(Ok, real quick! You see bold text like this, it's me, Rick. You see italics, it's - *moans* - it's Morty! Rick and Morty, you get it? And awaaay we go!)
Huh, going classic. Rick, where are you?! Where am I?! Wh-why can I only see letters spelling out the words I'm saying?! OH GOD, WHY DID THOSE WORDS JUST TURN BLUE?! C-Calm down, Morty, th-there's - Morty, calm down and - MORTY, CALM DOWN AND CLOSE YOUR *burp* EYES! It's nothing to worry about, Morty - we're just in a *urp* wiki dimension. Whoa, you're gonna be doing a lot of that if you keep this up. Riiiiick, wh-who are you talking to? Nobody important, Morty - just the poor bastard that has to keep writing down the shit coming out of my mouth - yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Ok, so from the links being used so far, that means we're at...oh, ＊＊＊＊ me, we're at TV Tropes - this is gonna *burp* take awhile... You don't sound too happy, Rick - are we somewhere bad? Oh, it's bad, Morty - it's really bad. Ooooooh... So one day a bunch of a-*burp*-assholes decide to take a big shit on the Internet filled with a bunch of descriptions of references they got from movies and TV shows, only it turned really in on itself and the assholes - sorry, "tropers" - even used these references to describe themselves. Oh, jeez Rick, I-I-I don't really know what someone wo-would wanna like...ruin their life doing something stupid like that, I mean, i-i-it sounds kinda dumb honestly, like, uh, why the hell would anyone give a crap about re-occuring elements i-i-in TV shows and stupid shit like that? People are dumb, Morty. See, this guy gets it. The problem is that we're in the s-self demonstrating section, wh-which is like a group of in-joke pages made on the site, to ma-m-make it seem like the ch-*burp* character in question is t-talking to the guy reading it. Oh, uh, Rick that sounds a little lame, honestly. Like, y'know, a bunch of people trying way too hard to be, y'know, funny and write in the characters' voices, but they always just end up exaggerating certain, uh, character tics and make them sound like cheap caricatures of themselves, y'know? Morty, shut the hell up! You don't know shit. You're overthinking it as usual. Be-besides it's too late, there's already someone who-who-who's been reading this page the ent-*burp*-ire time Whoa, Rick, uh, I had no idea that this guy was looking at us this whole time, that seems a little creepy, actually. Morty, just - just shut up. We're text in a goddamn box to those people, alright? Now hold on, I gotta re-*burp*-orient myself here. Oh, ok. (I thought your liver was enough of a compass already, but whatever) Hey, I saw that!
Okay...ugh, we're at the point on the page where we introduce ourselves so the reader gets an idea of what we're about. I'll start. *ahem* Hey there, all you folks and folkers out there! If you don't know who I am or what I do, then you can screw right off and read the Character page, 'cause I'm not gonna stand here in the middle of ＊＊＊＊ing nowhere and rattle off my life history to the goddamn empty air like an asshole. *burp* Morty, you're up. Oh geez...uh, hey there...you?. N-Nice to meet you, I guess. You're losing 'em, Morty! Just...just talk about the stuff we do when we're not sitting at home with our thumbs up our asses. Oh, yeah! Yeah, so basically we just go to different dimensions...and stuff, with the use of R-Rick's portal gun...and crap. Yeah, thanks for taking an "and crap" all over my life's work, Morty. God...ok, really short: I'm the smartest guy in the ＊＊＊＊ing MULTIVERSE, but I can't just go off and do stuff on my own, or I'll go nuts. More nuts, whatever. I drag my grandson Morty along here BECAUSE I CAN, and screw around with all different sorts of people in all different sorts of places and blah-blah-blah-blah. Yeah, and the-they get really weird sometimes, like, uh...oh! You remember that place where chairs were people? Ugh...Morty, there's probably, like, a hundred wikis that talk about the number of teeth in our mouths or the number of pimples on Jerry's left ass cheek. We did the stupid thing, now let's move on. Oh, and if you've got a PROBLEM with how this section is ending, I just plowed Your Mom sideways last night, so suck it. You didn't have to go that far, Rick - I'm just saying. Oh, grow a pair, Morty.
Oh, ＊＊＊＊ me, there's MORE of this?! You know, maybe they're interested in our family, since a lot of times they end up being a part of our adventures? *burp* Yeah, sure, knock yourself out. Okay, great, thanks. Ok...so there's my dad Jerry — AKA the human dishrag ...are we really gonna do this now? Anyway, his name is JERRY, he's my dad, and...he's kind of a wimp...an awful lot of the time, but he's got his moments where he does cool stuff, like— Read the character page, boom. Done. Next. *sigh* Ok, so then there's my mom Beth— MY DAUGHTER. Uh, yeah. She got married to Jerry— AKA the human trashbag —and she's smart and a doctor— Animal doctor —and...and go read the character page, I guess. I also have a sister named Summer. Character page. ...fine. Fine! Can we go home now?!'' A-almost, Morty - it looks like we have to make it through the list of tropes these people seem to think apply to us.
Oh, and uh...somebody decided to talk like a Mr. Meeseeks and set up a character page dedicated to them. 'Even somehow managed to get their hands on a box for it. Sounds about right - talking like someone who's only reason for existing is to die. Boo-ya!
*burp* So, yeah. Tropes which "apply" to Morty and myself include:
- A God Am I: Even Morty admits it. Rick, I said that you were more like- I know, Morty, close enough. 'Quote's down in Anti-Hero, folks - he said it, no take-backs! *ugh*
- A Date with Rosie Palms: Grandpa Rick, why are...people...so interested in this? I dunno, Morty *burp* - maybe 'cause you jerk off in every room of our house and they're jealous? STOP SHAMING ME!
- Adorkable: "Adorkable", Rick? It's when people think you're cute 'cause you're an idiot, 'cause they're idiots and don't want to be alone. That's kinda mean, don't you think? Tough shit, Morty.
- The Alcoholic: Yeah *burp*, no shit, Sherlock.
- Always Second Best: So...there's only one person Rick can never one-up or outshine and that would be The Dungeon Master. Heh heh...right? Ok, both you AND that overrated overglorified lawn gnome can go fu-*urrr*ck yourselves! If he's so ＊＊＊＊ powerful then why the hell'd he took so ＊＊＊＊ long to send ＊＊＊＊ kids back home, huh?! I've got a portal gun that can zap people to dimensions he's never even HEARD of, and yet you mother ＊＊＊＊ think he's so ＊＊＊＊ great! How's the view with your heads shoved up your ＊＊＊＊ asses?! The hell do you want? Uh-huh. Yeah. Fine, but I'm not your damn secretary. Hey xelldx, some jerkoff wants you to "take it to discussion" instead of cluttering up the damn page even futher.
- Anime Hair: More like "generic mad scientist" hair, but if that's all you people have to compare with, then that sure says a hell of a lot right there.
- Anti-Hero: Say it, Morty. *sigh* "Rick's not a villain, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon, or a super fucked-up god". To be fair, It does still pretty much sum him up.
- The Anti-Nihilist: "Nobody exists on purpose, nobody really belongs anywhere, everybody's going to die. Come watch TV?" That's you, Morty - that's what you sound like. Yeah? W-well, it's a hell of a lot better than going through the-the universe like you're on top of everything WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SCREWED THINGS UP TO THE POINT WHERE I SAID THAT THAT TO MY OWN—I mean, not my *own* own sister, but—but—god damn it. Y-Yeah, I-I think they got the point there. Geez.
- Badass Grandpa: I took down an entire government, killed thousands of aliens, and cheated death countless times, all at the age of around 60.
- Bamboo Technology: I mean, while I prefer the traditional way, I still managed to wo—*burp*—rk with wh-whatever I have around. Like, uh, remember when I turned myself into a pickle, Morty? And then I like used, uh, rat muscle in order to m-make myself a bo—*burp*—ody? Rick, how the hell could I forget that? That was weird even for you.
- Berserk Button: There's two ways to get on my shit list. Either cross me, or talk shit on Pirates of the Pancreas. Also messing with my grandchildren. You mess with them, I will end you.
- Uh, I personally don't really get too pissed, but I do really hate it when people go all Moral Guardians. Ditto, Morty.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Trust me, Morty has his limits. Even I know that.
- Brilliant, but Lazy: When I'm not out adventuring with Morty or working on a project, there is really nothing I like more than just chilling on the couch and watching Family Matters, but my annoying family keeps interrupting me at every turn with unimportant crap that doesn't matter and is a waste of my talents, and won't go away until I offer some solution. And then they have the gall to also come complaining when their own stupidity causes the solution to backfire! Jeez, Rick, if you would actually put just a little thought into, y'know, actually offer a proper solution to our problems rather than pawning off just whatever mad haphazard quick fix that happens to pop into your head first, I get the feeling that a lot of disasters could have been avoided, y'know? Don't get smart with me, Morty!
- Catchphrase: Rick tends to say "Wubba-Lubba-Dub-Dub!" a lot. What are you talking about, Morty? I don't say that anymore. Okay, well he used to. I think it's because it means "I am in great pain, please help me." but I don't know really.
- To be *burp* fair, one reason was because I was gonna make "I don't give a fuck" my new catchphrase at the end of Season 1, but I-I don't know why I also stopped saying it before it could even start. 'Guess I really don't give a fuck.
- I also say "don't think about it" alot, because... well, it makes most things easier.
- The Chessmaster: My *burp* escape from Jail, was also an excuse to uh, get rid of the intergalactic federation and to divorce Morty's parents. Don't forget the szechuan sauce Rick. I-I-I still don't know what that's about Rick. I know. And I feel sorry for you Morty.
- Cyborg: I'm *urp* so stuffed full of cybernetics, they wont let me on certain alien ships without behavior modification injections anymore. Yeah, I-I'm still fully human, I...I think. Trust me Morty, if it happens, you'll know.
- Death Seeker: Th-The concept of death isn't that terrifying to me, since I could always just science my way out of it. I-I mean, I do try to *burp* avoid it, because well who doesn't, but I'm not gonna make a h-huge deal out of it, if like uh, I can't find a way to get out of th-the situation I'm in.
- Expy: What the hell is an expy? It means, Morty we're *urrrp* cribbed from an '80s blockbuster summer hit. But don't get so fucking worked up over it. Every fictional character has been cribbed off for years. Flintstones? Honeymooners. Batman? Shadow, Zorro (He even says it himself), and Phantom. Lisbeth Salander? Pippi goddamned Longstocking. Hell even those creepy-ass blue-haired girls and the girl that inspired them are basically a *urrrp* Japanese Wednesday Addams. Um, okay, so the main character Shinji, y'know, that other guy I'm also compared to along with you and his dad, is basically Spider-Man with a giant robot instead of superpowers, and Sailor Moon is basically a Japanese She-Ra with Wonder Woman thrown in. Hit the nail in the *burrp* coffin. Right, and what about about Family Guy and The Simpsons? Bingo. Let's just leave it at there before they do something like when they took out Hulk's list of other characters with their own pages and why he wanted to smash them.
- Friendless Background: Yeah, I-I didn't really have a lot of friends before Grandpa Rick came back. Or any, really. *burp* D-dont sweat it, Morty, most people are i-*urp*diots anyway. People weren't exac-exactly lining up to hang out with me back in the day either. Who needs 'em?
- The Hedonist: AW YEAH, now we're talking!! I gotta look up Unity again one of these days, having sex with an entire football stadium was a new rush! Aw jeez Rick, I-I dont think she wants to see you aga- SHUT UP MORTY!! IF I WANTED ADVICE ON FALLING IN LOVE WITH A SOCK FULL OF LUBE, I'LL ASK FOR IT!!
- Limited Wardrobe: Hey, animation is *urp* expensive, it saves a ton of time and effort for us to wear the same shitty clothes every day. Um, Rick, what are you talking about? Dont worry about it, Mr-Yellow-Shirt-And-Jeans.
- Loser Son OF Loser Dad: Before Rick arrived, I was this close to becoming my dad. I slowly but surely got out of this. Besides, it's been overused in all media. I say you're still a * uurp* work in progress, Morty. Not that you aren't already ahead.
- Obnoxious In-Laws: My Dad sees Rick as a burden to our household though Rick fires back that my Dad is a tapeworm that knocked up Mom with his "sorry-ass spermatozoa". It's the truth, Morty. Now we gotta find a future husband for your sister that'll override Jerry's sorry ass genes.
- Other Me Annoys Me: Jeez, I try not to judge, but what's with all the Mortys on the Citadel, anyway? I-it's like they're just s-shallow copies of me with like, with a random gimmick tacked on, you know? Like, Hammerhead Morty, what was up with that guy? Or Dancing Lawyer Morty? I-I mean, who tries to show off their pog collection during a friggin trial?! Preaching to the *burp* choir here, Morty.
- Pet the Dog: While Rick clearly has some personality issues, there are some moments where he protects me and m-my family, or does nice things like taking Jerry to that theme park. Morty, if you mention that one more time, I will *burp* fucking drop-kick you onto the Walking Dead nightmare page. All three of 'em. Seriously, I don't feel like talking about it that much. It's complicated. Things just didn't go exactly as planned. 'Even made sure it was somewhere where not even his own stupidity would kill him. Man that whole thing felt a little weird.
- Reed Richards Is Useless: Yeah, thanks for the *urp* self-esteem boost, asshat! Screw humanity, they can figure it out for themselves just like I did. I mean, look at that douchebag President, his tech was still lame, but miles ahead of everyone else, just not up to my standards. Get to work, you slackers!
- Straw Nihilist: STRAW?! Aint nothin- *burp* straw about me, motherfuckers!! Just because I'm a nihilist doesn't mean I have to LIKE it!!!
- Trademark Favorite Food: If there is anything in the multiverse that comes close to justifying the to-*uuhhhrr*-ment of existence as opposed to the horror of non-being, it's McDonald's Mulan Szechuan dipping sauce. I WANT THAT SZECHUAN DIPPING SAUCE, MORTY!! THAT'S MY ONE-ARMED MAN! Aw jeez, I heard you the first time, Rick! I don't know what you want from me, I wasn't even born when that stupid movie came out! And even if I was, it's just another bastardization of a fairytale/folklore. And I think you even got maybe a couple dimensions hyped up for it!
- Tsundere: Rick is Type-A, where he's mean on the outside but deep down he genuinely cares for me and the rest of the famil- WHAT DID THIS PAGE JUST CALL ME!? IS THAT ANOTHER FUCKING ANIME TROPE?! You trying to lump me in with the likes of Soryu or Narusegawa or whatever fucked up anime chick they have these days?! Aw, jeez Rick, even they were, I definitely wouldn't go with that Narusegawa. Y-y-yeah, what was it you called that version of her or whatever? The Intolerable Bitch? That's gotta say *burp* something coming from you and some other nerds.
- Verbal Tic: I guess I do say "Aw jeez" a lot... *burp* Dont-dont look at me, Morty. My belching isnt a tic, it's caused by an unrelated alcohol problem.