(OK, real quick! You see bold text like this, it's me, Rick. You see italics, it's - *moans* - it's Morty! Rick and Morty, you get it? And awaaay we go!)
Huh, going classic. Rick, where are you?! Where am I?! Wh-why can I only see letters spelling out the words I'm saying and a picture of us up there?! OH GOD, WHY DID THOSE WORDS JUST TURN BLUE?! C-Calm down, Morty, th-there's - Morty, calm down and - MORTY, CALM DOWN AND CLOSE YOUR *burp* EYES! It's nothing to worry about, Morty - we're just in a *urp* wiki dimension. Whoa, you're gonna be doing a lot of that if you keep this up. Riiiiick, wh-who are you talking to? Nobody important, Morty - just the poor bastard that has to keep writing down the shit coming out of my mouth - yeah, you keep telling yourself that. OK, so from the links being used so far, that means we're at...oh, fuck me, we're at TV Tropes - this is gonna *burp* take awhile... You don't sound too happy, Rick. A-are we somewhere bad? Oh, it's bad, Morty - it's really bad. Ooooooh... So one day a bunch of a-*burp*-assholes decide to take a big shit on the Internet filled with a bunch of descriptions of references they got from movies and TV shows, only it turned really in on itself and the assholes - sorry, "tropers" - even used these references to describe themselves. Oh, jeez Rick, I-I-I don't really know what someone wo-would wanna like...ruin their life doing something stupid like that, I mean, i-i-it sounds kinda dumb honestly, like, uh, why the hell would anyone give a crap about re-occurring elements i-i-in TV shows and stupid shit like that? People are dumb, Morty. See, this guy gets it. The problem is that we're in the s-self demonstrating section, wh-which is like a group of in-joke pages made on the site, to ma-m-make it seem like the ch-*burp* character in question is t-talking to the guy reading it. Oh, uh, Rick that sounds a little lame, honestly. Like, y'know, a bunch of people trying way too hard to be, y'know, funny and write in the characters' voices, but they always just end up exaggerating certain, uh, character tics and make them sound like cheap caricatures of themselves, y'know? Morty, shut the hell up! You don't know shit. You're overthinking it as usual. Be-besides it's too late, there's already someone who-who-who's been reading this page the ent-*burp*-ire time Whoa, Rick, uh, I had no idea that this guy was looking at us this whole time, that seems a little creepy, actually. Morty, just - just shut up. We're text in a goddamn box to those people, alright? Now hold on, I gotta re-*burp*-orient myself here. Oh. OK. (I thought your liver was enough of a compass already, but whatever) Hey, I saw that!
Okay...ugh, we're at the point on the page where we introduce ourselves so the reader gets an idea of what we're about. I'll start. *ahem* Hey there, all you folks and folkers out there! If you don't know who I am or what I do, then you can screw right off and read my Character page, 'cause I'm not gonna stand here in the middle of fucking nowhere and rattle off my life history to the goddamn empty air like an asshole. *burp* Morty, you're up. Oh geez...uh, hey there...you?. N-Nice to meet you, I guess. You're losing 'em, Morty! Just...just talk about the stuff we do when we're not sitting at home with our thumbs up our asses while I direct our attentively-handicapped readers to your Char-*burp* your Char-*burp* your Character page. Oh, yeah! Yeah, so basically we just go to different dimensions...and stuff, with the use of R-Rick's portal gun...and crap. Yeah, thanks for taking an "and crap" all over my life's work, Morty. God...OK, really short: I'm the smartest guy in the fucking MULTIVERSE, but I can't just go off and do stuff on my own, or I'll go nuts. More nuts, whatever. I drag my grandson Morty along here BECAUSE I CAN, and screw around with all different sorts of people in all different sorts of places and blah-blah-blah-blah. Yeah, and the-they get really weird sometimes, like, uh...oh! You remember that place where chairs were people? Ugh...Morty, there's probably, like, a hundred wikis that talk about the number of teeth in our mouths or the number of pimples on Jerry's left ass cheek. We did the stupid thing, now let's move on. Oh, and if you've got a PROBLEM with how this section is ending, I just plowed Your Mom sideways last night, so suck it. You didn't have to go that far, Rick - I'm just saying. Oh, grow a pair, Morty.
Oh, fuck me, there's MORE of this?! You know, maybe they're interested in our family since a lot of times they end up being a part of our adventures? *burp* Yeah, sure, knock yourself out. Okay, great, thanks. OL...so there's my dad Jerry — AKA the human dishrag ...are we really gonna do this now? Anyway, his name is JERRY, he's my dad, and...he's kind of a wimp...an awful lot of the time, but he's got his moments where he does cool stuff, like— Read the character page, boom. Done. Next. *sigh* OK, so then there's my mom Beth— MY DAUGHTER. Uh, yeah. She got married to Jerry— AKA the human trashbag. —and she's smart and a doctor— Animal doctor —and...and go read her character page, I guess. I also have a sister named Summer. Character page. ...fine. Fine! Hey, why do you, me, Mom, and Dad get our own character pages to ourselves, while Summer has to share one with the rest of our family? Because Summer is still seeking popularity, and Jerry is too much of a worthless piece of SHIT wait he does have a character page now? GODDAMN IT! Aw, man. Can we go home now?! A-almost, Morty. It looks like we have to make it through the list of tropes these people seem to think apply to us.
Oh, and uh... somebody decided to talk like a Mr. Meeseeks and set up a character page dedicated to them. 'Even somehow managed to get their hands on a box for it. That sounds about right - talking like someone whose only reason for existing is to die. Boo-ya!
*burp* So, yeah. Tropes that "apply" to Morty and me include:
- The Alcoholic: Yeah *burp*, no shit, Sherlock.
- Animesque: Not us, but our counterparts Rick-WTM72 and Shogun Morty. Made by the company behind that really weird-ass anime movie from the '80s. Yeah. I mean what the *urrrrrp* fuck was even that about?!
- Anime Hair: More like "generic mad scientist" hair, but if that's all you people have to compare with, then that sure says a hell of a lot right there.
- Anti-Hero: Say it, Morty. *sigh* "Rick's not a villain, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon, or a super fucked-up god". To be fair, It does still pretty much sum him up.
- The Anti-Nihilist: "Nobody exists on purpose, nobody really belongs anywhere, everybody's going to die. Come watch TV?" That's you, Morty - that's what you sound like. Yeah? W-well, it's a hell of a lot better than going through the-the universe like you're on top of everything WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SCREWED THINGS UP TO THE POINT WHERE I SAID THAT THAT TO MY OWN—I mean, not my *own* own sister, but—but—god damn it. Y-Yeah, I-I think they got the point there. Geez. Okay, but it's not like you don't do part of this yourself, you know. Yeah, it's called being in-between for a reason.
- Bamboo Technology: Since I'm a fu—*urp*—ing genius, I can pretty much make do with whatever's on hand to get shit done. Like, uh...oh! Remember when I turned myself into a pickle, Morty? And then I like used, uh, rat muscle in order to m-make myself a bo—*burp*—ody? I know you did it to get out of *family counseling*, Rick. I know how awkward the session was when you showed up as a pickle, and how awkward the car ride home was. Geez, someone should get counseling on taking that stick out of their ass.
- Berserk Button: So, there are two ways to get on my shit list - either cross me or shit on Pirates of the Pancreas - the same thing. And...messing with my grandchildren. Do those two things, I will end you.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Trust me, Morty has his limits. Even I know that.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: When I'm not out adventuring with Morty or working on a project, there is really nothing I like more than just chilling on the couch and watching Family Matters or Ball Fondlers, but my annoying family keeps interrupting me at every turn with unimportant crap that doesn't matter and is a waste of my talents, and won't go away until I offer some solution. And then they have the gall to also come complaining when their own stupidity causes the solution to backfire! Jeez, Rick, if you would actually put just a little thought into, y'know, actually offer a proper solution to our problems rather than pawning off just whatever mad haphazard quick fix that happens to pop into your head first, I get the feeling that a lot of disasters could have been avoided, y'know? Don't get smart with me, Morty!
- Catchphrase: Rick tends to say "Wubba-Lubba-Dub-Dub!" a lot. What are you talking about, Morty? I don't say that anymore. Okay, well he used to. I think it's because it means "I am in great pain, please help me." but I don't know really.
- To be *burp* fair, one reason was that I was gonna make "I don't give a fuck" my new catchphrase at the end of Season 1, but I-I don't know why I also stopped saying it before it could even start. 'Guess I really don't give a fuck.
- I also say "don't think about it" a lot, because...well, a lot of people don't already, so why ruin a good thing?
- I think mine is "Oh Jeez, Rick" whenever I get stressed or worried.
- The Chessmaster: My *burp* escape from Jail, was also an excuse to uh, get rid of the intergalactic federation and to divorce Morty's parents. Don't forget the Szechuan sauce, Rick. I-I-I still don't know what that's about Rick. I know. And I feel sorry for you Morty.
- Cyborg: I'm *urp* so stuffed full of cybernetics, they won't let me on certain alien ships without behavior modification injections anymore. Yeah, I-I'm still fully human, I...I think. Trust me, Morty, if it happens, you'll know.
- A Date with Rosie Palms: Rick, why are...people...so interested in this? I dunno, Morty *burp* - maybe 'cause you jerk off in every room of our house and they're jealous? STOP SHAMING ME!
- Death Seeker: I guess I'm kind of *urp* jaded about the whole "dying" thing, since I've been through enough shit in enough places that it kinda takes the sting out of it. I mean, look - there's an entire MULTIVERSE full of Rick Sanchez's - even if most of them are assholes, ESPECIALLY the one who killed my wife Diane and my original Beth - so if I ate it, it wouldn't...wouldn't... Matter? Fuck you, Morty.
- Expy: What the hell is an Expy? It means, Morty we're *urrrp* cribbed from an '80s blockbuster summer hit. But don't get so fucking worked up over it. Every fictional character has been cribbed off for years. Flintstones? Honeymooners. Jetsons? Blondie and it's not that old music band. Batman? Shadow, Zorro (He even says it himself), and Phantom. Pokémon? Ultraseven.note Fox Mulder? Carl Kolchak. Lisbeth Salander? Pippi goddamned Longstocking. Hell even those creepy-ass blue-haired girls and the girl that inspired them are basically a *urrrp* Japanese Wednesday Addams. And a good percentage of fighting game and beat 'em up characters were based on this guy who's basically Bruce Lee meets Mad Max. Um, okay, so the main character Shinji, y'know, that other guy I'm also compared to along with you and his dad, is basically Spider-Man with a giant robot instead of superpowers, and Sailor Moon is basically a Japanese She-Ra with Wonder Woman thrown in. Hit the nail in the *burp* coffin. Right, and what about Family Guy and The Simpsons? Bingo.
- And now I got one in the form of some *buuurrrp* jackoff named Rand Ridley, though he's more of a really fucked up version. Which is saying something, since I'm already supposed to be a fucked up version of someone from that 80's movie I just mentioned. Sure I can be a *urrrp* dick most of the time but even I have limits and karma can and will bite me in the balls and I still love my daughter. This fuckwad on the other hand destroyed his daughter's life in more ways than one and gives less of a shit than even I would. Erasing her childhood memories just so you can get to the top is one reason to put you on my *uuurrrrrp* shit list, and don't think we didn't notice Christian Slater, who already guest starred with us first! Sure it was as Vance, but still. I'd kick your shit in if it weren't for you being on a different network, but don't push your luck asshole. Karma can and will stomp on your nuts someday. Again, I would know. Trust me, Mr. Ridley. Internal family blood feuds don't end well. Geez, I'd ask Heihachi Mishima on that topic but he's dead. Plus he didn't have a page anyway. I mean, even the other two did at some point. Uh, Rick, I think Netflix just killed Inside Job. Does that, like, count as karma for Mr. Ridley. In a meta way, Morty, yes it fucking does! Suck on that, biatch!
- Friendless Background: Yeah, I-I didn't really have a lot of friends before Rick came back. Or any, really. *burp* D-don't sweat it, Morty, most people are i-*urp*diots anyway. People weren't exac-exactly lining up to hang out with me back in the day either. Who needs 'em?
- A God Am I: Even Morty admits it. Rick, I said that you were more like- I know, Morty, close enough. 'Quote's down in Anti-Hero, folks - he said it, no take-backs! *ugh*
- The Hedonist: AW YEAH, now we're talking!! I gotta look up Unity again one of these days, having sex with an entire football stadium was a new rush! Aw jeez Rick, I-I don't think she wants to see you aga- SHUT UP MORTY!! IF I WANTED ADVICE ON FALLING IN LOVE WITH A SOCK FULL OF LUBE, I'LL ASK FOR IT!!
- Horrible Judge of Character: Heheheheh, this one's self-inflicted! Would you...would you believe Morty's s-so messed up that he...that he thought having empathy was a t-*BELCH*-oxic character trait? Th-that's how he be-be-became an even bigger piece of shit when we-we got a detox.
- Limited Wardrobe: Hey, animation is *urp* expensive, it saves a ton of time and effort for us to wear the same shitty clothes every day. Um, Rick, what are you talking about? Don't worry about it, Mr-Yellow-Shirt-And-Jeans.
- Loser Son of Loser Dad: Before Rick arrived, I was this close to becoming my dad. I slowly but surely got out of this. Besides, it's been overused in all media. I say you're still a *burp* work in progress, Morty. Not that you aren't already ahead.
- Nice Mean And In Between: Summer becomes in-between whenever she joins us and I guess I'm the nice one. And obviously, I'm the god-damned mean one by the way how I look, talk and act!
- Obnoxious In-Laws: My Dad sees Rick as a burden to our household though Rick fires back that my Dad is a tapeworm that knocked up Mom with his "sorry-ass spermatozoa". It's the truth, Morty. Now we gotta find a future husband for your sister that'll override Jerry's sorry-ass genes.
- Other Me Annoys Me: Jeez, I try not to judge, but what's with all the Mortys on the Citadel, anyway? I-it's like they're just s-shallow copies of me with like, with a random gimmick tacked on, you know? Like, Hammerhead Morty, what was up with that guy? Or Dancing Lawyer Morty? I-I mean, who tries to show off their pog collection during a friggin trial?! Preaching to the *burp* choir here, Morty. Ow! T-the Hell was that for?! Making damn sure you weren't a *burp* Pringles robot!
- As for me, in the past, I was trying to invent my portal gun when another Rick Sanchez came in and offered me the means to invent interdimensional travel so I could travel between any conceivable reality with only the company of myself — li-literally. This encounter made me have second thoughts about the pursuit of science and decide to dedicate my time to my family, but the other Rick wouldn't have it and bombed my family to bits when we were about to go out for ice cream. This drove me to invent interdimensional travel and I used it to search for that fucking bastard for years, but he eludes me to this day. What about the Council of Ricks, Rick? THEY'RE ALL *BRAP* ASSHOLES TOO, MORTY!
- Pet the Dog: While Rick clearly has some personality issues, there are some moments where he protects me and m-my family, or does nice things like taking Jerry to that theme park. Morty, if you mention that one more time, I will *burp* fucking drop-kick you onto the Walking Dead nightmare page. All three of 'em. Seriously, I don't feel like talking about it that much. It's complicated. Things just didn't go exactly as planned. 'Even made sure it was somewhere where not even his own stupidity would kill him. Man that whole thing felt a little weird.
- Product Placement: Aw, Rick, I don't even like Pringles that much! And I don't care too much for Wendy's, either! They paid a bundle for these stupid ads, Morty, now get going! Grandpa hasn't given a refund before, and he's not about to start now!! *sigh* Can I at least get a PS5 after this one? *burp* Sure, the overprized, overhyped video game bullshit is all yours, now get to dancing and earn your keep! We have a Fortnite gig.
- Reed Richards Is Useless: Yeah, thanks for the *burp* self-esteem boost, asshat! Screw humanity, they can figure it out for themselves just like I did. I mean, look at that douchebag President, his tech was still lame, but miles ahead of everyone else, just not up to my standards. Get to work, you slackers!
- Straw Nihilist: STRAW?! Aint nothin'- *burp* straw about me, motherfuckers!! Just because I'm a nihilist doesn't mean I have to LIKE it!!!
- Took a Level in Badass: If you think I'm the same Morty from season 1, it's time for a reality check, bitch! If you come in the way of my love interest or threaten my family I will FUCKING END YOU! Who the hell do you think I am? Meg Griffin?! Status quo ain't God here, bitch! Damn, Morty! Take it *urrp* easy there!
- Trademark Favorite Food: If there is anything in the multiverse that comes close to justifying the to-*uuhhhrr*-ment of existence as opposed to the horror of non-being, it's McDonald's Mulan Szechuan dipping sauce. I WANT THAT SZECHUAN DIPPING SAUCE, MORTY!! THAT'S MY ONE-ARMED MAN! Aw jeez, I heard you the first time, Rick! I don't know what you want from me, I wasn't even born when that stupid movie came out! And even if I was, it's just another sanitized bastardization of a fairytale/folklore. And I think you even got maybe a couple dimensions hyped up for it!
- Tsundere: Rick is Type-A, where he's mean on the outside but deep down he genuinely cares for me and the rest of the famil- WHAT DID THIS PAGE JUST CALL ME!? IS THAT ANOTHER FUCKING ANIME TROPE?! You trying to lump me in with the likes of Soryu or Narusegawa or whatever fucked up anime chick they have these days?! Aw, jeez Rick, even if they were, I definitely wouldn't go with the second one. Y-y-yeah, what was it you called that one version of her or whatever? The Intolerable Bitch? That's gotta say *burp* something coming from you and some other nerds.
- Verbal Tic: I guess I do say "Aw jeez" a lot... *burp* Don't-don't look at me, Morty. My belching isn't a tic, it's caused by an unrelated alcohol problem.
Hello? What's this? Self-demonstrating, huh? Well, okay. Hi, I'-Hey!