(This page is best read in the voice of Ryo Horikawa with a humorously exaggerated American accent. For the alternate ending below, please read his lines in the voice of Hideyuki Tanaka, and drop that accent.)
(You see the Blue Falcon racing by as this music plays. Suddenly, the cockpit opens, and the driver somersaults out.)
TOOP! TOOP! TOOP!
Hello! I am Captain Falcone, space racerman, bounty hunter, hero of the future and thrill-seeking extraordinaire! YESZ! I am a famous character of Nintendo! I am a most famous F-Zero racer, who loves to fight in the Great Fray Smash Brothers ! HUH! I am famous for my Signature Move in it, which is the...
(much exploding ensues)
I began in the F-Zero game for Super Famicom ! They almost make me the flag-ship character for the console, but the plans don't pan out. But then, there are two sequels! There is the F-Zero X for Nintendo 64, which introduces very many new racers which include Black Shadow, the arch- enemy of Captain Falcone! I return in the F-Zero GX, which has a story! I compete in the Grand Prix, rescue the sexy lady Jody Summer from the accident, and defeat the evil Black Shadow and the even more powerful Deathborn to save the world from their megalomaniacal domination plans! HOOOOWAAAAAAAH!
There are two ships which I own. There is the Blue Falcone, which is the fastest machine on the circuit. But Captain Falcone is also a man of law, and I hunt the bounty of the criminals scum for justice. For this, I have the Falcone Flyer, my personal space-craft for the tracking!
There is also a clone of me, Blood Falcone! He was created by Black Shadow so that he can destroy! He wants to defeat me and become Captain Falcone, but he is not, so I go prove it with the good old-fashioned fisticuffs! There is also a clone of a different kind, who is the Demon King Ganondorf of Hyrule! He uses my moves for evil, but butchers them by doing it agonizingly slow instead of my stylish super-speed! He thinks one of the Try-Force with Power makes him invincible, but if a green elf in tights beats him all the time, then surely he will fall to Captain Falcone, an even braver hero with manly fists full of fire! YYYYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!note
But this is not my most famous thing! I am in the Great Fray Smash Brothers, all four times! It can show that I am an expert fighter, with very manly muscles and fighting moves! I fight all the other heroes of Nintendo as we show our moves and fight to the limit with our burning spirits of passion ! I am so tough that the Prince Krom of Ylisse is not in it because he can't even stand up to me! Oh YESZ! But then he appears with the daughter Lucina of him (who I almost beat also) in the Project X Zone 2, so he gets his chance after all. Except that it looks like the perfect sort of game for Captain Falcone to be in, as to be a Hot-Blooded manly anime game with other manly men as the Ryunote and also the Segata Sanshiro, so maybe I need the chance too! TOOOOOOWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
And don't forget to buy the official amiibo toy figure of Captain Falcone! An action figure is most fitting for a hero of justice, but I only get it after so many years. But it is a deserving toy of very glorious ! HOOOOOWAAAAAAAHHHHH! And it also gives you a Captain Falcone of very manly power to train and fight in the Smash Brothers!
I'm in the fifth outing of Smash and in the new World of Light I join the gathering of heroes and villains going up against all-new threat. Unfortunately we lost and I'm trapped while someone has hijacked my body! Our only hope is Kirby. Go Kirby! Free everyone and put an end to the Kiira! And I hear that The Legendary Wolf is coming to Smash, who speaks as me for the manliest fiery passion! Can't wait to fight him! I am OK to his Buster Wolf!
Also please look at the time I save Christmas! YESZ! Don't forget that there is the Game Mod for Dragon Ball Fighter Z so I can fight the cousin Vegeta of me to see who is the manliest man of the men! Of course Captain Falcone will win because my power is OVER 8-, err, 9000!!!
And remember: you don't win by being lucky, you win by being bold.
Show me ya tropes!
- Animal Motifs: Is only fitting that Captain Falcone shares a name with the mighty bird of prey who is also a fast and sharp flier, and an expert and dangerous hunter like me, and so I use as my symbol!
- Awesome, but Impractical: The FALCONE PAWNCH! is a great pawnch of burning justice, but is not a tool to be reckless! Captain Falcone must be smart and patient and plan to use his FALCONE PAWNCH! to the maximum!
- Badass Driver: There is the double-life where I am a bounty hunter, and also an ace space racerman, as well as the expert in hand-to-hand combat!
- Barehanded Blade Block: The manly fists of Captain Falcone are so tough, that I even block the legendary Falchion sword that Lucina uses! (The sword doesn't deserve that name, it cramps my style.)
- Big "YES!": It is a shout of excitement when I use my manly recovery move, "Falcone Dive". YESZ!
- Bounty Hunter: It is just like the famous Samus Aran (who is one of my favorite sexy ladies). You see it in the comic-book which includes in the manual for the Super Famicom game. It is the best career that Captain Falcone chooses for himself, because it lets me pursue justice!
- Bring It: Show me ya moves! (salutes)
- Calling Your Attacks: The attack power of Captain Falcone is maximum when I am yelling the names of them, as the FALCONE PAWNCH!!!, the FALCONKICK!!! and CAHM AWN! BLUUUUUUUUUUUUE FALCONE!
- Camp: Especially in the Great Fray Smash Brothers, Captain Falcone is famous for dressing in bright colors and showing very loudly how manly and strong I am! It is even better when I wear the special pink and white outfit of me!
- Captain Space, Defender of Earth!: Don't forget that I am your favorite manly space racerman of justice! YESZ!
- Distaff Counterpart: There is the sexy rival Samus Aran, who is a space-travel bountyhunter of justice with the red helmet as me, and even shares some moves in the SmaBro. But it is even more as the Zero Suit Samus, where she is a super-athlete as me who is fast and strong and agile and wears the tight, sexy blue suit! YESZ!
- Elemental Punch: There is the flashy falcon fire that forms on my fists when it is the unleashing time for my forceful FALCONE... PAWNCH!!! For kicking variants, my FALCONKICK!!! is also encased in the fabulous fire, and I can also employ an energetically-electrified version to achieve extreme effectiveness in my endeavors.
- Genius Bruiser: For the maximum racing performance, Captain Falcone is an expert of every inch of the specifications of the Blue Falcone machine, to perform as if it has the best ratings! YESZ!
- A God Am I: In the F-Zero GX, by beating Deathborn, I obtain a champion's belt of light and dark that gives power over the universe! But because Captain Falcone believes in freedom, I don't use to rule, and instead I just keep it to protect from the forces of evil. But it is also the good reason why you all worship Captain Falcone as the mightiest man in the universe! YESZ!
- Gratuitous English: In the Smash Brothers, I talk in English with my own pronouncings and phrasings, which is better and manlier than the other people! The man who does the voice of me is Japanese and can talk English fluent, but Captain Falcone transcends normal and boring ways of talking!
- Heroic Sacrifice: In the animation, I kill Black Shadow with the FALCONE PAWNCH!!! so hard that it destroys one-eighth of the entire galaxy! Yes. I had to die. But the death of Captain Falcone would be remembered as a fiery sacrifice to save the world for justice! It actually isn't me who causes the explosion, it is the reactor exploding. But don't tell anyone.
- Hot-Blooded: In the F-Zero games, I stay reserved. But when fighting in the Smash Brothers, Captain Falcone allows the burning fighting spirits of his very passion guide him and infuse him with the power he needs to DESTROY EVIL!!! YYYYEAAAAH!
- Hunk: You all know that Captain Falcone is a handsome man with the bulging muscles, which all the sexy ladies adore!
- Ineffectual Loner: Because Captain Falcone is the most feared bounty hunter in all the galaxy, I live on my own on the island sanctuary due to the constant danger of the criminals scum. It is so much that I quickly dash home after winning the award of the Grand Prix, even though I am also a most famous figure and make many TV appearances, and only the Grand Prix itself or the high bounty gets me to come out.
- Large Ham: To show how manly and cool he is, Captain Falcone must be very loud and noticed !
- Legacy Character: In the animation. I am secretly the Bart Lemming, but only one who surpasses the Falcone, may become the Falcone. After the fiery sacrifice of me, Ryu Suzaku is the one to success me as a new Captain Falcone! Averted in the games, where I am the one Douglas Jay Falcone.
- Let's Fight Like Gentlemen: I keep a police gun on my waist for bounty hunting, but not for fighting! True men as Captain Falcone fight only with their mighty fists and their burning spirits of passion!
- Lightning Bruiser: In the Smash Brothers, not only am I the fastest runner of all next to Sonic, but I am also a hard hitter thanks to the manly strength training that I do! Can also take a hit, because the muscles of Captain Falcone are made of iron.
- Lightning/Fire Juxtaposition: Captain Falcone uses many fiery moves of burning justice, to contrast with the electric attacks that the sexy Samus uses in her Zero Suit! YESZ!
- Limit Break: CAHM AWN! BLUUUUUUUUUUUUE FALCONE! (jumps into the Blue Falcon and runs over you. You inexplicably and intensely enjoy it)
- Megaton Punch: The trope used to be called the FALCONE... PAWNCH!, which is the best and most fitting name named after me! But now they change it to a different name! They think Captain Falcone is out of style! HUH! Captain Falcone is never out of style!
- Playing with Fire: My moves are fueled by the fires of burning justice! YESZ!
- Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs: I punch very fast with the fast jabbing combo! YESZ!
- Rated M for Manly: HUH! Now dig the wax out of ears because I've got something to say! He takes a blazing sun in the bare hands and uses the searing heat to produce the mightiest FALCONE... PAWNCH!!!, which tears the fabric of space-time! A man's man sustained by the strength of will! He exudes so much testosterone that the sight of his golden nipples can cause the mind to explode! When you hear of the great CAPTAIN DOUGLAS JAY FALCONE, they talk about me! And remember that.note
- Real Men Wear Pink: I have a special outfit that is white and pink and looks like the suit of Jody Summer, a favorite sexy lady. I am so secure in my masculinity, that I redefine the color pink. It is also a favorite outfit of my fans because it is funny to wear, and they use the nick-name "Captain Fabulous"!
- Shock and Awe:
- Captain Falcone is mostly a man of fire, but the "Knee Smash" move is a glorious attack of justice where I smash my knee into the foe, and it is a glorious electric explosion to finish them off! How stylish!
- I also use a version of the FALCONKICK!!! that uses the lightning instead of fire, for more swiftness and to pass through the foes!
- Signature Move:
- The most popular move of me is well-known as the FALCONE PAWNCH!!!, which is for good reason: it is the loudest and flashiest attack of all, and is also the manliest and most powerful attack in the universe, famous from when I use it to kill Black Shadow! YESZ!
- The Knee Smash is the second most popular move, because it is a combo finisher that uses the most skill, but is also the best way to finish off the foes, and is a glorious manly move of great shocking!
- So Last Season: All the prize money from the bounty-hunting will go towards building the Neo Blue Falcone! YESZ!
- Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: I fought that wise-cracking Kombatant Johnny Cage in a battle to the death. That fool thought that he could be the next Captain Falcon. I successfully defended my legacy. After all, only one can be worthy! Though I will admit, his Nutcracker is just as fearsome as my Falcon Punch.
- (Congratulations!)Alternate ending (subtitled from Japanese)