A comedic sci-fi RP on NationStates from the warped mind Nationstatelandsville (American Paranormal Society, Super Teens Stuff) and co-oped Nightkill the Emperor (Elfen High, A World Beyond), so you know things are about to get weird and deliciously trope-y. It can be found here
.Sadly,the RP became inactive,though the OOC and IC pages still exist.
"It is the year 1... 0009999230549-5677Y. Yes, you have to write it that way, spaces and all, otherwise the Calendar Police get all pissed and vaporize you. The location is the Earth colony of Odin 7, or rather, in Odin 7's orbit. It's a long story, so I should probably get to it...
So uh, when are you from? December 2011? Wow, that was a long, long time ago. You were still using Earth years back then, weren't you? Yeah, those calendars are illegal now. Calendar Police and all, real sticklers for rules. Anyhow, it's been like... 600 years since then. You see, we brought you here rather accidentally, but the reason you were brought here was because of time vortexes. Yes, we have time travel now, but we are only allowed to use them to view history. Messing with it is bad, very, very bad. We learned that when we created the Nazis. So, you see, in the year 2034, Earth will send out three massive ships filled with people, about 2 million in total, to settle on the newly discovered planet of Hephaestus, in the Leonidas System. They managed to do so, but were largely unprepared for Hephaestus's harsh and never-ending winters, something the idiots at NASA had forgotten to mention. Douchebags. The colonists were going to die, but much like the natives at Jamestown, the natives of Hephaestus came to the human's aide. The aliens were another thing NASA failed to mention. So anyway, human colonization there failed utterly, but they were accepted by the Gongons, a bipedal crustacean race who could, get this, shoot lasers out of their rumps. No, really. It's pretty awesome. Anyhow, the rest of Earth was in major trouble, however. You see, they had lost contact with Hephaestus, so in 2041, they sent a large military platoon to retrieve them. Another dick move by NASA, which was literally run by cognizant chimpanzees at this point. Said platoon got last, and had some wacky adventures, before landing on the newly christened planet of Hermes V, in the Hercules System, which was right next to the Leonidas System. There weren't 4 planets called Hermes before that by the way, Hermes V just sounded cool. So, the inhabitants of Hermes V? They weren't so friendly. The Blax, they were called, were an incredibly hostile race of fish-like humanoids, who had wiped away every other species from their planet. They were also incredibly advanced, and in fact, most of our weapons even today are based on Blax-technology. The Blax reacted with predictable hostility, slaughtering the troops and sending a massive Zeta-Bomb to Earth. Zeta-Bombs are the most dangerous things in the universe, and Earth was totally destroyed. The Blax's usage of the Zeta-Bomb prompted their neighbors in the Hercules System, six planets in total (of which, four have since broken ties with the Confederacy), to join together and bitchslap them with their collective military. The war lasted for 402 years, before the most powerful Blax warship, which contained both their president and vice-president (there's a reason those two never travel together), crashed into the small planet that served as capital of their enemy alliance. Pilot was drunk. All of the pilots were drunk actually, Blax were notoriously bad with alcohol. The Blax were crippled, and were soon destroyed in a genocide by the other five planets. Their planet became abandoned, and no life has ever grown their again. These five planets became the Space Confederacy in SPACE! and spent the next 86 years doing nothing. Then, they were finally able to pilot a ship through the treacherous asteroid system that separated the Leonidas and Hercules Systems, and soon absorbed the four populated planets there into the Confederacy, though ties between the Systems remain loose to this very day because of said asteroid belt. Amongst these editions was Hephaestus, and soon enough, the human race became re-integrated into the galaxy. However, due to the absorption of the human race into the Gongons, parts of human culture were lost forever. The main part of this culture was movie-making, and no other planet in the Confederacy had anything like it. So yeah, that sucks. Anyways, by now the Confederacy has begun expanding again, working it's way into another system called the Argo System. That's where Odin 7 is, and that's where we are now. A colony was established on Odin 7, but it was established by extremely racists founders, and it is illegal for anything but humans to live there. Fuck those guys. WE have crew-members from all over the Confederacy. Who are we? Well, let me tell you a bit about us...
So, we have the time machine, and we have the ruined culture. Any good archaeologist knows what's coming next. Doughnut Party Wednesdays! Oh, and we started using the time vortexes to remove certain objects of interests from the time-stream. Of course, that is incredibly illegal in the Confederacy, so we conduct our "extractions" in secret and without contact with the world at large. The biggest prize for any of these "anthropologists" folks who fancy themselves experts of Earth, is the secret to film-making. That is what brings us to to our current conundrum...
I am Captain Edgar J. Dam, dishonorably discharged from the Confederate Outer Atmospheric and Non-Terrestrial Navy, and now pilot of the beautiful vessel, [i]Behemoth[/i]. I inherited this ship from my uncle and I came to pilot it after my firing. I made some nice money offering trips 'cross Confederate space, using my ship's registered status to hide some uh... unpleasant things. Smuggled goods mainly, but this one time, my first time doing such a thing, I agreed to carry some of these "anthropologists" along with their prize. Their prize? An experimental (and incredibly unstable, a horrible mix throughout time and space) time vortex. Their plan was simple and oh so sweet, fly down to the unpopulated mountainous spine of Odin 7 and carry out their "extraction" far from Confederate jurisdiction or civilization in general. However, something caused our ship to just... die, to just... stop. Dead in space, just outside of Odin 7's orbit and out of the beautiful gravity that would at least bring us a crashing, yet merciful, death. The [i]Behemoth[/i] was outfit with advanced cloaking technology that is keeping those backwards colonists down there from finding us. No one else will come near here. We can't move, can't be seen, and can't survive. That's bad for you, real bad considering you're more stuck than my crew and I. You see, the engineers the "anthropologists" brought 'long, was preparing the vortex's systems when the power surge that brought out blackout occurred, overloading it and sucking you all into our time. Ya see, our "anthropologist" buddies were the first to pinpoint the legendary "Wood of Holly in the Angelic City" where movies were made. You were in there, right? In a restaurant, grabbing some food at the buffet. Yeah, we brought the buffet table with you. Poor thing, you guys are predicted to be in a coma for only three weeks, they think the table is dead. No heart-beat, no breathing, no nothing. It's just... gone. Poor, poor table. We'll probably hold a funeral for it when you wake up and watch this video...
...Maybe I'm just drunk."
A Video Recording from Your Honorable Captain Edgar J. Dam Associating You With These Current Times
Capt. Dam died moments after recording this message of severe alcohol poisoning.
This RP contains examples of:
- Affectionate Parody: Of sci-fi, obviously.
- Almighty Janitor: Sev used to be one. Though he is captain by the time of the RP, he was respected enough to get elected captain, despite being somewhat of an asshole.
- Celebrity Resemblance: Sev, which is too be expected, as he is a clone of William Shatner. The seventh.
- Conseil is Dean Pelton.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Sev.
- Crossover: Who's that "little squid" who caused the power fluctuations? Oh, nobody in particular.
- Deadpan Snarker: First mate Conseil Arronax.
- Expy: "Oh look, Ireland's in this one. I wonder what his character's like... it's Damien. Goddamn it, it's Damien Seward. Again."
- Lampshaded when Damien, in his first post, quotes Damien.
- Gone Horribly Wrong: Sev's handling of the Shadow of Impending Doom...as usual.
- The Good Captain: Captain William Shatner the Seventh.
- Jerkass: Sev.
- Conseil.
- Noodle Incident: In the present, Malik is being hunted by the Russians because of... something?
- That Makes Me Feel Angry: J.T.'s crashed generator.
- The 'Verse: Nightkills Shit.
- Trigger-Happy: Sev, whose recent 'victims' include J.T. and Uriah. Where will he strike next...?
- J.T.: Go figure, being in charge of the weapons.
