Release: May 14, 2013
Film: Jurassic Park (1993)
This review contains examples of:
- Bias Steamroller: Played for Laughs: a Running Gag throughout his reviews of this movie and The Lost World is his absolute loathing of Jeff Goldblum (and Ian Malcolm by extension). Inverted big time with the T-Rex.
- Brick Joke:
- John Hammond (when the group arrives to the island): In 48 hours, I'll be getting your (Donald Gennaro's) apology.Critic Gennaro (as the T-Rex is eating him): "I'M SORRY I EVER TOOK YOU UP AS A CLIENT!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
- The Running Gag of cutting back to the earlier scene of Hammond saying that he "spared no expense" on the park after the Critic just pointed out that something bad that just happened is the result of someone being very cheap (and/or stupid) and thus overlooked a potential danger to the people in the park.
- Ear Worm: Acknowledged :
- Critic (singing along to the "Jurassic Park" theme, as the In-Gen helicopter approaches Isla Nublar): Gooooddd luuucckkk ge~ttiiiinnng this theme sooo~nngg out of your heeeaaaddd! It will be in your brain for weeks oooooorrr 'till you're deeaaaa~eaaaaaaddddd!
- Also the ''Boom-whaaaaa!" and "woo-woo-woo" of the film's opening credits, acknowledged at the beginning of the review.
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Ensemble Dark Horse: For The Critic, it is most definitely the Tyrannosaurus rex. - Fun with Subtitles: The "translation" of the roars of the T-Rex are pretty insane Badass Boasts ("I bleed nightmares!" "I shit zombies!", "I am older than Jesus!", etc).
- Improbable Aiming Skills: Inverted. The Critic is absolutely baffled when Grant tries to shoot a Velociraptor only for his bullets to miss every time.NC: What, are raptors Agents from The Matrix? How the hell can you miss four times hitting a dinosaur!?
- Informed Ability: The Critic points out that despite all of the talk about how intelligent the raptors are, they were easily outsmarted by two small children.
- Leitmotif: The T-Rex gets, approximately enough, the "I'm a motherfucking T-Rex" song. The leitmotif reappears through all the reviews up to World.
- Running Gag: "Spared no expense." Shown whenever the Critic points out an obvious stupid flaw on the park's design.
- "I'm THE MOTHERFUCKING T-REX!!!"
- Spielberg's spotlight fetish.
- The Badass Boast "translation" of the T-Rex's roars.
- Special Effects Failure: In-universe examples lampshaded by the Critic. He mocks the fact that the strings on the Dilophosaurus' cowl are visible for a brief moment (while snarking that he "ruined that scene forever" for his audience), then comments that the treetop Brachiosaurus head looked like "a giant expensive sock puppet". Humorously enough, a look at the behind the scenes images of that effect reveals that it kind of was a giant expensive sock puppet.
- Stating the Simple Solution: The Critic mentions a couple of ways that the handling of the raptor on the opening scene could have gone better: by hoisting the raptor crate higher and dropping the raptor in or by applying tranquilizers (and then cutting to a sketch with Jurassic Park employees trying to do just that, only to find out the hard way that Raptors can catch tranq darts in mid-flight and toss them back with accuracy).
- Testosterone Poisoning: Well, more like Estrogen Poisoning in this case, but it's got the same effect. The T. rex's roars are all translated into the most ridiculously over-the-top boasts of how utterly badass she is."CHUCK NORRIS IS MY BUTT PLUG!"
"MY OVARIES ARE CHAINSAWS!"
"MY VAGINA EATS SHARKS!"
