A whale named Abelard comes up to Sealab, and thanks to Quinn's experiment, talks to Quinn and Stormy. The reason he's here is because he wants Quinn to euthanize him because he has a terminal case of whale cancer, brought on by asbestos. Stormy recognizes him as the star of the sitcom Gotta Have That Dick. Quinn asks why Abelard can't just beach himself somewhere and Abelard answers that every time he tried, hippies and whale activists pushed him back in the ocean. Quinn is forced to think about it, since he's hesitant about killing a whale, even if it's a Mercy Kill.
Quinn decides to study the whale cancer first to see if he can cure it, but Marco ends up eating it and hallucinating a commercial for Whale Cancer, done like a popular kid's drink.
As Marco lies in the medlab, Quinn is still pondering if he can take Abelard's life. Virjay thinks he means Marco's and is ready to kill him right now. He tells Quinn to think of it like this: the sooner Abelard's dead, the sooner his organs can be given to sick kids.
Shanks talks to Abelard (whom he calls Dick in a case of I Am Not Spock) and says he solved the problem: just transplant Abelard's brain into a wooden whale. The whale sinks, however.
Sealab is now divided between pro-euthanasia protesters demanding that Abelard's dying wish be granted and whale activists saying it's cruel to kill a whale for any reason. A brawl breaks out and Quinn is confronted by two Inuits who offer pointers on how to kill a whale.
Shanks goes on a show called "Opposing Viewpoints Argument Show" to debate with the host on assisting Abelard in committing suicide. After arguing, they do a physical challenge, which was the two of them fighting in mecha.
Having tried everything else, Shanks tries just shooting Abelard, but Abelard is too big and his skin too thick for a shotgun to be effective.
Debbie has entered the debate on the side of the whale activists, saying every life is precious. Quinn reminds her that he didn't ask to kill Abelard and leaves her outside when he enters his quarters. He's then shocked to find that Dolphin Boy supports killing Abelard because he's racist against whales. After Dolphin Boy leaves (with a bit of Putting on the Reich for good measure) Marco crashes in wearing a whale suit similar to the mascot in the 'Whale Cancer' ad. Quinn asks if anyone else is in there. Sparks claims not to be, and when Quinn orders him to leave, claims he's not in this episode and isn't Sparks.
Stormy decides to read some "Gotta Have That Dick" fanfiction to Abelard. It's a future fic set after Dick is released into the wild, when he receives a call from the dinosaur in that one episode, except the call is from even further in the future. Abelard stops him and asks for Quinn to come back.
Dolphin Boy is transforming himself into a skinhead and has gotten 'dolphin power' tattoos.
Quinn finally decides to go through with it. Abelard has as his final request that after he's dead, Quinn make his corpse explode. Debbie appears chained onto Abelard and says if Quinn goes through with it, she'll blow them all up, which suits Abelard fine. Quinn starts to yell at Debbie, only to be shocked by a scan that reveals that Abelard's cancer is gone. Just as Abelard says he does feel better, Marco bursts out of Abelard, killing him. Marco reveals he ate all of Abelard's cancer. Dolphin Boy pokes at Abelard's corpse as it sinks, taking Debbie with it. Quinn declares everyone idiots, and Marco quotes the Catchphrase from "Gotta Have That Dick".
The Stinger: Outtakes of Ellis Henican (Stormy) saying the line "I've gotta have that dick!" and claiming that this will be the fucking loop that haunts him for the rest of his life.
