- Date First Aired: 16/01/1992
The Southern Area inspector is coming, and Brittas wants everything clean and tidy for his arrival. As it turns out, the inspector who is coming is a highly critical one (also known as Brian Kitson) and Brittas is beginning to worry for his job. Unfortunately for Brittas, a pigeon has gotten into the gymnasium and is pooping everywhere and he needs to get it down fast before the inspector arrives. His first attempt involving drugged corn doesn't work due to the pigeon having eaten all the flies which were there beforehand. The second attempt, involving a prized eagle named Titan ends with said eagle eating the corn and falling from a height and his owner ends up attacking Brittas and Linda senseless with the eagle's body. As a result, Brittas ends up greeting the inspector covered in blood.
As a result of this poor start, Brittas now believes that he is about to be fired, especially under the knowledge of his centre's poor attendance figures, and he recommends Laura for the manager next in line for the job. Meanwhile, Colin is able to get a cat to eat the pigeon, but it ends up at the top of the gymnasium. Kitson then gives a speech about the centre. To Brittas and the staff's surprise, Kitson praises Brittas for his neat notice boards and staff and allows him to stay on. The meeting is interrupted by Colin appearing to inform them that the dog brought in as chased off the cat but is now at the top of the gymnasium. Together, both Kitson and Brittas decide to resolve the animal problem by suggesting a goat for the job.
In the B-Plot, it's Helen's birthday, and Brittas decides to give her a moped as a birthday present. Helen hates this gift so much that she decides to leave Gordon. However, just as she is about to leave, Brittas tells him about how he almost lost his job and that he loves Helen. This convinces Helen to stay on as Gordon's wife, with the episode ending with Helen preparing to make love to Gordon.
Tropes featured in this episode:
- Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: A rare example of this trope occurring to an animal occurs when Titan the eagle eats from some alcohol-covered corn and ends up plummeting to its death from drunkenness.
- Berate and Switch: Mr. Kitson initially starts out seemingly critiquing Brittas for his way of managing the centre… until he talks about how Brittas managed to finish the questionnaire given out to every leisure centre manager, at which point, it becomes an appraisal of Brittas’ skills.
- Bird-Poop Gag: Brittas gets pooped on three times by the pigeon in the gymnasium.Colin: Seems to have it in for you, doesn't it?
- A Birthday, Not a Break: Brittas' terrible present drives Helen into a depression and almost causes her to leave him.
- Birthday Episode: It's Helen's birthday this episode, and her side-plot has her almost leave Gordon because he gave her a shitty birthday present.
- Bloody Hilarious: When Mr. Kitson first meets Brittas, he is absolutely soaked with a ludicrous amount of eagle blood.
- Dramatic Irony: Whilst he's aware that he's probably going to lose his job, Brittas is comforted at least by the fact that he has a loving family and wife to come back home to. He's unaware that said wife is planning to leave him.
- Flirtatious Smack on the Ass: Brittas gives an affectionate smack on Helen's butt as she (unknowingly to Brittas) prepares to leave him in the car.
- Foreshadowing: At the start of the episode, both Brittas and Kitson have similar views on the Leisure Centre in Bedford - apparently, Kitson was quite vicious towards it, whilst Brittas describes it as having a "reputation". It's an early hint that they're closer in views and personalities than one might assume.
- Gift-Giving Gaffe: Gordon Brittas gives his wife Helen a moped (complete with tacky "Hi, I'm Helen" helmet) for her birthday, thinking that it would resolve the issue of her having to ask for the car. This displeases Helen so much that she almost leaves him.
- Gone Horribly Right: When Colin noticed that there were blue bottles around his locker, he introduced a pigeon to eat them up. It worked - the pigeon ate them right up - but it led to the pigeon simply deciding to move into the gymnasium to eat more insects.
- Grievous Harm with a Body: Mr. Wilmot attacks Brittas and Linda with the body of his dead hawk after Brittas accidentally helps set up the hawk's death.
- Happy Birthday to You!: Brittas sings a little bit of the song as he's giving Helen his gift, although Helen interrupts him before he can sing the rest.
- Hilariously Abusive Childhood: In her attempts to keep Ben happy in his drawer, Carole ends up almost cooking him to death with a lit bulb.
- I Didn't Tell You Because You'd Be Unhappy: Brittas admits that the reason he didn't tell Helen that the centre was due a visit from the inspector was because he didn't want her to worry about the prospect of him losing his job, going bankrupt and losing their home.
- The Inspector Is Coming: The plot revolves around a visit by the Southern Area Inspector. Brittas is concerned due to the abysmally low attendance figures and his case is not helped by him greeting the inspector covered in eagle blood. Luckily for Brittas, the Southern Area Inspector turns out to be just like him (believes in the dream, more interested in cleanliness and noticeboards than attendance figures etc) so he doesn't get fired.
- Mirror Character: Southern Areas Inspector Brian Kitson is this to Gordon Brittas. They both have had experience running a leisure centre, both have a dream, believe that attendance figures are not important in the long run and are more interested in tidy noticeboards and clean centres. This actually saves Brittas from getting fired as any other inspector would likely have closed the place down. It is also a similarity that hasn’t gone unnoticed by Laura, who comments as such to Julie.
- Musical Chores: Late in the episode, Brittas can be seen singing "I Know an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly" whilst cleaning his shoes.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Brittas accidentally kills Titan (a prized eagle) with drugged corn.
- Not This One, That One: Happens when Brittas gives Helen what appear to be car keys for her birthday. She goes out, sees what she thinks is the car that Brittas gave her, and tries to unlock it, only for the true owner of it to show up. It's after this that Helen finds what she actually got - a moped.
- One-Shot Character: Brian Kitson and Gilbert Wilmot.
- Pesky Pigeons: A pigeon gets into the gymnasium. It's shown to be a pest that needs to be removed and it ends up shitting everywhere, with Brittas being a particular target.
- Pest Episode: A pigeon has gotten into the gymnasium, a problem since Brittas has an inspector coming. The episode is then spent trying to get it out, first using an eagle, then a cat, then a dog, and then a goat.
- Road Apples: A pigeon and dog crap all over the gymnasium.
- Rule of Three: The pigeon craps on Brittas three times.
- Shout-Out:
- The title is the same as the play An Inspector Calls.
- Brittas sings "I Know an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly".
- Sound-Only Death: The audience doesn't actually see Titan the Eagle die, only hear it make contact with the ground in a very heavy-sounding noise.
- Summon Bigger Fish: Brittas' plan to get rid of the pigeon - first, he tries to get an eagle to attack the pigeon. When that fails, he tries to get a cat on it. When the cat proves to be successful at eating the pigeon but refuses to leave, the solution is to get a dog to chase it down. Then the dog gets stuck up there, whereupon Kitson suggests getting a goat up there to chase it down, although it's unclear if it worked in the end.
- Status Quo Is God: Helen considers leaving Brittas after he gives her a terrible present, but reconsiders after Brittas tells her how much he loves her.
- Take Care of the Kids: A non-fatal variant thankfully, but when Brittas fears that he'll lose his job, he suggests Laura as a possible replacement, seeing as the other staff have experience with her, and tells her to look after them for him.
- Unwanted Gift Plot: Brittas gets Helen a moped for her birthday, which she hates so much that she tries to leave him.
- What Happened to the Mouse?:
- So was the goat successful in getting the dog to come down? We'll never know.
- Helen's letter is last seen unopened when Laura hands it to Brittas. Did he ever open it and realise that Helen had been intending to leave him? Again, we'll never know.
