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Recap / The Brady Bunch S 5 E 4 Never Too Young

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Greg was one big stud on the campus of Westdale High, having all the chicks and — it has been implied — having gone all the way.

But incredibly, he was never once seen in a hot lip-lock with any girl throughout the course of the series, and certainly not in the time he was a teen idol. In fact, except for giving Carol (or perhaps Alice) brief pecks on the cheek (and in a completely different context), Greg never got any lip action.

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The only Brady kid to get any lip action ... was Bobby, the youngest of the three boys. Just 12 and in sixth grade when he got his first kiss from a pretty girl named Millicent, he proved you are "Never Too Young" to have your first kiss.

And it's "skyrockets in flight," although there'd be no "Afternoon Delight" here. Indeed, the Starlight Vocal Band's iconic hit didn't come for another three years, but we're getting ahead of ourselves here.

The encounter with Millicent leading to the first kiss comes just moments after Bobby expresses his disgust for kissing girls, particularly after Greg and Peter are trying to leave to meet a couple of girls for a date and he wants to play basketball with them. When Bobby realizes that kissing will be involved and states his disgust, Greg assures him that one day he'll like it.

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Just then, Cindy's friend Millicent comes through the yard ... wanting to see Bobby. It seemed he defended her at school one day against a boy who was making fresh remarks toward her, and she wanted to thank him for it. Before Bobby can say, "You're welcome," she out of the blue kisses him on the mouth. Before he can completely wipe his lips, he gets that funny feeling ...

... skyrockets in flight! Afternoon delight!

Bobby is excited, to be sure, and even tells Millicent as such. But then he's horrified. He just got done telling Greg and Peter that he thought kissing girls was gross, and if he finds out he got kissed and likes it, he'll be humiliated, both by his brothers and at school. He swears Millicent to secrecy, which she vows to uphold.

But the secret isn't safe after all ... Cindy had been watching the whole thing.

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As Cindy annoys her siblings — when is she ever going to grow up(?) — about how "I've got a secret" and (after they try to get her to go away) "That's for me to know and you to find out" — Bobby is lovestruck, daydreaming about his kiss with Millicent growing into young love. Just then, Bobby realizes that Cindy had witnessed he and Millicent kissing and tries to get her to not tell. She winds up, for the first time in her life, keeping the secret to herself when the older siblings corner her and demand to know why she's been bothering them all morning, prancing around the house and so forth; Cindy admits, "There is no secret."

Shortly after Bobby goes to Mike for advice on 12-year-old love and skyrockets, he pays Millicent a visit at her house. He kisses her without warning to see if there were skyrockets. Indeed, it's

... skyrockets in flight ... Afternoon delight!

But Millicent is annoyed ... not because Bobby kissed her without permission, but she is viral ... with the mumps!

Oh, no! What to do? Bobby surely can't tell his parents otherwise he'd be in big trouble. So he sneaks out of the house one night to the doghouse, figuring he'll be safe there and can't spread the mumps. Mike, Carol, Greg and Peter eventually find him in the doghouse, and Bobby eventually explains things about Millicent and the mumps. Carol scolds Bobby for not telling that he might be contagious and that he should have said something right away (especially since Mike has never had the illness).

But eventually, all is well in Bradyland. Millicent calls the next day during breakfast, explaining that it was just a health scare, she's not contagious and that she can have visitors. An elated Bobby goes over to visit Millicent.

Just before he leaves, Cindy lets slip the "secret" from earlier — about Millicent kissing Bobby — with Marcia and Jan as witnesses. Bobby's fears that he'd be humiliated, at least with them, are unfounded. (Word of God is that Greg and Peter eventually find out, but after some good-natured teasing, also reassure him that it's no big deal, reinforcing Mike's earlier thoughts.)

When Mike and Carol are alone, they decide to kiss ... and sure enough, Mike sees ...

... skyrockets in flight! Afternoon delight!

Throughout the episode, the Bradys (don't forget Alice and Sam) are planning for a big Roaring Twenties party. The family rehearses the Charleston, and Mike and Carol duet on "I Want To Be Loved By You" (written by Bert Kalmar, Harry Ruby and Herbert Stothart, and first made famous in the 1928 musical "Good Boy"note ). note  Also, Greg has borrowed several vintage phonographs of 1920s songs, which he, Marcia and Jan go through.

Tropes present in this episode:

  • The Disease That Shall Not Be Named: What's a good way to not talk about herpes and other STDs teenagers might pick from having sex on a family sitcom? Just give the pretty girl that your main protagonist has a crush on "the mumps" ... and because she's contagious make it viral through mere kissing.
  • First Kiss: Bobby, of all the kids, gets this as a major spotlight episode.
  • Girl of the Week: Millicent, to Bobby.
  • Girls Have Cooties: Bobby believes this until Millicent kisses him.
  • The Roaring '20s: The subplot with the Bradys planning for the big Roaring Twenties party at their local country club.
  • Shout-Out: To Marcus Welby, M.D.; in the climactic scene where an impatient Bobby waits for a phone call from Millicent on her doctor's checkup, Jan notes that all this time, Welby (who had his own TV series that also aired on ABC) could have cured several dread diseases and performed open-heart surgery.
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