Dave and Bob
He used to be Jesus Christ, but now I've got him down to my level.
—Jasper Carrott, referring to his co-star
The Detectives is a British comedy Buddy Cop Show written by Mike Whitehill and Steve Knight which originated as a recurring sketch on Jasper Carrott's comedy stand-up and sketch show Canned Carrott. It proved to be so successful that it got turned into a TV series which ran on The BBC from 1993 to 1997.
Jasper Carrott and Robert Powell star as Detective Constables Bob Louis and Dave Briggs, the most incompetent coppers in the Metropolitan Police. Somehow, they manage to cling onto their jobs (much to the chagrin of their boss, Detective Superintendent Frank Cottam, played by George Sewell), largely due to their tendency to solve the case by mistake.
Tropes in The Detectives include:
- Achievements in Ignorance: The show more or less runs on this trope. Perhaps taken to extremes in "Dutch Cops", when they somehow manage to crack the case despite the fact that they think they've ended up in Venice rather than Amsterdam.
- Actor Allusion: Like the guy who plays him, Louis is a Birmingham City fan. Also, Cottam comes across as a parody of DCI Craven, the character played by George Sewell in Special Branch.
- Adapted Out: In the original sketches, Briggs had a wife called Brenda; in the series that followed, he (like Louis) is single ... and utterly hopeless with the ladies.
- All There in the Manual: A book that accompanied the series purported to be an internal police investigation into Briggs and Louis, including interviews with their colleagues (who sometimes appeared as minor characters), most of whom found their incompetence amusing rather than irritating. The "investigation" ended with the conclusion that the hapless pair should remain in the force, as their misadventures were found to be beneficial to police morale.
- Becoming the Mask: In one of the original sketches, Briggs and Louis have to go under cover in a prison in order to get some information from a hardened criminal who will kill them if he even thinks they are undercover coppers. They end up blending in a little too well — after discovering that the toilet facilities are somewhat basic, they instigate a riot that quickly spreads across the whole prison.
- Bolivian Army Cliffhanger: The fifth and final series ends on this, with Briggs and Louis leaping from an exploding boat. Though the special episode shows they survived.
- British Brevity: Something of an aversion, as the show ran for 31 episodes over four years.
- Butt-Monkey / Chew Toy: Both protagonists alternate between the two depending on their behaviour at the time.
- Casting Gag: Herbert Lom is once again plagued by bungling detectives, this time as Dutch police chief Van der Dyck.
- Christmas Episode: "Thicker Than Water", broadcast on 21st December 1995, in which Briggs and Louis try to avoid being on duty at Christmas.
- Comically Missing the Point: When Briggs and Louis get changed to go undercover in a sex club, Briggs emerges from the changing room in leather bondage gear while Louis emerges in normal clothes. Turns out, he misread the instructions and instead of getting S&M gear, he bought some clothes from M&S note instead.
- Cool Old Guy: On more than one occasion the Superintendent gets into the action and manages to apprehend the suspect by himself.
- Cop/Criminal Family: Louis has a half-brother who mugs people whilst dressed as Santa Clause.
- Da Chief: Superintendent Cottam, and his own superior, the Chief Super (played by Frank Windsor). In series four we meet the Commissioner, who leaves them all trembling in their boots. For various reasons.
- Defective Detective: Whilst Briggs and Louis are obvious examples, most of the force count as this.
- Dirty Cop: Despite their many flaws, Briggs and Louis are not this; Randall and Quirke, on the other hand, are willing to use their position to earn kickbacks such as free football tickets.
- When Briggs began on the force a major scandal occurred which every cop on the force except he and the Chief Super were involved in.
- Dirty Coward: Both of the titular detectives on numerous occasions.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: After a long career of being the worst cops in the force, Bob and David manage to find gold in Canada and open their own tavern.
- Groin Attack: Louis is subject to one of these in "Teed Off" in which he is bound, gagged and used for target practice by the villain.
- Hostage Situation: In "Hostage", Briggs and Louis get volunteered to replace the hostages being held by an escaped convict. On the day of the FA Cup final. Not only do they end up watching the match with the criminal, they get him to order in some beer after convincing him that, as an armed criminal with two police officers as hostages, he can ask the cops outside for anything he likes. Louis even puts in a request for some Quavers.
- Intercontinuity Crossover: On several occasions, guest stars play characters they previously played in other series. For example, Leslie Grantham appeared in one episode as Danny Kane, his character in The Paradise Club. In another episode, which saw Briggs and Louis travel to Jersey, John Nettles and Terence Alexander reprised their roles from Bergerac.
- Mistaken for Gay: Louis seems about to make progress with an attractive woman at a wedding reception until he keeps referring to Briggs as his "partner".
- Mistaken Identity: In "Acting Constables", the denouement takes place on the set of Noel's House Party. The bad guy not only hold Noel Edmonds at gunpoint but mistakes him for Keith Chegwin, which Edmonds finds far more offensive.
- My Greatest Failure: Frank Cottam is forever haunted by his failure to capture crime boss Ronnie Richardson (his former best friend), and leaps at the first opportunity to have him rearrested even though it is many years later.
- Not So Above It All: In "Fur Coat, No Knickers", Cottam is just as keen to win the football quiz as Briggs and Louis are, even to the point of prioritising it over the case they're all investigating.
- Not the First Victim: Played for Laughs in one episode following the duo's incompetence whilst trying to catch drug smugglers leading to them getting trapped within a shipping container and shipped to Amsterdam. When it's finally opened they are confronted at gunpoint by Dutch Gangsters. Dave Briggs reveals they are policemen bragging he'll be too afraid to kill them now he knows, only for the gunman to reveal he loves killing policemen and has already got away with murdering seven at this point. Briggs accuses of bluffing right until he's outright challenging the psycho to kill them, whilst Bob Louis tries desperately to shut him up. Only the timely arrival of the Dutch police saves them from becoming his next victims.
- One Dialogue, Two Conversations: Louis hears Briggs and the Super talking about a scandal from the past but believes the Super is making a declaration of love to Briggs.
- Shout-Out: The original sketches were introduced by a blue-tinted sequence and musical score which parodied the opening titles of The Sweeney.
- Special Guest: Many episodes featured a well known actor in a supporting role, with examples being Jerry Hall, Herbert Lom, Barry Cryer and Bill Oddie.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Louis finally gets some female attention at a wedding. This leaves Briggs a little despondent, but he consoled himself with by having a rather sweet dance with the bride's grandmother.
- Took a Level in Kindness: In the last two series, Cottam becomes much more sympathetic towards Dave and Bob, and will on occasion protect them against outside criticism. This also happens to be around the time his Butt-Monkey tendencies increase.
- Vacation Episode: In "Studs", Briggs and Louis go to Jersey — ostensibly to investigate an international smuggling ring, but they treat it like a holiday, much to the annoyance of local detective Jim Bergerac.
- We Used to Be Friends: Cottam and crime boss Ronnie Richardson used to be in a youth gang but Cottam became a policeman and later failed in his attempt to capture Richardson. However, this means when Cottam almost drowns, Ronnie has a flashback to them swimming in their youth and (at the risk of his freedom) rescues him.
- Whole-Plot Reference: As the title suggests, "D.C. of Love" is a parody of Sea of Love. There's also "Rear Window", which is a parody of ... well, guess.
