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Laconic: Italian Bloodier and Gorier, overly inappropriate and offensive total conversion of Doom


Smash your fingers HERE for the unabridged version.


Grezzo 2 is a first-person shooter of 1984 (this explains its shitty graphics) reintroduced since 2012 only on Windows systems. It was half-ass made ripping off around various pieces of old videogames like Duke Nukem, Doom, Quake and Age of Empires, all of them stuck into an old and ugly game engine. Grezzo 2 is a tribute to the most classic and extreme video game violence, how it used to be when enemies exploded into a thousand red chunks and videogames used to be cheaper, coarser, inappropriate and you could run over grannies on the street, not like fucking today's videogames, lame real war simulations where Iraqis don't bleed even after a shotgun in the teeths and there's no blood. Holy fuck!
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Grezzo 2 (Full name: Grezzo Due - Una Magica Avventuranote ) is an Italian total conversion of Doom, developed by Nicola Piro. The first trailer was released in february 2012 preceeded by some video demonstrations; after a demo, the first complete version was released in Christmas the same year. In the summer of 2013, the expansion pack Viaggio a Merdjugorje ("Trip to Shitjugorje"note ) was released, and in December of the same year, the final version of Grezzo 2 was released on the occasion of the game's first anniversary.

The creator had always been an avid fan of Doom and in general of videogames from the '90s (in particular FPSs) chracterised by gratutious and cheap violence. During his high school days he already made a Doom mod called Grezzo ("rough" or "of low quality"), with the original maps but different sounds and spirtes for the enemies. The game was never updated online as it featured too many in-jokes understandable only by him and his friends. He started working on Grezzo 2 with a similar idea in mind, but later thought of updating online hoping it would've been appreciated by some more people.

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After the release of the first demo, and thanks to the praise received by Parliamo di Videogiochi (a well-known Italian channel of videogame reviewers), Grezzo 2 has exploded in popularity in Italy, thanks to its extreme violence, blasphemous humor, and ferocious mock of Italian celebrities, public figures and internet phenomena. Oddly enough, the game got exposure even abroad, among non-Italian youtubers who ventured into the game without really understanding what's going on in on it (even Pewdiepie made a gameplay of it), with varying reactions from amusement, puzzlement to disgust.

It's hard to summarize the entire content of Grezzo 2. Basically it's a Doom mod with its resources ripped off the most disparate and numerous sources. Weapons and sprites are taken from '90 FPS such as Blood, Duke Nukem 3D, Rise of the Triad, or Doom mod such as Brutal Doom or Russian Overkill. Several sprites are taken also from The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall and Carmageddon. The soundtrack is even more variegated: Italian pop music, other videogames' soundtrack and much more. Here's almost the enitre sountrack. Last but not least

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Grezzo 2 can be downloaded from the official website.


Grezzo 2 provides examples of the following tropes:

  • 100% Completion: Parodied. After the end credits, the intermission screen will always show that you have completed the game with 100% of Kills, Items and Secrets, no matter what you actually did along the way.note 
  • Aerosol Flamethrower: Ripped stright off Blood and works the same exact way. It is called "Deodorante&accendino" ("Deodorant&lighter").
  • Awesome, but Impractical: Most weapons in slot 7 are this; the worst offender surely is the "Spaccapianeti" ("Planets breaker"). You don't want even the smallest obstacle stuck in-between you and your target while it is charging.
  • Back from the Dead: After the first level, you're assaulted and killed in your house; in the following level you have to make your way out of Heaven (and have the choice to either kill God or run away from him) and return back to earth to have vengeance.
  • Big Bad: Christ Child.
  • Black Comedy: For all the black humour against religion, pop culture and politics, perhaps the biggest offender is the black humour related to real episodes of crime news in Italy. There are three deathmatch maps
  • "Blind Idiot" Translation: Downplayed, but it's not hard to find minor grammatical errors or overly literal translations of Italian curses and expressions that don't make much sense in English.
  • Blood Knight: The main character often laughs at, insults or mocks his victims.
  • Bloody Hilarious: The gore is so gratutious and over the top that it becomes this.
  • Bottomless Magazines: Similarly to the original Doom, lots of weapons don't need to be reloaded; other weapons avert this and have to, similarly to Brutal Doom.
  • Circus of Fear: The level "Brivido. Animali. Emozioni" is supposedly a Moira Orfei's circus. In a small labyrinth found in this level, it even plays "Dark Carnival" from Blood.
  • Convection Schmonvection: In some cases it's possible to walk on lava for a very long time without losing to much life energy, and sometimes it doesn't even hurt at all. In other cases however, it instantly kills you.
  • Defiant to the End: Many taunts and laughs heard when the main character kills someone are heard also when the main character is killed. It just seems that the idea of dying doesn't bother him at all.
  • Die, Chair! Die!: Scenario objects such as lamps, mirrors, WCs or trash bins can be destroyed, sometimes leaving behind ammo or money.
  • Disc-One Nuke: With enough luck, you can find already as you start playing the most powerfull weapons.
  • Does Not Like Shoes: The main character's sprite has been taken from Billy Ray Jeter from Redneck Rampage, who wears no shoes.
  • Dummied Out:
    • Several discharged or still-under-construction maps are still found within the game. They can be accessed through the console or in the Multiplayer section.
    • If the cheat for obtaining every weapon is used, there will be a slot 0 section containing both discharged weapons that normally can't be found, or the same weapons found in other slots, although with wrong names.
  • Eldritch Abomination:
  • Every Car Is a Pinto: Cars can be found scattered in some maps, either as drivable veichles or as non-interactive objects that work the same way as exploding barrels.
  • Excuse Plot: As explained by the author, the main character is a pagan peasant, resentful over the rise of Christianity, who goes on a killing spree in an attempt to defend his local religion. Not that it is really brought up in game (or is it really of any importance).
  • Exploding Barrels: They make their comeback from the original Doom and work the same way.
  • Flipping the Bird: Similarly to Brutal Doom, you can press a button to flip off and insult enemies drawing their attention. Or you can just do that to the random portraits scattered around the levels just for the pleasure of disrespect whosoever they are.
  • Game Mod: Grezzo 2 is fundamentally a total conversion of Doom II with pieces and resources ripped off dozens of different videogames.
  • Gasshole: The main character does that often, and there's actually a button for farting and belching.
  • Gatling Good: The chaingun from Doom returns as "Mitraglione".note  As seconday fire, it fires explosive bullets which consume ammo faster.
  • Glowing Eyes: Many foes' eyes glow when they're attacking
  • Gorn
  • Grievous Bottley Harm: During an bare-handed combo, the main character pulls out a broken bottle out of nowhere.
    • The beer available among the weapons as a power-up can be thrown against enemies.
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: A very weird variation: the main character can pull out his own left arm, throwing it against enemies. Oddly enough, this causes never damage to the player, and the arm always grows back.
  • Guns Akimbo: Some weapons are by default dual wielded and are not necessarily meant to be available singularly. When that's possible, the single weapon and its Guns Akimbo are treated as two different weapons alltogether.
  • Heart Container/Hearts Are Health: Just as in Blood, killed enemies release literal hearts as health packs, and just as in Doom, they can heal the player up to 200 unlike normal health packs.
  • Heroic Mime: Averted unlike Doom, as the main character talks during cutscenes. Also, there are two buttons for taunting foes and for simply making the character speak, respectively.
  • Hitscan: Obviously present, being a mod of Doom.
  • Hyperspace Arsenal: And its even more glaring considering the total amount of weapons is of almost a hundred.
  • Idiosyncratic Difficulty Levels: By purposes and effects identical to Doom's original, only under different names:
    • "Se'n tonto" (You're a dumb)
    • "Se'n toro" (You're bull)
    • "Magna la merda" (Eat shit)
    • "Maglial' che casino" (What a piggy-fucking mess)
    • "Tu se'l più tonto" (You're the dumbest)
  • Improvised Weapon: Many melee and thrown weapons in the slots 1 and 8 are this, including a baseball bat, a shovel, a wrench, a hatchet, a crowbar, a pitchfork (from Blood), a mircophone, a cooler (from Duke Nukem 3D), a dildo, a radio, basketballs and bowling balls.
  • Ludicrous Gibs: Dealing enough damage will make most enemies explode into red splatters, and legs and arms can be kicked around the map.
  • Man on Fire: Several weapons can be used to set enemies on fire. Oddly enough, the animation and screams of a burning enemy are always the same, be it a man or a woman, a human, a monster, or an animal.
  • Murder Simulators: Surprisingly enough however, despite the excessively inappropriate nature of the game, the author admitted in an interview that he actually received less criticism from Moral Guardians than expected, and that the game went largely beneath their notice. Among the notable exceptions he mentioned were a famous Italian Youtuber criticizing its gratutious violence and a nasty discussion he had with a woman who told him she would have crushed his head with her heel as a newborn.
  • No-Gear Level: There's three levels where you begin with none of your weapons:
    • When you're assaulted and killed in your house after the first level, and you go to heaven.
    • When you get arrested at the end of the "Ipercoop" level, and in the following level "Lu carcere è galera" you are in prison.
    • After you defeated Pope Francis in the level "Habemus Papam", in the following level "Urban Live Music Club" you start only with a beer; you can't even attack with your bare hands.
  • Off with His Head!: The game features Axe Zombies ripped off Blood who behave in the same exact manner: it is possible they get decapitated when killed and the player can kick their head around the room. Might happen to other players as well during deathmatches.
  • Ominous Latin Chanting: The boss level against Pope Francis has this as soundtrack, which turns into a Orchestral Bombing once he reveals himself.
  • Power-Up Food: The standard medikits from Doom have been replaced by (often typically Italian) food, such as gnocchi, spaghetti, pork sandwiches, salt cakes, etc...
  • Overdrawn at the Blood Bank: With some extensive usage of all the weapons you can carry, you will be able to paint the walls a very thick coat of red.
  • Plasma Cannon: There's two variant of it: "Supercannonelaser" ("Super laser cannon") and "Megacannone" ("Mega cannon").
  • Prison Episode: You get arrested at the end of the "Ipercoop" level and sent into prison. In the following level "Lu carcere è galera" you start with none of your weapons and have to make your way out.
  • Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs:
  • Secondary Fire: Almost every weapon has one, such as a zoom function, a more powerful attack using more ammunitions or special attack using different ammunitions. A few weapons have also a tertiary fire attack.
  • Self-Harm:
  • Soundtrack Dissonance: Despite the whole game being all about blasphemy, gore and bloodsplatter, the soundtrack is usually made up from the most disparate sources, from Italian pop music, to soundtracks of other videogames and church songs (these are the most notable examples). A few tracks belong to either the Metal-like theme of Doom or the more horror theme of Blood.
  • Tank Goodness: The tank in map "E45" makes the level a lot more easier (and more satisfying) to complete.
  • Those Wacky Nazis:
  • Throwing Your Gun at the Enemy: The "Scacciacani"note  handgun is so terribly weak it's actually a bit more useful if thrown against enemies through the Secondary Fire; that's exactly what's suggested on the game's manual.
  • Ultra Super Death Gore Fest Chainsawer 3000: Grezzo 2 is intended to be a tribute to old-school, gratutious and unpretentious video game violence. As some commenters put it, Grezzo 2 is what Moral Guardians think all video games look like.
  • Universal Ammunition: Mostly it follows the same logic as Doom: shared ammo for pistols (slot 2) and rifles (slot 4), for all shotguns (slot 3), for rocket launchers (slot 5) and for weapons in slot 6 and 7. But there's many exceptions of weapons using its own ammo, that can be found only when grabbing onther of that weapon or the generic ammo backpack, or of weapons using different ammo for their secondary attack.
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential:
  • Villain Protagonist: The main character enjoys slaughtering and butchering innocent civilians and bystanders just as he does with the armies of armed priests, zombies, or monster.
  • Voodoo Doll: Another weapon ripped stright off Blood and working the same way. The only difference is that it doesn't hurt the player when it is used without enemies around. It is called "Bucciottolanciaparalisi" ("Paralysis-sending-puppet").note 
  • Vulgar Humor: Tons of it, from Toilet Humor, gratutious curses and blasphemy to explicit sexual references and images.

YMMV
  • Annoying Video-Game Helper: Emilio Fede. He's actually very powerful, but that's why ending up in his line of fire means either dying or losing half of your health. He always attempts to shoot straight at his targets, no matter if there's an unlucky player in-between.
  • Catharsis Factor: Players with a perverse sense of humor could find extremely relieving massacring the representatives of the Church (including God himself), their most hated Italian celebrities, or simply anyone standing in their way.
  • Crosses the Line Twice: The game's gruesome humor is so exaggeratedly inappropriate, gratutious and over-the-top, at some point it's very hard to take seriously offense from it. Experienced simply get used to it and stop laughing maniacally.
  • Demonic Spiders: Overall, since the vast majority of foes follow the "quantity over quality" logic, and given the massive firepower the player can potentially acquire, there aren't many foes that can be considered individually strong. Still, there are few exceptions:
    • The old men wearing diapers and attacking with beer bottles. For a relatively low-tier enemy, they are discretely powerful and very resilient. And once they're killed, they release a small but deadly fart that lasts for several seconds. The only things they drope are a heart (worth 5 health points) and the Beer.
    • The flying heads of Padre Pio subvert this. Despite their significant firepower, they're not much more resistent than normal enemies. A couple of rockets or a few bursts are enough to take care of them.
  • Goddamned Bats: As stated above, the majority of the enemies could fit the category, being individually weak and owing their strength to their massive numbers. There are some, however, a lot more nasty than others:
    • Those goddamned old people. They're very weak and easy to kill singularly, but en masse (as they're usually spawned) easily turn into a bane for the player.
    • Pigs, rabbits and pigeons also fit the role, the latter especially being the most hateful, while rabbits are so weak they explode in a pool of blood and gibs with a single kick.
    • Overall however,
  • Good Bad Bugs:
    • Some weapons don't consume any ammo at all. This had been acknowledged by author, who admitted he didn't care about correcting it.
    • The "Spadaningia"note  and the "La robba de quand erme contadini" note  feature parrying and blocking as secondary attack, respectively, which make the player invulnerable. If the player switches weapon while the Secondary Fire button is still pressed, the invulnerability remains; it goes away only when the player switches back to those weapons.
    • The Bong is supposed to boast the main character's speed and allow him to make enormous jumps for 60 seconds. But while the jump's bonus effectively expires, the speed boost doesn't; it simply stacks for the rest of the game.
  • Hilarious in Hindsight: Or "Funny Aneurysm" Moment depending on taste. The author mentioned how bad things happened for real to people who were added to the game. Pope Benedict XVI resigned, Italian singer Vasco Rossi was hospitalised, Giulio Andreotti died and Marco Nero was arrested for fraud.
  • "Holy Shit!" Quotient: Simply put, the whole game. It would take less to list what wouldn't fit the category. Still, for many players, the most notable example remains the Ratzingher Launcer.note 
  • I Am Not Shazam: Several articles about the videogame refer to the main character as "Piro": that's actually the creator's name used by default in the "Player Setup" options, but it's never stated in-game what his actual name is.
    • In a post on facebook where he talked about the possibility of introducing more playable characters (which ultimately weren't added) he refers to the main character exactly as "Grezzo2", althought he never reused that name.
  • In Memoriam: A very unexpected one dedicated to Osvaldo Paniccia, a deceased Italian amateaur painter, who appears in level "Un magico Natale" ("A magic Christmas") in a small art gallery, as an invincible NPC throwing at you his own paintings which instantly kill you. After many players kept asking how to defeat him, the author admitted he's not supposed to be killed: he's the only person he inserted in game not to mock him, but to sincerely honour him. The fact that upon entering the art gallery a melancholic piano-track suddenly starts should be a give away.
  • Misaimed Fandom: The author stated that he made the game mostly out of boredom, only for himself and some friends, and updated it online because he hoped to entertain some more people. He never expected the game to become so popular in Italy and abroad, especially considering the game is mostly based on inside-jokes about Italian trash and pop culture, that are totally incomprehensible by foreigners.
  • Most Annoying Sound:

Trivia
  • Missing Episode: A "Grezzo 1" exists, it was made by the author in 2004 during his high school days. It had the same levels of the original Doom, only with different sounds and sprites for the enemies. It featured many in-jokes understandable only by him and few other people, so he felt it wasn't worth being published online.
  • Missing Trailer Scene: The first trailer features many maps, weapons and enemies that were already missing in the first demo. The author explained it was made on a very early version of Grezzo 2.

Indexes: Doom, Game Mod Index, First-Person Shooter
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