Jerry, George and Elaine get notes from their dentist Roy so they can get free physical therapy massages. Jerry unintentionally freaks out his therapist by talking about kidnappings and asking about her son, making her think Jerry is a child snatcher. George doubts his heterosexuality after getting a massage from a man and getting an erection in the process. Kramer claims to have seen baseball legend Joe DiMaggio dunking his donuts, but no one believes him. Original airdate, September 18, 1991.
Tropes
- Blatant Lies: When Raymond the message therapist asks how the uncomfortable George how he injured his hamstrings, George tells him "Korea". Over and over again.
- Double Standard Rape: Female on Male: Inverted. When George finds out he's getting a massage from a man and tries to get Elaine to see him instead, insisting that if it gets sexual, it should be with her since she's a woman.
- Cassandra Truth: No one believes Kramer when he says he saw Joe DiMaggio at Dinky Donuts, nor do they believe he dunks his donuts. They believe him when, at the end of the episode, they see him at Monk's dunking his donuts.
- Even the Guys Want Him: The male message therapist is reportedly so attractive that even George questions his sexuality after having a massage from him.
- Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today?: George is this after his massage from a man, arguing over Roy about Evander Holyfield and getting mad at kids when they call him a "Mary" after he jumped over a puddle in a whimsical pose. Plus he recalls his masturbation fantasies and how men pop up in them.
- Idiot Ball: An in-universe example has Elaine ragging on Jerry after he talked about his conversation with Juanita, in which even he admits it was stupid of him to talk about that.
- If It's You, It's Okay: George doesn't find men attractive but makes an exception for the male message therapist Raymond. And Joe DiMaggio at the end, much to his friend's bewilderment.
- Insurance Fraud: With the dentist Roy writing notes for Jerry, George and Elaine, which eventually gets him into trouble with the law. Jerry tries to help him by getting his therapist to say it was for dental reasons, but is uncooperative due to becoming paranoid of him after he told her a story about child abduction.
- Nobody Calls Me "Chicken"!: George chased down a group of kids because they were calling him "a Mary".
- Oh, Crap!: George's reaction when he s told by the desk clerk that the message therapist he will be with shortly is named Raymond.
- No Bisexuals: George gets a free message from an attractive male message therapist and questions his sexuality after it, fearing that he might be gay. Never once In-Universe considering the possibility of George being bisexual. However, given George's neuroticism, of course, he would be so black and white about his sexuality.
- Raging Stiffie: George gets one from his massage from a man, which leaves him fearing over his sexuality.
- Real After All: No one buys Kramer's story about seeing Joe DiMaggio at Dinky Donuts (or the fact he dunks his donuts), but the last scene, they all see he was telling the truth all along, as they watch the baseball legend in amazement.
- Variations on a Theme Song: By Jerry Seinfeld's request, Jonathan Wolff added a female scat choir sung during the theme song and was going to be used for the next two episodes after this aired. But Seinfeld didn't mention this to NBC or Castle Rock and they did not like the changes to the music and as a result, this is the only episode with the choir. The alternate version of the end credits with the choir is therefore never heard because another song is dubbed in for this episode.
