"Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept."
"I baked a cake," said Pearson, shrugging her shoulders and forcing a smile as she unveiled the dessert in the Overstreet household later that evening. "I made it into a flag."
Pearson and the Overstreets stared at the cake in silence for nearly a minute, until Cassie hugged Pearson.
"It's beautiful," Cassie said. "The cake is beautiful."
"Fuck Everything, Nation Reports" A response to the December 2012 Connecticut school shooting. A rare occasion when Cluster F-Bomb can be used emotionally. You can tell that whoever wrote it, wasn't in a funny mood.
"No, the balloon," said Tremont, who as an adult will work with his physician and several psychiatrists to find a suitable combination of anxiolytic and psychotropic medicines to quell the disease’s debilitating symptoms, ultimately turning into an over-medicated and unresponsive husk. "It's flying away."
"Come back," added the toddler who will never feel entirely happy or normal again.
Kids Love When Mom Sad Enough To Just Order Pizza For ANYONE with severe clinical depression, this one is already heartbreaking. But for anyone who also has a mother suffering from the same disorder and has actually witnessed this, it becomes almost unreadable. There is absolutely NOTHING funny about this one.
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens This article was first published after the tragedy that happened at Isla Vista, California. More than 10 articles with the same title have been published throughout the past four years. The reprinted article changes the photo, the details of the location and other details but the article remains the same. The most recent edition was printed after the shooting in Thousand Oaks, California in November 2018. The repeating story shows how very little has changed since the last attack and that nothing has been done to solve the issue. This is a case of a Running Gag that many people want to end.
After the Valentine's Day shooting in Parkland, Florida, (which was covered in one of the repeated articles) the original author of the infamous headline revealed the school was a mile away from his house.
The fact that for some, The Onion has lost its satirical edge because Trump-era America is so ludicrous that it became nigh-impossible to parody. "The Onion just straight reporting the news again" or variants of which have become popular responses to articles like this one, about mainstream media apparently humanizing the 2018 Austin Bomber and ignoring the fact that he was a white nationalist who killed 2 blacks. Compare the "satire" with this Associated Press article. It becomes more obvious that something is changing in not just the Onion, but politics and media itself.
This edition of In the Know has the topic of debate "Should unemployed people be buying Apple computers?" Despite the other commentators repeatedly pulling the subject away from that and towards other related topics, Lauralee Hickok keeps trying to make the valid point of why the unemployed would even need to keep buying new Apple products if their old computers still work fine, citing it as being part of the overspending that led to the Great Recession. Despite her argument making sense, the other commentators stop her and tell her she's contributing nothing of value, before the moderator asks her to leave. Lauralee just sits in Stunned Silence for a few seconds before quietly muttering "OK", sounding as though she's on the verge of tears.
". Don't click that. Really.
