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Self Demonstrating / Abridged Alucard

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"Excuse me, but I'm a fuck-mothering vampire."

Voiced by: Curtis "Takahata101" Arnott, Nadine "MontyGlu" Arnott (Girlycard)
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How in the hell did I not get a page sooner?! My own alter-ego did first. Anyway, I am Alucard, a Fuck-Mothering Vampire thank you. You will read this page note 


  • Abusive Parents: My father... The one thing I love killing more than the Turks or Nazis. Also the reason I impaled 2,000 people. Good times.
  • Affably Evil: When I turn back into Dracula. I'm quite a gentleman, being highly respectful towards Integra instead of the Trollish attitude I had throughout the entire series. But do remember that I am still Count fucking Dracula, who had just used all the souls of those I had killed to massacre his enemies.
    • While my behavior fits more in line with Faux Affably Evil for the most part, I do have moments of genuine Affably Evil as well, especially in the latter half of the series. I am nothing but respectful to Anderson when the latter is about die, openly calling him a friend despite our history of antagonism. And while I may have been reluctant and annoyed at having to act as a psychiatrist to the many souls that I've consumed throughout my life as a vampire, I still give them heartfelt and genuine advice to help them go through their issues without a hint of my usual malicious or asinine behavior. Even I'm surprised at how good I was.
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  • Affectionate Nickname: "Ally/Allie" by The Queen of England; I call her "Betty."
  • Anything That Moves: As I said to Rip Van Winkle, There is no one alive who can comprehend my sexual preference. While I generally expresses attraction toward powerful women (Betty and Integra), I also adore violence, regardless of the gender involved, saying that Police Girl's berserk fury is incredibly attractive and getting severely aroused whenever I fight Anderson. I was also strangely aroused by Schrödinger. I also may or may not have had a relationship with Arthur Hellsing as well, considering he was more of "an actual daddy now."
    • I don't, however, date patients.
  • Arch-Enemy: Father Anderson. That Hypocritical stuck up priest..
  • Armor-Piercing Question: I must admit, this is something it took me a while to grapple with.
    Me: Are we a bad person?
  • The Assimilator: I've absorbed the souls of everyone I've ever sucked the blood out of, about two million-ish people. I can then use them as an undead army, and my Complete Immortality is fueled by sacrificing a soul every time I suffer a deadly wound. Like in canon, this backfires on me when I consumed the deceased of London while Schrodinger "spiked my drink".
  • Ax-Crazy: Prefer guns, really.
  • Badass Baritone: Courtesy of Takahata101.
  • Badass Longcoat: A blood-red one. Helps hide the stains.
  • Been There, Shaped History: Apparently I accidentallied World War I (and the second one by extension) when I shot Archduke Ferdinand and blamed it on "some other guy" (though it wasn't my fault, because I did so "unknowingly").
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  • Belligerent Sexual Tension: With Integra, in which arguing with her in person gives me a boner. It makes things super awkward. Walter had a one-sided version of this with me back when I was a girl in the 40s.
  • Berserk Button: Christ, it'd be easier to list the things that don't piss me off.
    • My 70 Inch... Plasma screen... TV.
    • Interrupt my story again! See what happens!
    • Don't hit on Police Girl while I'm around. Only I can do that.
    • Don't try to forgive me for my sins; that's up to God, and he can go fuck himself.
    • I didn't take Anderson stabbing himself with Helena’s Nail well either, going into a very annoyed Rapid-Fire "No!" as a result. I was furious that Anderson would make himself an abomination like me rather than fighting me to the death as a human.
    • Also, do not interrupt a worthy opponent's last words.
      Me: WALTER!!
    • Hypocrisy is something that deeply annoys me, but I positively flip out over it on God when He chastizes me about the millions of dead souls I've enslaved, "You have a problem me with using other people for my own ends? What, should I give him credit for the idea?!"
    • First Walter kills my dogs, then he anti's my fucking joke?
  • Beware the Silly Ones: I'm as silly as I am dangerous. Count Dracula on the other hand...
  • Blood Knight: I love to fight. Especially Anderson, but anything that causes a lot of damage and a lot of blood is my idea of a good time.
  • Blue-and-Orange Morality: My idea of good and evil is very hazy, as is my inclination toward them.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: I'm pretty much the best at what I do, but I'd rather do whatever amuses me. And one thing that amuses me is pissing off Integra.
    Integra: (after hearing the latest of my 400+ elaborate death threats to the Popenote ) I can't help but ponder the frightful headway we'd make if he put that sort of energy into his job.
  • Caught with Your Pants Down: See A Date with Rosie Palms. Anderson breaks in as soon as I'm finished. Seriously, couldn't he have waited for five minutes to recharge? All it takes is a single punch to the face to get my motor running again,though.
  • Chekhov's Gun: My Twitter account. Follow me @TheCrimsonFuckr!
  • Cloud Cuckoolander: My mind goes down some very strange logical pathways. Largely because I am permanently focused on violence and sex (usually both) and nothing else.
  • Combat Sadomasochist: As much as I enjoy inflicting pain, I also get hard when pain's inflicted on me, such as when Anderson punches me and immediately gets me excited.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: I have no regard for innocent life. It amuses me to just gun 'em down.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Usually hand these out. But in the past, I was at the receiving end of one by Abraham Van Helsing.
  • A Date with Rosie Palms: I was at half mast, and then Integra admitted I was right. Then Anderson burst in..
  • Deadpan Snarker: Heavy on the snark, but I'm rarely deadpan.
  • Deal with the Devil: Satan and I have agreed that I would not allow another monster to exist like me. That's where I got my powers and Hellhounds from (though he wants them back).
  • Death Seeker:
    • Despite my comedic and sociopathic traits Up to Eleven and me clearly enjoying being an unstoppable killer, my conversation with Police Girl after Pip died and her breaking down over her own weaknesses, I still share certain traits of my canon counterpart, outright telling her the reason I changed her was not because of her big titties, but because I saw in her eyes something I had lost long ago: the will to live.
    • When I recounted how I had to help the souls inside me along with my own in order for them to released and allow me to return. I tried to kill them. Especially ME.
  • Decomposite Character: Of a sort. When I use Level 0 release, I become Dracula, who is a separate personality from Alucard and much more polite and soft-spoken, to the point of actually using Seras' name.
  • Defiant to the End: Abraham Van Helsing defeated me, and ranted on and on about my deeds. My response?
  • Depraved Bisexual: I get a boner while fighting Anderson and during Police Girl's blood rages. Blood, violence, and death excite me regardless of whether a man or a woman does it.
  • Destructive Savior: Emphasis on destructive and only nominally a savior. Case in point, all that property damage. Good times.
  • Do Not Taunt Cthulhu: If it means valuing your life. Those that didn't were doomed to be turned to scrap by me.
  • Dracula: Making even less of an effort to hide it than in canon. I even refer to how much I loved killing Turks at one point.
  • Dysfunction Junction: I become one after consuming all of the dead people in London, and discovers that the only way to reform myself after consuming Schrodinger is to get rid of all of those souls by putting them at rest... which meant I had to spend twenty years playing psychotherapist to every dead soul I've ever collected. Then I had to spend an additional decade sorting out my own issues.
  • Eldritch Abomination: When I release my restraints, I'm basically a writhing tentacle shadow with More Teeth than the Osmond Family and Eyes for Days.
  • Establishing Character Moment:
  • Even Evil Has Standards: When Walter remorselessly kills a mortally wounded Anderson and denies the man a chance to say his final words. You just don't do that.
  • Evil Is Hammy: OH YES!
  • Evil Is Petty:
  • Evil Laugh: Have a listen.
  • Extreme Omnisexual: Like I said, there's no one alive who can understand my sexual preference. The only things that slightly slowed me down are Schrödinger's androgyny giving me a why-boner and my complete refusal to fuck Walter.
  • Extra Eyes: I have eyes for days.
    Police Girl: "Eyes for days?"
    Me: "Eyes for days."
  • Faux Affably Evil: I'm an incredibly cheerful and fun-loving person. I'm also a violent sociopath with no sense of self-restraint whatsoever.
  • Freudian Excuse: The ten years of rape at the hands of the Ottoman empire, not only for being one big source of my anger issues but also why I keep making jokes.
  • Friendly Rivalry: I have this with Anderson, but because of our personalities, it won't stop us from trying to kill each other on sight.
  • Gender Bender: I was a girl in the 1940's and was also dating the Queen of England around this time. Episode 9 shows it in full, I use it to taunt Walter on how he always wanted to fuck me and make me scream his name unironically.
  • Guttural Growler: Not usually, but when I unlock a restraint, my deep voice picks up a noticeable rasp.
  • Hates Everyone Equally: Though Integra, Betty and Police Girl have earned my respect.
  • Heel Realization: I had one when I ate Schrodinger. Roughly a third of my time reconstituting myself afterward - ten years - is spent wrestling with my own soul to understand the depths of my own evil and finally forgive myself.
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: For a given definition of "heroic," I'm definitely funny (it's Team Four Star), and I'm extremely sociopathic.
  • Hidden Depths: Despite all of the sexual harassmentI subject others to, I am holding out for that beast of a woman, Integra and have a friendly relationship with the Queen of England. I also do care about Seras and help her finally overcome Pip's death and her own fears about her failures with a You Are Better Than You Think You Are speech that simultaneously reveals Death Seeker status. And while I'm not accredited, I'm skilled enough at psychiatry that I'm able to resolve the psychological issues of the entire population of London plus a few thousand psycho Crusaders, Nazis, and whoever else died in London.
  • Hypocritical Humor: I throw many Take Thats at the Catholic Church for its sex scandals and makes wisecracks accusing the Vatican of being filled with Pedophile Priests, but I'm also a deviant who is guilty of committing sexual harassment, and I'm not even the worst offender of this among the Hellsing organization. That would be Integra.
  • I am a Humanitarian: BITCH, I EAT PEOPLE!
  • Immortality Immorality: Thanks to the fact that no one can really stop me permanently, I can do whatever I want, with no care about the consequences. Or you could fetch Michael McDoesn'tExist.
  • In Love with Your Carnage: How Betty and I fell in love.
    Betty: When you find him (The Major) and when you kill him, I want you to record it so I can fall asleep to it every night.
    Me: Jesus fucking CHRIST I'VE MISSED YOU!
    Catholic: HEY!
    Me: Oh, shut up.
    • It's also why I'm "holding myself out for that beast" Integra, and that Police Girl's blood-soaked rampage through the hospital arouses me.
  • Insane Troll Logic: The vampire attacks are clearly caused by some large, organized group, and because the Nazi party was a large, organized group, it must be Nazis. Turns out I was right. And then I tweeted about it.
  • Interplay of Sex and Violence: I get a boner while fighting. And arguing with Integra.
  • In-Series Nickname: Some people have taken to calling me Integra's "pet vampire".
  • It Amused Me: And if you don't like it, you can get the guy who can stop me: Michael McDoesn'tExist.
  • Jekyll & Hyde: The dynamic between Dracula and Alucard is something of a variant. Dracula is an honorable, respectful, Affably Evil fellow who is nonetheless commits atrocities on the regular as evidenced by the forest of freshly impaled corpses that appears not long after him. Alucard is a petty, crude jerkass of a troll who despite also constantly committing atrocities generally limits their scope a lot more, is fighting on the side of the nominally good guys, has held onto a few scraps of humanity, and usually limits his severe Blood Knight tendencies to other monsters or people who attacked him first.
  • Jerkass: I often cause deliberate collateral damage just because it's funny. Not to mention the pleasure I take in messing with Integra.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: And I usually do. The most definitive argument and counterargument is towards Rip Van Winkle when I shot down hers, by pointing out how she's a lot more privileged than he is, if one follows her logic to the end.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: To Police Girl, and Police Girl only. I may like to annoy and pick on her just as much as everyone else, but I do care for her.
    • I relentlessly troll Integra and go out of my way to screw around with her and her orders, but I admit that she is "a beast of a woman." Compared to how I treat everybody else, that alone is some legitimate respect.
    • I was devastated at Anderson's death, even outright calling him a friend at the end. And when Anderson hypothesizes that I was looking for atonement for his sins in his own way, I don't deny it.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: To everyone else, though, I'm just a dick.
  • Lack of Empathy: With the exception of Police Girl, Walter, and Betty, I couldn't give less of a fuck about anyone else.
  • Large Ham: Because Evil Is Hammy!
  • Little Miss Badass: And if I remember correctly, I was a girl during the 40s…
  • Nay-Theist: I really hate God. During my conversation with Him, I called Yahweh out on all the suffering in the world and his own Freudian Excuse.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: I may have started a zombie outbreak at some Japanese high school. (I wasn't quite as thorough as I should have been eradicating a different zombie outbreak).
  • Not Me This Time: My actions in Brazil were, in fact, not my fault, as the local police attempted to apprehend me. Doesn't stop me from taking pleasure in killing all but one, who pussed out like a bitch.
    • I'm constantly blamed for all of the claims of sexual harrassment,even though it's actually Integra who is responsible for the worst of it.
  • Odd Friendship: If it could be called that between me and Satan, who grants me his dark powers for revenge and that would not allow another monster like myself to exist.
  • OOC Is Serious Business:
    • While it plays into my Blood Knight personality, my stone-cold delivery of "I better not miss a damn thing," at the end of Episode 4 is bone-chilling.
    • At the end of episode 5, I'm eerily quiet. Just notice something burning..
    • In episode 7, when Police Girl is in the midst of a Heroic BSoD after losing her eyes, most of the Wild Geese and Pip, I appeared in her mind; after a few random jokes as is typical of me, I turn deadly serious and gives Police Girl the sincere encouragement she needs to become a full vampire, even calling her by a more formal title of her species, rather than the derisive "Police Girl."
      Me: Listen to me, Draculina! You are so much stronger than you let yourself be.
      Draculina: 'Ow do you know?!
      Me: Because behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago: the will to live. Now, stop running from who you are. Confront it, embrace it, and go for its fucking throat. Like a real fucking vampire!
    • My incantation to release Restraint Level Zero. Bonus that I can only do so when ordered.
    "When hope is gone, undo this lock. And send me forth, on a moonlit walk... Release Restraint Level.. Z E R O.
    • In episode 8, when Anderson tells Alucard "I forgive you," I'm is genuinely pissed, merely saying that God's the one with that authority.
    • When Anderson reveals he's going to stab himself in the heart with the nail, I don't make any smart quips or jokes.
    • My conversation with God is one of the only moments where I'm genuinely angry at someone else, mostly because God is a massive hypocrite.
    • Again in episode 8, I'm furious when Walter kills Anderson and mocks the man.
  • Overprotective Dad: Toward Police Girl, in my own disturbing way. When Schrodinger starts coming on to Police Girl, I shot him in the head, before asking if "that boy-girl" was bothering her.
  • Pet the Dog:
    • My relationship with Police Girl is a very unusual version of this, seeing as I invites her to kill zombies with me because it's so much fun (and I'm impressed when she does so), I asked Integra to get her a cannon (because bitches love cannons), I shared my hotel room with her (but not the Frenchie), and I fed Schrödinger my gun for bugging her. I also taught her to use her Third Eye to look past Zorin's illusion (but got pissed because she kept overthinking it), and even talk with her while she undergoes a Heroic BSoD and get her into embracing her vampire nature, as I points out what I saw in her was the will to live.
    • As Dracula, I affectionately pat her on the head and call her by her name rather than Police Girl.
    • I willingly bow before Betty, I speak to her with deep reverence, tell her that age has done nothing to tarnish her beauty, and that we're friends despite all this time not seeing each other.
  • Poke the Poodle: Compared to the bloodbaths that I usually cause, repeatedly threatening to kill the Pope by carrier pigeon but not actually doing anything is actually pretty tame. Tamer still is tilting all the paintings in the hallway just to mess with Integra. And placing a giant banner on the statue of Big J just to piss off Anderson.
  • Psychopathic Manchild
  • Put on a Bus: Or boat, to be exact.
  • Rape as Backstory: The ten years of rape by the Turks are why I make so many Pedophile Priest jokes.
  • Redemption Rejection: God tried to forgive me, but I chose not to accept it.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: My eyes are always red. Which means you should always heed that warning… by not being in the same hemisphere as me.
    • Though judging by what happened in Brazil even this may not be enough.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: To myself! Once I release Restraint Level 0, I become my original personality. Dracula is polite, calm, and respectful of Integra. As for me... well just look at every trope listed so far that isn't about Dracula and you'll get the idea…
  • Running Gag: My enthusiastic walks.
  • Sadist: Getting a boner while fighting Anderson is just the tip of the iceberg.
  • Say My Name: "WAAAAAALLLLLLLLLTEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"
  • Self-Made Orphan: My favorite thing to kill was my father, topping the Turks and the Nazis.
  • Sex Is Violence: Very much turned on by violence, to the point of being instantly aroused by it.
  • Showy Invincible Hero: I am invincible, and I will happily remind you that there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me from doing whatever I want. Unless you're God.
  • Super Senses: I can smell London burning all the way to the English Channel. Of course, it's all of London burning plus all the gunpowder used.
  • Superpowered Evil Side: Not that Alucard himself is any kind of saint, but his original form of Count Dracula (who speaks and acts as though he is a separate personality from Alucard, which even Integra notes), though it's subverted that Dracula is actually a hell of a lot more polite and respectful (at least to Integra, who he acknowledges as his master, and Seras, who he is genuinely pleased to have seen come so far). But, you know, he's still Count Dracula, and killed millions of people before he ever became Alucard. Alucard is brutal and effective but doesn't usually leave forests of impaled bodies in his wake which Dracula does. However, also subverted in that Dracula cedes control back to Alucard to fight Father Anderson, as it's Alucard he has the rivalry with, not Drac.
  • Tall, Dark, and Snarky: Self-explanatory, really.
  • Then Let Me Be Evil: While I was far from a saint before, I decided that if the God that I had devoted myself to would allow me to suffer and be demonized in His name, then I would become the monster that everyone wanted me to be so that someone worse could never come along. And so, Alucard was born.
  • Tranquil Fury: I rarely do this. But when I do, you're fucked.
    • I did this after Walter kills Anderson, going from furious scream from to not taking the whole thing seriously specifically because Walter wants him to take their fight seriously and I was so pissed at him that I refused to honor that wish.
  • Troll: It's why I do what I do.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Turns out I was ultimately responsible for Maxwell attacking London this time. I got Benedict to resign by sending him hundreds of threatening letters, and it was Francis' reformist policies that caused that asshole Maxwell's Jumping Off the Slippery Slope.
    • I was actually the one who shot Archduke Ferdinand note  and blamed it on Serbian terrorists, kicking off World War I.
  • Vagina Dentata: My pussy as Girlycard has rows of teeth like a shark. Maybe I could have just been screwing with Walter. Maybe I was completely serious. I'll never tell.
  • Vampires Are Sex Gods: But you'll probably never have sex again. Unless you're the Queen.
  • Vampire Vords: As Count Dracula, I have a heavy Eastern European accent that normal me noticeably lacks, invoking this trope.
  • Villainous Breakdown:
  • Villain Protagonist: I kill both enemies and innocent people alike, and am only nominally a hero.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Walter used to have the very rare position of being one of the people I respected and trusted. (And that's really saying something) Once Walter decides to have his youth restored to kill me, that previous relationship flies out the window.
  • Worthy Opponent: Anderson, to the point of calling him a friend while Anderson lay dying after having his heart (which Anderson had pierced with a nail from the Crucifixion of Christ) ripped out and I chat amicably with him. And Anderson reciprocates the feeling as shown when he demands the much more polite and civil Dracula return to Alucard before they fight. After our battle is over, I was genuinely saddened and distressed that Anderson was dying, and regret that Anderson turned himself into a angelic monstrosity to fight me instead of facing me as a human.
  • Would Hit a Girl: I was a girl one time. Thus, in the gory-murder regard, I support gender equality - ask Rip Van Winkle!
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: I gave one to Seras to help her be "a real fucking vampire."
  • Your Mom: Those Brazilian officers took exception to that.
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