Release: September 13, 2007
Films: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1-3 (1990, 1991, 1993)
This review contains examples of:
- Clipped-Wing Angel: Super Shredder, the critic wasn't happy.
- Cluster F-Bomb: The Critic admits that every kid in America was "swearing like a bastard" after the film came out, but admits it was better than their "original cut" (which consisted of curse-heavy audio from Boyz n the Hood played over the TMNT footage)Critic: Never let Spike Lee direct a children's movie.
- Insistent Terminology: The Critic calls the two mutated monsters Bebop & Rocksteady. Despite Shredder calling them Tokka & Rahzar, the Critic still insists on calling them Bebop & Rocksteady.
- Lighter and Softer: A criticism that The Critic had about the second movie.Critic: But, the Turtles are back. And this time they're... well, more kid-friendly, I guess. After all the parents complained about the violence and swearing in the first film, the second film tones down the action and the bad language. Instead of using their weapons to fight people, they use stuff like cold food, belts and yo-yos. You know, stuff you find lying around the HOUSE. Now all your kids will know how to turn household items into blunt, badass weapons. Thank you, parents of America!
- Narm: Invoked. The Critic chuckled at Shredder's "Punish these... TURTLES!" line, claiming it's impossible to make a line like that sound threatening.
- Portmanteau: Horribufuckus.
- Shower of Angst: After 5 minutes of the third movie... The Critic is reduced to blabbering incoherently while in the shower.Critic: OH MY GOD IT'S SO TERRIBLE! IT'S SO TERRIBLEEEEAAAAHHAHAHAH!!!
- Tempting Fate: The Critic was sure that the 3rd movie would be better seeing that they had two movies to experiment... 5 minutes later, he's having a bout of Shower of Angst and multiple Angrish before finally declaring that the movie is Horribufuckus.
- Toilet Humour: The Critic's opening monologue.Critic: So when we heard they were making a live action movie out of this phenomenon, we proudly pissed our pants with joy! We shit ourselves with excitement! We vomited up vast amounts of excrement, shit on it, rolled around in it, put it back in our mouths and proceeded to vomit it up again in roaring anticipation. (Beat) Okay, maybe only I did that, but still, bottom line, we were hyped as hell.
- Visual Effects of Awesome: The only positive he really seems willing to give the movies, here, is geeking out about the lead characters' costumes.