Screw Yourself / Live-Action TV

• In the first season finale of 2 Broke Girls, Max looks at herself in the mirror and says "Damm girl! You look good! What are you doing tonight? Can I get your number?"
• 30 Rock:
  • The incredibly self-absorbed Jenna starts dating a celebrity female impersonator of herself. It's about as close to this as a heterosexual woman can get without the benefits of advanced technology.
  • In the episode where Tracy buys a "Japanese Sex Doll" of himself, Jack asks him why he would make such a purchase "other than the natural inclination to make to love to yourself".
  • During the 100th episode, while everyone is hallucinating, Jack is visited by three versions of himself from his past, an alternate present, and his current future. After he resolves his existential crisis, the three of them stand around and decide that the only rational option is to go have sex with each other.
• A G-Rated version from A.N.T. Farm: Lexi has an Erotic Dream about kissing herself at the end of "IdANTity Crisis".
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
  • In "Doppelgangland", Willow's Lesbian Vampire Evil Twin acts interested in getting physical with her human counterpart.
    Vamp Willow: I kinda like the idea of the two of us. We could be quite a team, if you came around to my way of thinking.
    Willow: Would that mean we have to... snuggle?
    [Evil Willow brushes Willow's hair away from her neck]
    Vamp Willow: What do you say? [lecherous licking] Wanna be bad?
    Willow: This just can't get more disturbing!
  • This is also brought up in "The Replacement" when Xander is split into two Xanders, though the comment is about a threesome with them and Anya.
  • The First Evil mostly uses the appearances of Buffy and Drusilla to be creepy with Spike, but at the end of "Never Leave Me", it's in Spike's form and clearly using his ways to flirt (smirking, that tongue thing) with original Spike, who is at this point shirtless and being tied to a wheel.
  • In the first Spike issue of the Season 9 comics:
    Elizabeth: I have never seen his majesty like this before.
    Sebastian: He has told us to sod off before, Elizabeth. Just last week, he told Scotty and me to engage in an activity so anatomically impossible that—
• The Colbert Report has two Santa Clauses come on stage and make out with each other.
• Danger 5: Hitler tries to snog himself when his personality is put inside a female body. After a "No. Just… No" Reaction from her, Hitler mutters, "Every man would have tried."
• Doctor Who:
  • "Utopia": While at the end of the universe, the immortal Captain Jack mentions that he could go and meet himself. The Doctor quips, "He's the only man you're ever gonna be happy with."
  • In "Journey's End", three versions of the same Doctor are formed: the Doctor proper, the Clone Doctor and the DoctorDonna. Captain Jack, when finding out that "there are three of you now?", says "I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now."
  • One script draft of "The End of Time" had the following scene which, tragically, didn't make it to the screen:
    The Master: Yeah, as much as I like looking at myself, I think you can get out of that dress.
    The Master: Is that an invitation?
    The Master: Now that would be different. And brilliant. But later!
    The Master: I'm a psychological minefield.
  • "The Time of Angels": The extinct, two-headed Aplan species apparently got up to this a fair bit, even able to marry themselves, before the church stepped in. This is Played for Drama, as all their jokes about the Aplans having two heads make them realise that none of the statues in the crypt they're hunting a Weeping Angel in have two heads...
  • "Space" and "Time" have a timeslipped Amy Pond. If they don't act carefully the slip will stick and they will be stuck with two Amys, and when asked what he would do then Rory "has a few ideas". Later on, Amy and Amy start flirting with each other.
    Amy 1: Do I really look like that?
    Amy 2: Yeah. Yeah, you do.
    Amy 1: Mmm . . . I'd give you a driving licence.
    Amy 2: I'll bet you would.
    The Doctor: Oh, this is how it all ends. Pond, flirting with herself. True love at last. [remembers that Amy's husband is also present] Oh, sorry Rory.
    Rory: [nearly catatonic] ...absolutely no problem at all...
  • "A Good Man Goes to War": River Song, while talking to Rory, implies that she once had a three-way with two different Doctors via abuse of time travel.
  • Likewise the mini-episode "Clara and the TARDIS" has Clara complaining that the TARDIS has just vanished her bedroom. Due to Timey-Wimey Ball effects, the console room ends up full of Claras all shouting at the TARDIS to tell them where the bedroom is. Two of the Claras say, "You think you've got problems." [look at each other flirtatiously] "We've got to share a bed."
  • In "Listen", Clara checks out herself from slightly earlier in her timeline, striding away from her in a tight skirt.
    Clara: Is that what I look like from the back?
    The Doctor: It's fine.
    Clara: I was thinking it was good.
  • The short story collection Short Trips: A Christmas Treasury has one story with a more innocent version. The Eighth Doctor has brought mistletoe to a Christmas party with his former selves, whom he attempts to kiss, but most of them are rather disinclined to acquiesce. (He manages to get a snog from Five and Three, at least.)
  • Rejected book Campaign involves Ian Chesterton being in love with a parallel iteration of himself, Cliff, when they accidentally experience the lives of two entirely unrelated and very obscure Doctor Who characters. They end up living as a married couple in a time period where their love is forbidden, and continue shaggin' after they escape from their World Limited to the Plot. Surprisingly, this is far from the weirdest sexual relationship in the book.
  • Averted in "Time Heist", in which Saibra, a shapeshifting character who uncontrollably assumes the form of anybody she has skin contact with, laments that she Can't Have Sex, Ever because everybody she's ever been attracted to has found having sex with a copy of themselves too disturbing.
  • Steven Moffat likes to write bits of Crack Fic in his Doctor Who Magazine column, and once wrote a completely mental Delgado Master/Gomez Master drabble.
  • "World Enough and Time"/"The Doctor Falls": The John Simm Master openly hits on Missy at every turn, and it's implied he got sexually aroused when she aggressively shoves him up against a pillar. Missy, however, has a "No. Just… No" Reaction.
    Missy: Hold me.
    Master: Kiss me.
    Missy: Make me.
  • In "The Vanquishers" three versions of the Thirteenth Doctor are created. One turns up to rescue the other, causing her to gush, "I've got such a crush on her!"
• Dollhouse: When he is forced to accompany Adelle to the Washington DC Dollhouse, Topher imprints Victor, a blank active, with his own personality in order to mind the shop in LA. This leads to the following exchange over the phone:
  Topher: She's got me locked out on this end.
  Victor/Topher: Who's your back door man?
  Topher: We'll pretend I didn't say that.
  Victor/Topher: Yeah.
• Game of Thrones: Cersei's incest with Jaime is, according to the cast and crew and in consonance with her thoughts in the books, her attempt to get as close as she can to making this a reality. She sees Jaime as what she was actually meant to be and denied the privilege of being by being born a woman. Thus by having sexual intercourse with Jaime, she is, in her own mind, screwing herself. As such, to Cersei it's not incest but rather incredibly metaphorical masturbation.
• In one episode Hannah Montana, after seeing a picture of herself as Hannah Montana photoshopped to make her look like a guy, Miley comments that she would totally date herself.
• Hemlock Grove: After Olivia downloads her personality into a male body, the first thing she wants to try out is to have sex with herself. Even the amoral Dr. Pryce is disgusted by her blatant narcissism.
• One of the ways the illusion-casting Candice from Heroes tries seducing Sylar is by appearing to him as Sylar. ("Or something more familiar... if that's what you're into.")
• A variant appears in House, M.D.. A pregnant teenaged girl's "boyfriend" turns out to be her male alternate personality. She genuinely believed that he was a real person separate from her and they had had sex. Obviously she didn't impregnate herself; she had sex with a random boy and hallucinated that he was her alter.
• Robin from How I Met Your Mother honors this trope as well. Once she gets back from Argentina, she undergoes an identity crisis while talking a lot, in her dreams, to her vacation double. At the end of one dream, her dream self seemed to be making a pass at her. When Robin is finally herself again, the implicitness is subverted as she mentions that "vacation Robin" popped up in her dreams again and they went all the way.
  Robin: That chick knows what I like.
• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: In "Charlie Rules the World," Dennis is pondering the nature of reality in a sensory deprivation tank, and encounters his ego in the form of himself (with a British accent). British Dennis assures the real Dennis that reality is whatever he wants it to be... then forces him to fellate him.
• Though not shown onscreen, Kilgrave from Jessica Jones (2015) leaves it up to the viewer's imagination when he explains the following scenario as a reason why he has to be careful about the phrases he gives when using his mind control powers: "I once told a man to go screw himself. Can you imagine?"
• A multi-part sketch in an episode of The Kids in the Hall has the troupe discovering Scott Thompson has built a robot substitute. Unfortunately the robot has no concept of societal restrictions, meaning it's hitting on everyone and is about to force itself it on Mark McKinney. When the real Scott arrives to defeat it the robot is distracted by the sexiness of its creator, giving Scott enough time to find the right remote to turn it off. The Stinger reveals Scott has committed this trope.
• Loki (2021): Loki ends up falling in love with Sylvie, a female alternate version of himself. Mobius is disgusted and calls him an "incredible, seismic narcissist", but Loki argues that Sylvie is her own person, not a copy of him.
• In the Lost Girl episode "Scream a Little Dream", Bo gets a dream including a version of... herself from the future after all her Love Interests have died, who insists upon stealing a kiss (and her powers) from her.
• A skit on The Man Show had Adam Corolla and a clone of himself, eventually coming to the conclusion "After all, it's only me, right?"
• In Married... with Children, the narcissistic Jefferson sometimes expresses a desire to make love to himself. In one episode, the Bundys listen to Jefferson and Marcy having sex. Marcy moans and screams his name, and Jefferson moans and screams his own name.
• Misfits:
  • At the beginning of the third series premiere, new character Rudy mentions that he would definitely have sex with himself if he could. Bravado maybe, but thanks to his power he actually can.
  • While it may not involve actual sex, it probably still qualifies as selfcest—after Curtis gains the power to swap genders he ends up getting himself pregnant by "cleaning up" with the same tissue first as a man, then as a woman.
• Mystery Science Theater 3000 references this trope a couple of times, once when talking about a Time Travel movie ("Time Chasers"), and once when a character is in a computer simulation with a copy of himself ("Overdrawn at the Memory Bank").
• An episode of Nip/Tuck features a wealthy older gay man who hires the plastic surgeon protagonists to reconstruct the face of his young boyfriend to resemble a younger version of himself.
• The Outer Limits (1995): In the episode "Mind Over Matter", a scientist invents a virtual reality device that lets you interface directly with people's minds. The virtual worlds can be populated with people from the users' memories. One character points out that a person created from someone's memories is technically part of them, and asks if having sex with one would count as selfcest, even if the simulated person was the opposite gender. The scientist gets annoyed and brushes the question off.
• Perversions of Science used this concept. A man decides that no woman is good enough for him, so he decides to create "the perfect woman" by having a sex change and then going back in time to have sex with himself.
• Rob Brydon's onscreen kiss with Ben Miller on QI after an episode's worth of jokes that they were identical.
  Ben: So that's what it's like!
  Rob: Now I know why my wife married me!
• In the Queer as Folk (US) second season finale, Brian fucks the actor who played a superhero based heavily on himself. This is the catalyst for Justin leaving him.
  Michael: You didn't have to walk out on him like that in front of everyone, you know.
  Justin: I would've told him to go fuck himself, but he was already doing that, in the back room with Rage.
• Red Dwarf:
  • In "Parallel Universe", the crew goes to a parallel Red Dwarf where humans are all of opposite genders, and Lister gets drunk and sleeps with his female self, to the disgust of both versions of Rimmer.
    Arlene Rimmer: How could you possibly contemplate making love to yourself?
    Arnold Rimmer: Well, why break the habit of a lifetime?
  • Of course, Arlene Rimmer was also trying to come on to Arnold Rimmer, using (or planning on using) the same crappy pick-up lines and talent for hypnosis he mentioned at the beginning of the episode... she was also planning on showing him some Guy on Guy porn she owned in the hopes it would "loosen him up".
  • The parallel universe has male and female roles completely switched, so Deb Lister gets Dave Lister pregnant. This is revealed immediately before the end of the episode, and what happens to the fetus is dealt with in some fast scrolling text at the start of the following season...
  • In this same storyline, the Cat is very excited to meet his female opposite and is clearly planning to have sex with her. "If you hear me screaming, do not, I repeat, DO NOT come to the rescue!" Of course, his opposite turns out to be a male dog.
  • Ironically, in "Rimmerworld", he decides to make an Opposite-Sex Clone of himself... somehow. And then have sex with the clone, despite some misgivings:
    Rimmer: This of course created the most enormous moral dilemma. Technically, she would be my sister, and therefore unable to take me as her lover. After much soul searching, I reluctantly decided, "What the hell", I just wouldn't tell her.
  • He fails, of course. However, the resulting male clone does not, and goes on to eventually create an entire population of "Rimmers", both male and female. Even more disturbing is the fact that their cultural rules require execution of anyone who does not meet the exact physical and moral attributes of the original Rimmer. Although for the women, this means facial features only... which really isn't any better.
  • In the episode "Camille", they meet a Gelf who appears to each character as their "perfect companion", which everyone assumes to be their perfect female companions. Predictably, Lister sees Kochanski (or rather, Kochanski if she was a bit more like him, including Scouse accent); slightly less predictably, Rimmer sees a fairly plain, underachieving hologram; and Kryten sees a robot which looks very similar to him (because they're from the same series, series 4000), but has a distinctive personality and looks slightly more feminine. The Cat, after much excitement, finally sees himself.
    Cat: I'm the object of my own desire?!
    Gelf Cat: Can you think of anyone more deserving?
    Cat: Well, when you put it like that, I guess not! Damn my vanity!
• The three-part Parody Commercial of Lincoln Financial on the season 37 episode of Saturday Night Live:
  • The first time (with Jason Sudeikis as his younger self and his older self) played it straight and briefly conversed it (Sudeikis's older self tells his younger self that "It's not gay" because "I'm you" and asks him if he ever wondered what it would be like to have sex with yourself, which convinces his younger self to go through with it).
  • The second time (this time with Bill Hader as his younger self and a disgusting, overweight version of himself in about two years) plays this for Black Comedy (with some hints of Crossing the Line Twice) when, after his overweight, disgusting future self tells him that he'll end up fat from too many steak dinners, broke from blowing all of his money, and on a plane to Hawaii where he'll "disappear" ^*i.e., commit suicide by putting a gun in his mouth and blowing his brains out, the overweight future self tries to rape his younger self (with his younger self shouting, "No, no, no, no!" and trying to fight him off).
  • The third one had Ben Stiller mistaking a woman (Abby Elliott) sitting next to him for his future, transgender self—until his actual, future transgender self tells the woman that the man was talking to her.
• Subverted on Scrubs: J.D. thinks that his girlfriend, Dani, moaned her own name during sex, but it was actually the guy she was seeing at the time, whose name is Danny.
• The Sex Lives of College Girls: Discussed when Leighton realizes her ideal woman's someone physically and mentally like her. Another lesbian who she knows says it's a twincest phase many go through. Later she dates Tatum, who is so a lot like her to the point they are indeed called "twins" by her roommates.
• Tony has sex with Beth in his series 2 episode of Skins. Possibly. Beth is either a figment of his imagination, an aspect of his personality (his long-lost anima), his sister, himself, a completely random person, or—most likely—all of the above.
• In Sliders, Quinn once discusses his adventures on a talk show, and mentions having met a female version of himself. He is immediately asked, "Did you have sex with her?" (We never really found out if he did, though they did kiss. She was Ax-Crazy, anyway.)
• Stargate SG-1: Given how much puppetmaster Ba'al was hitting on Adria, what he might have had in plan after one of his clones possessed her may have fit the trope. Befitting an alien Evil Overlord, he was one hell of a narcisssist anyway. However, he never got to carry out his plans, so we may never know... which is probably best.
• Star Trek: Deep Space Nine:
  • Kira's Evil Counterpart in the Mirror Universe had the hots for her. (Though granted Kira's Evil Counterpart has the hots for everyone.) The writers of the show at the time of that episode have revealed that this was meant to show how extremely self-absorbed Mirror Kira was, but later writers interpreted it differently and they have shown her with both male and female partners when revisiting the Mirror Universe.
  • "Facets" reveals that Curzon fell in love with Jadzia when he was mentoring her; they end up joined to the same symbiote, becoming a retroactive version of this trope by way of The Nth Doctor.
• In Star Trek: The Original Series, we have the Ho Yay between Ego-Kirk and Id-Kirk from "The Enemy Within".
• The Suite Life on Deck: London is entirely made for this trope. There was even one episode where a dating questionaire set her up with herself.
• Though nothing comes of it save a broken neck, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles has some terribly disturbing one-sided Les Yay from Cameron toward Allison.
• On That '70s Show, an episode revolves around Fez having a dream where Kelso gives him a sponge bath. At the end of the episode, Kelso has the same dream (himself giving himself a spongebath). And likes it.
• The Umbrella Academy: When the Umbrella siblings return to an alternate 2019, Five warns the others about Paradox Psychosis. When he starts to tell them that if they run into their doppelgangers, Klaus replies, "Sleep with them."
• The Weekly with Charlie Pickering: Zoë Coombs Marr sends a robot of herself to be interviewed by Charlie while she goes off to do a piece on the gig economy. As she leaves, she comments to camera that she originally built the robot so she could have sex with herself.
• Well, Alex from Wizards of Waverly Place doesn't meet herself and make beautiful music, but she still falls in love with herself when she drinks both halves of a love potion. The bad part is that her head gets big whenever she compliments herself... literally big.

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