because the lawyer who successfully prosecuted a Senator won the defeated Senator's rank and seniority within the Senate), most famously in trials for corruption and other crimes to do with abuse of power. Saying why the opposing party really, really sucked was part of his strategy (a lengthy explanation of how Verres and his lawyer sucked for trying to game the system allowed him to end the trial after opening arguments), as well as playing up his background (by Roman standards, he was a Simple Country Lawyer, which made him popular among the "New Men" who were more and more often sitting on juries at the time).
    • Cicero really hands it to Mark Antony in the Philippics, a series of speeches against him.
      • Cicero's speeches against Antony were so nasty that Antony had Cicero killed and reportedly had his tongue nailed to the rostra, the platform politicians gave speeches on. Antony didn't take criticism well. Still, at least it was a moral victory for Marcus Tullius.
  • Joseph Nye Welch to Senator Joseph McCarthy, during the Army-McCarthy hearings: "You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"
  • This zinger from Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle in the 1988 Vice Presidential debate still shows up in every Top Ten list of debate zingers.
    Bentsen: Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy.
  • Fear the wrath of Jon Stewart. CNN was so embarrassed they canceled the show.
    • Another fine Jon Stewart example would be this.
    • There was also the Earth day special where he insulted Planet Earth for trying to kill the human race time and time again.
    • Then there were the times where he completely demolished both Keith Olbermann and Glenn Beck. The best part? Olbermann admitted he was wrong and apologized.
    • And this one, to terrorist group Boko Haram, after they committed the mass kidnapping of hundreds of Nigerian girls:
    "You guys are trying so hard to convince everybody that you're such badasses, but all you've done is highlight who the real badasses are - the kids you kidnapped. Compared to a teenager who knows that her desire for an education could get her dragged into a snake infested jungle to be sold as a bride by some demented stick-chewing cartoon villain, but still gets up and goes to class everyday, fully aware of the danger. Compared to their courage, I'd say Boko Haram is a bunch of little girls. But you know what? You don't deserve that compliment."
  • Stephen Colbert also stood five feet from George W. Bush and tore him a new one.
    • Also an amazing Take That!, but Stephen's deconstruction of Sarah Palin, and her increased importance in news media after the '08 election.
    "I know you think this story has no purpose other than keeping Sarah Palin’s name in the headlines for another news cycle. I know you think she has nothing to offer the national dialogue and that her speeches are just coded talking points mixed in with words picked up at random from a thesaurus. I know you think Sarah Palin is at best a self-promoting ignoramus and at worst a shameless media troll who will abuse any platform to deliver dog-whistle encouragement to a far-right base that may include possible insurrectionists. I know you think her reality show was pathetically unstatesmanlike, and at the same time, I know you believe it represents the pinnacle of her potential. And that her transparent desperation to be a celebrity so completely eclipsed her interest in public service so long ago that there would be more journalistic integrity on reporting one of the lesser Kardashians’ ass implants. I know, I know that when you arrive at the office each day you say a silent prayer that maybe—just maybe—Sarah Palin will at long last just shut up for just 10 fucking minutes. I know because I can see it in your eyes. Well guess what, Mika? That’s the gig. And it’s only January of 2011, kiddo. And you have a minimum of two more years of this ahead of you. You want to stay in this game? You dig deep. You find another gear. You show up to work every day and get your hair and makeup done. You slap on a smile, get out there on TV and repeat what Sarah Palin said on Hannity last night right into the lens. You know... news".
  • Bill Hicks did this a bunch. Most notably, at a show in Chicago when he verbally tore a heckler to pieces. Later during the show, he had a spectacular meltdown because of a bunch of other hecklers, which culminated in him yelling: "HITLER HAD THE RIGHT IDEA, HE WAS JUST AN UNDERACHIEVER!" This in the middle of a BLISTERING seven-minute rant on how the mere existence of the people he was chewing out was a valid argument in favor of exterminating the human race. There's been few people alive who have made such a hardcore "The Reason You Suck" Speech to a person who was standing in front of them.
  • Bill Burr had an absolutely epic speech to Philadelphia after they spent the day booing every act before him back in 2006. The speech is a 12 minute rant deconstructing everything about the city, from its sports teams, perceived racism, the fact that Rocky is their hero over actual people (especially Joe Frazier) and anything else even remotely connected to the city, all amid Cluster F-Bomb and any other foul word you can think of. Even better is when he repeatedly tells them how much longer his act is, promising that the rest of it is just going to be more of the same. Eventually, some of the crowd starts cheering.
    Bill Burr: Oh, fuck all you people. Ya know what. you fucking losers, I hope you all fucking die, and I hope those fucking Eagles never win the Super Bowl. Go fuck yourselves.
  • "Mr. McCance, you are a douchebag."
  • Adlai Stevenson destroying Soviet ambassador Valerian Zorin on the floor of the United Nations Security Council during the Cuban Missile Crisis:
    "Do you, Ambassador Zorin, deny that the USSR has placed and is placing medium and intermediate range missiles and sites in Cuba? Yes or no? Don't wait for the translation, yes or no?"
  • In the Norway Debates in Great Britain at the beginning of World War II, Roger Keyes and Leo Amery gave a pair of these to Neville Chamberlain, with Keyes (a retired naval admiral) appearing in full military dress to excoriate Chamberlain on the behalf of the military for the conduct of the Norway campaign, and Amery criticizing the lack of preparation and general lack of fighting spirit and competence in Chamberlain's government. Amery ended by quoting Oliver Cromwell: "You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go." The effect of the speeches was only increased by the fact that both politicians were in the same party as Chamberlain, and the speeches are often credited as a large reason for Chamberlain's subsequent resignation. David Lloyd George also made a fairly brutal speech, saying that the best thing that Chamberlain could do for the war effort was resign. Honestly, May 1940 was not a good time to be Neville Chamberlain.
  • De Profundis is a long "The Reason You Suck Speech" in written form by Oscar Wilde for his ex-lover, Lord Alfred Douglas.
  • David Cameron, former Prime Minister of Great Britain is quite fond of these. He doled them out like candy to Gordon Brown ("You're not a leader! You're a loser!") and allegedly gave one to Barack Obama over the phone in the wake of the BP Oil Spill.
    • That was probably because Obama called the company "British Petroleum" despite the company dropping that name. Cameron was not pleased to have the UK government be associated with BP's incompetence, especially by someone who (he felt) should have known better.
  • FEAR THE LOUD BLADE OF ANTHONY WEINER.
  • Speaking of Congressman Weiner...he himself became the target of Andrew Breitbart's own Speech, when the latter beat him to the podium to take Weiner to task. Breitbart had been the man responsible for breaking the "sexting" pics scandal—and for a while, Weiner had tried his best to paint Breitbart as a liar. Needless to say, Andrew was not amused.
  • Duke University's football team bailed out of its scheduled game with Louisville, and Louisville sued Duke for breach of contract. The lawyer representing Duke made this argument in court:
    "I think the Court can absolutely positively take judicial notice that Duke is probably the worst football team in Division I football. Everybody knows that. That’s no secret. The longest losing streak, the inability to ever win games. . .We certainly don’t have to go out and take six months of discovery to establish that for you. . .So the bottom line is how much discovery, if any, should anyone have to take, want to take or need to take to make the simple analysis of whether or not that was a team of similar stature? It’s judicial notice that they got beat by Utah. Maybe that’s part of the dispute – that they wish they’d played somebody weaker, like Duke which would have been an automatic W."
    • Duke won the lawsuit with their lawyer making that argument.
    • Making this episode Hilarious in Hindsight: Louisville will join Duke in the Atlantic Coast Conference in July 2014; however, since the schools are in separate divisions, they won't play every year.
  • This is the point of Attack Therapy. It's extremely controversial for precisely this reason, and it's generally not a recommended form of treatment.
  • General William T. Sherman is doomed to forever be vilified by the American South for his role in the American Civil War, most notably his infamous March to the Sea. Sherman, however, epically called out Southerners in his letter to the city of Atlanta, which repeatedly proclaimed his hatred for war (Sherman would often declare that "war is hell", and begged a graduating officer class at West Point to do everything in their power to never go to war), his absolute determination to end the war as quickly as possible, and the hypocrisy of the South.
    I repeat then that, by the original compact of government, the United States had certain rights in Georgia, which have never been relinquished and never will be; that the South began the war by seizing forts, arsenals, mints, custom-houses, etc., etc., long before Mr. Lincoln was installed, and before the South had one jot or title of provocation. I myself have seen in Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Mississippi, hundreds and thousands of women and children fleeing from your armies and desperadoes, hungry and with bleeding feet. In Memphis, Vicksburg, and Mississippi, we fed thousands and thousands of the families of rebel soldiers left on our hands, and whom we could not see starve. Now that war comes to you, you feel very different. You deprecate its horrors, but did not feel them when you sent car-loads of soldiers and ammunition, and moulded shells and shot, to carry war into Kentucky and Tennessee, to desolate the homes of hundreds and thousands of good people who only asked to live in peace at their old homes, and under the Government of their inheritance.
    • He gave another one before the war even started, which also counts as a spot-on prediction:
    You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it… Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth — right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else you are totally unprepared, with a bad cause to start with. At first you will make headway, but as your limited resources begin to fail, shut out from the markets of Europe as you will be, your cause will begin to wane. If your people will but stop and think, they must see in the end that you will surely fail.
  • Jaycee Lee Dugard's epic calling out of her former kidnapper Phillip Garrido and his wife:
    I chose not to be here today because I refuse to waste another second of my life in your presence. I've chosen to have my mom read this for me. Phillip Garrido, you are wrong. I could never say that to you before, but I have the freedom now and I am saying you are a liar and all of your so-called theories are wrong. Everything you have ever done to me has been wrong and someday I hope you can see that. What you and Nancy did was reprehensible. You always justified everything to suit yourself but the reality is and always has been that to make someone else suffer for your inability to control yourself and for you, Nancy, to facilitate his behavior and trick young girls for his pleasure is evil. There is no God in the universe that would condone your actions. To you, Phillip, I say that I have always been a thing for your own amusement. I hated every second of every day of 18 years because of you and the sexual perversion you forced on me. To you, Nancy, I have nothing to say. Both of you can save your apologies and empty words. For all the crimes you have both committed I hope you have as many sleepless nights as I did. Yes, as I think of all of those years I am angry because you stole my life and that of my family. Thankfully I am doing well now and no longer live in a nightmare. I have wonderful friends and family around me. Something you can never take from me again. You do not matter any more.
  • More than once ESPN host Skip Bayless has been brought down by former and current athletes. Here's one by NFL Class Clown Chad Ochocinco (now back to his original name of Chad Johnson).
  • Shortly after the death of Roger Ebert, political cartoonist Ted Rall drew a controversial cartoon that attacked his opinions and explicitly accused him of not being very smart. Todd in the Shadows responded with this blog post where he called out Rall for attacking Ebert less than a week after his death and said he would make a terrible movie critic.
  • We have a subverted one from a Nietzsche Wannabe Massachusetts English teacher.
    "The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you're not special. Because everyone is."
  • Abraham Lincoln has quote that is one to slave owners. "Those who deny freedom to others do not deserve it themselves."
  • In 1860 Rev. Jermain Wesley Loguen received a letter. Reverend Loguen had been enslaved after birth but had escaped to New York when he was in his early 20s where he became a fervent abolitionist and activist. His former "Mistress" had sent him a letter demanding he either return so she might sell him or give her $1000 in compensation for stealing...himself. He took exception to that.
    "Yours of the 20th of February is duly received, and I thank you for it. It is a long time since I heard from my poor old mother, and I am glad to know she is yet alive, and, as you say, "as well as common." What that means I don't know. I wish you had said more about her. You are a woman; but had you a woman's heart you could never have insulted a brother by telling him you sold his only remaining brother and sister, because he put himself beyond your power to convert him into money. You sold my brother and sister, ABE and ANN, and 12 acres of land, you say, because I ran away. Now you have the unutterable meanness to ask me to return and be your miserable chattel, or in lieu thereof send you $1000 to enable you to redeem the land, but not to redeem my poor brother and sister! If I were to send you money it would be to get my brother and sister, and not that you should get land. You say you are a cripple, and doubtless you say it to stir my pity, for you know I was susceptible in that direction. I do pity you from the bottom of my heart. Nevertheless I am indignant beyond the power of words to express, that you should be so sunken and cruel as to tear the hearts I love so much all in pieces; that you should be willing to impale and crucify us out of all compassion for your poor foot or leg. Wretched woman! Be it known to you that I value my freedom, to say nothing of my mother, brothers and sisters, more than your whole body; more, indeed, than my own life; more than all the lives of all the slaveholders and tyrants under Heaven. You say you have offers to buy me, and that you shall sell me if I do not send you $1000, and in the same breath and almost in the same sentence, you say, "you know we raised you as we did our own children." Woman, did you raise your own children for the market? Did you raise them for the whipping-post? Did you raise them to be driven off in a coffle in chains? Where are my poor bleeding brothers and sisters? Can you tell? Who was it that sent them off into sugar and cotton fields, to be kicked, and cuffed, and whipped, and to groan and die; and where no kin can hear their groans, or attend and sympathize at their dying bed, or follow in their funeral? Wretched woman! Do you say you did not do it? Then I reply, your husband did, and you approved the deed—and the very letter you sent me shows that your heart approves it all. Shame on you. But, by the way, where is your husband? You don't speak of him. I infer, therefore, that he is dead; that he has gone to his great account, with all his sins against my poor family upon his head. Poor man! gone to meet the spirits of my poor, outraged and murdered people, in a world where Liberty and Justice are MASTERS. But you say I am a thief, because I took the old mare along with me. Have you got to learn that I had a better right to the old mare, as you call her, than MANNASSETH LOGUE had to me? Is it a greater sin for me to steal his horse, than it was for him to rob my mother's cradle and steal me? If he and you infer that I forfeit all my rights to you, shall not I infer that you forfeit all your rights to me? Have you got to learn that human rights are mutual and reciprocal, and if you take my liberty and life, you forfeit your own liberty and life? Before God and High Heaven, is there a law for one man which is not a law for every other man? If you or any other speculator on my body and rights, wish to know how I regard my rights, they need but come here and lay their hands on me to enslave me. Did you think to terrify me by presenting the alternative to give my money to you, or give my body to Slavery? Then let me say to you, that I meet the proposition with unutterable scorn and contempt. The proposition is an outrage and an insult. I will not budge one hair's breadth. I will not breathe a shorter breath, even to save me from your persecutions. I stand among a free people, who, I thank God, sympathize with my rights, and the rights of mankind; and if your emissaries and venders come here to re-enslave me, and escape the unshrinking vigor of my own right arm, I trust my strong and brave friends, in this City and State, will be my rescuers and avengers. Yours, &c., J.W. Loguen"
  • Lin Zexu, a Chinese official that was in charge of dealing with the opium addiction in China before the first opium war attempted to tell off Queen Victoria.
    "By what right do they then in return use the poisonous drug to injure the Chinese people? Even though the barbarians may not necessarily intend to do us harm, yet in coveting profit to an extreme, they have no regard for injuring others. Let us ask, where is your conscience?"
  • In 1676, Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire wrote an ultimatum to the Zaporozhian Cossacks demanding they submit to his rule, after they had already defeated the Ottomans in battle. The Cossacks replied back with one of the most jaw-droppingly profane and hilariously obscene letters in human history, saving their most vicious mockery for the pretentiousness expressed by his seemingly-never-ending list of royal titles.
    "The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother." Complete with dramatic reading by Peter Capaldi!
  • A deeply, deeply hilarious and poorly written one from a teenage girl dumping her boyfriend via e-mail, complete with dramatic reading.
    YOU MAKE ME TOUCH YOUR HANDS FOR STUPID REASONS
  • In October 2012, during a scandal involving the Speaker of Australia's House of Representatives, Julia Gillard (the Prime Minister) delivered a big Reason You Suck Speech towards the leader of the opposition (Tony Abbott), discussing how he said sexist, misogynistic, gender essentialist and just plain rude things, let various actions of his peers slide, and was a hypocrite on the matter.
    "The leader of the opposition says that people who hold sexist views and who are misogynists are not appropriate for high office. Well, I hope the Leader of the Opposition has got a piece of paper, and he is writing out his resignation, because if he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn't need a motion in the House of Representatives - he needs a mirror!"
    • Powerful as this speech was to many people, this backfired, as the accusations made didn't reverse Gillard's fall and Abbott's rise in popularity leading up to the next year's election note  where Abbott not only won soundly, but his remarks against Gillard didn't have a negative impact on his campaign. He then named himself Minister for Women, and his actions in both of his roles over the ensuing two years did a lot to vindicate Gillard's accusations.
    • By August 2018, the Liberal Party was in a prolonged leadership spill, something Australians have gotten sick of after going through five Prime Ministers in just half a decade note . Greens leader Richard Di Natale lashed out on the Liberal Party for their infighting amidst other important issues in the country.
    We’ve got 100% of New South Wales that in drought right now. We’ve got a Great Barrier Reef that’s on the brink of collapse. We’ve got floods in India. We’ve got a 12-year-old girl who’s setting herself alight in Nauru, We’ve got kids who are in a catatonic state because they’ve given up hope locked away in those offshore hell holes. What’s the Liberal Party doing? Focusing on vengeance, on payback. Focusing on themselves!
  • Jack London's famous poem The Scab is a brutal one of these towards strikebreakers. Whatever one's view of industrial action, it can be appreciated for its sheer malicious invective:
    After God had finished the rattlesnake, the toad, and the vampire, he had some awful substance left with which he made a scab.
    A scab is a two-legged animal with a corkscrew soul, a water brain, a combination backbone of jelly and glue.
    Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.
    When a scab comes down the street, men turn their backs and angels weep in heaven, and the devil shuts the gates of hell to keep him out.
    No man (or woman) has a right to scab so long as there is a pool of water to drown his carcass in, or a rope long enough to hang his body with.
    Judas was a gentleman compared with a scab. For betraying his master, he had character enough to hang himself. A scab has not.
    Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage.
    Judas sold his Savior for thirty pieces of silver.
    Benedict Arnold sold his country for a promise of a commission in the British Army.
    The scab sells his birthright, country, his wife, his children and his fellowmen for an unfulfilled promise from his employer.
    Esau was a traitor to himself; Judas was a traitor to his God; Benedict Arnold was a traitor to his country.
    A scab is a traitor to his God, his country, his family and his class.
  • Lindsay Lohan's siblings Ali, Mike, and Dakota all tore into their father Michael after he tried to force Lindsay into rehab, without any proof of current drug use. All three called him a worthless human being and told him to stay out their lives.
  • After the murder of Abraham Lincoln, Henrik Ibsen managed to write a true "you really suck"-poem, directed at every single atrocity done by the European powers over the better part of the nineteenth century. He actually blames the Europeans for the death of Lincoln. "The reason you suck" indeed.
    That crimson rose there whose flowers shock
    and frighten you here at home,
    our Europe supplied the grafting-stock,
    the West its luxuriant loam.
    You planted as seedling that thriving stand
    that reddens the shores of the West;
    it`s you who tied with your own fair hand
    the knightly sash of the martyr's band
    on Abraham Lincoln's breast.
    • The implication for the blame can be summed up in one term: Slave trade!
      • This poem was actually censored on Norwegian television in 1978!
  • Mark Kelly gave one of these to Jared Lee Loughner at his sentencing.
  • 14 members of the Congressional Black Caucus of 2012 wrote a letter to former Rep. Artur Davis for his opportunistic switch from Democrat to becoming Republican as he had turned his back on Barack Obama after supporting him and called him a friend because of his loss for a Democratic Bid for Alabama Governor in 2010. Here's the source.
    "We are writing to express our disdain over several recent comments you have made about the important issues facing voters in November, your total distortion of President Barack Obama’s record, and your complete flip-flop on certain core principles you once held dear. Given the magnitude of your recent transformation, we can only conclude that, rather than a true conversion, your actions are the result of a nakedly personal and political calculation or simmering anguish after failing to secure the Democratic nomination for governor of the State of Alabama in 2010."
  • ESPN analyst Stephen A. Smith gave one to the New York Jets about how terrible the team was from front office to the field.
    "You don't need to look in Webster's Dictionary to find out what ineptitude means. It's right there with the Jets."
    • Smith gave a huge one to 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick after the latter revealed he did not vote in the 2016 Presidential Election despite spending the whole season refusing to stand during the national anthem as part of his activism for black people. Smith expressed that he is uninterested in whatever Kaepernick has to say, since he his protests come off as shallow after refusing to participate in an action that can bring the change he desires.
  • New Jersey governor Chris Christie (a Republican) gave one of these to House Republicans who refused to vote on an aid money package for the victims of Hurricane Sandy.note 
  • Hopefully people of all political leanings can appreciate Hunter S. Thompson's 1994 obituary for Richard Nixon as a masterpiece of invective.
    Thompson: Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Journalism – which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place.
  • While Geoffrey Howe resigned as Britain's Deputy Prime Minister on 1 November 1990, his subsequent resignation speech on 13 November in full view of PMQs and a packed House amounted to an extended "The Reason You Suck" Speech against Margaret Thatcher, the Prime Minister at the time. The speech was so damning, it ignited a leadership contest that ultimately led her to resign just 9 days later.
    Howe: "It is rather like sending your opening batsmen to the crease, only for them to find, as the first balls are being bowled, that their bats have been broken before the game by the team captain."
  • This video shows an American Indian giving one of these speeches to protestors against illegal immigrants.
  • Upon seeing a few too many comments by Joan Rivers about how Adele is really fat, Australian comedian, host of The Last Leg and all round nice guy Adam Hills had this to say. And it was fantastic.
    Adam: How dare you make fun of one of the best female role models on the planet for the way she looks. Adele is one of the very few women in pop music that I want my daughter to look up to – and you’re making jokes about the way she looks, when you’re so insecure about your own face, you’ve spent more money on it than the producers of Life of Pi spent on that tiger!
  • After the Baldur's Gate debacle, a transwoman on the Steam forums known only as "Jinx" sent an open letter to Amber Scott:
    To Amber Scott from a trans woman

    Thank you so much from a trans gamer for painting a target on our backs once again so you can virtue signal how progressive you are. It wouldn't be enough to just, I don't know, put a trans person in a game and have them there as a character. No, it has to be a political statement and you have to just let everyone know it. Otherwise how would people know how great you are as a person, and isn't that what social justice is really about? ... No, seriously, I'm actually starting to wonder that. This is the bloody Samus Aran thing all over again. It can't just be; "here's a fun fan theory make of it what you will," it's we're redefining samus' gender, and all of you can deal with it. Then the trans community gets painted as ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥s for trying to change a venorited IP while you guys get to dance off to the warm glow of praise from your ideological peers. Everytime you paint us as this 'other' you are putting in a game so people can be 'enlightened', and every time attitudes towards trans people are made just that much worse for the effort. YAY! Someone please save us from our so called saviors.
  • The Miami New Times recently blasted MLB commissioner Bud Selig after Selig asked to the see some of the paper's record.
    "So this is the guy who wants our records? Isn't he the same commissioner who in 2002 approved the complicated deal that gave Loria the Marlins, betrayed the City of Montreal, and caused Loria's partners to accuse the artful merchant of racketeering?"
  • Fred Thompson gave a suavely understated one to Michael Moore in a YouTube video. Bonus points for delivering it while lounging in his office and chomping on a Cuban cigar.
  • This high school student gives one to his incompetent teacher.
  • In this video, Rep. Tammy Duckworth, who lost both of her lower legs and damaged an arm when the helicopter she was piloting was shot down in Iraq, gives one to an IRS contractor who used his friendship with an IRS official to win contracts reserved for the businesses of service-disabled veterans.
    Duckworth: Shame on you, you may not have broken any laws, we are not sure yet, you did misrepresent to the [Small Business Administration] but you certainly broke the trust of this great nation. You broke the trust of veterans. Iraq and Afghanistan veterans right now are waiting an average of 237 days for an initial disability rating and it is because people like you who are gaming the system are adding to that backlog so that young men and women who are suffering from post-traumatic stress, who are missing limbs cannot get the compensation and the help that they need.
  • Sometimes given by a crime victim to the defendant (in a victim impact statement) after their conviction; this is due to by law in most places: the police have to protect the convicted from physical attacks by victims and/or their families despite their reasons to do so, but verbal attacks are allowed.
    • As a matter of fact, Ohio man T.J. Lane was given the harshest punishment allowed for violent juvenile offenders in 2013: life behind bars; Lane took off his dress shirt that revealed another shirt with “killer” written on it to mock the families of the three fellow students he killed alongside three others whom were injured. Obviously, the family members of the deceased were furious and opted for this as part of their victim impact statements.
  • Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko of the Zaporozhian Cossack Host wrote one to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed IV:
    You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shits] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!
    • Here is a superb painting showing the Cossacks drafting the letter.
  • A four-year-old boy manages to save his mother and his sister in the Westgate mall shootings in Nairobi by telling a terrorist "you're a bad man."
  • While it is over the top A sorority girl emailed her sorority sisters stating the faults she finds with them.even comes with a parody video
  • The children of Marianne Theresa-Johnson Reddick gave this as obituary for her. At first, one might think something like this was ungraceful, but as one reads and hears the children's story... who could blame them since they actually suffered in her hands of abuse. They even sang, "Ding, Dong, the Witch Is Dead" as part of it.
  • Barack Obama gave this to congress for failing to pass a bill on gun control.
  • When Rolling Stone had the audacity to put the Boston Bomber on their cover, David Draiman had this to say:
    "HOW FAR THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN,

    I USED TO DREAM OF MAKING THE COVER OF ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE, AS IT USED TO BE THE ULTIMATE STATEMENT OF LEGITIMACY FOR AN ASPIRING MUSICIAN AND IT MEANT THAT YOU HAD REALLY MADE IT. OVER THE PAST 5 YEARS, ROLLING STONE HAS BECOME LESS AND LESS ABOUT MUSIC, AND HAS BECOME MORE AND MORE ABOUT BULLSHIT, POP CULTURE NONSENSE. EVEN THOUGH MANY OF US MAY NOT CARE FOR IT, WE WERE ABLE TO LIVE WITH IT…UNTIL THIS.

    YOU…DARE…TO…PUT…THE…IMAGE…OF…THE…BOSTON…BOMBER…ON…THE…FUCKING…COVER…OF…YOUR…MAGAZINE!!!!????

    ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR ULTRA-LIBERAL, SYMPATHETIC TO A FAULT, FUCKING MINDS???

    YOU HAVE NOT ONLY SUCCEEDED IN BLATANTLY INSULTING AND DISHONORING THE VICTIMS AND FAMILIES WHOSE LIVES WERE FOREVER EFFECTED BY THIS RABID ANIMAL, BUT YOU HAVE NOW GLORIFIED HIS COWARDLY AND UNFORGIVABLE ACT. WHY? BECAUSE IT WILL SELL MAGAZINES? BECAUSE IT WILL CREATE CONTROVERSY? BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY DO SYMPATHIZE WITH THIS ABHORRENT, COWARDLY, PIECE OF SHIT? YOU HAVE MADE IT ATTRACTIVE AND VALIDATED THE ACT, TO A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF WANNA BE TERRORISTS SEEKING MARTYRDOM AND INFAMY. YOU, AND YOUR KIND ARE THE REASON WHY PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY CAN GO OUT “IN A BLAZE OF GLORY” WHILE MURDERING INNOCENTS. HONESTLY, AND I MEAN THIS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART…GO…FUCK…YOURSELVES.

    THE NEXT TERRORIST/MURDERING INCIDENT, BE IT ANOTHER BOMBER, OR A MADMAN WITH AN ASSAULT RIFLE, UNLEASHING FIRE UPON A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN, IS ON YOU.

    MAY YOUR CONSCIENCES (IF YOU EVEN HAVE THEM) WEIGH IMMEASURABLE HEAVY ON YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES. I CONDEMN THIS ACT, THIS NOTION, AND THIS WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING RAG OF A MAGAZINE. MAY THE POWERS THAT BE HAVE MERCY UPON YOUR SOULS, BECAUSE THE NEXT TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS, I ASSURE YOU, THE WORLD WONT.

    -GO TO HELL"
    • Draiman would then go on to write the song "Legion of Monsters", an angry Protest Song about how media glorification of murderers is only inspiring new ones to spread new death and horror.
  • Motti Ashkenazi gave one to Golda "Grandma" Meir on a protest placard after the Yom Kippur War:
    Grandma, your defense minister is a failure and 3,000 of your grandchildren are dead.
  • At Skepticon 4 Greta Christina gave a speech on Why Atheists Are Angry, first she noted that not all atheists are angry. Then she launched into a long list of reasons why she is.
    Greta Christina: I'm angry that in Salt Lake City, 40% of homeless teenagers are gay. Most of them kids that have been kicked out of their house by their Mormon parents. (Beat) Yeah, that's some great family values you got there!
  • When Delegate Emmett C. Burns wrote to the Baltimore Ravens demanding that they silence one of their players who spoke out in favour of marriage equality the Ravens organisation official declined to comment except to say the letter was received and no action would be taken. Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, on the other hand, did comment in great detail opening by advising the Mr Burns that he should have an intern nearby in case he needed help with any of the longer words.
    Chris Kluwe: It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
  • Cambodian prime minister Sirik Matak gave one in 1975 as Cambodia, having been abandoned along with the rest of Indochina by the United States, was falling to Communism. They offered Matak asylum, but he refused and gave one of these to the American people. It is all the more devastating for its faultless courtesy:
    I thank you very sincerely for your letter and for your offer to transport me towards freedom. I cannot, alas, leave in such a cowardly fashion. As for you and in particular for your great country, I never believed for a moment that you would have this sentiment of abandoning a people which has chosen liberty. You have refused us your protection and we can do nothing about it. You leave us and it is my wish that you and your country will find happiness under the sky. But mark it well that, if I shall die here on the spot and in my country that I love, it is too bad because we are all born and must die one day. I have only committed the mistake of believing in you, the Americans. Please accept, Excellency, my dear friend, my faithful and friendly sentiments. [Emphasis added.]
    • Secretary of state Henry Kissinger had ordered a bombardment of Cambodia in 1970 that exceeded everything dropped during the WWII campaign. No wonder the prime minister was pissed off.
  • In his journalism, Ambrose Bierce was a master of these. Whether you were a poet who'd published a volume of bad poetry or one of the "Big Five" railroads that held California in their grip, once you were in his cross-hairs, you were in for a thorough, exquisitely phrased roasting.
  • In this Tumblr post, pro-choice user desliz tears into anti-abortion user speakfortheweak and the anti-abortion movement for claiming to defend women and children, but not actually taking actions to improve the lives of women in poverty or make life easier for children who have already been born.
    desliz: Let me tell you some things.

    I used to investigate child abuse and neglect. I can tell you how to stop the vast majority of abortion in the world.

    First, make knowledge and access to contraception widely available. Start teaching kids before they hit puberty. Teach them about domestic violence and coercion, and teach them not to coerce and rape. Create a strong, loving community where women and girls feel safe and supported in times of need. Because guess what? They aren’t. You know what happens to babies born under such circumstances? They get hurt, unnecessarily. They get sick, unnecessarily. They get removed from parents who love them but who are unprepared for the burden of a child. Resources? Honey, we try. There aren’t enough resources anywhere. There are waiting lists, and promises, and maybes. If the government itself can’t hook people up, what makes you think an impoverished single mom can handle it?

    Abolish poverty. Do you have any idea how much childcare costs? Daycare can cost as much or more than monthly rent. They may be inadequately staffed. Getting a private nanny is a nice idea, but they don’t come cheap either. Relatives? Do they own a car? Does the bus run at the right times? Do they have jobs of their own they need to work just to keep the lights on? Are they going to stick around until you get off you convenience store shift at 4 AM? Do they have criminal histories that will make them unsuitable as caregivers when CPS pokes around? You gonna pay for that? Who’s going to pay for that?

    End rape. I know your type errs on the side of blaming the woman, but I’ve seen little girls who’ve barely gotten their periods pregnant because somebody thought raping preteens was an awesome idea. You want to put a child through that? Or someone with a mental or physical inability for whom pregnancy would be frightening, painful or even life-threatening? I’ve seen nonverbal kids who had their feet sliced up by caregivers for no fucking reason at all, you think sexual abuse doesn’t happen either?

    You say there’s lots of couples who want to adopt. Kiddo, what they want to adopt are healthy white babies, preferably untainted by the wombs and genetics of women with alcohol or drug dependencies. I’ve seen the kids they don’t want, who almost no one wants. You people focus only on the happy pink babies, the gigglers, the ones who grow and grow with no trouble. Those are not the kids who linger in foster care. Those are certainly not the older kids and teenagers who age out of foster care and then are thrown out in the streets, usually with an array of medical and mental health issues. Are they too old to count?

    And yeah, I’ve seen the babies, little hand-sized things barely clinging to life. There’s no glory, no wonder there. There is no wonder in a pregnant woman with five dollars to her name, so deep in depression you wonder if she’ll be alive in a week. Therapy costs money. Medicine costs money. Food, clothes, electricity cost money. Government assistance is a pittance; poverty drives women and girls into situations where they are forced to rely on people who abuse them to survive. (I’ve been up in more hospitals than I can count.)

    In each and every dark pit of desperation, I have never seen a pro-lifer. I ain’t never seen them babysitting, scrubbing floors, bringing over goods, handing mom $50 bucks a month or driving her to the pediatrician. I ain’t never seen them sitting up for hours with an autistic child who screams and rages so his mother can get some sleep while she rests up from working 14-hour days. I don’t see them fixing leaks in rundown houses or playing with a kid while the police prepare to interview her about her sexual abuse. They’re not paying for the funerals of babies and children who died after birth, when they truly do become independent organisms. And the crazy thing is they think they’ve already done their job, because the child was born!

    Aphids give birth, girl. It’s no miracle. You want to speak for the weak? Get off your high horse and get your hands dirty helping the poor, the isolated, the ill and mentally ill women and mothers and their children who already breathe the dirty air. You are doing nothing, absolutely nothing, for children. You don’t have a flea’s comprehension of injustice. You are not doing shit for life until you get in there and fight that darkness. Until you understand that abortion is salvation in a world like ours. Does that sound too hard? Do you really think suffering post-birth is more permissible, less worthy of outrage?

    “Pro-life” is simply a philosophy in which the only life worth saving is the one that can be saved by punishing a woman.
  • Charlie Sheen delivers one to Farrah Abraham after she released private texts they exchanged to the public (in which she kept hounding Sheen for playdates and a guest spot on his current show in even more desperate attempts to stay famous):
    Hey you desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua;
    I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us. Congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn. Your daughter must be so proud.
    Please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. The world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life. Oh and I'm sure they'll wave the cover charge when they see your tranny-boobs and five o'clock shadow. BYE!
  • Azaelia Banks spawned two back to back from Iggy Azalea and Action Bronson, both on Twitter. Iggy called Banks a bigot who tries to make everything about race and Bronson called her a wannabe who goes after anyone more successful than her.
    • And they both got speeches right back, where they were accused of being ignorant about white privilege and completely missing the point she was making about it.
  • French Montana mocked Tichina Arnold, star of Martin and Everybody Hates Chris. She dresses him down, a bit.
  • Haile Selassie, emperor of Ethiopia addressed the League of Nations (that is the pre-war equivalent of the United Nations) in a truly epic "The Reason You Suck" Speech, directed towards the 52-nation assembly in 1936. That would be close up to the whole barking lot of independent nations of the time. He addressed the fact that the League had declined to help Ethiopia after the Italian invasion of 1935, and called them out on several broken promises. His essential message was that an international covenant was of no use at all, and that Europe would hand themselves a lot of troubles in the near future. Boy, was he right about that.
  • Talk show host Jeremy Kyle always condemns his guests for their faults when they appear on his show and he condemned his audience for laughing at one of his guests experience with domestic violence.
    Jeremy Kyle: If this was the other way round and a woman was sat here and a bloke had locked her in her flat and she had to jump out and injure herself, you lot would not be laughing, you would be saying that he's a complete nightmare and he should be locked up and that's disgraceful but somehow if it happens to a bloke that's funny, that's not funny is it?.
  • Quentin Tarantino is another pro at dishing these out. When called into a rather one-sided interview on this Channel 4 News Station, he gives a self-proclaimed movie reviewer several answers that are essentially mini-"The Reason You Suck" Speeches. Highlights include:
    Tarantino: "Hey! I saw movies when I was a kid. All the movies I'm basing my movies on I saw as a kid. And yes, kids go to a movie theater and they can tell the difference [between movie violence and real violence]. Maybe you couldn't when you were a kid, but I could!"
    Tarantino: "I'm having a great time, making a terrific movie that people have fun seeing! Maybe not you, but you know what Jan? I don't think I made it for you."
    • This interview is another great example of what he can do if you get on his bad side.
    Tarantino: "[My viewers] know where I'm coming from...[On the topic of film violence vs. real-life violence] And I have explained it. and I've even explained what you're talking about. I'm just not giving it to you."
    Interviewer: "Why?"
    Tarantino: "Because I don't want to, because I've done it already. I have explained this many times in the last twenty years; I just refuse to repeat myself over and over again because you want me to."
  • In the last matchday of FIFA World Cup qualifying for the 2014 tournament, Mexico looked like they were going to miss the tournament, losing to Costa Rica while Panama was beating the United States. The US had already qualified and clinched the top spot in the final continental qualifying tournament, and were playing with their "B" team against Panama. Costa Rica had already qualified as well. Televisa Deportes had both matches on split-screen in Mexico when, in the final minutes, the US suddenly scored the tying goal against Panama, which would allow Mexico to advance to an intercontinental playoff with New Zealand despite their loss, TV Azteca commentator Christian Martinoli gushed praise on America for granting them a chance, then ripped into the Mexican national team for an absolutely awful qualifying cycle where they had to rely on their rivals to get anywhere, and went a pathetically bad 1–1–3 (1 win, 1 loss, and 3 draws, scoring just three goals in five matches) at home, all in the usually-supportive Estadio Azteca in Mexico City. As the US scored one more goal to outright beat Panama, he said the US had finally surpassed Mexico in soccer, and told Victor Manuel Vucetich, the Mexican team's interim manager, to get his act together or resign.note 
    Christian Martinoli (in English): WE LOVE YOU!!! WE LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER!!! OHH, GOD BLESS AMERICA!
  • Four years later, the USMNT and the US soccer establishment were on the receiving end of an equally epic diss by ESPN analyst and former national team player Taylor Twellman. The US began the "Hexagonal", the six-team final round of World Cup qualifying for CONCACAF, with back-to-back losses to Mexico and Costa Rica, leading to the dismissal of manager Jürgan Klinsmann. With former manager Bruce Arena back in charge, the US righted the ship to some degree, but hit a poor patch later on. Still, they entered their final match at Trinidad and Tobago, by then eliminated from World Cup contention, in the driver's seat for a trip to Russia. Chasing the USMNT were Panama, hosting already-qualified Costa Rica, and Honduras, hosting also-qualified Mexico. For the US, a win would definitely send them to Russia. A draw? Panama and Honduras could catch them on points, but the US was so far ahead on goal difference that it would have almost certainly advanced. Even a loss wouldn't necessarily be fatal. If neither Panama nor Honduras won, the USA would qualify directly. If only one of the two won, the US would have had a final chance in a two-legged qualifier with an Asian team (ultimately Australia). So what happens? (1) The US gives up an own goal 17 minutes in, and lets in a second goal before halftime. They pull back one goal, but lose 2–1. (2) Panama comes back from 1–0 down to beat Costa Rica 2–1. (3) Honduras comes back from 2–1 down to beat Mexico. Result: Panama qualifies directly, Honduras goes to the playoff against the Aussies, and the USMNT misses the World Cup for the first time since 1986. And Arena resigns. And Twellman goes off.
  • Dale Hansen, a sports commentator, has received quite some acclaim in regards to his powerful stances and speeches in regards to several things that occurred in the world of sports, both professional sports and otherwise. He has also gone on record and on air in regards to having a lot of bile towards the Dallas Cowboys for various decisions they've made, most especially their hiring practices. When he learned that the Dallas Cowboys hired Greg Hardy for a contract in upwards of $13 million dollars after Greg Hardy beat up his former girlfriend and Carolina kicked him off their team for it, he had words for the Cowboys coaches and executives. What followed was 3 minutes of perfectly calm verbal thrashing.

    Cowboys will be paying former Carolina defensive end Greg Hardy somewhere between 11 and 13 million dollars next year if he plays every game, and there's a chance he won't. The NFL's Barney Fife will decide that, but when he does play, the defense should be better now. Hardy was a Pro Bowl player two years ago, had 15 sacks, then doesn’t play last year because he beat up his former girlfriend. Oh yeah, there is that. Just when I begin to think the Cowboys can’t possibly sink any lower, they can’t fall from grace any more than they have, they find another shovel and dig a few feet deeper. Hardy's only available because Carolina didn’t want him anymore, and only two or three other NFL teams did – funny how so many teams would pass on such a great talent, only because he beat up his former girlfriend. But your Cowboys didn't, and so many of you are so happy. I don't care how good he is, I don’t care if the Cowboys made a great deal, and I absolutely don't care about the argument so many of you make that what he does off the field just doesn't matter, if he can help you win on the field.

    Is there no line you won't cross? Is there no crime you won't accept? Is there no behavior you will not tolerate? The Cowboys have decided players who use illegal drugs can play. You drive drunk and kill a teammate, putting everyone on that highway at risk, there's a place on this team for you. You could rob a department store and play, and now you can beat a woman and play with a star on your helmet. Hardy's jersey is being sold at the Cowboys' online pro-shop now. You could get one for your sister or daughter and then explain to her that "Hardy beats up women, but we're cheering him now, because he's really good on game day. And game day is all that really matters to me." Your daughter will understand. But the reality is if Hardy knocks on your front door to take your daughter out for a night on the town, the man you cheer now? You would shoot his ass through the glass.

    The irony in this signing? Cowboys Vice President Charlotte Jones Anderson – the owner's daughter – is on the NFL's personal conduct policy committee. It must be quite a committee, and quite a policy. And apparently if Charlotte was ever beaten by a man, the esteemed owner would be OK with that man on his team, if he could play. Cowboys' coach Jason Garrett has been exposed. He's one of two things – he's either a fraud and hypocrite when he talks about having the right type of guys – character guys on his team, or he really has no say in this and he's simply the puppet so many of you think he is. It's one or the other, and I'll let him decide. It was Garrett's dad Jim, a former Cowboys scout, who famously said "This isn't the Boy Scouts, this is professional football." Well it's not Carolina football, Jim, they let Hardy go. The team that knows him best didn't want him anymore. But it is your son's professional football. It's the Cowboys' way now. You taught him well, Jim. You taught him well.
  • Jimmy Kimmel had this to say to a hunter who illegally killed the beloved lion Cecil.
  • Cleveland was for a long time the Butt-Monkey of American sports - if the city's 52-year championship drought between the Cleveland Browns' 1964 NFL championship and the Cleveland Cavaliers' 2016 NBA championship isn't quite the longest in American sports it has certainly been full of pain (see the Cavs' Ted Stepien era, Red Right 88, The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot, The Move, the '97 World Series, the '07 ALCS, The Decision). Of the three, the Browns (American football) are arguably the most pitiful and inept, as while the Indians (baseball) and Cavaliers (basketball) have at least had some measure of success in the 21st century (with the Cavs actually breaking the drought in 2016) the Browns have been consistently awful since their re-introduction into the NFL in 1999 (only 1 playoff appearance and 2 winning seasons as of the 2015 season). The city's fans (especially Browns fans) have mostly taken their misery in stride, but after a 30-12 loss to Houston in 2011, comedian and long-time Browns fan Mike Polknote  ripped into the team('s home stadium) with a mix of anger and humor that has spawned a Memetic Mutation:
    Polk: YOU ARE A FACTORY OF SADNESS!... I'll see you Sunday.
  • Kansas City sports radio host Bob Fescoe delivered one to the Chiefs two weeks into their abysmal 2012 season:
    Whose fault is it? To me the players have to play. You've got to go out there and play football and for eight quarters this season those guys have not gone out there and played football. Not one of them. They have not gone out there and 100 percent played football and it's quoted by Jamaal Charles: "We just didn't come out and play." Why not? Why didn't you come out and play? To me that's on you, as a player. Stop embarrassing yourself. You're embarrassing your mother, you're embarrassing your father and you're embarrassing the city. You're embarrassing your wife and your children. And your dog, too — and your cat! [...] You're an embarrassing train wreck to the 2.5 million people that call this metro area home. You've let down all the old ladies that are on life support rooting for you, trying to pull out another day. You give people nothing to live for. You suck. That's what you are right now. You're an embarrassing, sucking train wreck of a football team from top to bottom, but the onus to me this week is on the players. Get your ass out there and PLAY LIKE A MAN! PLAY LIKE YOU MEAN IT! PLAY LIKE YOU CARE!! [...] EVERY ONE OF YOU SUCKS! And we're tired of paying for tickets and parking and hot dogs and wasting freaking Sunday afternoons watching you play, because you're not playing hard, you're not playing like you care and you're not playing like you want to be there. And you know what, fans are going to stop coming because fans are not going to support your CRAP! We're done!
    • In the 2013 season, the Kansas City Chiefs went undefeated for half of the season, and qualified for the playoffs; so this might have had an effect.
  • Political party conventions can produce brilliant invective, usually against the opposing party. A truly groundbreaking one was then-Texas treasurer and future governor Ann Richards' keynote speech at the 1988 Democratic Convention, in which she accused the Republican administration, and George Bush Sr. especially, as being completely out of touch with the needs of working Americans.
    Ann Richards: And for eight straight years, George Bush hasn't displayed the slightest interest in anything we care about. And now that he's after a job that he can’t get appointed to, he's like Columbus discovering America. He's found child care. He's found education. Poor George. He can’t help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth.
  • In the wake of the Flint water crisis, Michael Moore started to petition calling for Governor Snyder's arrest, attacking him and his associates for destroying Flint's water supply and not warning anyone about it. Moore is merciless in what should happen to Snyder.
    Michael Moore: I’m asking everyone who agrees with me to sign on to this petition and call for your arrest, Governor Snyder. You are not allowed to run amok in my hometown like you have done. The children whom you have poisoned have to endure a life of pain and lower IQ’s from your actions. You have destroyed a generation of children — and for that, you must pay. It is time for you to go to prison. Out of mercy, I’ll ask that you have in your cell your own personal Gateway computer.
  • After the Orlando massacre, members of Congress called for a moment of silence. Rep. Jim Himes (D-CT), called out members for their failure to address the causes of the massacre.
    Jim Himes: “We meet this tragedy week in and week out with smug, self-empowering moments of silence in the House that do absolutely nothing for anybody.”
  • Minister Johnathan Gentry went on an epic rant against the rioters who burned down Ferguson, Missouri in the wake of Michael Brown's murder and by extension attacked African Americans who create crime in their own neighborhood.
  • Mother and Navy veteran Peggy Hubbard posted a similar rant directed towards Black Lives Matter for not focusing enough on victims of black-on-black crimes.
  • In the midst of a sex scandal in the Australian Army, Lt. General David Morrison, in a textbook example example of Tranquil Fury released a video stating his opinion regarding the personnel who engaged in, encouraged, or ignored the problem of belittling women in the military.
    On all operations, female soldiers and officers have proven themselves worthy of the best traditions of the Australian Army. They are vital to us, maintaining our capability now, and in to the future. If that does not suit you... Then. Get. Out. You may find another employer where your attitude and behaviour is acceptable, but I doubt it.
  • Henry Rollins dishes these out a lot. If you ever get the chance to talk to him, whatever you do, don't approach the conversation the way this poor kid did.
  • Not Always Right has a lot of examples of idiot customers getting this with both barrels.
  • Fox News commentator Andy Levy gave one of these to Chris Brown and his fans regarding his abuse of Rihanna, in the form of a fake apology:
    Andy Levy: I want to talk about something that happened on Tuesday night. About 8 o’clock here on the east coast R&B singer Chris Brown tweeted, “No more planking for me unless it’s on a sexy lady. Lol.” So I saw this tweet and I retweeted it adding, “You spelled “punching” wrong.” Obviously in reference to that fact that Brown was arrested in 2009 for assaulting his then-girlfriend Rihanna.
    But now in the light of day, I’d like to apologize to Chris Brown and to his fans that are known as ‘Team Breezy.’ To Mr. Brown, I apologize for referencing the fact that you beat the crap out of Rihanna. It was disrespectful of me to draw attention to the fact that you put your girlfriend in the hospital. And further, it was not my place to make people remember that you beat a woman with your fists, leaving her with multiple facial contusions, a bloody nose, and a split lip. I know that now.
    I also appreciate the fact that you tweeted me, letting me know that children conduct themselves better than I do. You are correct, and I could only hope to one day mature to the point where I can conduct myself in a more adult manner. Possibly by throwing a chair out of a window and storming out of a building with my shirt off. I ask only for your patience.
    To Team Breezy I would also like to say that I’m sorry. Thank you for your thousands of tweets which taught me a lot about the creative possibilities of spelling, grammar, and syntax. Possibilities I couldn’t even imagine before last night. In particular I’d like to thank the female members of Team Breezy, who have taught me that as long as you can sing, you can beat the living hell out of a woman and other women will still love you.
    And lastly, I apologize to everyone for using Twitter to subtly address the fact that I think it’s disgusting that a guy who put his girlfriend can, a mere two years later, be warmly welcomed back into society and appear on shows such as Saturday Night Live, as if everything he did magically never happened. It won’t happen again.
  • After his daughter wrote a pretty poorly-written one of these to him, Tommy Jordan decided to set the record straight for her.
  • Dr. Richard Quinn, a Business professor at the University of Central Florida, makes this into a lecture to his class when a cheating scandal erupts.
  • Following the infamous "underarm incident" in a 1981 Australia vs New Zealand Cricket match (see Loophole Abuse: Real Life: Sports for details), commentator and former Australian captain Richie Benaud gave one to the Australian team, and in particular captain Greg Chappell, before signing off from the broadcast:
    "Let me just tell you what I think about it: I think it was a disgraceful performance from a captain who got his sums wrong today, and I think it should never be permitted to happen again. We keep reading and hearing that the players are under a lot of pressure, and that they're tired and jaded and perhaps their judgment and their skill is blunted. Well, perhaps they might advance that as an excuse for what happened out there today. Not with me, they don't. I think it was a very poor performance, one of the worst things I have ever seen done on a cricket field. Good night."
  • The Australian newspaper wrote to all Australian Members of Parliament, demanding to know where they stood on Section 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act, forbidding people to "offend, insult, humiliate or intimidate" on the basis of race. Curiously, they neglected to publish Greens senator Nick McKim's response:
    An open letter to The Australian, regarding their coverage of the 18C debate.

    I write to you from a bunker in Tasmania, too afraid to step outside my door as a 50-something white man of some means, worried that the Human Rights Commission will see me and bundle me in a van.

    Presumably they will issue me with several 18C lawsuits and wrap me and my family in red, or heaven forfend, green tape. Maybe they’ll even make me Not Say Really Racist Things.

    But seriously, being a straight white bloke in Australia certainly isn’t getting any more difficult. Not that this fact is often made clear in your newspaper, especially in your coverage of Section 18C of the Racial Discrimination Act. Which is why I’m writing to you today.

    Honestly. Give it a rest.

    Crikey recently calculated that your newspaper has dedicated around 135,000 words to this topic. Bill Leak has managed to draw 20 cartoons about himself.

    Were one to read those 135,000 words aloud, it would take more than 17 hours to get through them.

    That’s longer than the duration of a flight from Sydney to Dallas/Fort Worth. Imagine someone banging on about the same topic for an entire long-haul flight. That’s how tedious it is to pick up a copy of The Australian these days.

    Your newspaper is now that drunk uncle at Christmas lunch who no one wants to talk to because he gives unsolicited opinions about ‘New Australians’ and ‘women these days’.

    Interestingly, 18C has not led to the mass incarceration of racist uncles. Perhaps you should ponder that conundrum when you’re tucking into your Christmas lunch.

    Maybe, just maybe, you could deploy your newspaper’s considerable resources and very capable journalists into more coverage of other issues.

    Here are a few suggestions:

    - How 2016 is likely to be the warmest year on record and what that means for Australia
    - What to do about rising inequality
    - How we could better treat asylum seekers and refugees who have sought Australia’s protection
    - The need for more investment in productive infrastructure

    But it’s not just the volume of words that prompted me to write this response.

    Your coverage of this issue has been biased and self-serving.

    The sheer vituperation and malice with which you’ve attacked your imagined opponents in this debate, particularly Gillian Triggs, has been shameful.

    You have used your editorial columns as a bully pulpit.

    Indeed, your newspaper’s previously admirable coverage of indigenous affairs has been literally whitewashed by a bunch of blokes who seemingly just want to use racist slurs without consequence.

    You have cherry-picked a few cases to pretend that freedom of speech has disappeared, and that yours is the sole voice of reason in a world gone mad.

    If you were actually the warriors for freedom of speech that you have styled yourself as, you’d be campaigning for a Bill of Rights, defamation reform, abolishing the secrecy provisions of the Border Force Act, and banning SLAPP suits (strategic lawsuits against public participation).

    Instead, the continuing presence of Bill Leak at your paper, not to mention your publication of the frightening eugenicist views of Gary Johns, make it clear that freedom of speech on race issues is under no serious threat at Holt Street, Surry Hills, or anywhere else in the country.

    If you doubt this, spend a few minutes checking out the comments on one of Pauline Hanson’s Facebook posts.

    Best,

    Nick McKim
  • Elizabeth Warren eviscerated Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf for not being accountable through one of the biggest year-long scams in banking history and firing lower-level employees involved instead of the executives and himself showing responsibility. See for yourself.
    Warren: Since this massive years-long scam came to light, you have said repeatedly: "I am accountable." But what have you actually done to hold yourself accountable? Have you resigned as CEO or chairman of Wells Fargo?
    • She kept going:
    Warren: If one of your tellers took a handful of $20 bills out of the cash drawer, they probably would be looking at criminal charges for theft. They could end up in prison. But you squeezed your employees to the breaking point so they would cheat customers and you could drive up the value of your stock and put hundreds of millions of dollars in your own pocket. And when it all blew up, you kept your job, you kept your multi-million dollar bonuses and you went on television to blame thousands of $12 an hour employees who were just trying to meet cross-sell quotas that made you rich. This is about accountability. You should resign. You should give back the money that you took while this scam was going on and you should be criminally investigated by both the Department of Justice and the Securities and Exchange Commission. This just isn't right. A cashier who steals a handful of twenties is held accountable. But Wall Street executives who almost never hold themselves accountable.
  • In the wake of Kristallnacht, Aboriginal Australian political activist William Cooper delivered a petition condemning the persecution of Jews in Nazi Germany to the German consulate in Melbourne.
  • After being asked about "Fake News" articles about him, Denzel Washington had this to say about the media.
  • Adult film actress Mercedes Carrera gave this kind of speech to feminists who didn't speak up for victims of rape like fellow adult actress Cytherea after she was assaulted and raped during a home invasion and her attempts to speak about it to them being ignored as well as to followers of said feminists for not focusing on such an horrific event.
  • The article "Farewell, My Unlovely" by Caskie Stinnett is essentially this trope to the city of New York; written in 1976 at the height of New York's status as The Big Rotten Apple, it argues that the worst elements of New York City at the time aren't the crime, or the dirt, or the sleaze (since those can be found in any city, to even worse degrees at times), but the hard-hearted, mean, cold, cruel, arrogant and selfish attitudes of the people who live there.
  • As seen in the documentary How To Survive The Plague, writer Larry Kramer famously blew up at AIDS awareness activists who fought among themselves and threatened their already fragile reputation.
    "PLAGUE! We are in the middle of a fucking plague!! And you behave like this!! PLAGUE!! Forty! Million! Infected! People! Is a fucking plague! We are in the worst shape we have ever, ever, ever, ever been in! All those pills we're shovin' down our throats? Forget it! ACT UP has been taken over by a lunatic fringe, we can't get together, nobody agrees with anything, all we can do is field a couple hundred people at a demonstration... that's not gonna make anybody pay attention! Not until we get millions out there! We can't do that! All we do is pick at each other and yell at each other! And I say to you in year ten the same thing I said to you in 1981 when there were 41 cases: until we get our acts together, all of us, we are as good as dead."
  • Youtuber Lovelyti 2002 does this to the Jem and the Holograms movie for wrecking her childhood memories.
  • In response to the unprecedented audience backlash against Darren Aronofsky's mother!, Martin Scorsese delivered a scathing rant calling out review aggregation sites such as Rotten Tomatoes for their hand in perpetuating the popular mindset that sees film as a purely commercial venture rather than an artistic medium.
    "Rotten Tomatoes [has] nothing to do with real film criticism. They rate a picture the way you'd rate a horse at the racetrack, a restaurant in a Zagat's guide, or a household appliance in Consumer Reports. They have everything to do with the movie business and absolutely nothing to do with either the creation or the intelligent viewing of film. The filmmaker is reduced to a content manufacturer and the viewer to an unadventurous consumer. ... These firms and aggregators have set a tone that is hostile to serious filmmakers-even the actual name Rotten Tomatoes is insulting. And as film criticism written by passionately engaged people with actual knowledge of film history has gradually faded from the scene, it seems like there are more and more voices out there engaged in pure judgmentalism, people who seem to take pleasure in seeing films and filmmakers rejected, dismissed and in some cases ripped to shreds. Not unlike the increasingly desperate and bloodthirsty crowd near the end of Darren Aronofsky's mother!"
  • Larry Nassar was (very deservedly) subjected to possibly one of the most epic series of these speeches ever delivered in a courtroom. Nassar was a sports medicine doctor who worked with the USA Olympic Gymnastics team, and who molested hundreds of girls over the course of 20 years under the guise of giving them medical treatment (in fact, the chief prosecutor in the case called Nassar "possibly the most prolific serial child molester in history"). Over the course of seven days, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina (presiding over the case) allowed all 156 of Nassar's victims who wished to speak, as well as several others (one of them the mother of a victim who committed suicide because of Nassar's abuse), to deliver victim impact statements, all of whom raked Nassar over the coals for his monstrous actions. Judge Aquilina, in her sentencing of Nassar, got to deliver the final Reason You Suck Speech - reading a letter from Nassar which revealed that (despite his apologies just minutes earlier) he wasn't repentant at all for what he had done, bluntly calling him out as a danger to society if he were ever allowed to go free, and sentencing him to between 40 and 175 years in prison with these six epic words:
    Judge Rosemarie Aquilina: I just signed your death warrant.
  • BRIAN BLESSED delivered one to Peter O'Toole when he got fed up of his hedonistic behaviour...and did so while dragging him all over O'Toole's house by his shirt:
    Honestly, Peter, I don’t want to work with someone who behaves like you do. I am ashamed of you as an artist. Actors look after their bodies, they study and study to try and better themselves. Yet you have a God-given talent and all you do is piss on it. You’re either off your face, angry or violent. You bully and manipulate people. You’re marvellous for a time, and then you’re ugly once again. You’re a good-for-nothing shit, O’Toole. That’s what I’ve come to tell you!
  • Dennis Shepard, the father of Matthew Shepard (a young gay man famously murdered and the subject of the play The Laramie Project, gave a blistering one to one of the men who killed his son, while essentially allowing him to receive a sentence of life in prison rather than the death penalty:
    My son, Matthew, did not look like a winner. He was rather uncoordinated and wore braces from the age of 13 until the day he died. However in his all-too-brief life, he proved that he was a winner. On October 6th 1998, he tried to show the world he could win again. On October 12th 1998, my firstborn son, and my hero, lost. On October 12th 1998, my firstborn son, and my hero, died. 50 days before his 22nd birthday. I keep wondering the same thing that I did when I first saw him in the hospital. What would he have become? How could he have changed his piece of the world to make it better? Matt officially died in a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. He actually died on the outskirts of Laramie, tied to a fence. You, Mr. McKinney, with your friend Mr. Henderson, left him there, by himself. But he was not alone. There were his lifelong friends with him, friends that he had grown up with. You're probably wondering who these friends were. First he had the beautiful night sky and the same stars and moon we used to see through a telescope. Then he had the daylight and the sun to shine on him. And through it all, he was breathing in the scent of the pine trees from the snowy range. He heard the wind, the ever-present Wyoming wind for the last time. He had one more friend with him. He had God. And I feel better, knowing he wasn't alone. Matt's beating, hospitalization, and funeral focused worldwide attention on hate. Good is coming out of evil. People have said, 'Enough is enough.' I miss my son, but I am proud to be able to say that he was my son. Judy has been quoted as being against the death penalty. It has been stated that Matt was against the death penalty. Both of these statements are false. I, too, believe in the death penalty. I would like nothing better than to see you die, Mr. McKinney. However, this is the time to begin the healing process, to show mercy to someone who refused to show any mercy. Mr. McKinney, I am going to grant you life, as hard as it is to do so, because of Matthew. Everytime you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, the 4th of July, remember that Matt isn't. Everytime that you wake up in your prison cell, remember you had the opportunity and the ability to stop your actions that night. You robbed me of something very precious and I will never forgive you for that. Mr. McKinney, I give you life in the memory of someone who no longer lives. May you have a long life. And may you thank Matthew everyday for it.
  • After Kenny G released a track in which he overdubbed himself playing over Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World", the normally mild-mannered and easygoing jazz great Pat Metheny was asked his opinion of Mr. G. Metheny delivered this epic diss. To sum up: If Kenny G had the gall to overdub himself on a song from the Trope Codifier for much of the genre (even if it wasn't one of Armstrong's greatest tracks), then he deserves to be measured by the same standards applied to jazz musicians—on which standards Mr. G, in Metheny's opinion, comes out VERY poorly.
  • In the wake of Blizzard Entertainment's very controversial announcement of Diablo Immortal (a mobile entry in the series reviled for being simply a reskinned version of an existing mobile game rather than a true Diablo game for mobile devices; on top of the fact that series's fanbase is primarily a PC-based one.), Mark Kern, the lead designer for Diablo 2, had this to say regarding Blizzard's ill thought-out announcement and their clumsy handling of the situation and calls the company out over losing their touch with their audience, and also calls out game journalists and game devs harassing or mocking the beloved series' devoted fanbase who were (understandably) unhappy with the news:
    "Blizzard Gamers are not 'entitled.' Nor are they toxic, and they most certainly are not made (sic) about a mobile version of Diablo because they hate the wemynz (the craziest blue-check theory I've seen so far).
    "Since I was a producer on Diablo 2, a lot of people have been asking for my thoughts on the whole "Diablo Immortal" fiasco. I hate to say it, but what you are seeing is Blizzard not understanding gamers anymore."
    "There is nothing wrong with having a mobile version of Diablo. In fact, I would have wanted one as an option. But the way it was hinted at, and presented, and the failure of Blizzard management to predict the backlash caught me my surprise. Blizzard used to be really gamer driven."
    "Blizzard coyly played up the Diablo hype, which is a good move, but failed to anticipate that their PC based audience was going to expect...well...a PC based announcement. And that following all that hype up with a *different* product is a huge bait-n-switch feeling moment."
    "Blizzard has said now, that they are working on multiple Diablo projects. They really should have dropped a teaser for their PC based project alongside their mobile announcement if that's the case."
    "But what is really telling, is that this *surprised* them. They were expecting backlash, but they didn't have a plan for it. They didn't predict the wave. Any Diablo gamer could have simply TOLD you what would happen if you asked."
    "Blizzard never used to have to ask, because it was made up of hard core gamers from top to bottom. We used to say we were our own harshest audience for our games. I would have had a line of devs outside my door telling me this was a bad move."
    "The fact that Blizzard was a) unprepared for this reaction and b) had no plans to mitigate it even knowing some of it was coming, is a great disappointment to me. It smacks of "Ya well, suck it down" (sorry J. Romero, wasn't your fault)."
    "This isn't a toxic gamer issue, it's not an entitlement issue. It's just bad PR handling and ...a bad culture on the part of Blizzard I'm sad to say. It's a culture that says "we know better" and fits right in with "you think you don, but you don't.""
    "Maybe you don't know better, anymore, Blizzard. Maybe you've really lost touch with gamers and you are now in some billion dollar a year ivory tower. That needs some reflection on your part. Because that's out big businesses fail. Remember Nokia? Remember Blockbuster Video?"
    "Today's devs needs to talk to gamers all the time. Game dev has gotten so big it's easy to lose touch. Many devs stop playing games as they start making them professionally. You need to make an effort to connect and tear down the corporate wall and get to know your audience."
    "And I like how Blizzard isn't blaming their customers (yet), but say they are "passionate." That's pretty good so far, but an apology an a PC reveal would be better. They are busy with Blizzcon wind-down, but I hope to see a better response after all this."
    "As for mainstream game journalists, they ARE blaming gamers, and so are a lot of know-nothing devs in mobile and indie. To them I say: be prepared to lose a lot of customers and money. Because it's never right to blame your customers for your own PR blunders and learn nothing."
  • When James Bloodworth was asked by the Huffington Post to write for them for free, he responded with some choice words on Twitter.
    James Bloodworth: I've just written a book on difficulty working class kids have breaking into the profession because of proliferation of unpaid work...
    Huffington Post contacted me saying it sounded interesting. They asked me to write something...
    Unfortunately,they wouldn't be able to pay me, however — despite being a billion-dollar company.
    So here's my article: 'You are part of the problem, @HuffingtonPost'. The End.
  • A user on Facebook delivered a brutal tirade directed at Todd Howard regarding the Fallout 76 fiasco.
    Are you reading this, Todd? I truly hope you are, because I have only ONE question for you. How in the flying fuck did you screw up Fallout 76 so badly? Because it couldn't have been by accident. It just couldn't have. When you released this... Atrocity. Because let's face it, that's what it is. An atrocity that you had the nerve, the arrogance, the BALLS to call a video game... When you released it to the public, you didn't just screw the pooch. You sodomized it with a power drill. I just want you to know I gave it a chance, Todd. I TRULY did. But after playing more than two hours and after hearing all the horror stories I've heard about it? I'm terrified. I've gone from being excited for Starfield and The Elder Scrolls VI to being TERRIFIED. If you're willing to cut this many corners in the name of profit, then I don't think that I ever want to play anything with your name on it again. This... THING... wasn't a video game. It was a giant middle finger to everybody who loves the Fallout series, and it was a betrayal. One of the worst betrayals, if not THE worst, ever inflicted on a loyal fanbase. It was such a colossal betrayal that you and everybody else involved in its creation belongs frozen up to the neck in the ninth circle of Hell, gargling demon dicks for the rest of eternity. Fallout 76 is the worst, most insulting excuse for a "video game" I have EVER played, and it can go straight to Hell with you. You sent a clear message when you loosed this abomination on us: "I make more money an hour than most of you ever will in a month, so I don't care if you like it or not." Well, guess what? MESSAGE RECEIVED. LOUD AND CLEAR. Now allow me, as a representative of the people, to offer this as a rebuttal: You're a criminal, Todd Howard. You're a godless, two-faced criminal. You have shaken our faith in Bethesda, and you have betrayed our trust for the LAST. TIME. Oh, and you've ruined John Denver and the Beach Boys FOREVER. I hope you get fired. I hope you lose EVERYTHING and never work on video games again. And I pray to God that lawsuit buries you under so much litigation that your grandchildren will need lawyers.
  • On January 25, 2019, Colorado Democratic Senator Michael Bennet tore apart Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz after the Senator complained about how bad the 2018-2019 Government Shutdown was affecting him and accused the Democrats of using their hatred towards Donald Trump to keep the government closed. Bennet, who had his state of Colorado heavily affected when Cruz's actions caused the 2013 Government Shutdown just as the state was hit with deadly flooding, tore into his hypocrisy, Donald Trump and his desire to uphold a campaign promise he just realistically couldn't uphold, and the Freedom Caucus for effectively stonewalling anything and everything possible because "they didn't like it".
  • 15-year-old Swede Greta Thunberg gave one of those speeches at the Katowice Climate Summit 2018 to the whole world. Read and watch it here.
    The year 2078, I will celebrate my 75th birthday. If I have children, maybe they will spend that day with me. Maybe they will ask me about you. Maybe they will ask why you didn’t do anything while there still was time to act. You say you love your children above all else, and yet you are stealing their future in front of their very eyes.
  • Trigger Warning: This may contain sensitive subjects. If you are distressed, leave now!
    Schwenomorph: YTA. Holy fucking shit. You're a monster. You're truly a horrible person and I honestly hope you never find love in your life again.
    You're so lucky that you don't have a single fucking clue on what it's like to be raped. Your boyfriend, who trusted you enough to show his feelings and confess a secret that's probably been haunting his dreams and his waking moments for years, is a strong man for living through that. He's still "macho". He's still a "tough guy". If you see him as a lesser person because of something he couldn't control, then you make me sick.
    Rape DESTROYS people. It stays with them, it makes them feel subhuman. How dare you leave a man that honestly deserves so much better than an inhuman psycho like you on his own after he just broke down! He probably feels betrayed and ashamed. Good luck getting him to open up again; you've CRUSHED him. You took his heart that he gave to you and crushed it right in front of his goddamn face. Then you just left because boo fucking hoo, he's somehow "less manly" to your judgmental ass.
    Fucking shame on you. I've witnessed someone have a PTSD episode over someone molesting them. I had to sit there, completely heartbroken and useless, watching her shake and sob and scream, "I CAN FEEL HER TOUCHING ME! SHE'S TOUCHING ME!!" I didn't want to touch her in case it made it worse. Seeing such a look of pure terror on her face is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. In that moment, she went through unimaginable torture. She was beaten to a pulp, chewed up, and spit out. She was taken back to that horrible place and tortured.
    That's what your boyfriend feels. That's the kind of torture that he faces. And yet through all of it, he's able to get up and put a smile on his face. Is that not tough? Is that not macho? I doubt someone as horrible as you could go a day without complaining if you chipped a fucking nail.
    Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame. You've disrespected every man who's ever been raped. You've disrespected every rape victim. You've disrespected my friends who've been raped. Fuck you. I hate you. Go ahead and leave him. He deserves far, far better.
    It's hard enough being a rape victim, let alone a male rape victim. Show him these replies to make him see that it wasn't his fault. Then apologize and leave. Fucking shame on you. Shame, shame, shame.
  • During the Fourth Crusade, the Republic of Venice and a crusader army sacked the Catholic city of Zara in what is now Croatia. Pope Innocent III responded with one of these in the form of an excommunication:
    Behold! Your gold has turned into base metal and your silver has almost completely rusted since, departing from the purity of your plan and turning aside from the path onto the impassable road, you have, so to speak, withdrawn your hand from the plough [...] for when [...] you should have hastened to the land flowing with milk and honey, you turned away, going astray in the direction of the desert.
  • Tumblr user ex-muslim-vampire has one for the ISIS Bride of the UK, Shamima Begum.
  • After one 419 Scammer finally figured out that the "reverend" he was corresponding with was a scambaiter, he received this email:
    Hi "Mr. Kuku" or is it Achiu (that's your real name, right?),

    I don't usually do this, but as long as you've figured this out, I will make an exception in your case.

    First off, congrats for finally putting it all together. I was starting to think that you were retarded or something. Is it too late to ask for a postcard from Khartoum? Haha, just kidding. Save your money for the trip back. How is Khartoum by the way? I've never been there and I am really curious.

    Second, you asked me why I did all this. I'll tell you why. It's mostly because I hate people that try to scam honest, hard working people out of their life savings. I hate, even more, people that are willing to steal from priests and from homeless refugees. That's right fool; I knew you were a scammer from your very first letter you sent last year. Can you believe it? That was 8 months ago. Wow. How time flies by.

    I've got to say this though, you were quite the challenge. I get fools like you to travel all the time but it usually takes less than a month. There were times that I almost gave up on you.

    How do you suppose Oney is doing? He is one of the monkies that you sent to Farchana, isn't he? Do you think that he is still alive or perhaps he is getting regularly ass-fucked by the barbarian horde in some prison in Darfur? It's a shame that you did not go with him and the other guy. I could have gotten three scammers at one time.

    By the way, did you know that you are famous now? That's right Achiu, famous. For the last month or so, I have been sharing every email, every detail with thousands of other people like me that also enjoy messing with stupid little boys like you. We have all gotten a big kick watching this.

    You even caused a bit of a stir too. A moral debate continued for days. Some thought that I was a little harsh on you. Personally, I think that you were lucky that it was only me on the other end of the computer or telephone. There are others out there far more talented at this than I am that could have gotten you to Antarctica by now, which, if I were you, is exactly where I would be headed. I cannot imagine that your family back in Lagos is too happy with you at the moment. Maybe when the boys eventually crawl out from whatever rock they are under, your family will let you go back to Lagos.

    Well, cocktard, I've said just about all that I wanted to. When you get to Antarctica, be sure to stay bundled up. It gets pretty damn cold there you know. And if you find yourself a bit light on cash, give me call. I'll see if I can Western Union some money to you.

    Blessings

    Rev. Kuhm Belcher (also not my real name)
  • In 1961, Newton Minow, the chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, gave a brutal one to the National Association of Broadcasters. The "Vast Wasteland" speech described in great detail what was wrong with television of the day:
    When television is good, nothing — not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers — nothing is better.
    But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite each of you to sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there, for a day, without a book, without a magazine, without a newspaper, without a profit and loss sheet or a rating book to distract you. Keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that what you will observe is a vast wasteland.
    You will see a procession of game shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western bad men, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence, and cartoons. And endlessly, commercials — many screaming, cajoling, and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you'll see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, I only ask you to try it
  • Nurse Emily Lyons delivered one of these to Eric Rudolph, the serial bomber who gravely injured her in one of his attacks.
    When it was your turn to face death you weren't so brave again...You want to see a monster, all you have to do is look in the mirror. It really doesn't matter what you say because I will go back to my home and you will go back to jail. The clinics in town will still be open and abortion will still be legal.
  • PETA got many of these for their tweet gleefully condemning Steve Irwin on what would have been his birthday, but special mention goes to Drake Bell's absolutely furious reply to it:
    So your response here is this Human deserved what he got and is better off dead?! You are a disgusting organization and should be absolutely ashamed!! He was a FATHER and a HUSBAND and did WAY more for wild life conservation than the IDIOT INTERN hired to write this tweet!
  • Hirokazu Yasuhara delivered a delicious one of these to Takashi Iizuka over his failure to prevent the failings of the Sonic movie:
    Oops.. Boss gets off the boat!? Hey, your son and his Fans are still left in there! 😰
  • Actress Audra McDonald called out an audience member for taking a picture of her during a nude scene in a stage production of Frankie and Johnny.
  • Chris Hughes blasted the 2019 cast of Love Island for not being genuine when it came to their relationships.

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